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Avatar universal

Is he just not into me?

Im 37 and am a take charge person and have been every since I can recall.  Recently in the past four years Ive realized I dont want to continue to be the aggressive one ALL the time.  My husband is 6 years younger than myself.  Ive been having some feelings of deceit in my husbands behalf.  Which he denies and I have no solid proof.  We have sex 1 or 2 a week.  On average leads to 4or5 times a month.  Which is not okay for me right now.  I want it more and feel like he should put it at the top of his agenda to try and satisfy me.  At the same time I dont want to have to start control and take it.  I want him to desire me and make me feel wanted/needed for his sexual pleasures.  Now he tells me I dont give him chance to come after me or I beat him to the punch line.  I want to wait on him but DANG I end up waiting for days! Hes says hes tired and Ive heard other men in his profession say the same thing after they have put their all in at work.  But my thing is if you can put your all in at work and its a job, why cant you bring that same energy home to me to satisfy me? EXAMPLE: I get out the shower, come in the room and hes watching a FLICK then he goes to the shower, he gets in the bed (he cut the FLICK off before he went the shower) starts to touch on me and falls asleep!  This has happened a few other times.  I later discover hes on line looking at girls with big butts which I dont have.  Therefore, I conclude hes not into me or I dont turn him on like girls w/big butts!  Or even that hes being fulfilled by someone w/a big butt! Is this just me? Do you think Its too late to change me being the all around aggressor?
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145992 tn?1341345074
He sounds really tired and that's all.  I don't think it has anything to do with your butt size.  Talk to him, tell him how you are feeling.  I agree that effort needs to be made in a relationship or else it goes south but there has to be communication as well.  Which means, tell him what you would like.  Don't say it in an aggressive manner either, speak to him when you are both just in conversation mode.  Say things like, you really enjoyed it when he used to do this or that and you just would like to feel wanted again.  See how that goes.
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Avatar universal
a man cant get it up on a command, he has to want sex, try being less agressive and more listening and just talking and i do not mean sex he is probably thinking all the time she will want it tonight what will i do try going out and let him lead awhile i really think man has to feel he is the one in control sometimes get sex off the brain for awile, and just see wht happenswhen you tell a guy you want sex it puts him off   luck try asking his advice about things and really listen to him  luck  jo
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Avatar universal
Which is not okay for me right now.  I want it more and feel like he should put it at the top of his agenda to try and satisfy me. - that is probably one of the most selfish things i've read in a very long time.

But my thing is if you can put your all in at work and its a job, why cant you bring that same energy home to me to satisfy me? - again...selfish.

My husband and i used to do our thing 5-7 times a week. used to. then we had kids, got our own place. now it's 2-3 times a week...sometimes. he works 12 hours a day (he's also inactive reserve marine...which adds extra stress) and i take care of our twins all day. by time evening comes when the kids are in bed he's exhausted and i'm exhausted. there have been times i've started with him and fallen asleep as he's started and fallen asleep. it happens.

talk to him about it. if you're so insistant that HE put your sexual needs at the top of his agenda...tell him. or go to counseling.
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