This girl I knew came to visit me from out of town, and stayed with me for eight days. We slept in the same bed every night, but I refused to sleep with her. I threw away all of my condoms to ensure myself that I wouldn't. Then one night, while I was asleep, she basically took advantage of me. She had a Mirena put into her and she was on birth control pills (so she says, but she could've easily been lying). After we had already done it, I figured what the hell, and being a guy (and a weak one at that when it comes to a good looking gal), we slept together a few more times. All unprotected. I know, I know, I'm an idiot. Trust me, I don't need ridicule. She had planned on moving here, but I told her not to. She went back home, and we continued to talk. Everything was fine. After a couple of months, I told her I don't want to talk to her anymore, because I figure we'd both move on. Neither of us was going to move to where the other one was, and I'm not into a long term relationship. I ignored her for two weeks and then she sent me a text message saying she had to tell me something important.
Sure enough, she said she was pregnant. She said she felt she was gaining fat in her stomach area, and had missed her period whenever. I got real nervous, and told her to take a test.
A few days later, she did. She sent me a picture-message on my phone of her and a positive reading HPT.
So far, I've been very nice in describing her. Basically, she's whacked out. I didn't find this out til later, and I told her not to move here because of it, while being nice.
She calls her pregnancy a "blessing". But I'm still not convinced she's pregnant. If she is, it'd be four months along. She told me after two months, and said that she could feel it kick. Right there, that made me believe that she was lying. Any credibility she may have had went right out the window. I was still a nervous wreck though. I never had a father growing up, and I would never do the same to another child. Ever. That's what makes me nervous. Not child support or anything like that; but the fact that there would be a child without a father.
Now I have no way of seeing her in person. She lives states away. I blocked her phone number because she was stressing me out real bad with text messages. I thought that was the end of it, and convinced myself she was crazy. Last thing I told her was that I moved away.
Everything was fine and I pushed it out of my mind. Til she called and told my family. Now it's a big situation on whether she's lying or not. She basically wants me to marry her, without saying it. She says that I'm the perfect guy, and would be the perfect father. She's happy to have my child, etc etc.
Then she told me that she went to the doctor, who told her the date of her conception was January 16th. I looked it up, and you can't pinpoint a date like that. I mean, especially if she was lying about her missed period...
And also, I remember she had her period during the time.
A lot of what she says doesn't add up, but it's leaving me sleepless because I don't know for certain. I believe that, if she IS pregnant, it is: A) Either from the scumbag she was dating whom she broke up with a week before she came to visit me; or B) Either by the guy she was dating when I stopped talking to her. Both guys she denies sleeping with...
It's a real tough situation and is certainly hurting me terribly. I'm honestly not an *******, and if she IS pregnant, and if the child IS mine, I'll have to man up and do all I can do.
I just don't believe that she is. I honestly don't know what to do other than wait until October to see if she has a child. What else can I do, right?
And one last thing.... I had the thought after she told me that perhaps she found out she was pregnant before she came to stay with me for a week, because it was a spontaneous decision to come here. I offered her an "out" basically, and never planned on sleeping with her... but I thought that maybe she knew she was impregnated by some idiot, and she wanted to pawn it off on me, whom she believes to be a much more suitable father.
If she's after money, she's SOL. Please offer your opinions. I'm wondering if she could've faked that pregnancy test, or if all of this is just a bad dream, or what. I'm stumped and stressed.
You only know what she's telling you because you're not there, where she is, to see for yourself. So, it's quite possible that this girl could be lying and means to hold you emotionally, morally and/or financially responsible if she is, indeed, pregnant.
But, I don't think that you'll really know for certain until after the child (if she's truly pregnant) is born; and, a paternity test is performed.
she could be lying or telling the truth. if ever she is pregnant, after she gives birth, you can perform a DNA test to prove if you are the baby's father. go to a trusted doctor.
nowadays, girls can do more. meaning, they can pretend to be pregnant to threat you. but they have their own reasons why they are doing this. i guess your ex girlfriend is either
a. still inlove with you and wants to have a family with you
b. financial reason
c. she was impregnated by somebody else and she thinks that you are a more suitable
father - which is what u mentioned.
the bottom line is, dont let it sink in. be optimistic. just cross the bridge when u get there.
like the other ladies said....she could be lying. BUT like you said she could also have been lying about being on birth control. and you DID have unprotected sex with her. so it IS a possibility. and remember not every birth control is 100%. but IF she is pregnant when the child is born get a paternity test done. if you're the father then do what you gotta do.
as far as her being able to feel the baby kick at 2 months or even 4...no way. she MIGHT have been able to feel little flutters at 4 months but normally a woman doesn't feel the baby kick till closer to 20-25 weeks. i didn't feel my twins kick until i was almost 24 weeks. the doctors can't pin point and exact day but they can get pretty damn close. my ob was able to tell me that i conceived the week of christmas last year. the exact day they couldn't get though.
"I've got proof of pregnancy and the time the pregnancy started. It was the 16th. So...it's got to be yours."
To me, it dropped a bit of credibility for her. Along with the other signs.
And she wasn't my girlfriend, it was just a fling. Hey, I'm human.
I know all I can do is wait for her to deliver (if she is pregnant) and get a DNA test. It just keeps me up at night. I've always vowed to never be my father and, if the kid is mine, of course I'd be there as much as possible.
Still though, in the back of my mind there's that nagging thought that she finds me to more a more suitable father figure than whatever loser may have really impregnated her. She knows I'm a nice guy and a rising filmmaker, and she knows I'd be there. This may all just be in my head but right now my head's not in the right place. It's just real tough.
And if she IS pregnant with my kid, then she definitely did it on purpose. She seriously (no exaggeration), begged me for a week, until finally she caught me asleep. She also begged me to let her come stay with me so that she could get away for a bit. It was all so sudden. MAN do I regret letting her come here.
What really bothers me about all of this is that this happened after I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore, and ignored her for two weeks. The first thing she said, out of nowhere, was that she had something important to tell me. I just think that the timing is a bit fishy...
Also, she told me she's finding out the sex of the child this week. If I slept with her on January 16th, and she's getting an ultrasound to figure out the sex, wouldn't it have to be at least 18 weeks?
actually most ob's say you can't find out the sex until at least 19-20 weeks. and that's the earliest. yeah there are some who can tell the sex as early as 16-17 weeks but that doesn't happen very often.
i really don't think there is a way the doctors can pinpoint and exact time and day. they do a rough "guess" of the week. the go according to the womans lmp and when they do the first u/s they can get a better estimate. the only reason i know that the dh and i conceived sometime between dec. 24-26 is because that was when i was ovulating. she could have been keeping track of her ovulation with plans on getting pregnant by you the entire time. some women are crazy enough to do that. and when you told her you never wanted to see her again she pulled that out thinking you'll "do the right thing" and just go and marry her.
You have every right to question her. You could request a copy of an ultrasound pic be sent to you, on most ultrasound pics, the mother's name is shown on the top portion of the pic. This way you will know if she is pregnant or not. If she is pregnant you unfortunately have to wait until after the baby is born in order to get a paternity test done. There is no point in driving yourself crazy right now with what ifs. You don't know for sure about any of it. So for now, if she does contact you, 1. request a sonogram pic and 2. tell her that there is no need for the two of you to speak until after the baby is born and when you are ready for a dna test. Good luck, I'm sure the lesson is learned here that no matter what bc a woman tells you she is on, you still need to take responsibility for it on your own. Also, pregnancy is not the only thing that could go wrong, she seems to have had numerous sexual partners during the same time, so if I were you, I would go get some STD tests run.
Ask specific questions (if you're still talking to her) like who her doctor is, where she plans on delivering, requesting an ultrasound picture, etc... Write down her answers for future reference, and ask her again later on. Yes, it is possible she's lying, and of course if you slept together, it's possible she's pregnant. I had my tubes tied after giving birth to my daughter, and ended up pregnant again 3 months later, so IF she was on birth control, it is still possible to get pregnant. It's really good that you are willing to take responsibility if in fact she is pregnant. And sorry to hear about your situation!! Mami has a great idea in telling her it's not a good idea to talk until she delivers and a DNA test is performed.
You could be dealing with a complete nut job, so just be careful in your dealings with her. Calling your family proves just that. You do have every reason to question this, and I think her story sounds fishy too, but only time will tell. Good luck!!
Thanks for the positive encouragement. I'm a little more relaxed about everything. So far I've managed to not talk to her at all. I don't plan on asking her for any ultrasounds or anything unless she tries to contact me. I just get worried when I over-think things but I think any guy would.
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