Is she telling me the truth?

So I have a gf I've been with for a little over a year. We had a great relationship but lately she's been a lot different because she says I'm not intimate with her anymore and that I don't show her much attention anymore and she was scared about our future. To make a long story short. She went out last night. She got drunk of course and I wanted to pick her up but she wanted to stay out. I fell asleep and she messaged me asking to pick her up at about midnight. Well I woke up at 3 and realized she wasn't home yet. Couldn't get a hold of her and she called me at 5 am asking me to pick her up at her friends house. Of course my first assumption is that she is cheating on me. This is not like her. She's never done anything like this and it just blind sided me. I packed all of her things up and put them in the living room before I brought her back home. She was very surprised and said I shouldn't have done that. I straight up asked her if she cheated on me. She said no of course not and that she went to her friends house who I've never met and fell asleep there. She asked me what I wanted to do and I said I didn't know. She started crying and apologized swearing she didn't do anything and that she is very sorry for what she did...and that she needs me. I'm torn. I love her with all my heart and soul but I don't know if 1) she's telling me the truth about what happened and 2) if I should give her the benefit of the doubt because she's never done anything like this before...she wanted to have sex with me when she got back but I told her no way...because I was so angry. Do I let her go? Could she really have just gone to her friends house and fallen asleep or am I an idiot for believing this story? Any thoughts?

[RockRose]

I think the story must have lost something in translation.

About midnight,  she asked you to pick her up and take her home but you slept through that message and didn't get it until 3 a.m.   It's likely she was sleeping (passed out) by that time - 3 hours after her original request to be picked up -

Then she called you at 5,  asking to be picked up at a friend's house,  where she was,  and sure enough she was there when you got there.  

How do you go from that to thinking she cheated on you?  

From her perspective,  I'd be a little aggravated that you left her without a ride home and stranded her,  when you knew she was intoxicated and the agreement (it sounds like) was that you would come get her.

[Londres70]

Whoa....I think your imagination is getting the best of you.  Packing her things before she came back.....why?  I will agree that wasn't the best move.  Considering how late it was and she had been drinking I think that her story is pausible.  Ok, so you never met the friend that doesn't mean anything happened at her friend's home.  Is the friend a male or female?   Plus, you fell asleep and she was trying to get a hold of you.  She can't stay at the bar or club all night.  I don't understand why she didn't have this friend bring her directly home though.  

I just think you overreacted and you both need to talk BEFORE making any more rash decisions.  

Cut her some slack especially since she has never done this before.  I mean, she makes one wrong move and you are packing her belongings WITHOUT an explaination?  I don't think you are being fair to her.  

You all need to have a serious talk about where you relationship is going.

[Londres70]

Ditto RockRose as well.  

[shell921]

YOU are totally over reacting. How old are you? you both sound immature. alcohol was involved and you both are probably too young to be so serious.
don't live together- date but not exclusively-- and don't have sex without protection. both of you have a lot of growing up to do.

[lostnconfused123]

But what you guys dont realize is i tried to tell her id pick her up like 4 times around 11 pm but she said no and shed find a way home. Then at 2 am my sister en  who is her friend  who was with her most of the night texted her and asked where she was and she replied home...which she obviously wasn't. I also got a call from my gf at 3am and it was dead air yet she was sleeping?? Something doesnt add up here

[Londres70]

What do you mean we don't realize?.....we didn't know this information until you told us.  

Ok, so she told your sister she was home...perhaps she didn't realize what she was saying because she was drunk OR she didn't want your sister in her business.  Then, you go on to say you "woke up at 3am and realized she wasn't home."  You said NOTHING about any "dead air phone call" in your initial post.  

BTW:  Who is coming home from a bar or club @11?  Sorry, that usually doesn't happen.  

I am just trying to figure out HOW you can say she was "cheating" just because some things aren't "adding up?"  You have NO proof she was cheating.  You didn't even bother to give her time to explain BEFORE you started packing her duds/belongings.  Ok, everything maybe isn't "adding up" but that doesn't mean she was cheating.  Are you that insecure?  

You both do sound very young and if you aren't you are acting immature.  Sit down with her and talk about what the heck is going on with your relationship.  

This sound like a bunch of UNNECESSARY drama and she said, he said nonsense.  

If you don't trust her, then end things with her.  

Keep in mind she hasn't done this before.  

[lostnconfused123]

I'm 30 and she is 25. It's just the little lies that don't make sense. She calls me like 4-5 times early in the night drunk telling me how much I don't care about her and how I don't show her affection and how are we gonna work out etc, etc... She sounds sloppy drunk and doesn't want me to pick her up. She goes out with my sister en law and her other friend. Apparently, she has a conversation with the other girl early before all this drama and tells her that she is just gonna get it over with and break up with me. I know this because my sister en law is best friends with this girl and told me that is what she said. When I questioned her about it she completely denied it and said she never said that...just that we were having problems and that she wanted to work them out.

So she leaves the other girls like 2 times. 1 time earlier in the night for an hour without saying anything. She then leaves a 2nd time when the bars are closing without saying anything to either of them. When my sister en law texted her and asked where she was she said home. Apparently she told her she was home a couple times earlier in the night too. So, she gets in a cab with a group of people. The cab was supposed to drop these people off then take her home. Well, she gets "talked in" to staying at her friends place for a bit. Now she tells me her phone is dead and was charging it on a place station or something...and that she couldn't get it to charge. She finally got it to charge and called me to pick her up.

I just don't know that I buy the entire story. She's obviously not telling me something and I can't get it out of her. I've gone to my brother for advice and he says I need to look at it as if I were an outsider. He is 100% sure she cheated on me. He says he knows because the same thing has happened to him in the past and she acted eerily similar to the way his ex did when she cheated. She says she wasn't trying to intentionally hurt me or get back at me but that she was having fun and she doesn't know why she didn't come home right away. This just feels so weird. I just asked her straight up if any guys were involved in general. Because if she was just mad at me and having fun that's one thing...that's forgivable...but if she was out having fun with other guys, getting close with other guys I don't feel that is forgivable...because she and I both know each others past and promised we would never do that to each other.

[shell921]

too much drama going on. if you are really the ages you say you are then you both have a lot of maturing to do. life is short. stop sweating such small stuff. grow up. once you do you won't waste another minute on this petty b.s.

[kennimae92]

Alcohol did play a part and depending on how drunk she was she may not be able to recall everything that was said if it was said. I have been around lots of drunk people while being the only sober one and people dont even remember what they said 3 minutes after they said it.

The biggest thing about this whole thing is that alcohol was involved and it can alter people so much that they dont know where they are, what they are saying, or what they are doing. There was a guy that I know that fell asleep in his car drunk. He woke up screaming and crying (still drunk) because he couldnt open his car door (He thought he went in the house and fell asleep in his bed). He said multiple things that night that he did not mean along with doing things he did not remember. Therefore, it is a hard situation to judge on the other hand.

Also, you can not say that she cheated because the same thing happened to your brother. That is generalizing how every girl is and how they act to be exactly the same and no one is the same. All of these people have given you a response as an outsider but you obviously arent paying attention to them. Everytime you get a response you keep adding more and more to the story. It sounds like you are just trying to make yourself believe that she cheated when in reality you have no idea.

All in all you shouldnt ask for advice if you arent going to accept the answers and keep adding on to everything. If you choose to believe her dont hold it over her head because you have to whole heartidly believe her. Good luck in your situation.

[Londres70]

Agree with Kenniemae92 and Shell921.  

Your ages are 25 and 30 and you both are carrying on like this?  You are definitely too old to be acting like this.  

Were you cheated on in a prior relationship?  I just think you are blowing this so out of proportion that there is probably a background history of issues surrounding cheating and lying.  If this is the case, you need to work on resolving this.  

It is apparent you want to believe what you want to believe, i.e. she cheated.  If the situation is causing you this much angst I would assume end things with this gf.  To add....if you are spending all your waking hours trying to get the "truth" or "real story" out of her......I would say she isn't worth it nor is the relationship.  

Without trust you have NO relationship.  

Good luck trying to figure this out.  

[lostnconfused123]

Just as I forgive her and start to get over it there is more to the story.

My friends girlfriend works with my girlfriend. They used to get a long so well until about a couple of months ago but my gf didn't know why. Last night I start to hear rumors from all of my friends that she has been talking to a guy from work and that they spend a lot of time together at work. Now the rumor is they have been dating. This is weird because she has only gone out the one night. Every other night she was home with me. My friends gf said that my gf tried to ruin her relationship with my friend. Now this girl is telling me that she is 99% sure that my gf is cheating on me with this guy.

I confronted my gf about it about 500 times since I heard this and she keeps saying they are just friends and coworkers and that is it. He knows she has a bf, etc. She did say she liked the attention he was showing her and that she thinks he's cute and he thinks she's pretty but that they have never done anything...that they are just friends. She claims the other girl is so mad at her that she is lying about this and spreading rumors. The friend tells me the opposite...that people are coming up to her and asking her if something is going on between my gf and this guy...

I'm completely lost and confused and I don't know what to do. My gf has been crying and crying and crying and keeps saying that nothing has happened and that she doesn't like him like that...and that she wants me. What do I do??? Do I believe her? Has it gone too far at this point? I love her so much and don't want to lose her but if I can't believe her and can't trust her then what is the point? Please - if anyone has been through anything like this or has any advice I need help.

Thanks

[Londres70]

Were you cheated on in a prior relationship?  I just think you are blowing this so out of proportion that there is probably a background history of issues surrounding cheating and lying.  If this is the case, you need to work on resolving this.  

Did you see anything with your OWN two eyes or hear anything with your OWN two ears?  Then.....this is considered GOSSIP.   If you CAN'T prove anything, then why keep going on and on about this?  Just about every post from you states what other people have said about your gf.  Are you going to believe other people or gossip over your gf?  If you are then this isn't the relationship for you.  

[specialmom]

I will agree wtih Londres.  This is too much of he said she said.  you can't continue a relationship this way.  either move forward or end this.  Start from this point on as a clean slate.  If you can't do that, then I think you need to stop torturing her and yourself and end this.  

good luck

[nursegirl6572]

I couldn't agree with the other posters more.  The most telling thing to me, is after someone replies to your post, and asks questions, trying to help you, you COMPLETELY ignore what the responder has said, and just go on about more rumors, drama and accusations.

It's clear you do NOT trust your GF.  Your GF is constantly on trial, having to answer your questions...which has left her, according to you, crying all the time.  So, to recap...you are spending all of your time getting second hand info about your GF from everyone BUT your GF, then throwing it in her face.  SHE responds by denying your accusations and crying.  Rinse, lather, repeat.  One of you need to end this relationship and just move on with your lives.  This isn't healthy for anyone, and certainly sounds like nothing but a big heartache and WAY too much drama for people your age.

In your future relationships, I think you need to learn what it means to trust someone, and how to act in a relationship.  I'm not putting all the blame on you, but you clearly have acted horribly.  Cheating or not, you couldn't have handled this any worse.  Just my opinion.

[brice1967]

I just wrote a 6 paragraph summary of what I gathered from all of the above.  I've erased that and have come to perhaps an over simplified summary that might make a bit more sense.

The 2 most important things in a relationship are trust and communication.  Trust is null and void here.... there is no trust.  part of communication is listening and you might hear what your GF is saying, but because of the lack of trust, you readily take rumors or 3rd party information as fact.  

No trust + no communication = no relationship.  If you cannot trust this girl, drop her like a hot rock and move along.  Sounds like the time is more than right.

[shell921]

right on brice! i agree with you and i told the poster over a week ago too much drama and immaturity in this relationship and i think they both need to grow up.

[acussedfather]

thats a cheater