It makes me so sad to fight with my 27 year old son~

[Sundance1966]

I feel my son hates me!  Whenever we're together all we do is argue. His father and I separated 7 years ago and have been divorced for 5 years.  I moved to California in 2010, so I could work part time in my daughter in law's law firm.   I let my son live rent free for a year in our home.  After the year, I asked our my son to find a apartment because I was going to lease the home.  In our divorce agreement, his father agreed to pay me so much per month to help me maintain the home.  He had  to sign the home over to me, because he wasn't making the payments to help me maintain it. There were several months before I was able to lease it.  He finally started paying me the back payments.  My son works full time, goes to school 3 evenings a week and travel once a month for work.  On Thursday, my son calls and asked if I had plans on Sunday.  I said no, he said I'll come over on Saturday evening and I'll take you to lunch on Sunday for Valentine's Day.  I was happy and looking forward to his visit. He arrives Saturday evening, I went and picked up pizza for us.  We had pizza and watched some movies.  On Sunday, he said I want to leave by 1 so I can do my homework this evening.  I said OK.
We were on our way to eat.  We go by some new condos that are for lease. I said they are leasing these condos for $2000 a month including utility's.   My son says can you afford that much.  I have no intensions of moving in to the condos. My son say how much do you receive a month.  I receive retirement and social security.  He makes a comment yeah! since you're  receiving payments from dad, you can afford $2000 a month for the condos.   I said I don't have any intensions of leasing the condos. and your dad finished making payments to me unless I'm not able to lease the home.  He kept talking down to me, so I said I prefer not having lunch with you since all we will do is fight and argue over unimportant things.  When we arrived to have lunch, I left and called a friend, she wanted to go to a movie and have dinner.  She said I'll meet you at the movies.  My son leaves, I haven't heard from him.  I know it takes two to argue so I stop talking, it makes angry and he starts talking down to me and telling me what I should do with my life.  I suggested going to counseling together to help our relationship.   He had no comment. I would appreciate any suggestion on what to do.  Thank you!

[Nighthawk61]

And upon re reading my comment, is this son married ? and still spending time with you on Valentines Day? wow. If you have another son (that goes with the daughter in law). and this son was alone on Valentines Day, maybe he did need to be close to someone on Valentines Day himself. He was there for you, But were you there for him? No. You weren't . I feel really bad for him.  I hope you make it right.

[Nighthawk61]

I agree that you need to go to counseling because you have been, and probably for a long time, been overly sensitive to what you're hearing, and very obtuse as to how you are treating your boy.  I do think you need help to get to the point of making some changes in how you view your relationship.

Why would say that your boy acts like he hates you?

You've said " My son works full time, goes to school 3 evenings a week and travel once a month for work.  On Thursday, my son calls and asked if I had plans on Sunday.  I said no, he said I'll come over on Saturday evening and I'll take you to lunch on Sunday for Valentine's Day. "

He works full time, and goes to school three nights a week and still he makes time to for an overnight visit with his mom on Valentines Day, and you're finding fault with him ? Oh my.. You've got an incredible  boy that so far wants to spend time with you, (maybe not so much now, until you get help and find a way to let him know you can be trusted). to make you feel better being alone on Valentines Day.

I read and re read your post and I had no idea how you could get from what you wrote that he was arguing with you, NOTHING AT ALL.

We're you hurt that he said he couldn't move in with you?

Honestly, i think you probably just broke your son's heart walking out on his Valentines Day lunch with him. Please get some help for yourself, for whatever reason you are so overly sensitive and realize that you have an incredible boy that needs to be able to trust and love you. Do that for him. Do that for the little boy you vowed to protect and love. You ditched him for a girlfriend? How utterly sad is that ? I feel so sad for your boy living with this fact for the last two weeks. Please do right by him and swallow your pride and apologize and tell him that you will get counseling so that you are not overly sensitive. in the future, Because you love him and don't ever want to hurt him again!!! Please get some help. There's no shame in getting help for yourself, but there is a whole lot of shame if you don't and you hurt this boy again so tragically.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Sorry you are having this issue with your son.  Just from the outside looking in based on what you've written, you seem to be very sensitive about something that occurred in that conversation which set this bad time together in motion.  Overly sensitive dear.  To where he may feel blind sided by your reaction.  Or overreaction.  Your son sounds like a nice guy who really thoughtfully gave up whatever else he has to do to spend time eating and watching movies and hanging out with his mom.  He must love you very much.  YOU mentioned the condos and perhaps he misinterpreted why you mentioned them.  

I think perhaps this is one of those times that we are our own worst enemy.  I'm not blaming you because it is hard to see when we are doing that.  And of course there could me things we don't know here.  But that is how it appears.

I agree that what you describe here does not seem like something an adult male would go to relationship therapy with their mom over.  Just being honest.

I'm the mom of two boys.  It's hard.  And when they are adults, knowing that it is precious time when we get to spend time with them, don't waste it on unnecessary moments like this one.  good luck

[RockRose]

Never mind. I am completely confused by your "status" that you wrote this month and where you live,  and who lives with whom.  

[RockRose]

I agree with Annie,  and wonder why you felt like "all you do is argue" when you had one discussion about a nice condo complex your son thought you could afford if you wanted to,  out of a whole 24 hour period of being together.  My son would be shocked if I walked out on him at a restaurant over a conversation where he thought I could afford something I liked but I didn't think I could afford it.  Unless there's something I'm missing,  about "what you should do with your life" beyond suggesting the condos you pointed out on the drive were within your budget,  I really think you might rethink who was in the wrong here.

[AnnieBrooke]

You sound like a woman talking to her boyfriend or husband, not to her son.  I'd let it cool with him, and go to counseling by yourself.  A 27-year-old rarely goes to couples counseling with his mother.