Jealous Ex Husband Continues to Harrass Ex Wife

[satnap]

I was married to my exhusband for 12 years and during this time period I was mistreated mentally and physically.  I was constantly accused of having affairs when I was not.  I was told all the time that I was a liar and a cheater. There was no love, trust or respect in the relationship.  I was always accused of any problems that arose in the family whether it was financially or about the kids.  I could not wear certain types of clothing that was fitting or eye catching.  He wanted to know everywhere I went and wanted me to answer my phone at all times.  He was very jealous of my girlfriends and got really crazy when I spent tme with them going out.  He continuously stayed gone away from the home and hung out with his friends.  Occasionaly he would not even come home at night.  He barely kept a job.  He had a problem getting fired from every job he secured.  There was always a problem with the people he worked for let him tell it.  He did not spend a lot of time with the kids nor did he help around the house or with the kids.

I finally came to my senses and filed for divorce and the divorce was final with in 4 months of filing.  Now that we are divorced my husband continues to harrass me and accuss me of sleeping around with many men which I do not.  I feel like if I did have male friends it should not be his business because we are now divorced.  I have a new relationship now with a new man and we plan to marry.  He has constantly contacted my new friend and has told him lies about things that I have not done referring to me as a liar and a cheater and a husband stealer.  Everytime I think he has moved on he starts up again by sending text messaging and instant messaging with ugly remarks about how he is going to tell others about my ways.  I am a good person and I never cheated on him.  I am a mother to our kids and I have always had the kids and his best interest at heart.  He has never appreciated anything that I have done for him.  I dont understand why he continues to contact me weekly with is accusations and name calling when we are divorced.  I was thinking that he is not over me and wants me back but with all the horrible things he says about me I'm not sure if that is the case.  He makes up things that he truly believes I am doing and it is never true.  What am I to do to get him out my life.  The only business I want with him is our kids. Help!

[Posskov]

Your story is my story except for the new partner.  I was married for 20 years.   His jealousy and abuse continues to this day 5 years post divorce.  I will never ever take another partner nor have a liceoutside of my kids.  I have no bruise or visible damage.   It is mental and emorional abuse he has slways been this way.  I could not have girlfriends l et alone male friends.  The things he has called me are the most defiling, disturbing, damaging a nd long lasting words ever and they were / are repeated continually.   My damage is done.  He plays a very good victim and has used this to win our 4 kids over.  He has told them awful lies about me.  I have no purpose but the kids now and forever.  I'll  never trust anyone again nor will he ever allow it.  The divorce was just a piece of ****** pa per that means nothing to a narcissistic arsehole who's insecurities  are insurmountable.  Dvo? Pda? Just paper.   It's  all just pointless.   Enjoy your new life and partner.  Try to remember the person you innately are and that you deserve a life and happiness and love xx. You asre worth it.

[specialmom]

Thank you so much for sharing your story!  I really hope you come back as I can tell you've 'been places' and have a lot to share.  hugs

[Posskov]

Thank you for reading my reply.  It is reallynice to know that there is someone out there with similar challenges to my own.  I'd  love to hear about where you've gotten to and what has happened along the way.  Hugs back to you :)

[treazzure007]

he wants you back but the same things he did to lose you he's still doing.  he hasn't changed from being a meanie and never will w/out help.  as mami suggested, cut off all the contact.  oftentimes, for these men that are fixated/obsessed, not having to see you or hear your voice helps them out a little.  don't be surprised if you have to take it to the next level and get involved in the legal processes of getting rid of him.  stay safe and alert

[mami1323]

Oh geesh, he sounds similar to my best friend's husband.  First of all, you need to keep all evidence of harrassment, text messages, letters, phone messages.  Document all the times he says or does something harrassing.  You can 1 use that to get a restraining order or 2 you can even sue him for harrassment.  Here is the thing, you share children.  My suggestion is not to be in contact with him at all, even when it comes to the kids.  See if you can get a third party to help with drop offs and pick ups, have it be at a location that is in public.  You can go to court and have the judge implement a drop off and pick up at a police station or somewhere that does not allow him to bother you.  But I would avoid him all together.  If he's calling your new man, have your new man save the messages but change his number.  This guy is abusive and disturbing to say the least.

[heatherlynn22]

the man sounds nuts. have you thought about a pfa or restraining order against him? it might give you some peace and quiet. and if he does contact you or go within so many feet of you he can be tossed into jail. or file harassment charges. keep all the calls, messages, voicemails as proof.

he needs to move on and let you go. you're ready for that next phase of life and it doesn't involve him. he needs to realize this.

[iam1butterfly]

Well, if your ex wants you back, he's certainly going about it in the wrong way. His hostile and venomous behavior is only proof, to the new man in your life and to those around, what a pathetic loser he truly is. Minimize your contact and communication with him and, ignore his stupid comments.