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Avatar universal

Jealousy

I have tried counseling, internet sights, and I just cant seem to shake this jealousy problem I have.  I met the man of my dreams 21/2 years ago and we got married two months ago.  He has a very per miscues past and I try to not let it bother me.  I have to remind myself that it was his past and he didn
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Avatar universal
I think it is noble of you to admit your issue openly. Have you told this to him also? I have a problem with jeaousy also, the good thing is my husband doesn't give me much to be jealous about (he doesn't do anything wrong really). I would seek counseling if at all possible. It might help you figure out why you feel this way and help you move forward. I know that is my next step, for jealousy and other issues (see my post, hahaha).
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Avatar universal
You guys out there can correct me if I'm wrong, but I really don't think that guys always know when they are looking. It is just so second nature for them to take a glance that it is done without malice or with the intention to do anything other than look.
Men are visual creatures, and looking isn't touching. And it doesn't mean that they even want to touch.
My husband looks. If he looks for too long, I'll grab his face and turn it back in my direction letting him know he looked long enough.LOL Women are more discreet in thier looking. WE are a bit sneakier I think.
I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. And getting too upset about it only makes them want to look MORE. Like forbidden fruit.
--J
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Avatar universal
at least you are aware you have a problem and are trying to rectify it. Unwarrented jealousy can kill a relationship, but if he was checking out another woman as blatently as you say, ide certianly let him know in no uncertain terms that was not acceptable in any way, shape, or form.
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156714 tn?1254712157
I have experienced jealousy in my relationship with my now fiance.  Every woman he has ever had a relationship with has cheated on him.  I have a promiscuous past but I made a commitment to him and somehow when we first got together he thought I was going to leave him for a cuter guy or cheat on him, and it almost ruined our relationship.  I never gave him any reason to suspect me of being unfaithful.  I always told him where I was going, how to get in touch with me, etc.  And if I ever looked at another guy it wasn't because I was checking him out, but he assumed I was.  And God forbid there were any inconsistencies, like if I came home from work even 10 minutes late having talked to a co-worker a little while after my shift, he accused me of sleeping with someone in that 10 minutes!  He checked my email and listened in on my phone conversations to see if I was emailing any guys or talking to my friends about guys I had "cheated" with.  It got so out of control that I threatened to pack my things and leave if he didn't stop.  Then he tearfully confessed that his biggest fear was losing me to some other guy and I told him that if I'm going to cheat on him I'd probably leave him first.  And that his accusations would drive me away before any other man ever did.  I had no problem getting a guy, and I chose the one I wanted. If I still wanted to sleep with other people I wouldn't be with him. I would have been honest from the get-go.  After numerous conversations he finally came around and stopped eavesdropping, and stopped with the accusations and now I feel like he trusts me.

Anyway, enough about me.  I think your husband is probably the same way.  He wouldn't have chosen you if he still wanted to be with other women.  And I think even though you don't judge him on his past, you still think about your past, and it's still in the back of your mind how he used to be.  But you have to remember that none of that matters anymore.  The only thing that does matter is what he tells you today, his actions, and the fact that he married you which is a big commitment that no man I've ever known enters into lightly.  Forget about the past and focus on the present.  It is disrespectful to "check someone out" in front of you, but was he really checking her out?  Was he staring at her?  Did his eyes pop out of his head when he looked at her?  Did he comment on her looks?  I wouldn't worry about it.  I know it's easier said than done, but all men look!  It's like breathing for them.  It's so natural.  It's when he touches is when it should become a problem.  Talk it out with him and I'm sure he will tell you the same thing.  Sorry this was so long.
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Avatar universal
I was just like that several years ago.I have been married now for 9 years and I have found it easier with time. I am not sure if I have just matured in our marriage that it doesnt bother me anymore or if it is truly that it took several years for me to trust a man again. In my prev. realtionship I was cheated on.  And like I said I was for the first few years of my marriage very jealous and would cry for hours if I thought he "looked" at another woman.Currently my hubby has a job were he is gone from home alot and I never truly worry about it. It is only natural for a man to look at a pretty woman, but for me as long as he is only looking I am ok with it. Have you talked with him about the party yet? or do you plan on just letting it go
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Avatar universal
The jealousy is definatly you not feeling great about yourself. i suggest getting into therapy to help with all the horrible things you have encountered over the years. it will make the biggest difference in yourself. you are right your dh past is just that. such as yours. its time to take a step forward and work on the inner part of you that probably goes back to childhood and fix it so that you can grow.
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