Jealousy

[duplicity]

My fiance has bragged about his daughter in law's mother to me for about two years now. I at one point said to him that it seems like you are interested in this lady. His respond was no she could never deal with this. holding up his beer. I never thought anymore about it until the family camping trip. After a few days I started noticing how much the two of them talked. Then every where I looked the two of them were next to each other. I told him I was being distrubed by this but it didn't stop. He kept telling me he loves me and he would never try anything with her even if I was in the picture or not, he wouldn't want to hurt the family if it didn't work out. then one night he told me he would be in the camp after the his grandson went to bed. now mind you it was only the two of them and two grandkids by the fire. well kids went to bed but he never showed back up. when i walked back over to the fire i asked where were the kids and i was told in bed. all i said was interesting and walked away. I asked him why didn't he come back over like he said he would. and his told me he found her very attractive. well that distroyed the rest of my vacation and right up to the very last minute the two of the walk side by side. now he is telling me that i am nuts and reading into something that isn't there she is the grandmother of his granddaughter and he was trying to get to know her better. to me that is crap and I am ready to pack and leave... I was told by his friends that i shoudn't do that because he is a great man and would never cheat on me.

[specialmom]

Jealousy can drive you insane.  The deal is, this woman IS part of his life and always will be.  They share the love of a child and a common interest in that child's parents.  Big and important family connection.  

So what do YOU do as a new comer into this situation.  If you aren't willing to walk away from what is otherwise a fine relationship (assuming it is) then I would become friends with this woman yourself.  Hang out WITH them.  Get to know her.  Become friends.  This does a lot to lesson jealousy in my experience.  

Most likely she'll eventually find a signicant other as well.  This will do a lot to ease the issue.


I do think he was out of line to disappear and say "I'm attracted to her" or whatever it was like that that he said---------  does make you wonder.  Stupid on his part.  But then again, he said that this mother in law wouldn't put up with his beer . . .  I have to ask why you will.  

Okay, good luck.  Don't sell yourself short.  You deserve a guy that meets high standards (that he feels he isn't good enough for HER because of), right?  

[Londres70]

Leave him and give him time to think about all this.  

The situation just sounds like it could lead into physical cheating.  He's giving you all kinds of "red flags."  

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, he finds this woman attractive, and you think he would not ever act on it.  What do you want to do?  

I think you'll get as many different answers on this site as there are people who answer.  Some will say, if he doesn't plan to cheat, why not just let it roll off your back, and ignore it?  Others will say, given that he is so very attracted to her that he will ignore you in group gatherings to spend time with her, possibly you should give him his walking papers and let him pursue it.  Some will comment that after a number of years of marriage, you're instead going to be wishing he would go hang around with someone else so you can have peace and quiet.  lol

I tend to personally go with whatever will not make me less of a person.  I would not want to hang around feeling like a teenager on the schoolground getting mad because my boyfriend finds some other girl hot.  I'd rather be in a situation where I feel like a special person, and would be distressed at myself for not acting as mature as I really am.  So in your shoes, if it were me (and please ignore this advice if it doesn't fit you) I'd say to him, "I can see you're attracted, and so attracted that you leave me out totally.  This suggests we're not being very smart to be engaged at this point.  I'm going to move out, and give you some time to decide if you want this lady or not.  (Or another lady.)  I'll try to move on, too.  But if you decide you'd rather have me, call.  I might be available."  Then I'd go and try to have a great, fun life, doing things I couldn't do when I was with him.