Kind of confused with some things

[Omusicgame]

Well, to start off, Im a pretty happily married man.  I mean, I love my wife very much.  Its like Ive tried so hard to love her.  Thats the thing.  It was never really Love at first site or anything, and thats the problem.  I was never physically attracted to her at first, but because she stayed by my side for so long, Ive become very unshallow, and loved her for all of that.  I know there's nothing wrong with that, being unshallow and all, but its kinda weird i think.  I dont know.  Im just a very creative person,( musically, writing and all that) but also different.  Ive gotten so much better with her, like we dont fight really, I havent done drugs in a long while, i dont drink really, and i havent taken a medication in 3 or 4 years.  I feel good right now, but here and there, those little things of doubt pop in my head, and take me for a little ride. IDK.
Also, ive been a porn addict for God knows how long.  But for 5 years now Ive tried on and off to stop.  Its such a relentless addiction, like its so much harder than any other addiction.  But when you get off it for a couple weeks you start to see new things.  You start to see life.  Trash comes in and out of your head.  So I know its a good thing.  But this other part of me just wants to look at it so bad and i think its because i just want that freedom.  But yet i also just think the natural thing to do is just not look at it.  IDK.  I didnt do it once for 6 weeks and i felt good the whole time.  So you'd think that would wake me up.  who knows.  What do you think?

[teko]

What does your wife get out of the relationship?  I cannot imagine being with a guy that was not attracted to me. If she knows about your porn addiction and everything about your issues and loves you anyway, you are one lucky son of a gun! Not gonna find that anywhere else I dont think. Luck to ya!

[heatherlynn22]

she shouldn't have to get used to your "fits" and you shouldn't expect her to. it sounds like you need some serious counseling. the way you're behaving is how my 15 year old brother behaves with his gf's. getting mad and running off and expecting his gf to chase after him.

[Omusicgame]

Porn i guess is a hobby.  Right now i feel like im never going to do it again.  But thats right now, and i dont know how im going to feel tomorrow.  I have many mood swings, here and there.  I dont know.  Like today i felt great, like all day.  Got a haircut, whatever. Then when my wife got home she gave me a big kiss and said i looked good.  She made me smile.  About an hour later before she left to go out with some friends, i had some sort of fit.  It was weird, i got real mad because i wasnt feeling as good as when i was feeling alone, and i panicked out of the house, and sat out on a chair in the sun.  But i wanted her to come down to chase me.  I wanted it, because im used to it.  Well, she didnt come this time, and some how i needed her badly.  I went back upstairs.  She was napping, and i checked her pillow if their were any tears.  No Tears.  I just looked at her, said "Sorry for being weird." and she looked at me and smiled.  I kissed her and it was like nothing ever happened.  I guess shes just used to these things and im glad she is.  Shes really figuring me out, and i need that, because i cant even figure myself out.  Porns not the major issue here, i think its just me with alot of hidden anger, sexual things inside, emotional things inside.  But i love her, and its so hard to understand sometimes what love even is.  Its weird its just really weird.  Like i feel free without her, but after while iLL get lonely.  And when im with her im not lonely, but i kinda dont feel free sometimes.  So weird. Like i have that, Grass is greener on the other side sydrome.  

[Monica70]

I remember when I first found my husband's porn stash. I was so hurt it changed our relationship forever. That was over two years ago. We've been married for seven years.

[Boogie8481]

So if it makes you feel angry, why do you do it????  And yeah, does she know you do it?  I can understand the hot girls being nude thing.  But are you not attracted to your wife at all, or what?  Do you like her body?  If so, take nude and naughty pictures of her.  Or take her for a day of beauty at a salon or something and then take pics of her and have your fun to that.  Do you look at porn every day, and feel you can't live without it, because if not, its not an addiction, its more like a hobby.  You ARE a man and looking at naked women is natural, just when it gets to be overtaking your life, its unhealthy...anything is.  So if you truly love your wife, and respect yourself, you will be honest with yourself and find out (besides T and A) why you are using porn as a release.

[heatherlynn22]

my hubby and i had our rounds over porn. i hate it. can not stand it and told him if he continued looking at it....he'd have divorce papers on his desk. it was a huge fight. one of our biggest actually.

does your wife know you look at porn? what will you do if she finds out? as a woman whose husband used to look at porn i can tell you that it is a horrible feeling to think (or in your wifes case know) that your husband is not sexually/physically attracted to you. (mine looked at it b/c i wasn't in the mood every single night...which taking care of twin boys all day i'm not in the mood to do anything every single night) from my experience it was like a huge kick to the gut and a stab in the heart. have you talked to her about how you feel? perhaps the 2 of you can go for counseling? to help with the marrital issues. (i wish my hubby would but he's extremely anti doctor....of any kind...for himself)

[Omusicgame]

it was weird.  after i wrote what i wrote, temptation got to me, and i couldnt help it.  I looked at porn lusted to it, but at the same time it was like a good feeling filled with anger.  good because i was doing it, angry because i was doing it.  afterwards i went to work, and i felt really good.  I was thinking of my wife, of how much i love her (Which i never do) it was cool.  I dont know, but i just take it day by day, and if I want this addiction to be taken away, all i can do is keep praying for it and keep trying.  

[Boogie8481]

So are you NOT physically attracted to your wife????  If you are at all, maybe you should make movies of her or pictures of her, that way you don't have to look at porn.  Also, what does porn do for you besides arousal?  Is there an emotional connection to it, like does it make you feel less stressed, or make you feel as though you are in a fantasy world?  If so, try to find other ways of making yourself feel this way without using porn.  If its the freedom you seek, then become single if that's what you want.  Porn is ok on moderation, but not to be addicted to, nothing is good to be addicted to.  This couldn't be making your wife feel good about herself at all.  She probably thinks you love it more than her...if she even knows about it.  If she doesn't, don't hide it from her, that will make her feel worse.  Be honest with yourself about your feelings.  Take care.

[Judy246]

I personally think that if you continue with this addiction to porn, it can take on a whole new world of it's own and eventually will bring you down.It is what is called "sin of the flesh".  I personally think it's sinful, pointless, lustful and there isn't anything in porn that a couple can't do naturally.

In other words, your conscience will eventually catch up with you and will be like a growning cancer in your mind that it's wrong. People look at porn all the time, but when it starts to take over you mind and way of living then it becomes destructive.  I also think that a loveless relationship can eventually lead to temptentions and adultery (my opinion). Good luck

[SweetiePie411]

I agree with Chelsie.

[Chelsie86]

I think you should love someone mostly based on inner beauty (their personality). However, you should be physically attracted to them a little bit too. Just try and find some attractive things about her. There has to be at least one thing you think is attractive.

And about the whole porn thing, just don't watch it. You feel much better when you don't watch it, right? So just use that good feeling as an inspiration not to watch it.