Hi, I'm a 21yo woman; I live with my boyfriend (22yo) since almost a year now, at his parents house in france.
We love each other very much.
He's a french guy, and i'm a suede-mexican girl and for my culture, its not well seen to live with his bf before getting married. But I'm ok with that even if I have to lie every time I go to my country to see my family and friends........ (my parents and best friends know although that we live together)
So the problem there is that even if we love each other very much, I'm not always confortable with living at his parents house. I feel that my role in the house is "the daughter", my boyfriend's sister, and not the woman of the house....I also think that, contrary of me: for my boyfriend everything's so easy, he has no responsability nor anything...he has her gf at his home and he has no worries to provide anything, even good notes from school (:p)........
I wanted to moved to an appartment for next school year, (i didnt do before because I'm a student and life at paris its VERY expensive). And his parents said it was stupid to spend money for an appartment if we both have a place to stay. And somehow I know they're right.
Anyway, we want to get married when we both finish school.(in 3 or four years) And I'm scared that the relationship we have now, will afect in a negative way our future relationship. I don't know if I'm doing wrong, what to change and how.
PLease help me
I'm wondering why you decided to wait until you graduate to get married. What difference does it make if you are living together as husband and wife now? (I'm not suggesting you do that, just wondering what the reasoning is behind that.)
You won't know how he will really be until you live on your own. I believe that when adult children are home (whether living there or visiting there), they often behave differently than when they are in their own homes, especially if their parents treat them the same as when they were younger (make their meals, wash their clothes, loan them a car or give them gas money, etc.). That said, if he's never lived on his own and his mother does absolutely everything for him, don't expect him to all of a sudden jump up to get the clothes from the dryer, clear the dinner table, or help with the cooking. And if he doesn't make the bed now, he won't later either.
I don't know what to suggest. Has your boyfriend ever lived on his own? Has he ever been responsible for himself? Ever had to do his own laundry, buy his own groceries, or cook? I'm wondering if the current situation is a case of his not knowing how to do anything (because he never had to) or that he just won't do anything because his mother will do it, so why not let her. How is he in other situations? If someone is trying to move a table or something, does he jump up and help? If someone comes home with groceries, does he go out to help him/her in with the bags? When someone is carrying food to the table, does he help? What are you observing in that respect?
I think you both should mature some and i would not let my daughter or my son live in my house and sleep together without marriage they are condoning a wrong if you both want to be together and in the same bed move. i think the parents are sending the wrong message to other young people. if i were your mom and dad i would not agree with this either .move out and wait and see if he is worth it . luck jo
What a couple of freak, so-called parental units. No wonder your boyfriend is such a spoiled brat. His parents have obvsiously never said, "No" to him in his entire life. You're both too immature for marriage, so why are you playing along with a pretend marriage? Why are you giving him everything he wants (like your body) without any kind of commitment? You know very well why your behavior is unnacceptable in your culture. Shacking up with some guy without benefit of marriage generally leads to heartache and legal problems - particularly if you make babies out of wedlock. The way you are living is against your own culture, and it appears you are just now understanding it's not right for you. You see the problem, but not the solution because you're blinded by hormones. You say you are "ok" with lying to people about your living arrangements. That alone tells me you're ashamed of you living arrangements. You should be! Sweetheart, you are being used in a large way here, and I can only hope and pray you see that clearly and dump this loser and his loser parents before you get pregnant.
both of my parents know and love my bf very much..he goes to my parents house all vacations. that's why, even my dad accepted me going living with him. At the begginning it was only going to be for a few months, but for differents reasons it has last for up to a year.
I'm convinced that living together as a couple actually gives a lot to a relationship...otherwise you get married without knowing a lot about him and his relationship with his parents. And I think its easier to change before getting married.
I don't describe him at all as a spoiled brat, he always help their parents when they come back from shopping, he puts the table everyday, and clean it after dinner....all alone.
I meant by telling he's not responsible by saying that he has never lived alone, never need to provide, or work.......like a little boy. ....He plays videogames and reads manga the biggest part of his freetime....
I'm only scared of next september when we'll move out. He wont have time to continue his life as far as now....and i dont want him to depress. Or that i surprotect him.
If this were an older couple I'd say you were right, but there still in school. Has she even discussed this with him. you should talk to him about it and give a chance to respond these are issues that a couple that are planning on getting married should discuss, Talk to each other, Communications very important failing to do so will end in divorce besides you'll have plenty of time to figure this out after you get out of school
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