Locked Cell Phones

[Ston3]

So I'm just wondering if people think married couples should have locked phones? After dating for 5yrs including engagement period my wife has never locked her phone.  All of a sudden I noticed she started locking her phone. Long story short she meet a new guy friend and said they were just friends. Both of us broke trust and are trying to rebuild it. I let her know how I felt about locked phones and what it means in my view. She still keeps it locked. Should I be worried or am I barking up the wrong tree?

[Londres70]

Well, NO trust=NO relationship.  Until you both can fully trust each other there is NO need to go any further.  Your ONLY hope is therapy, however, you BOTH need to be on board with the idea.

This "new guy" and this cell phone business...........sounds like an emotional affair in my opinion.

Sounds like you've had underlying major problems/issues in the marriage before this.

[Ston3]

I guess I'm just venting now. Since she thought I was cheating I would think her phone wouldn't still be locked after I told her how I felt. Its been 1 whole month since I asked her not to have it locked at home mainly because it was not locked the 1st 5 yrs of us dating.  I think I'm going to try and get counseling for myself since I'm still trying to make it work but I don't feel the mutual togetherness right now.

[Vance2335]

Taking the phone everywhere, locking it and sleeping with it under the pillow is all flags to me. She does not want you to see something.

[specialmom]

I agree that these trust issues are growing with no resolution and that will ultimately end this relationship.  I'd address it head on and consider counseling.  good luck

[Londres70]

Have you met the "guy friend" or only heard about him?

[Londres70]

To be honest I am not even sure if my husband locks his cell phone or not.  If there is 100% trust in the relationship those kinds of things are irrelevant.  His cell phone is his property to do whatever.  That's how it is when there is NO trust issues involved, however, that is not your situation.  No one should be "sleeping" with his/her cell phone under his/her pillow.

You told us what she is doing or did to break trust.  May I ask what did you do to her?  What did you do to break her trust?  

[TTinKKerBBell]

You've both done something to lose trust with each other so now You need to agree to be transparent with one another in order to rebuild that trust.  You've expressed concern about Her phone and yet She continues the behavior, it sounds like something is amiss.  Say what You might about 'privacy', married people should have nothing to 'hide' from one another.  Her interest should be putting Your mind to rest

[Ston3]

Well she also became very distant and not all into the marriage sort of like shut down. I knew something was up when she started sleeping with it under her pillow and taking it everywhere. Most people dont consider locked phones bad but loke I said the whole time we have been together she's never locked it. She said sleeping with under the pillow was for the alarm to wake her up better. All the details are really too much to type. Like I said in the original post we both did somethings to lose trust with each other but she only sees whag I did as detrimental and doesn't acknowledge whay she did was wrong and needs to stary rebuilding trust and relationship. We decided to put it all behind us and move forward but like I said she has yet to unlock her phone 1 whole month after I've expressed my feelings about it. She says she locks it because she doesn't want someone at work to walk off with it or go through her things. So to compromise I tell her if you want to have it locked at work that's fair but we have no kids and nobody who's going to take your phone at home. Shouldn't she be able to understand how I feel and at least help me trust her again as well? It just seems like she doesnt care and its hurtful. I dont even want to go through her phone, but mines is always unlocked and shes even accjsed me of cheating which caused her to do some of the things she did. Maybe I'm just ramblimg on about nothing

[specialmom]

I just read your post a little more carefully.  okay, well.  If this is a change of behavior that happened when she met the 'guy friend', that's odd.  And as a married woman, one  thing I'm firm about is opposite sex friends probably should be friendly with me too and him as well.  (although, I have no men friends outside of friends of both my husband and I that I would communicate with phone calls or text messages.)

so, this falls under the category of suspicious.  I'd want to know why she's locking up her phone NOW.  

[specialmom]

My cell phone is locked because it defaults to that and I never went in and changed it.  I have to put in a code.  My husband has never once asked me for the code.  His phone is the same way.  I also have never thought to ask for his code.  If we are having to check up on our spouses, that is difficult.  Then I wonder about trust issues.  

My husband doesn't want to see me chit chatting via text with my mom friends about chicken recipes and I don't want to read the due date of his work report.  Boring stuff.  

so, in theory, there doesn't need to be locks but when there are, I think it would only bother me if I had to check up on my husband (or felt like I had to.)