Hello. My girlfriend and I live in two completely different countries, and we have been dating for just over... 17 months. I have spent about 4 months living with her and her family and getting to know them and we see this being a marriage, but I am holding off asking her to marry me because of some decisions I have made. But I find that, when we are not around each other and it has to be a skype/email relationship, I get extremely lonely. Thinking if she is ok, caring about her, but sometimes its just so painful the loneliness. At the same time, having the loneliness and caring about her, she sometimes says I am suffocating her, which hurts me, but I feel lonely without. How can I still have this relationship, that WILL turn into a marriage, but until that, how do I deal with the loneliness and how healthy is it, or unhealthy to be worrying about her and spending days without her, and feel depressed and lonely?
Unfortunately having such a long distant relationship there will be problems with days without contact and times when You will feel lonely. You just need to keep Yourself busy instead of letting Your mind wander perhaps if you don't have them already set times when you are able to talk and meet it might give you something to look forward to however I would not let yourself completely rely upon talking to her to the point you spend no time doing anything else in your life. Feeling depressed is never healthy in any case, everyone feels lonely at some point of another but if your days are all around feeling depressed and lonely maybe it is time you considered seeing a therapist to help you deal with the time away from her and help you learn techniques to keep yourself busy and not so worried. Perhaps study or work may help to keep you distracted working towards something else.
I'm a woman in my 40's with a husband and kids. My husband travels a lot and often over seas. Sometimes when he is gone, we find it difficult to communicate. Recently he was in Asia and we couldn't reach other for 10 days (Northern China . . . he had issues and couldn't get any calls on his phone and could not pick up any emails-------- I got his but he was emailing in a panic. His boss finally got a message through that I was fine.)
Anyway, before we had kids, we both worked, traveled seperately and we both were very independent. I tell you this because I really think you need to work on this. I miss my husband but do not become so lonely and desperate feeling because I have many other things going on. I would encourage you to explore other things in your life so that your partner is important but not everything. Does that make sense? You'll be a better partner that way too.
I agree with above that you may actually have a low level of depression with anxiety. A therapist can help you with this and if necessary, a physician can prescribe medication. It is hard to see things clearly if we have the cloud of depression/anxiety hanging overhead. If the cloud is cleared away, then we can deal with issues in a better manner to actually resolve them.
I wish you lots of luck!
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