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Avatar universal

Looking for outside perspective...

Hello. My boyfriend and I are looking for some outside perspective, and are hoping to get some here :)
First, I have to let you know that I have been prescribed Celexa (if you don't know what it is, it is an antidepressant), and at the time of the conversation, I had not taken it in about 1 week.
So, we were having a conversation, and the subject of my pills came up. I was trying to tell him that I had been quite emotional lately because I was out of my medication, and  had not taken it in about 1 week. He then asked if I had any pills left, and I said "No, I don't...", but in actuality I had 3 pills left. Now, for anyone that does not know much about antidepressants, they take time to work, they are not like Xanax and work immediately, so 3 pills are pretty  much useless unless you have more to take (ie. another month at least). He then asked if I was sure that I didn't have any pills at all left, and I again replied "No, I don't...". Now, from my perspective, I didn't have any because as I just said, 3 pills alone are completely useless, and may as well not even exhist.
So now we are trying to figure out if I was honest with him or not. He is not sure if I was being deceptive, but I keep trying to explain that I said I didn't have any pills left because I only had 3 left, and, again, 3 may as well be 0.
Now for the perspective part...
8 months ago, we had this problem---

OK, the other day my boyfriend and I got into an arguement about something, and I am trying to prove to him that I did not lie to him. So I'm posting the conversation here in hopes that some of you will give us your opinions...
First and foremost, let me explain the situation a little, so you don't think we are crazy and arguing about trivial things. I have a food addiction. Now, you may not think it is a big deal, but it really affects us. So, this being said, here is the current problem...
We went shopping the other night, and he bought some things for himself (namely cold cuts, cheese and bacon for club sandwiches) and asked me not to eat them. I of course said yes, with every intention of not doing so. (I'm sure you can see where this is going...). Then a couple of days later I was making him lunch (a club sandwich) and out of habit, I ate 1 piece of each thing (ham, turkey, cheese, etc...) while making it. He later found out, and became furious (which is understandable since we have been having these kinds of problems for quite some time now), but when asking me about the cheese, instead of asking if I had any, he accused me of eating 2 slices. Now, out of pure defensiveness, I said that I did not eat the cheese (meaning the 2 slices that he accused me of). After a few minutes of arguing with him that I did NOT eat 2 slices, and he was convinced that it was possible that I did not eat 2, I told him that I did indeed eat 1 slice of cheese.
Now in my opinion, and from my point of view, I did not lie to him about eating the cheese. When I said that I didn't eat the cheese, I was referring to the accusation of 2 slices, not in general. He however feels that the statement I didn't eat the cheese, stands on it's own, and cancels out my confession of eating 1 slice.
Now like I said, this may seem trivial to some of you, but immagine that instead of a food addict, I were addicted to drugs or cigarettes. An addiction is an addiction, and as sad as it may sound, mine is food.
So, please, let us know what you think. Did I lie to him or not?
Thank you all for taking the time to read this post and respond to it. You are doing more for us than you know.

We are trying to see if I have some kind honesty problem, or any other kinds of problems (aside from the food disorder and depression). What should we/I do about it? And does anyone think he is overreacting about any of this? He believes that my interpretation of things is what is getting me into trouble. That my interpretation is not objective, and therefore gets me into trouble. Do any of you have any insights about that?
Thank you all again for your insights.
9 Responses
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684030 tn?1415612323
It seems like you're engaging in a game of semantics to avoid confrontation and conflict. And, the tiny lies are used as used as some form of escape valve or life preserver. Somehow, you bought into the notion that the lie is better than the truth. And, the eating disorder appears to be yet another form of escapism and avoidance. The food offers momentary distraction, satisfaction and fulfillment. Likewise, the lies offer momentary credibility. You need to find out, if you don't already know, what you're running away from.
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
The argument isn't over whether or not you ate cold cuts, the argument is over a lie. And that's what it was...a lie. No matter how big or small, it is still a lie. It falls under that category of "You didn't ask". It seems as if there is a lack of communication issue going on simply because you didn't state that you had one piece of cheese and chose to argue that you didn't have two, when it could have been avoided altogether if you had just explained to him about the pills and the cheese just as you had to us.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I honestly think the two of you need to fight on bigger issues (i.e. cheating). I think i replied to your post 8 months ago and I think I said the same thing. I dont think you lied, if anything I think you fibed a lil. You should have came clean and said no I didn't have 2 peices of cheese I had 1 and I'm sorry. I mean why does he get so angry for you snacking on some of his things??? Me and my boyfriend dont live together yet, but when we do we will SHARE the food in the house, it doesn't matter who bought it as long as it gets replaced. I can't beleive two grown people fight over eating someone eles' cold cuts. Thats silly to me. In any case i did answer your question on whether you lied or didn't.

And about the pills, why didnt you just explain that you have 3 left instead of saying you had none? And why didn't you get a refill on the pills before they ran out? These pills are something you need to take everyday, so you should always make sure you have enough.
Helpful - 0
208686 tn?1293030503
In my opinion, you are lying, even if it is "little white lies". Why not when he asks you something you tell him the exact truth, i.e I only have 3 pills left and so just 3 pills won't do me any good if I don't have anymore to continue taking them for them to work", or I did not eat 2, I only ate 1 piece of cheese" I understand you have a food addiction, so why not just admit that you did this and then offer to get him some more if he has a problem with it. Or get you some and set that aside for you.

If he gets accusatory and then you get defensive with any of your talking then you are just asking for trouble. If he accuses you of something and you feel threatened by his remarks, simply state that you do not appreciate it when he talks to you in that way and vice versa. Tell him you would like for him to ask things of you and not automatically accuse you of them.

Look back and ask yourself, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you tolerate this from him? SERIOUSLY.. not just because you are trying to exempt yourself for your actions, but how would you really feel if he was doing this to you.
Helpful - 0
646779 tn?1281996041
Hey hun, I'm 15 weeks today, all is going well, had a scan, there's one baby in there.
How are you doing? How's the family?

I just had to put my situation across having been there - I really think it can be down to how you are treated in a relationship with regard to whether you tell white lies or not. Not everyone's the same I know, but I was called a compulsive liar, which hurt a lot. I knew I wasn't one, it was what I had to do to save my sanity.

  
Helpful - 0
646779 tn?1281996041
also, I agree, 3 anti-depressant tablets left is as good as nothing. If you had another course for next month, then yes you have tablets left, but 3, your course of anti-depressants is over. I see no point in him asking over and over again whether you had any left. Why didn't he take your word for it instead of pressing and pressing?? I think you react in panic to him which is understandable in someone questioning relentlessly. Again I think he has the problem here.
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Hey girl, how's the pregnancy going?  His thing is that she lies all the time.  She has a food addiction and was always lying to him so I'm just looking at it from his perspective as dealing with someone who is constantly lying about everything.  Maybe it's to avoid arguments but perhaps it's because he's always being lied to.  I guess only she knows what's what but this relationship will always be this way so you are right, it's probably best to move on to something better.
Helpful - 0
646779 tn?1281996041
Hello, I wanted to comment on this as there was a time I could relate to you very much. My ex partner was also the very unforgiving type towards me if I ever said something deemed a white lie; a left-out-of the-conversation-comment to avoid an argument; an insignificant point made as part of defending myself from one of his uproars - he didn't care about that though, I was a ''liar'' to him, and that was that (from his perspective) - all he cared about was I lied to him not why I lied to him, or trying to understand why something was said a certain way.
But it isn't lying, and it sounds strange to anyone who sees a lie as nothing but dishonesty, an untruth... - when you have depression (which I also had when the lying accusations were most common for which I took anti-depressants) it's hard to cope with someone being on your case, it's very hard to think clearly, and it is indeed easier to defend yourself and exaggerate a little to avoid the horrible accusations and mental draining, which may be acciendally done. With me, as with you, I never lied about serious things, only silly things and it was always because he was picking an argument about nothing. That was just the way he was. I, nor he, saw him as the one in the wrong at the time. NOW, I see he was in the wrong to have treated me like that over trivial nothings.
I have a wonderful partner now, we don't ever talk about rubbish things like that, I can't believe my ex and I used to argue about such goble-di-gook. I have realised that it was not me with the problem or with a problem in being honest with him. It was just a way of coping with a partner like that, what choice do you have but to try to defend yourself.
I am 100 % honest with my current partner - there is no need to 'lie' or hide a little point here or there. It's not something that's conscious, it's natural with him, it really is.
It's the person your with who has the problem, making these ridiculous accusations about 1 piece of cheese or 2. It's the person your with being mentally hard on you CAUSING you to tell a white lie. You don't have the problem here!
The question you ask here should not be 'Is this a lie or not?' but instead 'is this the person who respects me enough to trust me enough not to question me over these silly things?' ultimately 'is this the person I am going to be happy spending my life with so we can concentrate on things that really matter in life?' and 'will I always fear him doing this to me?'
I think he sounds controlling, unkind, and disrespectful - all the things my ex was towards me. He is my EX.... and there is a good reason why he is an ex.
Think about your future with this man - will it really be everything you want from a relationship and all you need in a partner?
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
I remember reading your issue 8 months ago about the cold cuts and him thinking you were lying and you admitting you have an over eating compulsion.  I think this "lying" issue will always be an issue because he has no trust at all.  You will constantly go back and forth about whether or not you were lying or not lying.  Eventually this is going to grow tiring on both ends.  You both misinterpret each other, I don't know why you had to say that you didn't have any pills when in fact you did.  So basically you set yourself up for him to doubt you.  You could have just easily said, I have 3 pills left but they are not effective when there are only 3, instead of saying you have none.  Now you cornered yourself and if there is previous mistrust he will definitely question what you say.  Especially knowing that you did have pills left.  You see where I'm getting?  Do you have issues with telling the full blown truth?  Like have always told little white lies?  Perhaps you may have a problem with being a compulsive liar?  I'm just trying to understand the point of not saying yes I have 3 pills left but I need more for them to be effective.
Helpful - 0
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