Lossing Love of My Life

[sacsie]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. I recently gave birth to our son, i have a daughter from a previous relationship. Only days after a had given birth i caught him cheating on me, now this isnt the first time its actually the fourth. Now I most make a decision to leave or to stay the problem is that there are kids involved now and as much as I love him I'm scared to stay. I believe that it will happen again but i dnt want to taer our family apart, he says he cheated because he feels alone in the relationship. Please i need some help what should i do??

[sacsie]

So far so good....my daughter is 3 in may her father doesnt want anything to do with her thats why the man im with now is the only dad shes know. We decided aas a couple to sit down at least two nites a week and spend a hour together no t.v. no phones or any other kind of distractions.  As for my support out side the hoem its not the best.....most kids my age are out partying and having fun i gave that up when i had my children, they decided not to make time for me anymore. So i decided they werent true friends and now my only 'friends'  are my aunt  and a couple of women that ive meet through her. Im the youngest of them all so its a lil difficult to repeatedly turn to them because i know they have many years more experience then me and do look at a lot of my problems as childish. Thanks once again for all you help!

[specialmom]

One thing you can do is to see a counselor on your own.  That way you'll get ideas for the relationship that you can work on.  If you have insurance that covers this, I highly recommend it.  You also may be able to examine some of the things that may be going on with you to ensure a happy future.  

How's your support network outside of your boyfriend?  I'd work on building this up.  Stay in close touch with family and keep your friends as a strong part of your life.  If you are not in a position of having many friends right now, start to build them.  MOPS is a great group for moms of young children.  (Mothers Of Preschoolers).  It is usually run out of churches------ you can google for the local branch in your area and have time to go to a couple of meetings before summer.  They have ladies meetings in which they have food, a speaker, etc. but mostly it is just bonding with other moms.  It meets in the morning and childcare is provided right there close to you.  They also have play groups for the kids and fun events all the time.  I met one of my closest friends at MOPS and just think it is a really supportive place for moms of young kids.  So, consider that.  

So, you've given him one last chance.  Make sure it is THE last chance if he slips again.  But I fear he is not the kind of man that wants a true relationship.  So, work on your communication.  If he says he is lonely in the relationship (grrrr)-----  then ask him what he means by that.  Ask him what he would like your relationship to be like.  Tell him what you want it to be like.  When little kids are in the picture -----------  you have a newborn and another that must be very little if he is the only "dad" she's ever known and you've only known him a year--------- well, it is hard.  They do come first during those years.  Hopefully he will understand that and man up.  He should be helping with the kids verses out and about.  But that is just how I see a man's role anyway.

Well, good luck and let us know how it goes.  

[sacsie]

the pregnancy was nt a planned one bt we took responsibility for our actions and did the rite thing. I do understand that it was a big step in a relationship specially because we had been together for such a short period of time. Although couples counselling would probably benefit us he is one that believes no one needs to know our problems but us, where i believe that it helps to get outside opinions.
         Thank you to everyone that gave there advice on the matter at hand. I  told him my choice last nite and that was that its one last shot if it happens again or if we find ourselves fighting all the time we will be done for good but no matter what try to stay on civil terms for the kids. (Hes the only dad my daughter has ever really known)

[specialmom]

I also noticed that you've only been with this man for a year.  He's cheated four times and you've gotten pregnant and had the child within a years time?  This is not a good sign.  I have to wonder if you desperately wanted a relationship and if that played a part in this whole thing.  I think it would help you so much to talk to a therapist to sort some of this out and hopefully you have a supportive family to help you out.  good luck

[ricky_id]

You just can't get along with him. Him being lonely in the relationship means he doesn't value you! If you want your kid to thrive, you can still allow him/her to visit his/her dad at weekends and don't live with him at the same time. For your own good.

[AnnaMariaQQss]

In my experience, staying for the kids isn't the reason to stay. No-one can answer that ? but you.

This is a fact, we only get to live once. And if it's not meant to be - it won't be.

1 last thought, ask yourself if you're "settling" for less than what makes you happy and complete.

You deserve to placed 1st and loved unconditionally, we all do.. with that said, you have to be able to love yourself enough to demand more than him cheating. Good luck to ya, Im here if you need to chat. Anna

[sweetpea03]

This guy has repeatedly cheated on you and has not learned his lesson. He most likely will continue to cheat, since he has already done so(cheated 4 times!). I think it would be best that you move on. Then next time, do not sleep with a guy until you know it is a long term relationship and it's also a healthy relationship(no abuse, cheating, etc).