Lost connection of a friend. Frustrated for months. What should I do?

[worriedsomuch1122]

I am a married guy with happy family. I met a married guy online. He was in the process of divorcing, and I comforted him and even gave him hand job sometime. We talked about sports, music, and kids. I felt I really like him and hopefully we can become close friends.
About 2 months ago, he told me his wife was moving out to another state, and they were fighting for his son's custody. After that, I lost him. I have been worried about him and emailed him almost everyday. Email was the only way we communicated. I don't have his phone number. He never replied since then.
Since then I have been frustrated everyday: cannot sleep well and cannot concentrated on work.
Actually I know where he lived. I went to his home street, but I don't know what is going on with his life. I don't want to cause him troubles. But I myself struggling everyday, and don't know what to do.
I thought maybe he lost my email. Probably I can post a note on his car to tell him my email or phone number?
Or I can try to follow him when he leaves home to work in the morning and then try to talk to him?
Could anybody here advise what I should do to get connected with him again? I really don't want to lose him as a good friend.
Any input is highly appreciated.
Thanks.

[Nighthawk61]

Hi there, I appreciate your pain.  Would you feel the same about him, without ever having sexual contact? Unfortunately, it's too late to consider this - whether introducing (perhaps his only experience with bi sexual contact) might influence whether you and he could remain friends. I think he probably lost your number purposefully, or perhaps he's keeping it just in case he comes to feel differently, but i would assume that he made a decision to lose contact information with you. I think he's sending you a clear message and it is not that he lost your information. Does he know where you live? If he wanted further contact i'm sure that he knows you're available and wanting male companionship that includes sexual release. As i said, the bell cannot be unrung, you in all likelyhood cannot now both sit down and talk about whether or not to continue a friendship versus sexual relationship. I'm sure he would be thinking that he could bond with men at the gym, if he was in need of male companionship or comradery. I'm sorry if this makes you sad. In the future, when meeting men that might stick to you for friendship, i would not be the one to bring up that i was bi-sexual. I would watch and wait and be sure to not perhaps misinterpret signals. While there is nothing wrong with the bisexual lifestyle for those that are into it, it can be a source of pain and confusion to those that are not clearly comfortable. You sound  like you could use some friends.Why don't you go to the gym and try to make some friends, just be very sure not to get into a controversial lifestyle - that may continue to have some potential friend's losing your number. I hope you come to  feel better. and i'm sorry if it's hard for you to see this particular viewpoint as being one that might be helpful. That's hard i know and I'm sorry, please remember that we have all had to deal with similar things as we go through life. . I guess it's the same as the reason whey people say don't get involved with anyone at work, there are in many cases... consequences to moving in that direction, and i think you are feeling that type of consequence with this fellow. Good luck moving forward. I hope you find your happiness. Pray for him and wish him well on his journey. That's what's needed here. Closure. If this remains a problem for you, and i think it might, you might find some relief and closure with a therapist. Perhaps he too is finding the relationship difficult, and is seeing a therapist. All we can do is pray that everyone finds their way to happiness.  All the best to you. Peace be with you.

[Nighthawk61]

Short answer? Sex is not something that should be clothed as "friendship" to someone that is vulnerable in my opinion. Initiating sexual contact is best made when two people are at their best and strong - not when weak and seemingly desperate. This might be considered by him, as you taking advantage of him , after baring his soul to you, who is vulnerable and now is not appreciated. You have to understand that , like a science experiment, you took a chance getting sexual with him, and by all intents and purposes, he's chosen to back off and not pursue contact. There are many people that are happiest going their whole lives as heterosexuals (not saying anything bad about lgbt community, just sayin'.... )

[worriedsomuch1122]

@specialmom:
Thanks again for your input. I really appreciate your kind words and advise.
To be honest, this guy is the first one in my life that I really Want to make friends with. It's not about hand job or his body stuff. I like him because I like his personality, his kindness, his smile toward difficulty in life, and we have common taste for sports, music and life. Too bad we did some hand job, but it's not the point. I really believe that we can make lifetime friends. I don't want to lose him as a friend.
I agree with you that I cannot go to his home or his car, which is creepy. I believe he has been in very difficult time and I should give him time to get over it. Hopefully I don't have to wait for too long.
He has my email, so now it's up to him. I cannot force him to be my friend anyway.
I won't let this to ruin my marriage. I love my wife and my family. Nothing can change that.
Thank you so much for kindly remind me that my family is always most important. Your input helped me a lot. I truly appreciate it.
God bless you!

[specialmom]

If you don't mind me saying this, this all seems a little odd.  You almost sound like you are in love with this man.  My advice is to refocus on your family and wife.  Obsessing over a man you met on the internet that you gave hand jobs too that is now blowing you off is not healthy.  Leave the guy alone or you are crossing over into stalker territory.  Don't give him a father's day gift which in and of itself is a strange thing to do.  Hopefully his children acknowledge him on father's day and he acknowledges his own father.  The friend he made on the internet that provided good conversation during a difficult time and sexual release is not really who he is thinking about on fathers day.  :>)  Giving you some tough love here----  move on.  Figure yourself out. If you are unhappy in your marriage and perhaps living a life that is not your true self--  leave your wife and pursue different things. But not this man.  He knows how to reach you and is choosing not to.  Leave him alone and maybe explore why you are having this extreme reaction while living a duel life as married man and man who meets other men that you attach to almost like lovers on the internet.  good luck

[worriedsomuch1122]

@specialmom:
Thank you so much for answering my question. I agree with you that it's creepy to follow him or post note on his car. Yes we started as I gave him hj. It had been about 6 months. We talked a lot about sports, music, kids and life. He told me about his life with his wife. I felt he trusted me. After 6 months, I felt we were already friends.
Maybe I should leave him alone for a while. I just can't help worrying about him.
I bought a Father's Day gift for him. But don't know how to give him.
I hope to become life long friends with him. Just can't let him go and move on. I know he is experiencing challenging time and I should be there for him to support him. All his patent died and he has no siblings.
Maybe I just give him longer time. I tried to go to him because I guess he may have lost my email. I know it's rare.
Thanks again.

[specialmom]

Well, I'm going to be honest.  You met a man online going through a traumatic life event of a divorce.  Many are really working through things at that time and it is such a transitional time.  He knows how to get in touch with you. NO, do not go to his car, follow him or any other things like that as that falls into the category of creepy.  He may feel it was a lapse in judgment to have a friendship that involved sexual contact of hand jobs with another man.  In a custody battle, you do start to self analyze.  He also knows you are married, I presume.  And he may feel that your side activity of offering hand jobs and sexual contact with other men on the internet while married may not represent his moral values.  Not sure. But he is an adult and if he wanted any more contact with you, he'd make it. So, let the man alone and move on.  Does your wife know about the sexual contact you have with men?  Just curious.