Low Self Esteem & Relationships, ARGH Help!

[stealth98]

I really like a girl we get on really well and and she likes me too. Thing is she has really low self esteem. She is with a complete arsehole at the moment who treats her so badly, she is always miserable but when she has been with me she lights up and is herself and comes out of her shell. She is really unhappy and wants to be with me, she has got so far with this other bloke that he isn't allowed round hers no more and they dont see each other but they are still together if that makes sense? he knows there something wrong and he is playing the nice guy now to get round her. He has cheated on her twice and she has found out and has confronted him about it.

She said she fears him if she breaks it off and she dont like hurting peoples feelings even his! so I'm pretty much there trying to help her along but she seems to only go so far then clams up and goes into her shell again. She has also gone on a real downer again and I havent been able to get hold of her for a few days now, we talk everyday and all day I have even been round hers but it seems she is ether out when I go round or she has shut herself away. I'm not pressurising her but I have been in this situation for many months now and I honestly dont know why Im holding on? if there was no feelings for her then I would have broke it off easily and moved on but I seem to be stuck in a rut and a never ending circle that I want to be with this girl so bad that I'll put up with anything. She wants to be with me too but her self esteem is so low and I mean low! slightest little thing goes wrong and she cries but when she has been with me since me first met as friends way back at the end of 2010 we would have a right laugh and have fun and she is herself when with me and fears nothing. She said she feels safe in my company but cant seem to find the courage to break this off.

What can I really do? hang on and help her? or move on. If I move on its going to be so hard! :( ARGH! HELP! :(

[stealth98]

I took the advice and I'm not talking to her much now, luckily for me things have come good in different parts of my life therefore I haven't had time to really chat to her and my mind is elsewhere on more important things. I did say to her that we might as well be mates and since then she only spoke to me once. It is hard sometimes but Im glad I have other things to occupy me and it has come at a time when I needed it so its been easier to say the words to her.

Last I heard from her step sister was that she has gone into hiding again and not talked to no one. Im still there for her if she needs a shoulder but as far as a relationships are I've broken free.

No Rock Rose this is a different woman

[RockRose]

Is this the same woman who lives in a different town and is 30 and has 3 kids?

[josie_may]

Noone can answer this for you because only you no how you feel. but in my opinoin she is not ready to let go of the other guy. you are deffinatly in the "friend" place and you will stay there until she makes a decision or you make one. if i was you i would tell it to her straight tell her you care about her and want to be with her but you don't just want to be the one on the side that has do deal with the problems. you should not only get a part of her. and you can't keep letting yourself do it cause if you do you will be the one with low self-esteeme. i have been in a situation similar to this. i ended up getting my heart broken. i was alwasy the second choice no matter how many times the guy i liked said he hated being with the other girl he always chose her. it sounds bad to give an altimatiem but sometimes you have to or you will never be able to have a life because you will stay stuck in limbo.

[Londres70]

Specialmom sumed it all up.

All the best.  

[specialmom]

My absolute best and most heartfelt advice is for you to let HER work out her issuess and you to stay far away until she does.  

She's with someone.  And until she gets the guts to break up, she is off limits.  And you do not want someone that goes from one man to the next.  This is a bad sign and usually doesn't lead to longterm bliss.  

So move on.  Don't get mixed up with women in relationships as that will just create unnecessary drama in your life.  And set your standards high----  shoot for a strong woman instead of one you have to 'save'.  

good luck