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Lying Girlfriend/ 3rd Chance??
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Lying Girlfriend/ 3rd Chance??

ok long story short,
-Been dating for 3 years and a half and spoke about getting engaged many times
-Broke up over the summer for a month
-A week before we broke up , she met a boy thru a friend of hers at a nightclub and kept contact with him
-Had sex with that boy within two weeks of our break up (yes she was single, but we did have a 3 year relationship)
-She lied to me about her encounter but I eventually got her to say the truth about her sexual encounter
-Somehow i forgave her for lying to me and we started dating again under the condition that she would let him know that she is back in a relationship and delete his info
-2 month later, i find out that she lied about his name, deleting his info, and that she met him thru a friend (he was a complete stranger she met at a nightclub)
-As soon as i brought it up to her, she denied it, but eventually admitted everything and deleted him in front of me and also told him to never ever contact her again

After she did that, i still broke up with her. I was lied twice about the same thing. When i asked her about why she lied, she told me that she never thought I would give her a chance when i first found out she had sex with someone else in such a short period after our break up, and that she wanted to keep him as a friend in case I never got back with her...and the reason why 2 months later he was still in her contacts was because she eventually forgot that she still had him as a contact. I do know that she has not talked to him eversince we started dating again. Now she just keeps crying and literally just begs me to get back with her.

Does anyone think i made the right decision or that she deserves a third chance?

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303824_tn?1294875001
Hi oil220,


I'm sorry you are having to go through this. When trust is broken in a relationship, the chances of things going back exactly the way they were are slim. it does happen though. Now, you guys were broken up so she technically wasn't cheating. I completely understand that you are hurt and  expected more from her due to the length of your relationship. Regardless of the amount of time it took her to sleep with someone else, it would still have hurt the same. Her answers about why his number and contact info weren't deleted sounds logical, but she still should have done it if she wanted to wipe the slate clean and start over with you. That would make me a little uneasy as well and I get why you feel betrayed. I can't tell you what to do from here, or whether or not you can trust her because I don't know those answers. What I can tell you is that if you do want to be with her, you are going to have to put this behind you and leave it there. I would, however, keep an eye and ear open for a while. If you can handle those things, then move forward. Make it clear to her that the lies stop here.  It will be a hard road so if you feel she's worth it, then go for it. If you have any doubt, it may be time to move on. Good luck!!
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9 Comments Post a Comment
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13167_tn?1327197724
I think you don't know what "single" means.  You are single,  and she's been single all her entire life.  Until you marry,  you are single.

Secondly,  when you break up,  you are both completely free to date/have sex with whoever you want.  There isn't a mandatory waiting period before you start a new relationship.

I would recommend to her that she not get back with you,  you have some kind of weird controlling thing going on where you force her to delete her contacts knowing you are about to break up with her.

I think you need a little more introspection,  and a little more maturity before you find someone else,  and let this girl go to find someone who is mature and reasonable.

Just my opinion.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your input RockRose.
I can understand that i sound somewhat controlling but i would like to say that the idea of deleting that guy off her phone was her idea - not mine- and her way of proving to me that she was committed to me again.

My belief was by breaking her own promise/idea, she is showing me lack of commitment.

I am a very laid back person, i hate confrontation or any type of drama, I let her do whatever she wants with whoever she wants - just thought it was weird that she would lie about that (considering it was all her plan)

At the time, I didnt want to break up with her, i just thought about it again and figured that even if she deletes him now- it does not change the fact that she lied...



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13167_tn?1327197724
oil,  basically I think you're right.  A girl who goes and has sex with some guy within a week of the break up is not a good bet for a wife - but on the other hand,  both of you are,  and have always been,  single,  which leaves you open to dating/having sex with other people until you

Best wishes.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Weird,  that sentence was cut off "until you marry".

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1434731_tn?1382725984
Hi,
I agree somewhat with rockrose, BUT You had her come back to give her a "second chance" I guess. You didn't give her a second chance.  Who cares about a phone number!  if you trusted her you should have trusted her completely!  

You were not really giving her a second chance because you guys were broken up when she slept with the other guy and she had every right to! It could have been a day later and it would still come down to YOU WERE BROKEN UP. Maybe she really thought you wouldn't ever want her back and she slept with someone else to try to get over you.

But making her tell you what she did in the 1 month period was not right. You knew your would not like anything she said, even if she didn't sleep with the guy but had his phone number!  She is allowed to have guy friends, but she should introduce them to you, and if she plans to hang with them she should bring you along.

If you love her, you would want to work it out! The past is the past.  

In the end, It all depend what you want. If you want to be with her then be with her and don't talk about the past, don't bring it up during a fight later on either.

hope that helps and I wasn't to blunt!
Lynn
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank youu Lynnie.
I completely agree that she was single and had every right to do what she did.
It ***** but i must admit that I guess i wanted some type of respect after a pretty long relationship.
You are right she did think i would never want to be with her again - unfortunately it was the opposite.

Although i did get it out of her, the only reason that came about is because she kept asking me if I did something during our break up so it became suspicious and obvious she had something to tell me.

She has plenty of guy friends and thruthfully the only thing i was upset about is the fact that she proposes to delete him to show some consideration but then she just does the opposite. Would you agree that it is kind of strange & suspicious? Especially after feeling so so so guilty after what she did over the summer (even though she had every right) I just feel like she could have done so many things behind my back. A week after she had told him she was back in a relationship, I ended up seeing that she called him a few times afterwards - but she did eventually stop in the past 2 month.

I love this girl but shes is too fishy. Please let me know if I am being unreasonable.
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1434731_tn?1382725984
It is wrong that she was going to delete him and then didnt.

I think you should just move on. If you cant trust her, its done

Just my opinion of course!
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303824_tn?1294875001
Hi oil220,


I'm sorry you are having to go through this. When trust is broken in a relationship, the chances of things going back exactly the way they were are slim. it does happen though. Now, you guys were broken up so she technically wasn't cheating. I completely understand that you are hurt and  expected more from her due to the length of your relationship. Regardless of the amount of time it took her to sleep with someone else, it would still have hurt the same. Her answers about why his number and contact info weren't deleted sounds logical, but she still should have done it if she wanted to wipe the slate clean and start over with you. That would make me a little uneasy as well and I get why you feel betrayed. I can't tell you what to do from here, or whether or not you can trust her because I don't know those answers. What I can tell you is that if you do want to be with her, you are going to have to put this behind you and leave it there. I would, however, keep an eye and ear open for a while. If you can handle those things, then move forward. Make it clear to her that the lies stop here.  It will be a hard road so if you feel she's worth it, then go for it. If you have any doubt, it may be time to move on. Good luck!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your advice & support!!
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