Marriage Advice

[princessesonly16]

I'm 23 and my fiance is 22. We've been together for one year and 4 months. We recently got baptised last Sunday and was thinking about getting married. Do u think its to soon to get married? We currently live together, we been through hell and back, I had one miscarriage, my fiance almost lost his life and I was there for him through everything. The love we have for eachother is amazing and is like nothing I ever had. We are going to premarital counseling tomorrow. Everything is going great...I just need a little advice.

[Londres70]

All that is music to my ears.......I am happy for you dear.  You sound SUPER happy too.  

Do keep us posted.  

[princessesonly16]

Thank you ladies so much for your support and advice. Counseling went well and everything will get better for us. I have faith in god that we will be ok. I was raised with both my parents, they were married for over 25 years so I value that family life and I know what it takes to help a relationship last. I only dated older men so I have always been very mature for my age. I dont go clubbing, doing drugs, doing anything negative. I go to work, church, gym, home, and out with my fiance. For my age, I have a great head on my shoulder and I know what I want in life. Our plan is to keep doing counseling, go to church every Sunday, work out our problems, finish college, get married, and then have kids. God has a special plan for this relationship and I'm going to go by his rules and do things the right way. I wish there were more young people my age with this mind set because I see a lot of them fail because they jump head first not knowing what they are getting themselves into. A relationship is already hard enough and marriage is 10 times worse so before making that step, make sure its the right person, your financially stable, and your relationship is stable. I will update you ladies on anything that happens but I thank you all again for your advice. Have a blessed day :-)

[specialmom]

Yes.  I'm a big fan of taking your time before marriage to build the foundation that will carry you through a life time together.  I'm a forever kind of person when it comes to marriage and I like to hear that people are putting a lot of thought into it and not just going with a 'feeling'.  I think romantic love is great but there is a very practical side to marriage.  Those 'business' details as I like to call them must be addressed to make sure it will be a long lasting union.  Things like how you'll run your finances, religion, children, in laws, how you spend your free time, etc. are all important to have open communication about and be on the same page.  Pre marital counseling addresses a lot of those things.  Please don't make the mistake of overlooking or ignoring something that is a red flag for future trouble----  address it before marriage to make sure it can be resolved.  

I also agree that making sure you don't get pregnant until after you are married is a good idea.  For a lot of reasons.  

You sound like you are thinking straight on this subject.  Even the best marriages have their challenges and building a foundation helps hold it all together in the rough patches.  You sound like that you and your partner are working on establishing that foundation and that is great.  good luck to you

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with Londres!  How refreshing it is to see young people actually trying to PLAN a little rather than jumping into the fire full speed ahead!

You sound like you both have a good head on your shoulders, and you're VERY wise to think this through instead of letting just your emotions be your guide.  Love is very important in marriage, but so are a whole bunch of other things that sadly, a lot of young people disregard.  They think as long as there is love, one can get through anything.  That's not always true.  The challenges a married couple faces are doozies.

Your marriage is much more likely to succeed because you guys are planning, and exploring the idea of marriage, and what it takes to be successful in marriage instead of just running down the aisle.  

If in your exploration, you have some concerns (maybe about money, etc)...you can always wait a little while you continue to grow together as a couple.  You're both very young, and haven't been together long, in the grand scheme of things.  It probably feels like a lifetime, because you have already had to overcome some very serious life stressors.  

Bottom line is, there is no rush.  If you decide you guys are ready, take your TIME in planning the kind of wedding you want, and optimally, put the baby plans aside until you two have been able to enjoy some "alone" time in your marriage.  

You won't realize how precious that time is until after the kids come.  I love my kids with all my heart...but I remember fondly the days my hubby and I were just a "team" together.  We weren't together long before we married, and while I'm happy things turned out the way they did, if I could change anything, I would have wanted more time together as a couple before adding kids to the mix.

I wish you the very best...and I commend you BOTH for thinking with BOTH your hearts AND your heads instead of just your hearts.

[Londres70]

Church, premarital counseling prior to marriage, wanting to be married before having a baby..........ABSOLUTELY.  Sounds like a GREAT plan.  

Dear...you sound like you are on a good road.  

Do keep us updated.  

[princessesonly16]

I agree with you guys. We been through so much together that getting married is just perfect for us. Regardless of how others feel, we know our love for eachother and we want to be married first and then have a child. I want my child to be raised in a two parent home and I'm pretty sure that's what my child would have

[RockRose]

I definitely think you should get married before you attempt to get pregnant.  

Marriage is a huge commitment - but parenthood is 100 times that.  If you're willing to commit your life to a baby,  be at least willing to make the lesser commitment,  to commit yourself to a spouse.

[wyrpamatz]

I moved in with my how husband six months after we started going out six months later we got married. so him and I waited exactly a year to get married. he is 21 & I am 19. If you are ready to get married you just know. regardless of what ppl say. if you think its too soon don't do it but if you are ready to go thru it then go ahead.