Marriage

My boyfriend and I have been together 3years in September. I am 24 and he is 23. We have a son each before we got together who are 4 and we have a daughter who will be 2 in July I am currently 4months pregnant. I am ready to get married and he is as well but he wants us to be more financially stable to have a proper
wedding. We have had our ups and down as any couple and we love each other dearly I am jus hoping marriage is in our near future. I feel like we have been making it work all of this time being married would only make us stronger. No amount of money can replace the love we have.

[TTinKKerBBell]

A "proper" wedding takes place before living together and having Children.

At this point I think it would be important and meaningful to get married and instead of spending extra money for a "wedding", do something special with the family that You've both already created.

Good Luck

[RockRose]

I completely agree with Tink.  By the time you have a child,  and one on the way,  the time for a "proper" wedding has passed.   What he's referring to,  I guess, is a big huge party.  

I think your thoughts are spot on,  Vanangela.  I will say for the woman who want a small celebration to commemorate a lifetime commitment,  and the man to be holding out for a party is unusual.  Men really don't care all that much about the actual wedding details.  I would suspect that he doesn't want to commit,  rather than he's saving money to throw a large party.

Best wishes - I really hope you can convince him of the value to your children of two committed parents.  You sound committed yourself.

[myown2]

I agree with the above posts..

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I think a lot of people dream of the 'perfect' wedding and have a picture of that in their heads.  My husband sure did!  I'd probably have eloped had he not wanted the fancy gathering we ended up having!  It was important to him.  

Perhaps you two can compromise and meet in the middle on this.  You can ask to get married now in a simple ceromony and then use what you have to throw a party of some sort.  It doesn't have to be fancy and maybe your parents would be willing to help.  Tell him that you don't care about the pomp and circumstance.  OR you could marry now and save and throw a HUGE anniversary party that is like a mini wedding reception down the road (in a year, in five years, whatever).  Or you can have a big wedding at a church with lots of guests but then have a simple reception with just cake and coffee/iced tea.  

so, just try to work with him.  If it really is just about the wedding festivities, you should be able to work something out.  If not, then you'll find out if it is actally the commitment to marriage that is holding him back.  

Good luck and just try some discussions really pushing creative planning and urgency to marry now.  Peace

[Vanangela87]

I'm sry we know that our relationship isn't ideal but when I said proper wedding I was more referring to the actual wedding and dress and reception and honeymoon. Our relationship isn't cookie cutter by any means but I was jus thinking better late than never. He is more so worried about the things that would be important to a woman. Thanks a lot for the feed back.

[myown2]

It is better late than never.
Good for you and I wish you and your bf the best. :o)
Congrats..

[specialmom]

My husband was the same way . . . but he says now that it would be nice to have back the money we spent!  Just talk to him and see if you can work something out!

[TTinKKerBBell]

Oh Goodness, Vanangela87, I by NO means meant to demean Your relationship in any way - I ONLY meant that the need for a "proper" wedding , or a wedding dress, or even a honeymoon is kinda, sorta, moot at this point.  I think it's wonderful that You would commemorate Your relationship by getting married and perhaps a reception for Your Friends and Relatives to celebrate with You.   With that many Children it's probably going to be a while before You're "financially stable" but You could still get married.  I TOTALLY understand why You don't want to delay getting married and I agree with You!!