Marriage

I would just like to know at what age did you get married and how has the marriage gone?  I am going to be getting married at 19 and all I have heard lately is that young marriages don't last and I think that is why no one is giving me the respect I diserve when I tell them I'm engaged...  I know that this is going to change my life but it is going to be the most wonderful thing in the world.  I have been through a lot as a teenager that has made me realize what life is really all about and I have had to grow up pretty fast and I know that I am deffinantly more mature for my age and I do feel like at this time in my life I am ready for this.  I have known my fiance for a really long time and we started as friends and then turned into best friends before we ever even became involved and by doing that we have no secrets, we have nothing to hide and we are completly open about everything.  There isn't anything that I don't tell him and I am so comfortable with him and can tell him anything and everything.  I honestly do feel like I have found my soul mate and the love of my life.  I feel like in life you only have one "true love" and many people wait a really long time to find theirs but for me... I already found him, why wait if you have your true love because some people wait and wait and it never comes or they passed it up.  I know in my heart that this is all right and everything that I want, and I don't need to convince anyone because I know but it is frustrating how everyone looks at this.  Like I'm not old enough to know what I want or to know exactly what I'm doing.  Why do young marriages have such a bad name, just because some work and some dont... that happens at any age.

[jo929]

If you are sure that this is what you want then go for it   lots luck  jo

[SeriousSam]

22 Married, divorced.  Sheer H*ll.  Started as best friends, no cheating etc.  we just weren't finished developing personalities

I am calm, over analytical and she turned to violence and religion.

Good luck.

P.S.  Comforting thought...  After your first you'll tend to keep being attracted to the same type of personality because it's what you subconsciously "know" and feel comfortable around.

Save therapy, use birth control and wait until after both of you have finished college.

[K1990]

See the thing is he is nothing like any other man I have ever dated and have never been happier.  He will have a BA in Cellular, Developmental, and Molecular Biology and I'll have my AA in Business by the time we get married.  I will finish to get my BA in business and he will go to grad school after being married but the biggest hurddle is out of the way.  We get pregnant back in March but we had a miscarriage and that has only made us closer and it really showed that we could trust each other and in the time of a crisis we still can work wonderful together.  He is my rock and has kept me happy through this really hard time.  For us a family is most important and want to start shortly after we get married because we want a big family and don't want to be too old having our last...  I just wish people would take each marriage by themselves and not judge because were young.  Thanks!

[sara......]

The main reason teenage marriages don't work is because the person you both are at this age changes when you are 25, 29, 32, 40 etc, etc as you mature and gain life experiences.

So, except for rare exceptions, unfortunately very young marriages fail.

This doesn't mean I don't wish you the best of luck though......

Best wishes,

Sara

[SeriousSam]

HHHmmm.  Unlike any other?  You sound exactly like us actually! But we were older she already had her degree, I was fressh out of the Army and working on a major in Genetic Engineering!

My advise?  Don't get married until after college.  If you do get married before then, don't have kids until after your fifth year.  The first danger mark for any marriage statistically is about five years into the marriage.

[rebbecca]

i got married at 23, i will be married for 4 year on march 5. i am not goin to lie the first year was hell, we were fighting 24/7. and then i found out that i was pregnant it was like everything started working out. being married is alot of work, alot of times me and my hubby dont know how we got through it! but i do love him more now then i ever did!!!!!!!
i wish u the best!!!!!!!!

[SeriousSam]

Honestly a pregnancy can be a "quick fix"  but it rarely is ever a lasting one.

[uvlvrebel]

i got married at 21.  he's 14 yrs my senior. we've been married 13 yrs. it's been an uphill battle...  some yrs were good. have had more lows than highs... in retrospect, i wish i would have waited. we had our first child 2 yrs after we were married (have 2 daughters).  We have both screwed up in this marriage, but have remained determined to see this through.  there is love, we just don't really "like" one another at times- and what that means in the whole scheme of things... i haven't a clue.  good luck to you in your engagement & marriage. I would try and dissuade you, but i remember too well being 17 and having those high ideals, thinking I was too mature- and nobody understood me or my deep feelings.LOL.. So, i know telling you to wait would probably be just a waste of time.

[BearHitch]

I don't have a story of being married for 20+ years, but I got married at 19 and DH was 21.  We had a lot of support, and I would consider us both "old young people."  Anyway, we got pregnant 5 months after we got married, and on that note I would recommend waiting and enjoy just being a couple.  We too had had a miscarriage prior (2, actually) and I think that really motivated us to get pregnant again, but in retrospect I do wish we had waited.  However, I am extremely thankful that I got married and it was the best decision I made.  We had not been together long (3 months) but I knew he was the one.  Well, in all honesty DH was much more sure than I, but that's another story altogether.  Anyway, no one can tell you if you are ready or what is the magical age, because there isn't one.  Divorce, as you said, happens at all ages.  I would highly recommend premarital counseling, as well as finding an older couple that you can look to for advice and such- a couple whose marriage you admire.  Our first year was not hell, although we had a lot of things come up (financial problems, I was pregnant, he got fired from a job, etc) but you can choose to allow those obstacles to strengthen your marriage and not pull you apart.  One last piece of advice... somedays you must choose to love your spouse.  Those "lovey dovey" feelings and highs will not always be there.  Good luck!

[dove3053]

#1 age 26 lasted for 2 years
#2 age 36 lasted for 8 years
#3 age 44 lasted for 6 months
#4 age 45 lasted until last October was seperated for 4 years
And no there will be no # 5

Dove

[Libi]

Go for it! I got married when I was 18, my husband was 20. In May we'll be married 10 years and I'm having my 4th child in March. I wouldn't change any of it! There has been hard times but who doesn't? A relationship is a lot of work regardless! Good luck!

[2boys1princess]

i got married at 19, been married for 11 and have three wonderful and beautiful children. i've not for minute regreted marrying that young. yes, every marriage, whether you marry at 19 or 35, has it's own problems. it's how you handle each situation that counts. we've had our rough times, in fact very recently we had our worst, but we're still there and working everything out. never have we ever discussed divorced, we work out our problems and keep moving. 11 years married and going strong... in my opinion it doesn't matter at what age you get married and long as you're mature enough to understand what you're getting yourself into and that marriage is not a game, it's something very serious and should be taken as that.

good luck!!  :)

[K1990]

I totally agree that marriage is very amazing and wonderful but sometimes not exactly that.  I have already been through several really rough times with my fiance, being pregnant and miscarrying and about a year and a half ago when we just started dating I got very very sick and thought that I may not make it... and standing by my side through all of that was my fiance and I know he will always be there... for better or worse, and in sickness and in health.  We have had our great deal of not so good stuff and a great deal of very magical and wodnerful things.  We have made it this far together with some very very big life changing events that have happened and we are more in love than ever before.  I couldn't imagine life without him.

LIBI~ How far into your marriage did you have kids?

[babywillowmae]

I got married in June of 04 at 18, miscarriage in July of 06 and we now have a 4 month old daughter.  I got married very young, and my marriage is great, but I will be the first to tell my friends to wait.  It was very hard, and still is.  At 18 you still have no idea who you are, even at 21 I'm still trying to figure that out.  People change, and maybe you'll change and discover that you are not on the same path in life, or want the same things as your spouse.  Why don't you try just living together for a few years, get used to each other, and then make it "legal".  After all, marriage is just a piece of paper, and waiting a few more years won't hurt anyone.  

How old is your fiance?  My husband was 24 when we got married.  Men mature slower than women in most cases, so just keep that in mind.  While he may love to be a boyfriend, being a husband, even though not so different, carries a stigma of a ball and chain.  He may feel tied down.  

I would also wait to have a baby.  Have fun being young, and don't rush.  After my miscarriage we had planned to wait a few years, but accidents happen!!!!  Now that we have her, I wouldn't change it for anything, but it is a huge step in your life.  I am the same about wanting to have kids young, but even if you wait till your 22 or 23, you will still be very young by the time they leave home.

The decision is yours alone, and I wish you the best.  Young marriages can work out, and I would do it again in a heart beat.  But everyone is different.

[dove3053]

I do think 19 is to young to get married. But in your case you sound mature so I wish you the best. When people tell you that you are too young, I would say that I expected you to wish me the best because I'm not asking for your approval.

Good Luck,

Dove

[heatherlynn22]

my df and i are getting married this year....he's 23 and i'm 22. we've been together for over 2 years and are expecting our 1st baby (we were already planning a nice small intimate wedding, i get nervous in front of large groups of people so we were forgoing the 350 + person wedding everyone expected and getting married next month) even through the past 2 years we've had our ups and downs but we've gotten through them. we know how to "coexist" with each other peacefully and what to do when the other is mad and are very happy. (he's more so now that i'm pregnant....lol) as long as you're happy, in love and can see yourself with this man for the next 60, 70 or 80 years...go for it!!! sure a lot of young marriages don't work but if you feel you have the mental stability and maturity for it....then that's all that matters!!!

best of lucky to you and congrats on the engagment!!!

[heatherlynn22]

my df and i are getting married this year....he's 23 and i'm 22. we've been together for over 2 years and are expecting our 1st baby (we were already planning a nice small intimate wedding, i get nervous in front of large groups of people so we were forgoing the 350 + person wedding everyone expected and getting married next month) even through the past 2 years we've had our ups and downs but we've gotten through them. we know how to "coexist" with each other peacefully and what to do when the other is mad and are very happy. (he's more so now that i'm pregnant....lol) as long as you're happy, in love and can see yourself with this man for the next 60, 70 or 80 years...go for it!!! sure a lot of young marriages don't work but if you feel you have the mental stability and maturity for it....then that's all that matters!!!

best of lucky to you and congrats on the engagment!!!

[2boys1princess]

we waited three years to have our first baby.  i was 22...
i think waiting to have a baby was the best thing we did for our marriage!  :-)

[jutov05]

i was 22 her was 25, was 23 when i had our daughter, first year was a bit hard financially after that everything has gone well, happiest as can be

[jutov05]

he**

[scot120]

I was 19 she was 17 . ( no she wasn't pregnate ) We are still in love after 26 years . 3 kids , 5 grand children
   Respect one another
   communicate
   always laugh  allot together

[K1990]

Dove~ I love that comment and thank you for you kind words!  I love my fiance with all my heart and soul and know that he is the man I want to wake up to day after day for the next 60 plus years of my life.  Marriage isn't just a piece of paper, it is a life time commitment to the one person that you love and can't spend your life without, it shows your ultimate love and passion for that one person.  My heart and soul wont change beacause he is my true love, and that only comes once... so why wait?  

[Talz]

My girlfriend got married at age 19, her boyfriend was 20.. they have been married for 4 years now.  
My  aunt got maried at age 18, she's been with herhusband for 20 years now.
My sister got married at age 22, she's divorced now.
My cousin got married at age 19, she was married for 2 years, and is divorced.

Bottom line,

just make sure you know what you're getting into..talk about it, and find out exactlty the reasons you're getting married.

[Darwingirl]

I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 20. We finally got married after being together for 8 years (when I was 27). We have been together 20 years this year (married for 13). Had our first child after being together for 5 years. I would say we are happily married and that we have a strong marriage, but like any couple we have had our ups and downs. There are times when 'dislike' each other too, but we get over it. Go with your heart.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I married at 24 not sure it will last...It's only been 29yrs! LOL
Kids came about 4 years later. That gave us time to solidify our relationship. No one but you two can tell you what is right. Pre-marital counseling is always good. It makes you think and get real about the nitty gritty things. You can be head over heals in love with someone and still not be compatible as a married couple. I wish you that absolute best that life and love can offer. Don't rush, take time. Love lasts, infatuation doesn't.