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Married and In love with my first love
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Married and In love with my first love

Hello everyone, I have been married for 12 yrs and I am 30 and my husband is 29. he is a good man, we have no children and the problem is he is very jealous and posessive. I feel like i'm suffocating in the relationship and we have no communication. So 2 months ago I found my Ex boyfriend from 15 yrs ago. and we messeged each other on facebook! we have been in contact ever since and We have fallen in love with each other (nothing has happened yet) he is in a bad situation right now and is moving down to my city in december. he wants me to be with him and leave my husband. I am scared because what if I make a mistake and leave my husband and he turns out to be not what i really wanted? I just feel like the spark in my marriage has died and he turned something in me back on that was off! I havent felt this in years and im happy, we talk about everything and we laugh and goof around like teenagers! and then in the other hand I go home and all my hubby n me do is argue, fight and disagree. i'm miserable at home! what do I do? I dont wanna hurt my husband either, i love him but i'm not in love with him anymore, I'm in love with the other man =( please advice?
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh no no no.  This is NOT good.  First, you are not in love with someone that you speak with on line and do not see.  You are in love with the idea of being in love with him.  You are unhappy in your marriage and escaping by having this "emotional affair".  It is not the right thing to do and I will tell you that relationships that overlap don't go well.  The statistics for relationships that start before ending the one before it have over a 90% failure rate.  Why?  Well, who ever trusts someone fully that they met while they were cheating?  

If you are unhappy with your husband -------------  then you have two choices.  You can try marriage counseling and figure out what went wrong and see if it can be fixed.  OR you can seperate and divorce.  If you divorce, you should remain single rather than being a woman that can't be without a man.  Why?  Well when we are a woman that can't be without a man, we don't take the time to find a good partner and just find ourselves one.  And we spend our whole life going from relationship to relationship.  

If you ever loved your husband, don't do him wrong like this.  End it the right way.  Take a break and then date people.  If the highschool romance is still available, date him a bit.  Don't claim love so quickly.  Love is deeper than a facebook connection in my opinion.  

You need to learn to live with yourself minus men for a bit.  My honest and from the heart advice.  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Facebook is different to moving in with him its just chat on the net but in the real world it could be a whole new ball game,if you truly dont love your husband anymore then leave but dont just do it because your ex has turned up on facebook,be sure in your choices and dont just act on the impulse of the fun and excitment of the extra attention you are getting
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Avatar_n_tn
No I must of not wrote it clearer, The other man is my first love, I lost my virginity to him. and we have seen each other like 6 times in the past two months. He lives like 45 mins away and we meet half way and talk. but we still havent went to the next step, he has respected the fact that i'm married and will continue to by not touching me.and the reason our relationship ended 15 yrs ago was because I moved away with my parents. and we lost contact and moved on, but I NEVER forgot about him and he never forgot me, from what he tells me. Maybe he is just giving me the attention that i'm not getting at home. but I do want to end things right with my husband, because I feel we are only together because we are used to each other. but not for love! thanks for your advice specialmom =D
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Avatar_n_tn
It is wayyyy more than just a facebook connection, We talk on the phone everyday for a long time and when i think something he says it, and when he thinks something I say it, it's like magic. We sometimes say the samething at the sametime it amazes us both. He is a good man and very intellegent. Maybe its just lust but what I feel for him is unexplainable. he makes my heart happy and I know I have the same effect on him. when we see each other we are talking and just cant stop staring at each other...he tells me i'm beautiful constantly and it feels so nice for someone to see that and say it. but I know My husband is also a good man that loves me, but we fight and argue constantly and I told him he is pushing me away! he sometimes tells me he is sick of me aswell and that he is leaving but I tell him to do it and he gets more mad. IDK, what to do anymore! SOOOOOOOOOOO confused. =(
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Avatar_f_tn
Stop flirting in F.B and stick to the real life.
Forget about your ex. It's not gonna work.

Talk to your husband. Go and talk with a Psychologist to talk a bit more with someone. Make your mind up if you want to stay in your relationship with your husband. Then according to it, work on either your relationship or pack fast and quit. But not for your ex.
If your relationship doesn't work, don't think you should think of finding someone before and you'll remain alone. You need to be alone with yourself it the problem is so serious. Because it shows either at the time you decided for this marriage you chose wrong, or now you are making a mistake.

Don't put yourself under pressure. Get some consultant about your relationships.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Well,  do you have any kids?  

If you don't,  and you're both unhappy,  I think you should feel free to ask for a divorce.  You got married at 18 and 17 - that's WAY too early to make a rational decision about who you want to spend the rest of your life with.  

I don't hold out much hope that this relationship will be successful either because you're both immature enough to be seeing each other behind your husband's back - people who are willing to sneak around are well . . . willing to sneak around and it's likely he'll do it again and so will you.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I think you should feel free to ask for a divorce but know that your odds of making it with the new guy are slim.  I wish you would take the time to discover who you are without a man.  Until you do, it is hard to be a strong woman.  

Go ahead and leave your husband but do not date anyone for a year.  Yes, a year.  If you can't do it-------------  that is not a good thing.  Taking a break between relationships is important.  

And I'll just say it.  I have a hard time feeling good about this since you did all of this as a married woman.  I try hard not to judge people as I've not walked in your shoes but I don't think you did the right thing.  Get out of your marriage and start over so that you will never look back and have guilt.  good luck
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you all for your advice, I really think you are right. I do need sometime alone to find myself and figure out what i'm going to do with my life. I have a good job and make good money, and I really dont need and never needed a man to succeed in life. I will talk to my husband about the way I have been feeling and if he feels the same way we can each go our merry ways, but if he doesnt then I will try to work it out with him and seek professional help. We dont have any children Thank God!! And as far as the other man...I have had a heart to heart and he truly understands  what i'm going through and is willing to wait and see what happens, meanwhile he will step away and let me try and work it out with my hubby! =D
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, I wish you a lot of luck.  We are ALL a work in progress.  We all have things to learn and discover about ourselves.  I think you are about to have a big growth spurt and I'll be cheering you on.  I hope you are able to find true happiness whether you stay or go with your husband---------  mostly, true happiness with who you are regardless of your marital/dating status.  Keep us posted!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am glad you put on the brakes. If you have been married for 12 years, you were 18 when you got married? The problems in your marriage can be fixed if you want to fix them. Getting involved with anyone else while you are married will not work, no way long term. I dont get that you are done with the marriage or you would not have hesitated to go in fear of realizing you made a mistake. So, you are either afraid to be on your own apart from a man or you still have emotional ties to your husband. I say work on the marriage, if that is not possible, live alone and get your self together unless you want another string of failed relationships. It would appear that you married very young and kinda missed out on alot before you jumped into saying I Do. Maybe that is the problem. Learn to think with your head and not your heart if you want to go the direction that is best for you and the most beneficial and happy.
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