Aa
Married but loves the company of women
I've been married for 5years. He is a great man we have two kids and he is a great father. Yet he is very boring and gets on my nerves a lot. I go out with my girl twice a week. All of my friends are bi-sexual and married. One night we all "had fun" and of course I didn't tell my husband. It's getting weird now because I'm starting to like their company (if u know what I mean) More than my husbands... What should I do?
Couldn't say anything more perfect than the advice specialmom gave you. I hope you read all of the replies you've gotten and take them to heart. While it's not a requirement, being a good wife often affects one's ability to mother (same with a husband/dad). Like sm said, it's the big picture. If you aren't "present" in your marriage, your kids will pick up on that...they will view YOU as being disconnected perhaps and your husband as being unhappy, or lonely.
Best to you in figuring this out.
Best to you in figuring this out.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I didn't mean to insinuate that you weren't a good mother but I know that the image of mother that I wanted to be wasn't a partier that left the house to go drink and get naked with my girlfriends. That is what I meant.
When my husband struggled a bit with deciding what his priorities were, I asked him "what kind of dad do you want to be?" It was one of our most meaningful conversations in our marriage and from that point on, he looked at things differently. He wasn't thinking about big picture and was more focused on day to day---- he didn't want to be a dad that was 'gone' to go do his own guy thing. He wanted to be a family man with all that entails.
I would imagine that sexual activity outside of your relationship would be a struggle because it is a lot to deal with. Guilt, a sense of excitement, more guilt, being conflicted, etc.
But I have to wonder why you asked a question about it. If you are struggling, perhaps somewhere inside of yourself, you feel that you aren't making poor decisions.
What if you refocus on your husband? What about getting a sitter once a week or every other week and going to dinner, the movies, for a long walk in the park, to see a band, to a baseball game, etc. (whatever you two used to like to do together)?? Try reconnecting with him.
And it IS okay to sometimes say no to our urges. Agree that saying no to temptation is important to remaining faithful and taking yourself out of tempting situations is a first step.
would marriage counseling be something you'd consider with your husband to work on the areas that bother you about the relationship? And still think therapy on your own would be helpful. Could you be depressed? You seem to be searching for simple gratification which at times can be a sign of.
By the way, if your marriage is unhappy and can't be repaired, my opinion would be that it is best to leave it than to have nights of sex with your friends. Your friends are kind of leading double lives and that is going to eat away at them at some point. I'd personally try to find some more quality people with integrity to hang out with.
I do hope you sort it out and get to a happier place in life. peace and luck
When my husband struggled a bit with deciding what his priorities were, I asked him "what kind of dad do you want to be?" It was one of our most meaningful conversations in our marriage and from that point on, he looked at things differently. He wasn't thinking about big picture and was more focused on day to day---- he didn't want to be a dad that was 'gone' to go do his own guy thing. He wanted to be a family man with all that entails.
I would imagine that sexual activity outside of your relationship would be a struggle because it is a lot to deal with. Guilt, a sense of excitement, more guilt, being conflicted, etc.
But I have to wonder why you asked a question about it. If you are struggling, perhaps somewhere inside of yourself, you feel that you aren't making poor decisions.
What if you refocus on your husband? What about getting a sitter once a week or every other week and going to dinner, the movies, for a long walk in the park, to see a band, to a baseball game, etc. (whatever you two used to like to do together)?? Try reconnecting with him.
And it IS okay to sometimes say no to our urges. Agree that saying no to temptation is important to remaining faithful and taking yourself out of tempting situations is a first step.
would marriage counseling be something you'd consider with your husband to work on the areas that bother you about the relationship? And still think therapy on your own would be helpful. Could you be depressed? You seem to be searching for simple gratification which at times can be a sign of.
By the way, if your marriage is unhappy and can't be repaired, my opinion would be that it is best to leave it than to have nights of sex with your friends. Your friends are kind of leading double lives and that is going to eat away at them at some point. I'd personally try to find some more quality people with integrity to hang out with.
I do hope you sort it out and get to a happier place in life. peace and luck
Ill will repeat my comment. Dont let a family tragety be the inspiration to appreciate the home you have. Live every day with your children and husband like its the last time you will see them alive. Sink this reality deep into your heart and be thankful that they will be with you tonight.
There comes a day!
There comes a day!
Well going out with my girls haven't caused me to not be a good mother. Maybe not such a great wife in perspective. .. I cook 6 nights out the week if not 7 I help with homework
Hi, what do you mean "had fun"? If your talking about sexual fun then youve just opened up the door to the demise of your family. You gave into temptation and for a few short moments of "fun" your throwing away all that is good and pure. And by all means do not let a horrific tragety in your family bring you back to your senses. We go our lives every day then the unconceivable strikes and i have a strange feeling the doors we open are the cause as have let the evil into our homes.
Im not sure your following me on this but use your imagination.
Im not sure your following me on this but use your imagination.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome to Med Help.
Well, what you really need to do is think about what kind of wife and mother you want to be.
I had a vision of what motherhood meant to me. I want to be there for my kids. I want to eat dinner with them, play games, do homework, read books, put them to bed, etc. So important to me as they are only young once and I don't want them to ever wish I were there and I'm not because of something that's all 'about me'. I have friends that do occasionally do a book club or evening out but it is once or twice a month. Two times a week is a lot by my standards----- so you have to really do some soul searching to see if this jives with who you want to be in life.
I must say that a 'boring' husband who is there for you and faithful is not an excuse to cheat. I'm not sure I'd want to hang around with a group of women that made cheating a couple of times a week their free time activity of choice. I have high standards for people.
So, I'm wondering why you don't. Did you marry really young and feel like you never got to live your life?
anyway, if you feel you can't cut off the unfaithful, unfamily like behavior, I'd consider separating from your husband. Then when you have the kids, you stay focused on them and when you don't and your husband has them, then you can party as you like. But having both worlds usually doesn't work really well. Unless your husband is fine with it (which not many people are that open).
Maybe some counseling would help you figure this out too. That would probably be a good idea to explore this with a professional. good luck and peace
Well, what you really need to do is think about what kind of wife and mother you want to be.
I had a vision of what motherhood meant to me. I want to be there for my kids. I want to eat dinner with them, play games, do homework, read books, put them to bed, etc. So important to me as they are only young once and I don't want them to ever wish I were there and I'm not because of something that's all 'about me'. I have friends that do occasionally do a book club or evening out but it is once or twice a month. Two times a week is a lot by my standards----- so you have to really do some soul searching to see if this jives with who you want to be in life.
I must say that a 'boring' husband who is there for you and faithful is not an excuse to cheat. I'm not sure I'd want to hang around with a group of women that made cheating a couple of times a week their free time activity of choice. I have high standards for people.
So, I'm wondering why you don't. Did you marry really young and feel like you never got to live your life?
anyway, if you feel you can't cut off the unfaithful, unfamily like behavior, I'd consider separating from your husband. Then when you have the kids, you stay focused on them and when you don't and your husband has them, then you can party as you like. But having both worlds usually doesn't work really well. Unless your husband is fine with it (which not many people are that open).
Maybe some counseling would help you figure this out too. That would probably be a good idea to explore this with a professional. good luck and peace
You've committed to a "great man" and "two kids"
Stay home - be a Good Wife and a Good Mommy.
Stay home - be a Good Wife and a Good Mommy.
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