Me and my boyfriends different sex drives

[SilentLove]

Ok, so I am 18, and my boyfriends 20. He recently started a new job and I know it tires him out entirely. But lately he seems to not have the energy to have sex with me, When he does make love to me it for a good like 20 minutes and he dont want nothing to do with me anymore. I will complain the I never ***, I try to get him aroused by "playing" with him. or we will watch movies and it still doesnt work. We have sex around 1 a week if I am lucky. I want to change that because I am also afraid that he is losing interest in me, He tells me he loves me everyonce in a while and will kiss me about 2 times a day without me asking for one, We have been together for almost 6 months...what am I to do?

[SilentLove]

I cant move out that is the problem i was forced to live with him I guess i could say. I was living with a friend, but me and her got evicted and I had no where else to go. So he has invited me to live with him. We are doing alot better now that he is working and I stay at home to take care of his grandfather. He is alot different now, we have sex about every day if not every other day. we are going to get me on birthcontrol the 12th. We are very happy now, we are talking and working our way through things. and I still have no place to go if me and him brake up. I have a job interview monday and I can't wait. It is the same place as him but I was told the only way I would see him is if I went into the back to smoke and it is closer to go to the front so I am ok.

[sweetpea03]

Do you think you are moving fast? You have only been together for 6 months, you live together already(or at least that's what I got from what you wrote), you have talked about having children, and also had a pregnancy scare. That's an extremely fast moving relationship. Why not slow it down some and just get to know each other more.

Your bf already has children and he may worry about another pregnancy scare happening again. Try to just enjoy the relationship and date each other. You have moved into all of this extremely quickly and have some insecurity issues that I think you need to work on. You shouldn't be fearful of your bf losing interest in you so soon into a relationship. At 6 months, that is typically still in the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship, as you are still getting to know each other on a deeper level(not friendship, but an intimate level) and have mush to learn from each other. It's never a good idea to rush into something serious extremely fast because then you can miss red flags and other things you would have noticed if you took things slower. You went from friends to serious relationship way too fast, skipping the dating stage which is important to do. So try to slow down and date him again.

[sweetpea03]

"told me he wanted me to come back home"? so you already live with him?

[SilentLove]

well last weekend he told me that he wanted a break. That he needed to figure everything out. He told me it wasnt really our relationship he needed to think about it was why he was always being mean and how to fix it. well 2 days later so on saturday because i left thursday, he texted me and told me he wanted me to come back home. That he missed me and wanted me back that he couldnt sleep without me so on...now he is having sex with me every day but one i believe and i am fine with that. he doesnt seem like it is a chore anymore other than when he is tired lol which i can understand. so I wonder if he needed his freedom and wanted to see what it was like without me because he went out drinking when i was gone. so I think he understands now that he really wants to be with me and that has changed his sex drive

[AnnieBrooke]

"At any moment I am ready to have sex, im not sure if it is because im afraid of losing him or if i am actually aroused" sounds like you aren't particularly aroused.  My guess is that you're basically hoping sex will keep him, and he's at the point where your sexual availability isn't what is keeping him.  What is keeping him, I don't know, but don't grab his privates or put porn on, in an attempt to keep him around.  Have a talk about whether the relationship is worth it.

[SilentLove]

Im not sure actually I had never thought of it like that. It does scare me because he doesnt seem to be the same intimatly but i thought that just came with the longer the relationship goes. At any moment I am ready to have sex, im not sure if it is because im afraid of losing him or if i am actually aroused. but I have tried to watch porn with him to get him aroused and he just goes to bed or I will "play" with him and he will roll over and go to bed. When we do have sex it is about 20 minutes and then he is done. There is no foreplay and he doesnt really care if I *** or not.

[AnnieBrooke]

Are you only trying to get him aroused because you are afraid he is losing interest in you?  Or is it because you genuinely feel at that moment like having sex, i.e., you yourself are horny at that moment?  The reason I ask is that if you're trying to turn him on just to be sure he won't lose interest, there is probably a lot more going on than something temporary about him and a new job.  Your unspoken anxiety about the future of the relationship might just be making you act in slightly nervous ways about the relationship, not just about the sex, and that might not be so fun or enticing for him.  Or you are picking up that he is mentally leaving already, and are reacting to that, and he is not willing to admit it.  Hard to say.  But I'd be ready for anything, including that he's mentally checking out of the relationship.