Mother who doesnt love me

[autum]

My mother who I have lived w/ with out my father being in the picture since I was two, I have not had a mother/daughter relationship for 5 years now.  This is sick but here it is: when I broke up w/ my son's father, my mother got with my sons father's father. In other words its my son's grandpa....  anyways one night I went to her job to see her and she asked to get my son for two days...  well those were my days off and I wanted to see my son... so i said could you get him another day or so, because I want to spend time w/ him..  well she got pissed and threw my son's father's visitation papers in my face by saying ill take you to court! I wasnt being mean or anything, I just said I wanted to see him those days, she wanted him on....  I just said could you get him after or before those days...  then she really broke my heart by saying that so we didnt talk for a while... then I tried talking to her again, but she was just using me for info...  after that... my sons father kept on going to court (w/ his dad and my mother) saying those were his parents...   she was on their side...  anyways..after five years I tried having a mother/daughter  relationship w/ her again, and then my son came home from their house, all screwed up..  he is 7yrs old...  I didnt know what was wrong w/ him, but come to find out they messed w/ his head some how... he was going to therapy for a couple of times... because he would cry all night until 5am in the morning, he stayed depressed, he told me he wanted his grandma(my mother) to be his mom, and when i was goin to die!  So I told my mother, his grandpa, and dad(which they all live together) that I was keeping him for two weeks to get him in routine again for school, since he wasnt doing so well..  (by the way when they took me to court for grandparents rights, even though they got him every weekend, they then were only allowed visitation every second week sat 9am to sun 5pm...)  it wasnt even their visitation time...and they got all pissed starting stuff...  now my mother treats me like ****...  I asked why she was treating me like this and she is saying it is my fault...  what should I do??  this is just a brief summary...there is alot more going on..

LOST and Lonely
Autum

[autum]

Well its Christmas...  anyways... my mother has stopped the childishness upon manipulating my son, because she isnt allowed to be around him unless my son's father is there or my son's grandpa is there( which the grandpa is my mothers b/f, disgusting I know)  but the father and grandpa are actually working with me on keeping my son happy and healthy...  my mother isnt allowed to even come in my house..  You know this is hard, I wish I really had my mother...  I have tried numerous times to have a relationship with her, but all it ends up as is me getting hurt...  I just realize she isnt going to live the rest of my life...and I want to have a relationship with her before she gets old and gone to heaven..  I guess I will never get everything I want...which is have a normal family...but hey...I guess everyone always say: what is a normal family??  I just want a mom and dad...   I do have my dad to talk to but he lives 9 hours away...  my mother lives not even 30min away...  you know christmas isnt the same anymore...as when I was a kid...   the whole town use to be decorated, we use to have christmas trees, and also the whole family would be at my grandpa's house...  but now..the only family that goes to my grandpas is my 1 aunt and 1 uncle...which my grandparents have 6 kids..and several grandchildren...  anyways...  I guess its just going to be another day...  thats it...    I guess I should say screw it and work the whole time... atleast I have customers who treat me awhole lot better than my mother...  hope you all have a better x-mas...


Autum

[Baba123]

I would cut any ties with your Mother for what she is doing to your SON!.......He is only 7 years old....if there is more to it that's fine ..but you wrote enough for me as a father to react....why expose your son to this? yes they have visitation rights and OBVIOUSLY   THEY brainwashed  him. ...for their sick benefit.
Don't give up! You are his mother.
RR you give rather ODD advise for this lady!!!!

[fung]

No, dont leave your mother out of your life . She must have had her reasons for what she was doing . You just have to improve your communication with her . Even if your mom has problems, you are supposed to help her-not leave her. She is the one who raised you as a single mom- it's not an easy life after all. She is your mother

[Luckejem]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, but the only thing you coulld do right now is to stop trying to make mends with your mother as it clear she has problem of her own. It appears she is manipulating you and your son to boost her own ego and her insecurities. Now, in my professional oppinion, begin to track everything, take out a diary and log what is happening with your son, example... days when he is depressed, what he is telling you, how he left to a visit, how he felt when he came back. Also write conversations you had with your mother, what your son says bout you mother etc.   make sure to write down time and dates on every entry. Take this to his therapist, his therapist could then track the fluctuations of his depressions and feelings and in turn bring this forth to court.... You  have to prove that the visits with his grandmother is actually causing him harm.. and stop those visits. I know it hurts not having your mom around, but it sounds like she is not a real mother to begin with. You however, have the chance to make things right between you and your son, he is only seven. So, take that chance, if you don't it will then be to late. Hope I helped... and be strong girl, you have to be for your baby

[fung]

You should call your mom and tell her your feeling- no matter what her answer would be. There sure is love in your mother's heart for you, but may be she didnt use to express her feeling toward other . May be that's the way she was brought up by her parents.
You are the one who should take the first step to mend your relationship with your mom,while there is still time.  You are a good daughter, and a good daughter must be coming from a good mother too.
Good luck

[autum]

You know...its thanksgiving and I thought it would be easy..but its really hurting me knowing my mother isnt here for me...i just wanted to write ......i really dont know if I will ever be the same...   she did stop manipulating my son, since I talked to her b/f....but even though...i wish I had my  mother...


autum

[autum]

Thank you so much for your support!  I really do appreciate it... its hard right now for me...but I know that it has to turn around soon or later...I guess just keep wishing for the best... anyways... I guess i better go...my son has homework ofcourse..lol


Autum

[fung]

You've been doing all you could, Just remember, if we planted  the best seed,  we will   get the best harvest too, right? I wish you all the best with your son, take care.

[ania_2]

children belong with Their mother, not their grandmother. your mom is being a B, and is trying to control how you raise your child. she didn't have enough raising her own kids!  Be strong and take care of your child. You sound like a loving, wonderful mother. if you don't trust your mom, dont' talk to her. she sounds like she is a negative influence on your life. unfortunatly since your son has visitaiton to see her every other weekend, you'll have to communicate with her a little but I'dd keep it to a minimum. One day she'll realize she messed up.
take care.

[autum]

fung, I do spend time w/ my son... we do alot of stuff together...  actually I have to bed him to play ball or something w/ me..lol  I do play games w/ him and wrestle w/ him.... I even read a book to him every night...  I even set down and just talk to him...  My mother....on the other hand.. I have tried everything over the years...and she has done nothing but lie to me...  I dont trust her anymore...  I dont really know what to do...so im just taking it day by day...thats about it...


Autum

[fung]

So sad to hear your situation. It seems not easy  to mend a broken relationship with your mother, but keep trying,it may take time but it's worth it. While I'm sure you are busy taking care your 3 boys, try to set aside  time alone with james, doing fun activities with him as much as you could ,  find  a way to make him feel close to you ,that it's you he wants to be around , not anybody else. . You are his mother, it's not hard to win our child's heart. Do your best.
Good luck ; )

[autum]

Thank you everyone for your support!   Well fung, the thing is I tried that already, having a relationship back w/ my mother, and it went sour!  actually not even a month ago, I called her to go out to eat w/ me and Ill pay... she did...  then after that I went out to eat w/ her and she paid...  then the last time we did go out to eat... that was the end of it... We enjoyed ...well I did atleast... talking to each other...and then all of a sudden...When I told her I was worried about my son and I told her...that I would like to keep him home for atleast two weeks to get him back into routine with everything again... she didnt seem happy about it... but I said...  Im not keeping him from ya'll, but this is the only option that I can think of...and I will keep you informed on whats going on...  I did call her to let her know...  Then she called back before the end of the week wanting him on the weekend...and I told her... sorry, but I did tell ya that I would like to keep him for two weeks... and she was like, Ill think about it!!  I said, no, that is how its going to be... Im doing this for my son's benefit...I said Im not trying to be mean or anything...or try to keep him from ya'll, but Im just trying something new to see if it works...  she was irritated, but she agreed...  then after that... for some odd reason, she thought during those two weeks that my grandparents (my son's greatgrandparents) got him????   I dont know why, but I told her no, they didnt...   I said he was at my house and only my house, thats it.. well she says that  I lied?!  I said no, I didnt lie, I have no reason too... but she persistantly kept saying I lied...  so thats the last of what happened...  well besides us asking her could she not call every five min. to talk to james, my son... because we have 3 kids, and the kids are sharing the house phone..  James, does have a cell phone, but the boy will not keep it turned on, he turns it off when he doesnt want to be disturbed, and thats all the time.  I did set up counseling for him at his school...so hopefully that helps too...  anyways here is some of the dilemma...ugh

Autum

[cowgirlnerd]

Since his father doesn't have visitation - go by the order - and that's it.  You are trying to do the "right thing" but it's not right for YOU and your SON.  It's only right for the father that the court has said he shouldn't see him.  NOW, the grandparents having visitation - one weekend a month should be all they get to see them.  

Most divorce decrees and visitation has "reasonable contact" with whomever.  Check yours to see if it does.  "Reasonable" typically would be a daily phone call not over 15 minutes - it does NOT mean unlimited contact.  Since your "MOTHER" has taken the negative role that she has with your son, I would definitely make the reasonable contact be the minimum.

Your son is most likely in limbo between her taking on a "mother" role with him and knowing that you are his Mother.  If you take control of the situation and lay down the rulse as set in the court order - he will be more "safe" in his feelings.  

You are in control.  Don't forget it!

[fung]

This all things seem wouldn't end  easily in peace . Just a suggestion, why dont you start making a good relationship with your mother? I think your mother has 'something' against you, I dont know, may be she need special attention that she think you didn't give her enough or you always a defiant girl to her , feel unrespected, etc. Despite of all your bitterness with her in the past, do this for your son. Try little by little, say something nice to her, call her everyday just to say hello or anything,  remember her birthday, anything you can think of. Try your best to make your mother in the same side with you .
Best of luck

[autum]

Actually the father has no visitation legally due to not able to take responsibility for taking care of a child:::between right and wrong::::::  anyways only the grandparents have court order saying that they can get my son every month on the second sat. at 9am to sun at 5pm...  His daddy does not have any visitations... I proved that when he brought the cops over to my house showing them papers that were done back in 2002 or 2003  tellin the cops" see those are newer, they are in 2008"   I said uh yeah, they were printed in 2008, but done in 2002 or 2003... (I was thinkin duh!)  the cops were like sir she is right.... you have no legal visitation...   The funny thing is   I Was Not Keeping My Son Away From Them, now they are doing this junk!   Even though his father has no visitation, I still let him see his son, only when the grandparents are there looking after him as well...  but now I dont know if its even safe for that!  since my so called mother is manipulating my son!  I just figured something out last night when I was listening to the phone conversation on tape.... My so called mother only talked bad about me and was manipulating my son when the grandpa or dad wasnt around...   so im thinking she is the cause of all of this...


Stressed out/ and trying to quit smoking dont mix!

Autum

[Victoria1762]

Rockrose, I agree it is very complex, Autumn needs professional advice so everyone has her sons interest at heart.  

[cowgirlnerd]

I wonder if the "grandmother" and father combo is doing it to make the son think the drama makes them better parents, etc.,  I still think it's just weird beyond belief for the "mother" (and I say that veryyyy loosely) to treat Autumn that way - not to mention the son!  She definitely has a screw loose, and it's got to be hard for Autumn emotionally as a child (being betrayed by her "mother") and as a mother for someone to basically abuse your child.  I can't even imagine.

In the South, we would say she need a "Butt Whooping".......  you might have to get your Redneck on....  (joking!)......

Hang in there Autumn.  

[RockRose]

Victoria,  that's a thought,  but her children's father does have visitation rights,  and he chooses to spend his time with her mother and his father.  

He has the right to do that.  It's extremely complex and difficult.

[Victoria1762]

You're his mother so my advice would be to stop your son seeing this crazy woman and let your mother know until her behavior changes then she will not be allowed to see her grandchild.

YOUR SON, should not have to deal with your mothers frustrations. You agree that these incidents should not happen infront of your son, protect him and TAKE CONTROL!

Good luck Autumn, not a pleasant time for you

[autum]

I wish my mother would stop this ****!  she is telling my son that she is burning old pictures, meaning me when I was a kid, and then she is telling him its ok to say bad words!  How can she do this to a 7yr old! My son...  ugh! Im just sick of this junk!

Autum

[autum]

Thank you for your support...  sometimes I dont feel strong, but I do it for my kids and husband..  its hard not having a mother by my side through thick or thin, but all I have been doing is taking it a day at a time...  


Thank you for your input!
Autum

[fung]

Whatever happened in your life ,no matter how hard it is, it will pass. You sound like a strong women and a very good mother . Keep doing what you think is right for your kids.
Best wishes

[autum]

cowgirlnerd : Thank you for your support!   and thank you everyone for the support you have given me!  You all are alot of help!

[cowgirlnerd]

Gotcha!  Got confused for a second.  Continue to be strong for your kids and yourself.  I hope your "mother"  sees what she is doing soon!