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My Bipolar 2 and Marriage from wife's angle
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My Bipolar 2 and Marriage from wife's angle

I'm the wife. I have found out this past year that I am Bipolar 2 and I am in counseling and being medicated for it. My husband and I have not had a true marriage for over 14+ years. We love the other person but there is no sex and bitterness and blame. Divorce came into last winter when he asked me for it. I am deathly afraid that if I tell him that I have Bipolar,  that he will leave me because I'm not right. Is this wrong thinking? Is it BiPolar-ish to be this way? He is also an alcoholic...in my theory but he claims he isn't.
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686059_tn?1293837427
I'm sorry, I don't understant "We love the other person"? Please explain. Are you refering to each other or other's outside the marriage?

On what grounds did he ask for divorce (irreconsilable differences?)

You state divorce came last winter, but afraid to tell him of your illness and fear he will leave you, but did you already divorce?

What I do see is that in order for both of you to have a stable, committed relationship, it will be necessary for the following:

* Continue with therapy and medication
* Marriage counselor (if applicable. I don't know if you are still married?)
* Hubby needs to accept that he is an alcoholic, seek treatment (AA), followed
  by counseling.
* Both continue in therapy and counseling
* Mutually reconsider if being married is right for both of you. Maybe a speration
  and time apart with help you both individually confront your issues, get treatment,
  heal and maybe in the near future reconsider reconsiliation.

Right now the relationship is dysfunctional, because you both are dysfunctional and need medical help and counseling.  Seek family and good friends to support you through this ordeal and once you are both mentally and emotionally stable, reconsider if you both want to continue the relationship.  Good luck
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145992_tn?1341348674
I think you need a good marital counselor.  This can go either way, he can either be supportive, since now he understands a little bit more why you are the way you are or he can escape because frankly, he has his own issues that add into the stress and dysfunction of this relationship.  He may not be able to cope with your condition because he's dealing with his own addictions.  He also needs help with his alcoholism.  If he's not ready to get that help than I see you both banging into each other like two brick walls.  I think your marriage is secondary to your getting help with your disorder and him getting help with his alcohol problem.  Once you both can do this on your own than you can come together to work on your marital issues.  I just think there is too much here and love is not going to get you through, it has to be something else.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry if I sounded confusing but my mind skips around like that on a normal basis. We are still married. The "we love the other person" is between us and not outside the marriage.

The grounds for divorce was stress at work and family stress of not being able to handle emotional confrontations. Was tired of everybody and wanted us all gone.

He had been drinking and I called it on him for the first time ever because he upset the kids really bad. They tried to get a hold of him and he wouldn't answer his phone. they thought something happened to him. I told him he was setting a bad example for the kids. That's when he wanted the divorce.

We went to marriage counseling twice and at the second session he said I was the sick one and that he didn't have a problem. He also said that he wants to stay married?

I am seeing the counselor and a psychiatrist. Thy are the ones that said that I have BP and the trauma kicked it off. I have learned a lot about this MI.

I know he has a drinking problem but he doesn't see it. He won't even talk about it and if I bring it up he gets mad and makes me feel bad bringing it up.

I am taking care of myself with help from friends, family and doctors. They are very supportive. I've learned a lot about BP2 and feel myself growing in confidence. I know my husband and I know if I told him I have BP it would be a coward's way out of the marriage.  He also wouldn't be able to handle the stress. So things have calmed down other than I was diagnosed with BP and I've got a whole new world to deal with. I think I need to get myself at a stable point before I bring it up to the family. I want to be confident when addressing the problem and the emotions of dealing with it as a family.

Now, have I cleared it up a little better or messed it up more. I realize the way I'm rationalizing this out is part of the way I'm coping with it. Yes, I believe we are a dysfunctional family. I do love him.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Been married 16 years and have 3 children.  We have always had an up and down relationship but for the past few years things had gotten better.  Then I was diagnosed with ADD and put on Adderall (adderrall).  For the next two years up until present it has been an off and on again affair with this drug.  I started out ok but within a few months my tolerance increased. Someone told me to snort it.  I have never been into street drugs or snorting before, so at the age of 43 I began.  It did give me a high that I really enjoyed and I also enjoyed the act of snorting.  My usage went way up and I believe was the moment I became addicted.  I was going through sometimes up to close to 200 mgs a day.  I got away with this for a year, supplementing my running out early with buying them from somebody.  It went on round-the-clock until late in the evening.  I also have Bipolar Disorder and during a manic phase and running out of my Adderall (adderrall), I reacted violently to a threat my husband made; that he was going to leave.  I broke a window with my fist.  He called the police and they found my empty bottle of Adderall (adderrall). It was only 12 days into the prescription when I ran out.  I was forced to the hospital and forced to get off Adderall (adderrall).  Cold-turkey is terrible and goes on for a long time so I was angry.  Since then I have been off and on adderall (adderrall) and every time he has found out somehow.  This year in February was the last time i took it until October when I got fed up with being tired and unmotivated and asked for it.  Soon after he found out and was furious but he did not make threats and I convinced him it was an extended-release capsule, which didnt crush well.  He accepted it and let me take them.  I ran out early and went to a new doc and she gave me instant release 30 mgs 2x a day.  I went through them around 12 days.  By then I was able to get another script for instant release so I wouldn't run out.  I thought things were going to be ok but this morning they fell through the floor:  I stupidly left my "snorter" in a part of my clothing and we were intimate.  After he found it in the bed and flipped out.  He saw the resin in it and knew it was me.  I told him I did it only once and didn't like snorting extended release so I wouldn't be doing it again and I was sorry.  He didn't care what I said.  He has been checking phone records, the mail, web sites, anything he can find to hold against me.  He took the snorter and said he was going to have it tested in case he needs to use it against me in court.  He said he doesn't want his children's mother to be found by them dead from overdosing.  

I can understand everything he's saying, but the ironic thing about this whole thing is I was trying to cut my dose down slowly and stop snorting gradually and I had thought about even quitting, but gradually.  And then this has to happen.  

He said if I wasn't straightened out by Jan 1, I would be out of the house and without my kids.  I know it sounds like I am not safe but I really am.  You wouldn't know I was taking something and I am always there for my kids.  The only time it becomes a problem is when he catches me and makes me stop.

I told him to just leave me alone and let me work this out for myself.  I would make everything right again but I need more than three weeks to do it.  He didn't listen.  It's Jan 1 or nothing.  I am scared to death.  I don't want to lose my children but he has enough against me to get custody, even though I am better at taking care of them.  

All he says is he doesn't want to be married to a drug addict.  I need to take it for ADD and a low thyroid.  I abused it before yes, but I want to try to take it normally.  I had a weak moment.  

How can I keep him from getting my medical records and can I find a way to get custody?  I am so sad.  He wants to talk to my health plan so he can find out if I am getting meds from more than one doctor.  I don't want him to do it because I have one and I don't want him to find out.  I want to fix this problem the best way I can, and that is tapering.  Now he is interfering again.

Please help and sorry for the long message.
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