My Hormones are getting my into Trouble!!

[explorer87]

My sexual hormones are getting me into trouble. I love my women dearly but sometimes i touch her inappropriately and she does get feed up with it, but sometimes she approves of it, i do hold her and we cuddle, i help her as much i as i can by going to work, providing money and taking care of the kids also cook sometimes, i get comments like "i think she wants you to do more" from other people but i know my youth is wanting sex but i try to keep that in check physically and morally and i think im burning out. What should i say or do? and we talked about it but still........

[explorer87]

ok well we did try something for awhile, she went to school and i went to school and took care of our son. She didn't like the idea of going back to school. I told her to try to socialize with anyone but some guys where i live try to get to "close", she is kinda antisocial, so i left it at that. Now shes back home with family but with our newborn (3weeks) and now has 2 to take care of, so she has plenty of help but it feels like i have been pulling teeth just to get her to go to school. This is her goal to get a higher education but i do understand about not asking for sex is helpful to her. I do apologize for not writing in full thought, my mind is just jumping all over the place.

[RockRose]

explorer,  I really can't tell what your situation is.

How can you have more sex if you don't even live in the same state?

[AnnieBrooke]

Yes, it's too much to ask for sex if she doesn't feel connected to you emotionally.  Are the kids yours?  How many are there?  This is a hard story to completely understand, and it shouldn't be.  If you are away from each other most of the time, and if, when you come to see her, you are mostly into your schoolwork and not helping with the children, and if she is the one who must take care of the kids 24/7, just about the last thing she is going to be thrilled about is if you get off the bus and grab her body and want to have some nooky.  You are in a place where all you have to think about is yourself (your studies and your internship and attaining your goals) while she is put into the position where she never gets to just think about herself (and if you don't believe this is true when a person is the sole caregiver for children, think again).  

When you do see each other again, get back into emotional sync first.  Ask what has been going on, be sympathetic to her problems (and if she is taking care of more than one small child and doing it alone, she has stuff to tell you I am sure).  Then let her take the lead about sex.  If she NEVER wants it, re-evaluate the relationship and consider working out ways to get closer together physically (I mean, being in the same geographic area).  Sex arises naturally from emotional intimacy, it is not a mechanical act.  Emotional intimacy comes from being near each other, at times when you are able to have sex and also at times when you are not.  How are you going to build emotional intimacy when you're gone and she's tired out?  That is what your concern should be, not if it is too much to ask for more sex.  If you want more sex, create more emotional connectedness.

[explorer87]

We are engaged, I'm am not with my kids or her, currently attending an internship, so family is in another state (miss them dairly). We do have sex but she maybe she doesnt like too. Im always busy with school work kids maybe im not paying enough attention to her. so my question is, is it too much to ask for more sex?

[penswriter]

What exactly is the question? I couldn't even understand most of what you wrote.

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, let's see.  You are not married, or are married?  You live with her and the kids or do not?  You say "my youth is wanting sex," I assume you are not having sex with her?  Or do you mean you are getting some sex and want more sex than you are getting?  Please explain what the relationship is.