My Wife Never Initiates Sex

[Tippi53]

We've been together for 3 years Married for 1 year.This is Her Third Marriage My second I'm 53yrs She's 45Yrs I was married for 28years and havd two wonderful boys, She has a beautiful Daughter from Her first Marriage. When we met the first few months i felt that being a gentleman was the right way to act.Month 3 we became intimate,She would plan to visit me at my Home for weekend stays,In the begining she would initiate the sex,We even went on Trips and stayed in nice Hotels where she took charge,In the begining it felt somewhat uncomfortable to be in a new intimate relationship because #1 I had been prior married for so long,sometimes getting an erection was difficult,and I questioned Myself wonderingabout erictile problems.I then went to a Dr who dismissed that problem and said it could be stress.Somewhere down the line she changed her postion about taking the lead and initiating Sex.She blamed me for being to comfortable with her taking charge.So I began to try to take charge,She then constantly complained that I was'nt doing things correct.Long story short a lot of time has passed.We've Tried several Marriage Counceling Classes but still not very helpful.We now are  Married and our Sex life is not as  goodas it should be.I Love my wife dearly and am very Sexually attracted to Her,And as for as the erecitile issue,well let Her tell it thats not a problem at all.She says that it's my lack of emotional Intimacy,that keeps her this way,She says that not only that She loves Me but I'm the best thing that ever happened to Her.I have spoken to my Wife that I'm not as in touch with My emotions as she is,and that intimacy is natural for her, and that if She again takes the lead I will try try to learn to what she needs,I find that the more affectionate she is towards me the more she softens me up.She says that she likes the Man to Drive the car and I get that,But I feel we are missing the road because we could share this together to make this right. I'm open to any Christian Comments

[expectingandhopeful]

It is very interesting to hear a male point of view. Sometimes I hear from my husband the same complaint. I personally am ever so shy I would never initiate anything especially because of the fear of rejection. I have been rejected before and it is the most awful thing that could possibly happen. Misreading the signs and you find yourself in such an embarrassing moment that you promise to yourself you will never do that again. i wonder if that's something that your wife experienced. When my husband initiates the intimate moment I am sure that that's what he wants exactly and don't have to worry about rejection. That's why I leave it up to him. I will wait patiently because waiting is much easier for women. Therefore, I advise you be the one to initiate and enjoy your special moments!

[BluCrystal]

I like that 'Christian Comments'. :-)  Sounds like the two of you are playing sexual tug of war and no one is gaining any ground.  Why couldn't you lead once and then she leads next and so on?  That gives you both what you want. :-)  Blessings - Blu

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Tough one.  I hear what you are saying.  It is indeed true that when ONE partner (either one) does something that is positive for both people to do, the other will often follow suite.  If just one does it in the beginning, the other will learn, follow and it can lead to great things.

But she is telling you that she is currently unwilling.  I find this strange since she did take the lead in the beginning.  She must have been embarrassed or hurt by your ED (which she shouldn't have been) or she herself has a lower libido than you thought and this is easier for her (having less intimacy).  

So, I would do this.  I would jump out of your comfort zone.  Think about what you want to do and do it.  Push yourself to initiate sex, push yourself to bring down a wall and display emotional intimacy with her.  Do it even if out of your comfort zone.  Because remember, it takes one person to often lead the other down the same road of how to treat a partner and a relationship can then improve.  So, it sounds like YOU are going to have to be the person to start the process.  

I know this is hard, but worth it in the end.  Push out of your comfort zone and initiate sex, be emotionally transparent with her, and affectionate.  See what happens after a few times of doing that.  good luck