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My adult son hates me!
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Avatar_f_tn
I want to add this discussion to my tracker.  I'm new to website, and not sure how to do it.  The only way I figure is to post a comment here and the press add to watch list.  Can someone help me with this?
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Avatar_f_tn
opps, i forgot to press/click on add to watch list.
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Avatar_f_tn
I love my son and he hates me. He says the most demeaning t hings. I have broken heart syndrome; my heart is failing. I love him so much  I want the pain to stop.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think I am headed down that same path!  Nothing I do is good enough. He constantly threatens to not live with me. He tells me he loves me one minute and cusses me out and tells me how worthless I am the next minute. My son is a senior and 18.  Constantly in trouble with speeding tickets. Then actually accuses me of trying to buy his love.  I feel like such a failure. My heart is broken
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Avatar_m_tn
I have been desperately seeking a place to go where I can discuss and hopefully get some help with my situation.. so if this seems way too long, I am so very sorry.. But I am at the point, where I would rather god just take me as I cant take this anymore.. so here it goes..
I left a very abusive marriage in 2001 after almost 24 yrs. I was a very young 16 yr old who thought she knew everything.. I know hindsight and all..
Anyway, I had 3 children, during the course of the marriage they witnessed a lot of physical and emotional abuse.. to the point, where I tried suicide on more than one occasion, suffered a mild heart attack.. he controlled Everything.. money, the way I dressed, how I talked, who my friends were, how much contact I had with family etc.I even lost a job because he would keep calling me at work. anyway, 2 of my children were already adults and moved out by this point.. 1 child left.. almost 12. I had no job, no money no place to go.it was 3 mos before I had a job, place of my own and a car. I just knew I couldn't take it anymore.. I had told my now ex I was leaving 3 weeks before I left, I honestly didn't think he believed I would.. I told him I was going to take my son, he in no uncertain terms told me, no courts would ever allow me to have my child.. among a few other things.. so anyway, I did, I left... stayed with family.. all the while she was robbing me blind with what little I had.. she stole the only cc I had that I had secretly got so I could leave.. anyway, we had joint custody of my son. I got him in the summers, 1/2 xmas breaks and 1/2 spring breaks if he chose.. of course he chose not to spend the spring breaks with me because it was too close to summer vacay's . During these visits, we had talks numerous times as to why I left ( age appropriate of course) and on several occasions he would hug me tell me he loved me and understood.. now mind u also part of the controlling the ex would do, I had to pay for all travel to and from ( I was out of state) my best yr working was 10k., I got no alimony, I signed off everything.. all I had was my personal income.. anyway, I would work 7 days per week prior to each visit, just to make sure I was able to provide for him ( and let me tell you, I have SOOOO much respect for single parents who live payday to payday) my ex made over 70k per year.. anyway up until aprox 5 yrs ago we were getting along great.. talked often he even drove up to visit, ( me paying for his gas of course) then, boom he got into so heavy trouble with the law.. was a very hard time.. he got through all that by the skin of his teeth, 2 yrs later, again, more trouble. this while he was / living with his gf., anyway, he seemed to over the past 5 yrs or so, back away further and further from me.. he would rarely respond when I would try to reach out to him., he told me to stop making comments publicly about how proud I was/am of him., to the point, I began and still do, tread on VERY lite waters.. I went to visit because personally I was tired of the excuses, I needed to get to know my child again, well during my visit, he became very violent with me, to the point I felt the very same fear I felt with his father.. all I could think about was I wanted to go home.. my safe place.. his live-in gf is from what I saw, very manipulating, always tells him he has "mommy issues" does things to publicly embarrass him, and proceeds to make him apologize to ppl. I know this because I saw it first hand.. well during his violent out burst.. I was called a coward, told I was nothing to him, his gf's mother is more of a mom than I., all the while screaming this at me nose to nose., as I tried to explain, he repeatedly told me to shut the "f" up I had no rights, he was an adult and he was going to say what he wanted.. so of course, I allowed him to., I mean what choice did I have.. I wanted him to get it out.. I knew he needed to.. I am not a stupid woman!  well since then, I have had very little contact with him. I would try and he would either not respond or when he would it would be basically yes or no responses.. I am repeatedly being told I abandoned him 15 yrs ago ( uh, I haven't even been divorced from his dad for 14 yrs yet) so I don't know where that is coming from. anyway.. now apparently my oldest child needs to talk with me face to face, as he had a "heart to heart" with his brother re: this episode .. now I feel as if I am going to be attacked yet again.. I honestly cannot handle anymore of this.. I got to bed every night crying, begging for god NOT to let me wake up.. I don't sleep ( 3-4 hrs a nite at best) I carry this shame and guilt with me ALWAYS on a daily basis., I have even begged for forgiveness from this child.. I really am at a total and complete loss.. all I know is I did the VERY best at the time., if I was a stronger woman back then, I WOULD have taken him with me.. I was too afraid of what my ex was going to put me threw.. I just wanted out.. and no one seems to understand any of this.. the ex is playing this victim roll and making me out the villain. I know I need major therapy BUT I have NO Medical insure, so that's out.. so I see my only recourse is to take it.. someone pls pls pls tell me what to do.. I honestly feel this is my last ditch effort.. and pls don't tell me I need to tell him how I feel, he wont listen, he just explodes.. Thank you so very much for allowing me to speak..
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Avatar_f_tn
Mothers,if we knew what we know now would we have become Mothers? Im gonna be honest and say no.Yes,I love my children but its a thankless job.You love these people and would give your life for them.They treat you as if youre their enemy.I admit in my younger years and sometimes in my adult life I might haves behaved badly toward my Mom.But, there was a line that I just wouldnt cross.These kids nowadays are very disrespectful.You couldvesbeen the best Mom and Dad in the world.They grow up and they change into people that in life you would avoid.Im 51 and Ive had it,Im ready to disassociate myself with two of my adult children.Im tired of apologizing for whatever Ive done.Ive had enough I need peace.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your post, I don't feel that it's only me anymore this happens to .x
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you, this was quite enlightening. Hope I am strong enough to do something similar.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dear suzyd23,
I have a 29 y/o daughter who is so mean-hearted to me. Her and her husband will call me the filthiest of names and laugh when I am hurt. If I do not give her the money she wants then she will steal it. She has zero respect for me. It breaks my heart because we used to be so close. And we have close periods now. She lost her children and I can honestly say that her mother-in-law told so many lies about her. I have wondered if she is going thru a psychosis because of all the things that she has been thru in the past 2 years. I have been angry at her over my grandchildren because I didn't do anything wrong but I do not get to see them. Because her husband hates me , they actually chose my sister as the maternal grandmother on legal papers. I just do not know what to think of her. If she were not my daughter, I would never want to be around such a nasty person. She has no loyalty, respect, or kindness towards me and I have come to expect the worst of responses from her and her husband. I get very hurt at first but because of all that has happened, I begin to just feel numb and I feel like I had a beautiful and wonderful daughter that I loved so much and she loved me, too, but it is just something that happened in life and it is over. I have developed a fatalistic attitude. I personally do not want to end up a bitter old woman because of her and I have to release her from my life. And that is much harder to do than to say. Thank You, angieneutron
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Avatar_m_tn
I am with you.     I Still have hope for two of my four sons.  Although the one I have always had the best relationship with moved to CO six months ago.  Can't say as I blame him, my sons are so sick of the crap between me and their father.  Its funny my ex and I hardly communicate, my ex hates me so much. He feels I ruined his life and everything bad that has ever happened to him is my fault.  According to him I am a money hungry, selfish, *****. Its crazy cuz, I gave him 20K to move out of house.  Didn't attach his 401K or retirement, which is significant.  Because I didn't love him I held guilt and tried to be as good to him as I could. Their father is the laziest excuse for a man I have ever come in contact with.  He lives in a filthy third floor apartment.  My eldest moved in with him when he was 14.  My son was smoking pot and acting violently towards my younger three sons   My boyfriend at he time came to live with us, at this point  I had been separated three years.  They didn't get along.  My oldest was supposed to live with Dad for the summer.  He never came back.  He is now 27 he is addicted to herion.  Doesn't have a job and has no future.  He still lives with his Dad.  He came to me 6 months ago.  I put him in rehab for 6 weeks, states away.  Had him come live with me when he got out, set down ground rules.  After two months things where not going well .  He was not keeping his end of the bargine.  No one except me and my boyfriend showed up for family weekend.  I found him sober living and explained I couldn't continue to support him if he wasn't going to help
himself.    He moved back in with his dad hangs out with same crowd, still doesn't work, and I am the *****.  My third son moved out of our home and into his dad apartment a month after he turned 18.  Apparently my ex had been telling him for years, that he could once he came of age.  He was mid way through his senior year.  He never graduated.  Went though a second senior year.  was absent 72 times and once again  didn't graduated.  He is going on 20 works at a place he can walk to, has no car, the same clothes he left my house with, no High School diploma, no future.  Gives his father 100 dollars a week rent.  Last week I went to court to get child support for my youngest.  17 excepted at tow wonderful colleges so far.  I didn't get it because my ex lied on stand said the 20 year old was working part time.  Also stated that he was supporting the 26 year old.  Lied about the rent given to him by the 20 year
old.  I tried to explain the situation to judge about rehab and the fact that i had paid for all of that with no family support about the fact the ex was getting paid rent by the 20 year old that had not graduated.  I got denied child support.  somehow their dad has all of the kids thinking I am the bad one here.  Its totally messed up.  I was the one that was always there.  Sports, school, fun. relationships.  Everything!  Finically I received 215 a week for three kids for well over ten years.  Still they had everything they needed and most of what they wanted.  Years later somehow the ex has them convinced it was because of him they where well taken care of.  Somehow they have forgotten all the times Dad didn't show.  Due to his neglect and laziness,  the kids actually feel bad for him and want to take care of him and protect him from big old bad me.  Its totally messed up!  Thanks for the vent.  I love me!  So sad they don't. I want to believe the years will change things although after reading these posts I am guessing it will not.  Time to take care of me.
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Avatar_f_tn
YES, thank you all so much for this sharing. I am ready to disconnect myself from my sons as well. The decision feels peaceful.
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Avatar_m_tn
I was just sitting at my computer googling for help when I stumbled on here. I am going through absolute hell with my son (who has had everything in life a including private education) from extreme verbal abuse, chronic slander about what "sort" of a woman I am and what I supposedly "do", he's put me in hospital twice amongst other things. I have put up with it for the last 18 months and during that time have called the police so many times it has now become embarrassing.  I've blamed myself for everything and very often drink myself into oblivion because I am now at my wits end and feel utterly wretched.  I am also overweight which also fuels the abuse. Can all this be because he didn't have a father present?
People have said to throw him out but I can't bring myself to do that as it is very difficult indeed for teenagers "out there on their own". How on earth can I be expected to carry on dealing with this?
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Avatar_f_tn
I am 64 yrs. old, widow and ailing health. My 24 yr old is so abusive to me. When he was 12 yrs. old, he punched my husband and scratched his face, literally at our state capitol right in front of the Senate doors, in front of lobbyist, journalists, Senators, etc.  My husband was in politics and we were down there with the BSA troop to be Paige's. Ok, my son is 24 now and still is mentally abusive to me. He cusses terrible filthy words. I don't cuss and I don't drink. I'm not into that stuff. My son left a not on my nightstand and I woke up to it. "Wish your were dead already." This has killed me. I have never spanked him, no abuse. We gave and did everything for him. Private flying lessons, SCUBA etc. He is smart, graduated from the university as Valedictorian out of 1400 graduating seniors this year. He is working on his Master's now. He's a volunteer Firefighter. He works full time. He has an apartment now. It's filthy, full of hard alcohol and he injects, steroid, testosterone and hormones. I can't handle this and it is literally killing me. I mean this. It is really got me in severe depression and I can't just get it out of my mind. He's so controlling. Our bdy is on the same date: Dec 27th. He didn't even care about me. He just stopped by at 7:00pm and literally tossed a card on my bed and cussed and left. I was alone for Xmas and Bdy. I don't understand. I have given him so much, beyond my ability. I just want some time and love from him. He tells me he hates me and I'm an old ____  ____. Terrible messages. I don't cuss.
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Avatar_f_tn
Your son beat you up and it's killing you not to speak to him?  If my son, as ignorant as he is, laid a hand on me, he'd be regretting it behind bars.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am the depressing person above. My son has never laid a hand on me physically, but he did punch my late husband. My son is soooo mentally abusive. He tells me he hates me and wishes I was dead already. I am 64 and a late mom. I am really hurting.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for sharing shatterdheartintwo... I feel your pain.  Im 45 with two grown children 22 and 24.  Their father and I divorced 18 years ago  He is a lot older than myself by 22 years.. Our relationship became about control, he would sleep around with older women than myself and then come home and want this perfect wife who took care of his children..My self confidence was shot for my father was controlling and mental/physical abusive to me.  So I guess my up bringing drew me to the same type of man my father was or I was trying to replace my father...finally after years of unhappiness and two children later  I finally got enough courage to leave..It was far from easy but I can tell you now it saved my life.  But trust me there was damage, my children suffered by the back and forth.  Their father speaking ill of me and blaming me for the divorce and the hurt I caused our children.. As years past I thought we got through the tough spots and I remained close to both of my children.  My daughter wanted to live with me and my son wanted to live with his father.  I always worked out times with my son on weekends and events  but I guess it affected him later in life.. My daughter and I still remain close but my son has in the last year shut me off with no reason.  Just stopped talking to me.  My daughter refuses to be involved because she wants both relationships, so I don't harp on her in regards to it any longer.  He married his boss where he currently works, she's 16 years older than him.  The strange part is things were going fine before he started dating her, which was only 11 months of courtship then married.  He told me as he was starting to date her that she had mom issues, for her mother was a hooker and left her and her siblings to go hungry and abandoned.  So there was the first red flag that I thought would never affect our relationship.  Then I'd hear from him less and less then finally one day just stopped calling or seeing me.  Ive tried the calling with no answer and many voicemails, Ive tried to see him with no answering the door, showing at his work when he's to be getting off and he avoiding me.  I just wanted so badly to know what I had done wrong....So I have finally gotten the hint and have let him go.  Yes, I cry secretly and my heart hurts  But obviously he's with someone that he decided to make sacrifice of ended our relationship to understand her?!  Sadly he has started recently having a strong relationship with his father, which he only slammed him for the many years when he became an adult.  
My daughter tells me not to worry one day he'll come back for its not me its him...says he needs "help".... I want to help him but I hear he's happy with his new wife.  But why do I hurt so bad?? Part of me feels I should fight for him than my other part of me says give him space...well its been over a year and theres still no sign of him coming back.  All the things we shared, funny it was just a couple months before he stopped talking to me that we were on vacation together and he was saying "Ill always be a mamas boy"  hmmmmm guess he found a replacement.....give it time I guess.  Thank you for reading my pain  Confused
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Avatar_f_tn
I do feel your pain, along with everyone else's.  Its excruciating.  I had no idea there were people (mothers) just like me going through the same things with their sons.  I won't duplicate what everyone else has already said.  My story is basically the same.  Son is 32, angry, bitter, and has been since I divorced his dad when he was a child.  He was told many lies about me by his father and other family members.  Has always refused to allow me "my side of the story* so to speak.  Relationship on/off over the years.  Off now and it is more than obvious they are teaching their children that same anger and resentment.  Heart is broken.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have started your strategy but not this good, all i can say THANK YOU! I read so many  comments but you truly nailed it, now i know i am in the right path.
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Avatar_f_tn
You stated he is injecting steroids, testosterone, and hormones.  He is also drinking.  Have you ever thought it is the steroids that may be causing his behavior.  Read about the side affects regarding steroids.  In addition, to all moms going through being abused by your children.  Stop all contact with them.  It is not worth being miserable. You deserve to be happy and if that means not seeing your grandchildren so be it.    I have a son and struggle through some of these same issues and I have no problem stopping all contact with him.  As a matter of fact, I just told him yesterday that I will not put up with any of his behavior and that I have no problems with having no more contact with him.  Some like drama, do not give in to them.   I have a husband and daughter that loves me.  I concentrate on that.  Please, your happiness is a stake.  Be strong, you can do it.  Concentrate on things that make you happy and eliminate those who don't.
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Avatar_f_tn
You stated he is injecting steroids, testosterone, and hormones.  He is also drinking.  Have you ever thought it is the steroids that may be causing his behavior.  Read about the side affects regarding steroids.  In addition, to all moms going through being abused by your children.  Stop all contact with them.  It is not worth being miserable. You deserve to be happy and if that means not seeing your grandchildren so be it.    I have a son and struggle through some of these same issues and I have no problem stopping all contact with him.  As a matter of fact, I just told him yesterday that I will not put up with any of his behavior and that I have no problems with having no more contact with him.  Some like drama, do not give in to them.   I have a husband and daughter that loves me.  I concentrate on that.  Please, your happiness is a stake.  Be strong, you can do it.  Concentrate on things that make you happy and eliminate those who don't.
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Avatar_f_tn
What a great thread!
I heard about some research the other day and the researchers were looking at so-called "Type A" personalities and their heart rates. So, they found this guy who was Super Duper Type A, and they asked him, what's your most stressful time of day?   He said: My commute! they said  - ok, we are just going to hook you up to our monitoring equipment and let's go on your daily commute.
But.. .something funny happened. During the drive the guy kept turning to the researchers and saying "can you believe this? THIS is what I endure every single freaking day and swear to god it's killing me!!"
The researchers however, were seeing something entirely different on their monitoring equipment... The guy's heart rate was fine... he was having the time of his life! Finally, here were people to witness his awful, long, traffic-clogged commute. Here were people in the car with whom he can commiserate! And his heart rate and other biological markers told the tale... having people to talk to helps us.
Reading all these posts made me feel like the type A guy talking to the researchers - "How much does this suck!" While at the same time, I was comforted. So, here's what I think...
I think kids are crappy... just because they are young. I'm shocked by what a terrible person I've been all my life... I mean, I'm not a terrible person, but the thoughts that went through my head... thoughts like: my mother should have done this, and my mother shouldn't have done that...
Now I see that I was so insecure and terrified by the world, that I externalized my fear onto my my mother in the form of blame. Now, for whatever miracle, I didn't really let her know how much I hated her. I resented the fact that I had to get a student loan and blah blah... and my mom had a nice home, while I had nothing etc.
Kids think their parents' resources are for them. All kids. And, I don't know why... but at some point, we let that go. I'm 45 but I can remember being in my 20s writing hateful awful letters to her about how she screwed me over and what a terrible mother she was.
Again - small miracle - I never actually SENT those letters. Part of me knew somehow that I was having a tantrum. Part of me knew that to hurt someone like that, in anger, was just wrong. Even though I felt I was right and she made unforgivable mistakes... I couldn't act out that way... I needed to feel superior.
My ex says he hated his parents. He says it took the miracle of getting clean at 29, then staying clean to realize his parents were just people - and they did a fine job.  I think this is just how it goes... I think the problems are exacerbated 100 FOLD by our modern environment.  
• Drugs (freely available to poor and wealthy alike)
• Adulterated food (sugar and gluten and other poisons in everything)
• stressful, highly disparate society in terms of wealth
If you are poor, or struggling, you spend your life baffled by how much money some folks have.
How did I forgive my mom? I left the city where she lived, and I went to school (still paying those loans) and I got a job where I make a very healthy wage (10 x what my poor mom ever made).
My ex too got a great job and he made peace with his father before he died. The difference: we stayed clean and we made money. I'm sorry to say that... but that's what seems to have made the difference.
Now that both our kids are on drugs, we are panicking.
One son is in the hospital having been hauled off a bridge in handcuffs where he was threatening to kill himself. The other won't speak to us.
My ex and current husband and I all agree, and I am rare and lucky that I have this scenario and support.
Let them go. Let them figure it out. And, if they must... ruin their lives.
It happens, and it's the lottery we all entered when we decided to have kids.
I didn't know that back then. And who among us does. Years and years back, I heard my mom say to my aunty, "If I'd known then what I know now...I NEVER would have had kids..."
I was 20 something with one little toddler when I heard this. Oh how I crowed to my friends about my horrible, ignorant, useless mother. How I told them (all young like me, with one baby like me) what a terrible mother and terrible person these old **tches were. How awful and pathetic.
Well I thought, "that's because you suck you stupid old cow. YOU shouldn't have been a mother. So, nyah. I"M Going to be the BEST mother." Yes  yes. Well... now I'm living in the land of roosting chickens aren't I? Because yesterday that beloved toddler now 20 texted to me that I should get aids, die alone and rot in h__ forever, tonight he said...
I'm smiling as I write this friends.
I was SO angry that my mother didn't help me with school that I got him this line of credit and told him: you get the marks, I'll pay the shot. Well yesterday some social worker took him from the hospital to the bank to see if he can access that line of credit (10K) to live on.
well yes he can. And so that's what he's going to do... he told me that he can't be with me, his dad, or his step dad because we try to control him.(Control = you need to stop using drugs every day because it warps your personality and you don't seem capable of moderating your use.)
So, I'm going to the bank to shut down that credit because I know what will happen. He will max it out and then I'm on the hook for it.
No.
Just: NO.
MORE:  he's not allowed anywhere near my life. Not until his life has some sort of sanity and independence. I cannot allow myself to be broken hearted, because then I start thinking about killing myself. I start planning that... and that just hurts others. My husband loves me, my ex is my friend, my younger son may eventually want to talk to me, (or Not) and he still deserves at least my financial support.
I pay tax - I help support our society. I give money to good causes... not a lot, but if I kill myself or stop earning, those cause go without... some of those causes are very important... the Red Cross serves areas that are torn up, people who are in the worst imaginable situations.  I can’t start using drugs or doing bad behavior to deal with depression.
If I can keep myself together, I can keep donating little amounts to good work. The kid was screwed over by the combination of his genes and his environment... but, weren't we all?
He belongs to the world now. They both do.
And I have to live well for as long as I have. My grandmother, (I'm adopted) lost my birth mother to suicide two years before I found the family. She said to me... you do your best and let them go.
She had 8 kids. Some turned out extremely well, some... not so much, and 1 suicide.
She survived. I will too. And we need to decide every day to survive. My grandfather survived seeing his daughter take her life. I can survive too.
So, today... that line of credit is done. AND I'm going to send a package to my beloved mother, and my dying birth-grandfather. Something that says: I love you... Thank you. YOU WERE THE BEST!!!
And I do this with NO expectation that either of my two kids will ever have this.  They may not...
I can't control that. Our lives are up to us, and only us. Our children... as they pass into adulthood, they are the same. Some folks lose babies and young kids. I had 20 years... let's say about 18 really good ones with the older child, who I admit was often a PITA, but that's a heck of a lot more than other folks get.
And it's ok, because we humans have firmware in our brains for grieving, and that program just runs itself. Nothing to be brokenhearted about... sometime I cry, and sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I turn to the researchers next to me and say: How crappy is this?!!
Take care of yourselves, give to the world. That's all you need to do.
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow have just found this.... can someone show me how to follow this? I need to write my story..i can't believe how much better I feel just by reading all these stories.
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Avatar_m_tn
I loved reading your story
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Avatar_m_tn
I started to google "my son hates me" in desperation.  Such a long story and hard to make it short.  Let me try......My son just turned 20 and I just tuned 41.  I raised my son and took him away form his drug addicted father at the age of about...hmm 4 or 5. It was for my sons best interest. I allowed my son to see his father when he was off the drugs. I have always been the back bone of the family, trying to keep my child  from harm, protecting him under my wing.  AS years went by, i became a little more relaxed on the parenting and ignored my child, around the age of 7 or 8. Not continuously ignoring him, but going out and parting was more important to me at the time. I am not sure why, i have no excuse. I saw myself doing what I was doing and stopped and paid more attention to my child. Apparently it was too late. My child was affected by my actions and no consistent relationship with his father, but very close with my family. My mother and my sister spoiled my son with love and I soon got back into my mother groove (got my head out of my ***) He was always getting into trouble at school. Not listening to the teacher, distracting other students and soon got himself suspended and soon after, expelled. I took my child to counseling for 2 years along with myself. within the next few years , he moved in with his dad....He was getting kicked out of school on a weekly basis and i couldn't take it anymore. I was having to leave work all the time to get him and put my job at risk. He was able to very well in school when he lived with his father so I let him stay as long as he he was doing well in school. Then it started getting bad with his father and i had him move back in with me where he lived for about 1.5 years. My boyfriend that i lived with at the time did not treat him very nice at all time and I found my self protecting my child and was looking t move but didn't have the money. Cory was once again getting kicked out of school and was again...EXPELLED so back to his fathers he went and started doing good in school again. I drove 100 miles every other weekend to get my child for about 4 years straight so i can still spend time with him. During that 4 years, i had moved out of my boyfriends and in with a friend where we shared rent and I would have my son over every other weekend. This was giving me time to save t live on my own so I could have him move back in with me, I was in no position to have him move back in with a roommate and I also wanted him to stay where he was because he was getting good grades. He then got arrested for tagging and was on probation for 2 years which set up back even further. another year had passed and I finally saved enough to get one bedroom...YES! I was on my way to have my kid with me again. He finally graduated and I made sure i invited any friend I could to his graduation (mind you I always made a big deal of his graduating,) even middle school. My mom and I were the only ones that showed up for that graduation, not even his father made it. Well, so many that loved him showed up for his HS graduation, I was sooo proud. His dad showed but took off and didn't even get to see him graduate.  a few months after he graduated, he asked me if he could move in with me...well of course you can, I was ecstatic, I couldn't wait. I told him he had to get a job first because he was 18 and he needed to learn responsibility . I even charged him $50.00 a month to get him use to paying a bill on a monthly basis. He got a job and kept it and paid his $50 a month. He started to slack off and bend my house rules. Seemed petty to him but not to me. You live under my roof, you live by my rules. He started to disrespect me, talking back and doing opposite of what he was asked.  He ended up dating his long time friend and ended up being BF and GF. She was allowed to come over and stay anytime she wanted, i adored her and thought she was good for him. When it came to Thanksgiving, my mom had invited them both over and they both said yes. GREAT all happy to have family together for the Holidays. Well he decided last minute (the day before) to tell me that they were not going to go and they were going to spend it with her family instead. I blew up and told him family comes first, you don't commit and then tell me you are spending it with her family instead. He decided to throw a fit and get in my face and scream at me with fists clenched, until he was red in the face and looked like he was about to pop. He was sooo angry it scared me. I kept telling he need s to spend time with his family, with his nana. He avoided her anytime could and only saw er about 4 times that year. to me, his priority's were really messed up. Well he left anyways and decided to move in with her and her family( NOW HIS FAMILY) He couldn't handle my rules. I can be pretty strict and rightfully so. it ook about a month but he finally came over to visit on Christmas and gave me a big long hug. Made me happy. Now this is where it gets bad. I told my son I would be claiming him on my taxes since I supported him all of 2014 and that when he filed he needed to file correctly, that he is being claimed as a dependent. Well a month goes by and he apparently did his taxes and was denied. Well he didn't do what i told him nor did he come and talk to me like an adult.  He filed incorrectly. He IMed me on Facebook, NO TEXT OR CALL and proceeded to yell at me, telling me i stole his tax money and that I am a money greedy mother and I always have been and that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. He then continued t text me from his GF's phone because his was shut off, after i had dropped him from my cell account after the first incident about Thanksgiving.  I had been paying for his phone for about 10 years  and finally dropped him after he moved in with his GF. His texts were very mean and had very little truth to them. Making me look like a horrible abusive mother that never cared for him. Keep in mind the past 12 years have been making him #1. I am the only one in his life that took him places, sharing memories such as movies, dinners, lunch, Disneyland and so forth. I did not understand why he was saying such mean things. Calling me a thief. So I filed an amendment and unclaimed him. He said he never wants anything to do with me and that he is done with me. This all happened last week and no word, no response to my IMs telling him I unclaimed him and he can do what he wants now. Nothing!!! I am sick to my stomach and I am so deeply hurt. He has now blocked me form everything, I have no way of reaching him. This may be for the best but I am having a real hard time letting this go or ride it out. I worked so hard to get where I am and he was apart of that journey and my reason for living, the reason i worked so hard.  He was my journey, my heart , my soul. I now live alone and feel the loneliest I have ever felt.
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Avatar_m_tn
HI, I know exactly what you are going through, my son told me yesterday he wants nothing to do with me and I was a horrible mother...I have done nothing but support him emotionally and financially... He now has a relationship with his father who abandoned him in his early teens... Cut a long story short I have that empty sick lonely feeling... I can't bare it it hurts so much... He has blocked me from any way of contacting him....I have to put my phone on private so he answers (if he does) I just want to let go as I know its the right thing to do, but I just can't and it has made things so much worse!!!! I believe life is short and I do not hold grudges....I ask him to move on and he says every time we try I end up yelling at him again... It seems any word that comes out of my mouth is wrong.... Sometimes My mind is clear and if he wanted a relationship with me, his stepdad and his brother he would unblock us all... I think Tinker we just have to let go and hope our kids will eventually make contact when they are ready... Take it from me if you keep pushing them they pull further away... I have stuffed up big time :(
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Avatar_m_tn
Kinder, I couldn't have said it better myself, I don't feel so alone knowing I am not alone in this.
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Go ahead and write your story the same way you posted your comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks cant sleep as I have not spoken to my son for over a year ,many of the things you describe I can relate to.I am 65 he is 40 ,I raised him myself ,his father was an alcoholic but he always preferred his father even though his father didn't pay any child support. This story goes on and on. But I've had enough ...I have two grandchildren that I cant see....its very sad..but thanks some how reading what you wrote. Made me feel as though some one could relate...My story is way to long  and its basically the same sad old story of a disrespectful kid.There is no end to his abusiveness and he will only use my granddaughters to emotional hurt me..like dangling a carrot ..( if he gets his own way)
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I just read some of these comments.  Sad to say I'm not the only one that has been hurt by their kid.  My 22 year old told called me a fat bit--today because I didn't agree with him about something.  He has ADD and hardly ever takes his meds, alittle OCD too.  His 20 year old brother is also at home, still smoking weed regularly despite already being arrested.  Gave these kids cars, a education (they are both in school, but have dropped more classes than finished so far)-- so ready for an empty nest.  I worry all the time about them, but they just do and say what they want to.  Honestly,  I don't know if i would have had kids if I knew this was how it was gonna be.  Sad
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I just want to say how helpful I have found it to read this string of comments. I am  10 years estranged from my son who, whenever I get enough courage to be in touch ( rarely because of how awful the responses are) I end up back at rock bottom. Its hard to be so despised. The comments about how the power balance is perceived by the grown up child really struck me, as well as the idea that there seems to be some kind of satisfaction in hurting.
I have no idea how to be OK with this constant loss but maybe the advice to stop looking for a change is right. Change what we hope for?
Its such a relief to hear others in the same position, this is such an isolating problem.
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I am a 44 year mom of a 22 year old son. he hasnt said mean things to me nor has he physically abused me in any way, instead what he does is just not talk to me or his grandparents. he lives in another state with his girlfriend . he seems to accept her mother as his own and doesnt want anything to do with his own family. All his life he lived with my husband and I people told me I was spoiling him. he had everything I didnt when I was growing up. Yes I pushed him where his education was concerned but he was never abused, never went hungry, always had clothes and shoes, whatever he needed. but now for 3 years the only time he speaks to me is if bug him on facebook. I just had major surgery of which I informed him that because of my heart my doctors were concerned I may not make it through. however didnt seem to matter what I said to him about it, I got no response from him and now that surgery is over with he hasnt even tried to check in and see how it went. so, I have decided that my heart has been broken for the last time. I took him off my facebook along with his girlfriend so I dont have to see his face everyday knowing he wont speak to me.
after reading this thread I feel better about doing so. maybe if I distance my self from him all together he will remember he has a mom. after all since I am adopted and do not know my birth parents he and I are the only blood lines we have. it is very dis-heartening .
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I am 65 years old on 12 April and I have been widowed for 11 years. My youngest son who does not live wit me, is constantly demeaning me and screams and curses at me. He has a history of drug abuse, and he gets into verbally violent confrontations with strangers when he walks his 4 dogs in the park. Often they are off the leash.He demands money all the time and expects me to pay for everything. He hacked my facebook account yesterday on my mobile phone, came into the store and screamed at me that I had betrayed him. When I checked my phone to see what had set him off, there was nothing untoward in my messages. I went to his house today to get back my lawn mower which he had. He physically threw it at me and screamed I was a C....He has had several visits to a psychiatrist who says he is not mentally ill. I am a retired nurse, and I am beginning to fear that he may be psychotic.But he can be very charming when he chooses. I have decided to stay out of his life, but I feel so hated, and this abuse has been going on since he was 13 years old. I feel so worried. I wish I had money so I could move away, but I only have my state pension to live on. Can anyone advise me?
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I too am dealing with a 24 year old son who hates me and who blames me  for every problem in his life. He has had every conceivable advantage in life yet does not appreciate anything and prefers to stay home in bed all day, reading about psychological disorders and claiming he has them (self-diagnosed), due to my past behaviors. He is constantly psychoanalyzing me and accusing me of all kinds of nefarious intentions towards him. When I have tried to accommodate him by admitting that some of my past behaviors were not conducive to a settled family life, apologizing to him for his pain, and have proven that I have changed my ways.  When I share my feelings with him he throws them back in my face.  I have spend $1,000's per month for a big name therapist and instead of improving, his therapy consists more of commiseration with the therapist than any kind of healing. Basically, the kid has my wife and I by the balls and knows it, and threatens to run away or become homeless if I don't get out of the house because he can't be in the same house as me. Any suggestions?
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I too am dealing with a 24 year old son who hates me and who blames me  for every problem in his life. He has had every conceivable advantage in life yet does not appreciate anything and prefers to stay home in bed all day, reading about psychological disorders and claiming he has them (self-diagnosed), due to my past behaviors. He is constantly psychoanalyzing me and accusing me of all kinds of nefarious intentions towards him. When I have tried to accommodate him by admitting that some of my past behaviors were not conducive to a settled family life, apologizing to him for his pain, and have proven that I have changed my ways.  When I share my feelings with him he throws them back in my face.  I have spend $1,000's per month for a big name therapist and instead of improving, his therapy consists more of commiseration with the therapist than any kind of healing. Basically, the kid has my wife and I by the balls and knows it, and threatens to run away or become homeless if I don't get out of the house because he can't be in the same house as me. Any suggestions?
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So true I tried to help my son the only thing that came of it was a kick in the ***. I thought I was trying to help him get out of an abusive relationship but he went back to it. Now he does not speak to me.He lives in the same complex as me and their is no communication with him. What a waste of my time.You are not alone . I am sorry to say.Go on with your life . tz
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So true I tried to help my son the only thing that came of it was a kick in the ***. I thought I was trying to help him get out of an abusive relationship but he went back to it. Now he does not speak to me.He lives in the same complex as me and their is no communication with him. What a waste of my time.You are not alone . I am sorry to say.Go on with your life . tz
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One thing we should all watch out for with these kids is drug use, and I mean drugs supposedly as benign as Marijuana.

First of all, today's marijuana isn't what it was when we were younger, it is much more potent. My son was a very heavy pot smoker and I truly believe that many of his problems are related to pot use.
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I just Googled "My Son Hates Me" in the hope that i might find some help for how deeply I am hurting, and viola...lookie here...oh ...I am NOT the only one...Thank you all for your stories...right now I am hurting too much that I just can not write mine yet, though I certainly am relating to most of yours...and I will certainly be able to write my own one day too...
I hope you are all coping with your pain and I hope that some have improved ?
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I understand how you feel. My heart is broken. My son's wife worked a long time to remove him from our live. She has now managed her goal. He will not talk to us - email, or respond to emai's . I am currently trying to not think of him. How do I do that. Yes I am now angry with him. I have tried everything. Cute e -cards, letters, nothing works. Last week I finally sent a Good Bye I will miss you e-card , with a few short sentences saying I would leave him alone. What was his response - Thank You.  This is not the loving child I raised. He had always been loving and caring to his parents. Did we spoil him - I know now we did. I guess in order to keep peace at home he has to keep us out of his life. I have much more I could write,, maybe later. The tears are starting - I am so tired of crying over something I can't fix.
lonely45
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It does help to see that other people are in the same kinds of situations, it doesn't stop the heartbroken feelings but somehow it is giving me some kind of comfort. I heard a very  good piece of a few days ago... focus on the people in your life who return your love without the drama....it might help...
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My 19 yrs old son hates me. He is disrespectful with his words, he takes me for granted and damages my home. I raised him giving him too much and not teaching him how to be independent. Now he is like a unknowledgeable grown teen that is naked of ammunition on how to cope with life. He has been kicked out 3 times and lives with my in-laws. They think we were horrible parents. he also takes a lot of pills like Xanax, ecstasy, and acid, along with drinking and pot. He can't cope well, doesn't control his emotions, has anger, rage, and crappy friends. Now he will not talk to his dad or I and feels all his problems are his fault. I miss him, I love him, I don't know what to do. Will he be o.k.? Will he learn to grow up responsibly? He was a 4.0 student, and quit college because we wouldn't give him rides after he would cuss at me. Again, to him, that was my fault he dropped out. He won't see a counselor or go to NA or AA. I'm so scared for him. I cry every day! What can I do?
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I too am having trouble.  I just want to see some suggestions on advise.
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i have a soon to be 38 year old son who lives with me. He is so mean every day. He talks to me so mean,curses me takes drugs and drinks. All his dad says is now you better stop your month. He thinks he is untouchable. I threw something at him for talking to me  so mean and he said that's the worst mistake u made. I will sent u to jail. He's friends with the policeman in this county and thinks he can get by with anything. Does anyone have any advice?
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Hi have just came across your post, and am so glad i did. I have constant abuse off my 32 year old daughter ( who by the way is married with 3 kids, and doesn't live at home) My 24 year old son is the same ( he lives at home). The only one i can call my saviour is my 18 year old daughter. I have done everything i can as a mother for the two oldest, but they either treat me as if im senile  ( im 55) or treat me like dirt. I even felt like driving off a cliff today, with the things my son said to me. Why have we got to put up with this!! I know im not a perfect mother, but have always thought i have done my best.
Sometimes i wonder why i even bother. :-(
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Avatar_m_tn
I totally agree.I often ask myself who's idea was it to have kids. My oldest hates me and blames all his problems on me. My husband never sticks up for me.When he acts like that towards me my others kids end up not liking him. So uncomfortable!!!!! We were all together after not see each other for a while all he did is talk down to me.He also has gained about 100lbs since i saw him last,looks so unhealthy.wish you and i could meet for coffee.i feel your pain.
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I am so glad I found this thread.  I wouldn't say that my son hates me, although maybe he does. He just hasn't said so. He is middle-aged now, and I love him dearly, but our relationship is distant, emotionally and physically. I resist the urge to email him because I sense he doesn't want to hear from me and when he does reply to my emails, he never signs out with 'love' as I do. As a child, I was never shown love. Consequently, I didn't know how to show it when I had my son. I was also controlling, as was my father to me. The result is a son who really doesn't want to know me and I don't know how to fix this situation. I have looked around the internet for websites that might be helpful, but there doesn't seem to be much available or anything that's suitable. Is anybody here in a similar situation?  And have you managed to heal your relationship with your son?
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I never liked the notion of blaming parents for one's life failures, but agree that most young adults resent their parents having money when they must struggle (I had to pay off $10,000 in lones for my master's and my parents had $400,000+and a sail boat...). Nevertheless, I tried to get along even when they disowned me for looking into a vocation as a nun between ages 19-23...Less than a year after my mother died (at 52, the same age I am now), my father was running off with a second gf, who talked him into "never lending money to family"(she had money and houses from 3 or 4 prior husbands as well, and wanted all my father's money too). The result was that my Dad wrote me out if his will, despite the fact he'd promised never to do that because I had always been there for him. I was angry, but my husband reminded me (rightly)that it was his choice to do as he pleased.  His gf's influence finally caused my father to zerox a letter to most of the family, cutting everyone off about 20 years ago...because she felt they didn't like her ( her obscene calls around midnight had much to do with any dislike!)

I wound up getting married and having one boy, now 20. After childbirth I got a muscular dystrophy + lupus and 5 yrs later my husband got cancer. Our son was very loving and sweet at first, but began bullying us several years into our illnesses. In front of my husband's death bed, my son (then 16) told me that he didn't care if I was in pain (fractures from my illness), was grinning, and dancing a "jig" about it! Afterwards, he'd usually say "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" after hurting us, but never did reparation like his part of the chores.  Even when his Dad begged with tears for our son to say something caring about the cancer (and comming death), he'd say," It's too late at night to show I care" or other excuses. My husband finally felt fortunate that our son helped at all by staying at his bedside towards the end, but it was with such a terrible attitude.. Since both of us were Ill, we needed our son to be kind and help with some chores, but that still hasn't happened-- now 4 years since my husband's death! Instead, he'd play computer chess on my compuuter for hours- even if there was an urgent medical issue like my husband's tumor spurting blood. I got lung disease because he neglected any dusting I couldn't reach, and at 20 he still hasn't learned how to drive (!), so no matter how ill I get I must do everything myself. Meanwhile he's been telling people for years that he stayed here to "help his disabled mother..." and tells people he does all sorts of chores like Cinderella so that people think I'm terrible. I often beg God for escape!!!

Our society has disrespected mothers for a long, long time so I should have seen this comming. Look at shows like "th
E Andy Griffith Show" with people like " Aunt Bea." She takes care of everyone else, but if she were to be Ill for long she'd be useless. It's disheartening to hear all the adults who constantly talk trash about their dysfunctional parents because they "smother" or they want a relationship that now bores the young person... Our post sexual revolution set this up. Remember "Don't trust anyone over 30?" Before all that, many families lived like the Walton's. The only answer I can see is to make our own path, friends, and activities as much as possible. As ill as I am, I'm not sure how to escape this filthy prison where  my son has ecome the warden. I still love music, art, can still sing, but my heart is giving out and I wind up lying down- losing even the few friends I had when they hear the gossip...

I had to call police on my son for: stealing my cell phone, turning a hose on me, keeping me at home with threats of suicide, and saying such things as, "You deserve to DIE- a SLOW PAINFUL DEATH!"( having just watched my husband die that exact way!) He still blames me for two arrests and said a "sorry" but never really seemed to repent! Still living under my roof, my son has me in a FIX: when I start to take action to evict him, my heart acts up and I cannot function! He has chased away friends and I no longer have any human being on earth but this ungrateful, disrespectful, sarcastic, and cruel young man.  People say, "Just evict him!" ( which is exactly what would have happened if my husband was alive to support me), but nobody gets that I am physicaslly too weak to go to.court all over again and don't have one friend left now but God... I tried starting the process, and my heart started giving out. Then again, every time he abuses me, the same thing happens and I wind up in bed...Any advice would be appreciated. Really.
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Avatar_f_tn
My heart goes out to you because you both suffer abandonment issues. You because you had to do what you needed to do at the time of separation from his father in order to preserve yourself, and him because he feels that you left him to pick up the pieces.
Write him a letter about how you feel and ask for his forgiveness. Let him know, and except it yourself, that forgiveness in hurt families is the key to lasting peace. Believe me, he will want peace for himself too. Lastly, remind him that you love him and that there will always be a door open at YOUR home for him as long as you live.
It may take some time, but he will come around because he will grow up and eventually want to hear both sides of the story and that will afford you the opportunity to re-bond when he is ready and searching for answers.
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You are correct! These kids today are ungrateful, mean and hateful. If I knew back then what I know now I would not have had children. I have two sons, 17 & 19 & they are polar opposites! I'm a single mother and I was married to their dad for 12 years. we have been divorced for 8 years. I provided everything to them and done the best that I could! We have always lived in a nice neighborhood and I've always had food andclose. Now my older son is so disrespectful! He has never been that way before. I don't know what is going on but our relationship is about to be over.I told him that he will need to leave here if he is going to be disrespectful and that's the end of it. If he does not want to have a relationship with me then that is his problem. I refuse to be manipulated and disrespected.
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YEP, you are right.
I got  the one son that hates me and (thanks God) the one son that loves me.
Today is my sons B-Day.
And for the first time in his 28 years on this earth, he is not getting a call, a card, an Email or text message from his mother.
Yes, I'm sad.
But will get over.
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I'm just so glad I'm not alone in this... For me it sounds like my 19 yo is trying to find excuses to hate us.. It hurts so much, I literally have not slept in the last three months. We had problems when he hit puberty, but it was nothing compare to the cold silence nowadays.. I know at heart he's a good kid, he just needs to move on. But how on Earth they can afford independent living these days?
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God bless you. Your story sounds like mine. My two older kids, ages 18 and 22 have broken me, I give up. I just want to run away but I still have a 15 year old that is still pretty sweet and an amazing husband. If it weren't for them I would have left. I can easily see now why some parents just abandon their children. I no longer judge those parents I now feel for them. Thanks for your post and good luck.
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My son told me that my husband, who beat me, cheated on me, drinks, and we are now separated, are both "eff ups". He will not discuss this with me. Won't tell me why. He's been a "blamer" kid all his life. Nothing was his fault. He felt he didn't need to mow the lawn or help around the home. I feel his father has talked to him and lied about me and he is believing everything. Basically, I'm dying inside but, on the other hand, I want to tell him to just get lost or get over it. I am who I am, I am not an eff up and if that's what he thinks and he won't talk to me, what else can I do? It hurts me every day. But, I don't know why he thinks this of me. He knows I am hurting and that I would never do this to him. I really just want to write him off. Until he comes to me and apologizes. I'm not going to beg anymore for him to talk to me. He tried to turn it around saying I owe him an apology for how I've treated him, "WHAT"? No idea what he's talking about. I gave my life to him and his brother. They are both very successful. My other son (fraternal twin) is just fine with me. We talk through text, several times a day. I don't have many friends since husband cheated on me and beat me so losing a son totally crushes me, but I feel leaving him alone to be the smartest thing for me to do. Let him be. He ignores my texts to talk, although we agreed that talking would be good. So at this point, I feel like I'm being a fool. I'm going to just wait for him to see the light (truth) and grow up I guess. I've immaturely blocked his text messages and phone calls last night. I've been waiting for a response from him for weeks. I'm done. Am I being too harsh? I want him to know, I'm not playing games and he is not in control of me and I haven't been sitting by the phone desperately waiting for him to talk to me. I'm at a loss. Would any of you have idea's for me? I would love some feedback as this is all new territory and like I said, I just don't even know how to respond to this behavior. I would NEVER tell my parent's I thought they were "eff ups", even if I felt it. Which I did many a time's, but never said it. No WAY! I mean, we are all human and humans make mistakes. At the very least, he could tell me why he feels this way towards me but that is too much for him to do. Comments welcome!
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Avatar_m_tn
You need to walk far away from him and keep a good amount of distance away.
I just read your comment aka letter pleading for help.
I was you for years and most of your letter you wrote was me!  Today I decided to get a voice an fight back.  The explosion happened a month ago with me....same thing name calling, I hate you, your not my mother and etc etc. I am a pain in the *** to my son, never did a blessed thing for him and cause his father to beat me litterly.  It was all my fault his daddy was a drunk.
my son will never, and I say never talk to me again the way he did driving 70 mph up a turnpike and threating to take us both out.  I will never get into his vehicle ever again, and I could care less if I ever speak to him again unless he gets some serious medical help.
You can love your son from a distance.......but you do not have to like him.
Abuse is abuse and I took that from his father of 16 years and there will not be one more day I will take this from my son....he is a grown adult of 46 and if he needs an excuse for the way his life turned out he can blame me until the cows come home.   He try's to contact me, but I have  blocked him out of my cell phone.  

So lady you need to grow a few and remember when you enable abuse, you deserve what they give you.   Stand up for your self and best wishes.
I do not feel anything anymore for my son......he destroyed the last bit of hope I will ever give him.......he can find another way to be self Blamning......you see when you had enough the guilt does not set in. He has done this to me for the last ten years, and each time the explosion gets worse and worse.   I think he is reall bipolar and Austic.  I never had him tested.   But that is not excuse to crush a mothers love.   He did this to himself and like you at 70 mph I begged God to take me just so he would shut up and stop the CHUCKIE head and eyes rolling.   I was scared very scared, and God was the only thing I was seeing at the time.   Somehow I got home safely and I swore that episode will never be repeated.   This time I had enough of the rants over why I was a bad mother....might I say I have 2 other sons that love me so much, and would not ever say or do these things like he has to me.   I was a very bad person for thinking he would never treat me like this ever again and forgave him many  times.     Well I have forgiven him this Time also, but there is a difference, I have cut him loose to go find another way to vent.  He is still my son.........just from a very far distance.


Best wishes.

I hope you see the light before it's to late.
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    I know exactly how you'all  feel , as it is far different than how we would have ever treated our parents. However, I have 2 out of 3 that are not like that and are very loving. So it makes you wonder , doesn't it?  
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Lots of stories, but not a sign of a solution or an experience where something worked positively...so sad as I have a 28 year old son that lives with me, but doesn't trust me. I had to borrow some money from him..actually he offered it to me...after falling on hard times myself. He earns above average money and is a high-flyer. I am paying the money I owe him back. I owe around 10% of the original sum and have never given him cause to think I would screw him over yet he tells me time and again that he doesn't trust me for the money I still owe...I don't get how he thinks. I don't get how he can be so rude, so insulting, so mistrusting. I have lived my life for him and his sister...put my last penny in to his education and his success, which I helped create, is being thrown back in may face...if it wasn't for my beautiful daughter I would really call it a day...I hate life...I hate living...no solutions from me either I am afraid...maybe there just aren't any answers!
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Kick him out and let him move in with his friends, and see how long that last. We as parents give our kids too much! I just told my son if anything ever happens to me, he'll see how many people love and care for him then.. Staying on my knees and praying that my son becomes a great  man of God.. He's 14 years old..
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I have had a hard time with my son when he turned 14, at that point he hated me for every reason, except to get him out of trouble, my wife and I both worked hard to keep him in a privet school,in his last 2 years he would skip school try to stay in bed and even wanted to quit in his last year I forced him to finish, he got a good part time job during his last year, the company,was even going to help with his collage, he quit work and decided he would sleep all day and work at security at night, I gave him an option to either join the service or go back to his good job or get into a collage or last result be out of the house in 2 weeks, he joined the milt. and life was good, but he was **** poor with his money, helped him out numerous times , then he gets married again we are happy but he gets throne out of the milt. for drug use again I intervened so no prison time, today his wife is due with a second child and he constantly lies to me and tells me i don't support him, and he is afraid to leave my grandson with me unsupervised because he is sure I wont follow all his rule in dealing with the child,all because i gave some nuts to my daughters dog that i helped raise, and she told me not to, he also told me what a miserable dad I am because when he brought friends over they would call for advice, he said that he is my son and I should only support him, I Am at my wits end and don't know what to do.?    
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People, people!  Get a hold of yourselves.  We live in a world of Internet.  So easy to connect and vent and blame and display ourselves.  It's pathetic.  When the 55 y.o. and older were born, we didn't have Internet.  We had discretion, Common Courtesy, Common Decency.  We fought for ourselves and for what was right.  Can't expect kids to do that when the TV or Internet news gives us no hope.  My son became an arrogant piece of work when he became 18.  I then stopped giving him things and told him to fend for himself.  He wanted things or money from me.  I gave him chores to earn money; told him to go to school to get a salary.  That's the game of life.  He hung out with the wrong crowd, went to a two year school for 7 years, and pissed away his savings.  The chip on his shoulder became bigger and so did his "friends list" on Facebook.  He bad mouthed me and I told him to connect to one of his 400+ "friends" to move in with them.  He calmed down for a while until the next time.  I'm a single mother, who plays father, sister, brother, friend and know when to put on each hat. Don't forget your own needs mothers.  Like retirement, friendship, interests and more.  That's the game of life.  He met a girl four years older than him at 22 years old.  She's another piece of work.  Her clock was ticking to the sounds of old maid who wants a family.  I said let him find himself and to grow out of childhood first.  Noooo.  At 23, my son became a father.  I blew my stack.  They married this year.  I kicked him out and said now society and the game of life will help you grow up.  My grandson is a cute 2 years old but now the boy and his father is the mother's problem, not mine.  I'm saving for retirement, looking forward to spending my money on travel, and I returned to school. Live life!  hhahahahahahah
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This is an old thread.  And the subject matter is so sad to me as a mother.  Luck to all.  
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I am a 32 yo male. I am not married and don't have kids. I'm writing this because I am that ****** ungrateful kid that every parent on this thread is talking about. I have stopped communicating with my mother. My dad is dead, but I don't really care because he wasn't much of a father to begin with. I'm not quite as bad as some of the other children described on here, but I though I'd put my two cents in. I don't believe in blaming your parents for everything going wrong in your life, and I do believe that kids at some point should take responsibility for their lives. That being said, I also believe that parents have an obligation to ensure that their “young” children are on a right path early in life that won't lead to a dysfunctional, depressed, and maladjusted adult. So here are my thoughts:

1) In a lot of these posts I'm reading about kids that are abusing drugs or alcohol. I know I'm not a good son, but I've never abused any drugs or alcohol. Never been much of a drug user. What events in your child's life led to substance abuse? Were you aware of this and chose to take no action? Or did you chose to be blissfully ignorant on obvious signs? How involved were you in your child's upbringing? Did you have a relaxed attitude to drug use? I ask these questions because I feel that a child who becomes a drug user early in life is a reflection of the type of parent, or more specifically “parenting” you chose to exercise. I luckily never got hooked on that stuff but not because of any involvement from my mother. I just wasn't dumb enough to fall into that. I often characterized my mother's style of parenting like that of raising a cat. She ensured that we had food, water, and a roof over our heads ...but that was it. She wasn't really interested in anything more than that. Don't get me wrong, feeding and sheltering your kids is very important, but those are the basics. Not providing that would make you a bad parent, but just because you do provide that doesn’t mean you're the greatest mother in the universe either. Christ, even hyenas take care after their young, that doesn't make you a unique parent.  A little more effort needs to be put into raising your child, in terms of  molding their minds and TEACHING life lessons. My mother wasn't into that. Rather she pushed me off to Boy Scouts hoping the other adults would. She attended the first few outings but then slowly pulled out. My mother isn't a bad person, I know she isn't. I know she loves me, and I love her. I'm just infuriated with her complete laziness, indifference, and blase attitude towards parenting. I later in life developed depression which I smartly kept a secret from everyone. Not surprisingly it did not help the situation. At the age of 24, I called my mother on the phone to confess about my depression, to which her answer was “okay, see a doctor and he'll provide some antidepressants”. That was it, no other questions popped up. No further inquiry as to WHY I was depressed. It was not spoken of again until a few months later when I was visiting from college. She brought it up in passing, I put on a brave face and said “oh yeah, that was nothing. I'm fine now”. She bought it immediately and the conversation shifted. Mind you, this entire time I wasn't on antidepressants. More time passes and things get worse. My attitude becomes moody and my mother encourages me to go on antidepressants. I go to my doctor and he prescribes me some pills. I inform my mother I'm on them. My mother now knows that I am depressed, and that I am currently taking antidepressants to curb my behavior. She still never asked “Hey son, why are you depressed?” or “What's on your mind? What's causing you to feel so sad?”. Her explanation that she TOLD ME (because she's a secret neurologist by night, and she clearly doesn’t need to hear from my side what's going on in my life) ...she says “you just have a chemical brain imbalance”. Not once did my mother think to ask what was going on in my life that might have led to this. She was never even curious. She cooked up this idea that I had some silly little mind fart, and all would be solved with pills, and she believed it. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism for some people, but what parents need to understand is that denial only benefits you, the person in denial, not your children. They still suffer.

2) I also notice some mothers mention their drug using, lazy, abusive, deadbeat husbands. My dad wasn't much better. He wasn't abusive or a drug user, but definitely a lazy deadbeat who cheated, didn't have a job, brought no money in, and was mostly absent from me and my sister's life. Here's my question to every mother with this type of husband. Why did you marry this guy?!? I asked my mother this all the time and she always gave me the most stupid and irresponsible answer ever. She says “all my friends were getting married at the time, so it seemed like a good idea”. She openly admits to never loving him, yet she haphazardly decides to marry this moron she barely knew and pop out two kids. What an idiot. Both my parents are idiots. My mother would defend herself by saying “if I hadn't done that, you wouldn't be born”. That is a ******** answer, and you know why? Simple, would you ever wish that upon your children? Would you ever encourage your children to make the same dumb choices? If the answer is no, then own up to the fact that you made mistake. Don't hide your stupidity behind the fact that it led to the creation of your kids. That doesn't make it okay. At the very least YOU, the parent, the adult, should be LEARING from your mistakes and attempting to teach your kids not to follow in your own stupid footprints.

I have to break this into two messages because of a word limit. See next message...
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continued from previous...

3) Lastly, I sense that some parents may be exaggerating some horrible details about their kids. Around the time I turned 30 was when I started to pull away from my mother. She made it very clear she was either uninterested or incapable of helping with my depression. So I took that as a sign that I'm on my own. I showed less interest in spending time with her because lets face it, what did I have to gain? Spending time with my mother was much more valuable to her than it was to me. It's not like I could talk about my problems and expect her to give a crap and say something profoundly insightful. My mother relished in our quality time because it meant that she could spend 90% of the time talking about herself. She would occasionally throw a generic “How are things going?”, I'd reply a curt “...good”, and then the conversation would shift quickly back on her. I can read your mind right now ...well you did tell her “good” didn't you? What more do you want? Again, my mother is aware of my depression, she is aware I'm being medicated for depression, and my mood had degenerated to the point that she encouraged me to take pills. All three of those are huge red flags. Feel free to assume that when I say “good” that I'm just trying to be polite and trying not to open the flood gates with the generic opening question “How'ya doin?”. If she would haven taken the energy to have a follow up question like “Are you still depressed?” or “Are you feeling any happier?” or heaven forbid the dreaded “Why are you so sad son?”, I would have gladly unburdened my woes on her. But deep down inside I believe that was exactly what she secretly wanted to avoid. Long story short, I started to drastically reduce communication with her. She eventually starts confronting me about it. To my surprise though I discover that my mom has remembered history much differently than me! She even complains to my sister who relays this information back to me, and my thinking in my head is “are we talking about the same events?”. For example, my mother told my sister that I had slammed the door on her exiting the car. That was a blatant lie. We were in the car, she was dropping me off somewhere because mine was in the shop. She wanted to pass the time by talking about a bunch of trivial and unimportant things going on in her life. I was still pretty pissed about everything that was going on for the past couple of years and her refusal to acknowledge it, so I remained quiet. She picked up on this and apparently it upset her. Of course she said nothing about this on the drive, why would she start being inquisitive now? As I exited the car I said “thanks mom” and closed the door, NOT slammed. Was I acting like a petulant little **** inside the car? Yes, that was the point. The intent was to get her gears moving in her head so that one day she would hopefully get off her *** and start acting like the parent I wanted her to be 7 years ago. So yes, I was deliberately being moody, however, I didn't slam the door. That was a fabrication from my mother because she felt hostility from me, in which she constructed this story of her horrible son being snide and cruel to her, ending it with a dramatic door slam. Give me a break. I remained silent the entire drive to the destination, I even answered her questions with a short response. When we arrived, I said “thanks mom” and closed the door like a normal person. Moody? Yes. Slamming the door in rage? No. Again, her mode of thought is denial. It's easier to think that I'm some ungrateful jerk and that she's the victim, rather than to take the time to reflect on herself.

Again, I don't believe in blaming your parents to the end of eternity all of the bad things going on in their life, but we can't deny the fact that our lives start with you, the “adult” parent. You don't necessarily have to be a bad person to raise dysfunctional child, but bad parenting does.
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Hi there, this is a very old post.  The original poster is no longer on the forum.  good luck
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Welcome to Medhelp. Please post a question yourself, telling your story, and asking for advice on the Relationship Community. Regulars won't comment on older posts because it sends the current posts out of range. Good Luck and Hang in Thee. Hope to see your own Post. Liz
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How well I know your pain honey, and I've endured it for 4 years. My son is 23, we all moved to SC on coast, and he's worked with police thru school, did awesome, and loved it!! Well, he'd never met his birth father, name's NOT on certificate, and son has My last name!! One night I got a text from him it read, "Thanks for never letting me meet my dad, he's Dead now!" I just came unglued!!! I suffer from bipolar, and I'm on meds, like you I have NO insurance, so excellent therapy is out! :(  It's a curse, but I don't regret any decisions!
He's got 5 half sisters in Kentucky (western) which is where I grew up. At 17, he began visiting them, so I figured if he wanted to meet him, then he'd a had them help or I would think!! Not to mention he was never a "dad" to them either!! I was trying a new SSRI to go with Lithium, major Mess!! And my son saw it ALL, I was rapid cycling, so up then crying/upset etc...HEll. He texted later that he forgives me" however, he comes over (he's 2 hrs away in Charleston!! But he still ignores me. I'm studying to be child psychologist, yet I can't solve OUR problem!! :(

I have been suicidal 4 times, as you said, I begged God to kill me! I know we've gotta change what we do now, it has not worked!!! So, that's what I'm seeking, info on how to change behavior. You're not alone, and it *****! Starting to research how to deal with this age, he's not in the home, so discipline; is not gonna work! I'm 4'11, he's 6'1 and knows he can intimidate me, but he's not violent at all! He's successful, he's SEEN how drug dealers are!! His B. father had over $9 grand cash on him, split among kids, he refused it!! See? I think that he's blaming other stuff on me. My parents helped me raise him, they're amazing! And, I struggle every day about my faith, do you??! I have HAD IT!!! And I'm ready to find answers! Prayers for you sweetie, God bless!!
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