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My boyfriend does not ejaculate during sex - how do I best approach thi...
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My boyfriend does not ejaculate during sex - how do I best approach this with him?

I'm hoping someone can help suggest the best way to approach/deal with some sexual issues my boyfriend and I are having.  

He does not (and never has he tell me) ejaculate during sex - only through masturbation.  He says that he feels good during sex, and enjoys the intimacy and pleasing me, but just never feels sexually aroused enough to release.  We have been together for 2 years now and I thought that over time he might have been able to open up to me about this, but nothing.

I have tried to ask what he likes, takes things slow, or fast, all kinds of positions and acts, have tried to talk about it, how he feels, thinks, tried to suggest we masturbate together, for him to do it away from me and then come back and ejaculate with me... but he just is not ready to deal with it.  He says that he has an unusual way of masturbating and that he is embarrassed.

This has not been much of a problem as sex is usually great and I have been able to accept and understand.  But lately, I feel like he is loosing interest in sex with me, and prefers to masturbate instead.  I am getting frustrated and need some help for what I can do from here - he just seems to keep getting more and more closed up.

Thanks in advance.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Something is wrong. First, if  he is ejaculating or not, I hope you are both being responsible and he is using a condom (safe sex), unless you are both trying to get pregnant. All it takes is a little drop for pregnancy. Maybe he is afraid of ejaculating in you for fear of pregnancy and is not telling. If he feels he is cuming, does he pull out? Does he satisfy you completely?  You need to address your concerns to him and communicate your feelings to him.  If his continues, you will need to suggest counseling for him or reconsider your relationship.  Best of luck...Judy
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93654_tn?1247502934
You definitely need more communication. It sounds like he's conditioned himself to that one specific technique. This topic has come up on MH before. Here's one link that I remember from several years ago.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Mens-Health/Very-unique-penis-problem/show/183046
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you both for your comments.  

Yes, we are being responsible and no, there is no fear of pregnancy.

We do need to communicate - its just so hard to get through to him.  I guess I m hurt mostly that he doesnt trust me enough to open up to me about this.  

I have continued to search online, thanks for sending the link through also.

Will touch base with any progress, thanks.
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Avatar_m_tn
This can happen, it's a genuine problem.  I went through a patch for a while when I couldn't ejaculate during sex, or only rarely, even though I could always get there with masturbation.  Not really sure why, or how it started, just some sort of mental block that I had no control over.  And the sex was good, and I was enjjoying it!

If your boyfriend has never been able to ejaculate during sex, it could be something similar, but more severe.  This is no reflection on you, on how he sees you, or how good the sex is.

His explanation of only being able to ejaculate during masturbation does kinda make sense too.  It is possible to get over-dependant on masturbation, to the point where only masturbation can give you the exact stimulation you need to reach orgasm.  Also, it sounds quite possible to me there is something he does during masturbation that stimulates him, that he's unwilling to share with you, and that he's become dependant on and can't reach orgasm without it.

For example, it's not all that unusual for men to enjoy inserting a finger in the anus during masturbation (and no, that doesn't make someone a latent or closet gay!).  Not saying this is necessarily the case with your guy - just an example of something that someone might do that they are unwilling to admit to.
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285927_tn?1380802356
Is he gay? Or bi?  If a guy has sex with me and is not turned on enough to get off, there is definately somethin else goin on.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Mine doesn't either. So we started checking into it and I am sure he has low testosterone. When confronted he says that he just has sex with me to please me... (not that often either). So nothing can be done. Try to figure out if he just isn't ever in the mood and just doing it to 'please' you.
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285927_tn?1380802356
If he ejaculates while masterbating (masturbating), it is not a testosterone problem. Look deeper.
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686059_tn?1293837427
His fear of pregnancy, intimacy, health issues, attraction...it can be anyting, but as teko said, there has to be a deeper problem. You have to just bluntly ask him about your concern...Judy
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Avatar_n_tn
if he doesnot want to enjaculate .Tell him,make him jeal... By say if u will not pregnent me .I will choose
some one else to do so.If you are MAN .then *** to me and make me preg... now.If you r not a MAN then tell me.So i can take decision.
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Avatar_f_tn
I've had the iud. For about almost a yr my boyfriend use to *** easily but now he doesn't *** unless he like finishes himself he says he can feel the iud could this be why he doesn't *** anymore from the pain he's feeling although he says he's enjoying the sex and pleasing me?
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Avatar_f_tn
My boy friend and I have been together for 5 years, we have 2 children and what I think a good relationship. Lately it seems that he cannot ejaculate during intercourse. He used to do it fine, we used to have a great sex life and had sex all the time. We can't do it as much anymore because of the children but I think we still have good sex and so does he, or at least he says he enjoys it and looks like he does. I'll dress up sexy for him and we try different positions. I finding it hard to understand why this is happening he can't ejaculate unless he does it himself. Why is this? Is it me?
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Avatar_f_tn
He may have  been abused, and his anxiety about losing control with another (even someone he loves) may keep him from reaching orgasm. Sexual dysfunction is a common symptom of sexual abuse. Reaching orgasm can also hurt to some men who were abused. According to reliable statiatics, 1 in 6 males have been sexually abused. There's a helpful website called 1in6 where you could learn more about the very painful symptoms suffered by victims of this under-recognized crime.  I have a very dear friend who has suffered terribly from childhood sexual abuse, and has always had much difficulty sexually. His awareness of the abuse just recently surfaced in an EMDR therapy session. Though the many common symptoms of sexual abuse have plagued this incredibly fine man for most of his life, he is just starting to understand why he has suffered so. According to experts in sexual abuse trauma, it is not uncommon for victims to have sketchy, or no memories of the abuse. Therefore sometimes the abuse is only apparent by its common symptoms. I pray that your loved ones, no matter what they are suffering, seek God's peace and professional help, and the very available understanding and compassion of others. Bless you and you beloved.
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Avatar_m_tn
Does he masturbate to pornography?  Porn desesitizes people to the deeper, more emotional contact that is a part of real sex and is physiologically addicting to the brain.  
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Avatar_f_tn
we all are different. In my personal case my girlfriend is a type of person that will reach the orgasm faster. Me in the other hand i'll take more time... we got to a point she was kinda    unconfortable i didn't finish. The key word is "communication" She told me how she felt about the situation and i told her how i felt. We both talked about what we liked and what we could to to to satisfied each other. And now we are hsppier then ever. Another thing that could be is that your boyfriends masturbates alot and when is time for him to finish there Is a low amount of sperm. Maybe he finish but never tells you due to the amount of sperm. That could be solved by not masturbating alot and drinkin alot of liquids.
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Avatar_f_tn
we all are different. In my personal case my girlfriend is a type of person that will reach the orgasm faster. Me in the other hand i'll take more time... we got to a point she was kinda    unconfortable i didn't finish. The key word is "communication" She told me how she felt about the situation and i told her how i felt. We both talked about what we liked and what we could to to to satisfied each other. And now we are hsppier then ever. Another thing that could be is that your boyfriends masturbates alot and when is time for him to finish there Is a low amount of sperm. Maybe he finish but never tells you due to the amount of sperm. That could be solved by not masturbating alot and drinkin alot of liquids.
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Avatar_f_tn
My name is Anthony and my boyfriend and I are gay obvisously and I have to tell you that he has the same problem he can go for ever with oral or traditional or and other positions it's only when he thinks he is hurting Me that he ejaculates. This may sound super weird but some. Guys that have done a lot of masturbating to porn have a certain amount of tolerance open up to him and try just putting on some porn (aggressive) and make it a he dominating you and causing you pain situation and it may be the amout of facial expressions you make too I have been openly gay for 1.5 years but have to say I was concerned it was me at first as well but it's not and he may get upset by talking about it just doit on your own with out talking to him and he will go along with it.
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Avatar_f_tn
My boyfriend is 49 hot as he'll gorgeous says he's crazy into me but we have sex for 2 hours or more very into it but he cannot *** . So I put a porn flick on 5 minutes long and he came in 3 minutes the video was oral she wasn't even pretty at all. I'm 5'2 34 D no stomach 3, Kids I'm 41. So I told him to watch porn and **** me hard so he did and when he came I didn't say anything but was sad and I feel I'm not enough for him :(  don't know what to do .PLEASE please give me your suggestion.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Your boyfriend should be evaluated by a medical professional as he may have a health concern resulting in this.  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
This might be a porn dependency issue.  If he's been watching much porn, and particularly if he was single (and not having sex) for a while before you got together, he may have got so used to needing the stimulation of porn to reach orgasm that he can't get there without.  Porn is an easy fix, a "short-cut" pretty much guaranteed to give you that hit - and I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with that occasionally.  But if you get too used to the short-cut easy fix, it can make it much harder to do it "properly".  If this is the case with your guy, this is NOT a reflection on you, or whether you're enough for him.
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