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My boyfriend is addicted to pain killers do I leave or stay?
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My boyfriend is addicted to pain killers do I leave or stay?

When I met my boyfriend I knew he had some problems dealing with pain killers but when we started dating he told me he didn't want to be that person anymore and that he was going to stop. He did stop for a long time and was great we laughed all the time I just felt so happy with him. Now here lately over the past couple of months I've been finding little packages of two or three pills hidden throughout his car. When I throw the pills away and confront him about it he gets so mad and screams at me, throws things and calls me all kinds of names. By the way I am 4 months pregnant with his child. This is really killing me and tearing our relationship apart! I love him and I want him to get help so we can save this relationship and raise our child together but he won't do it. So what do I do at this point? Should I stay and keep trying to help or do I leave?
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568659_tn?1256143582
You sounds just like me 3 years ago. My boyfriend and I were together for 5 months when I got pregnant, I always knew that he did pills for fun but I didn't realize that it was a full blown addiction. I told myself that he would quit once the baby was born, he didn't. It took us hitting rock bottom for him to finally get some help. We were living in our new apartment for 4 months and so far had an eviction notice on our door every month. I was getting unemployment since I had been laid off and Joe was working crappy jobs here and there. We had to sell my car to make rent and pay back bounced checks or we were going to be homeless. Joe finally got it. I wrote down how much he was spending on oxy's every month, it was over $800, that's more than I was receiving in unemployment. Now Joe is recovering and has been clean for almost 2 years and things aren't perfect but they are a lot better.
What I am trying to tell you is that no  matter how much you beg and plead an addict is never going to get help unless it is on their terms or until they have hit rock bottom.
Joe was an addict on and off since he was 17 (he is 29 now) and his friends tell me that this is the longest he has ever been clean, that means a lot to me.
It took a lot of understanding on my part and it still does, I have to understand that he still has a problem and it is something that we will always have to work on.
No one can tell you to leave, I know that, so many people told me to get out but I couldn't, Joe would have died if I left him, I am sure of that.
It all depends on how much you think you can handle. Looking back I am disgusted at the life we had but I am so glad that Noah has never seen his dad high, he was 6 months old when Joe got clean.
I know what you are going through and I wish I could tell you exactly what to do. I will pray for you while you are making your decision, I hope hearing my story helped you in some way.
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568659_tn?1256143582
I wanted to add something.
I know this doesn't make it better but the anger is a direct result of the drugs. One time I went in the bathroom when I knew Joe was chopping up a pill (he snorted them) and I took a huge breath and blew the powder all over him. Oh my Lord, I though he was going to kill me, I was so scared to ever come between a junkie and his pills ever again.
When I tell Joe now about all the horrible things he did to me when he was addicted he doesn't believe me, it's like it was a different person, scary.
I never left him alone with our son, that's makes him so sad to this day that he missed out on so much of Noah's life.
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637356_tn?1301928422
GRose is right the anger is a direct reflect of the pills. My husband has been an addict since I met him 10 years ago. He fights his addiction all the time but has been clean for about a month now. He is a completely different person now. It does take someone caring enough to help him stop!
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189069_tn?1323405738
It depends on what you want, honey. Do you want to stay and try to work it out, support him, talk to him seriously and demand that he get help if he wants to keep his family, or just say "screw it" and leave to have a better tranquil life for you and your baby. It's hard and only you can make that decision. You know him better. But definitely seek help for yourself if he gets violent. Maybe you can go live somewhere else so that he can feel your absence and decide if he wants to get better and be with you, or not. Good luck, honey.
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Avatar_f_tn
GROSE is right. It will take him hitting rock bottom. I was an addict when i was a teenager. My rock bottom was ODing and thinking i was going to die.
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303824_tn?1294875001
Maybe your boyfriend should visit this site and go to the Addiction forum. It has helped so many people (myself included) and there is so much support there. Addiction is a disease and a serious one. If HE truly wants to get clean, there is hope. If he doesn't want it, it won't work. It's up to you whether this relationship is worth fighting for, not only for yourself, but for the baby as well.
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568659_tn?1256143582
I hope she is OK, she hasn't posted anything since her initial question.
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637356_tn?1301928422
Me too! I know what it is like to live with a man that is addicted to pain pills. I have dealt with that for many years. He is now clean and has been since Christmas but the addiction will always be there.
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568659_tn?1256143582
Oh I know as well, my bf has been clean since June of 2007(relapsed once) but it is a struggle everyday.
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Avatar_f_tn
My spouse is addicted to any kind of painkillers he will take any thing! At first he was just taking them for his teeth than he needed them for work and since he not worked in about 2 years he says he needs them for pain! The only things he can think about is his pills and getting them! On mothers day he spent his last money to buy some instead of getting me a card! He would rather me spend my money on our son or everything so he can save his for pills! And don't get me started on the insults, according to him he is worth more than me, also Im 37 weeks pregnant with our 2nd and just this morning he told me to go jump off a cliff! That really hurt!! I Can't get him to help out at all! When he does not have his pills he is weak and can't move and needs me for everything! I really don't know what to do, I wish he would stop taking them!
Any advice???
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Avatar_m_tn
I also have a boyfriend who is addicted to pills, i knew he did them once in a while when we first got together, however, it turned out to be a full blown addition. 5 years later im still dealing with the same old lies, no matter what i find, its always somehow "my" fault for catching him. Years ago he promised to quit because he got very violent with me but didnt remember it. I thought he was clean for the longest time and just recently found out that he never stopped, i was just to naive to see what was happening. Now after 5 years of broken promises, violence, and an empty (once very full) bank account, i've come to realize i am a strong beautiful person who deserves better. I have never touched a drug in my life, and have put my life on hold hoping the man i love would step up and be a real man. The truth is people avoid reality with drugs, weather its cocaine, pills, heroine, alcohol, ect, the drug is always going to come first for that person, until they get real help. Even after real help there is always going to be temptations and a constant battle. For all of you women out there going through this, here is my advice to you; get out while you can, before you end up pregnant or beaten up, an addict will always be an addict, there is sooo many wonderful people in this world that you dont need to settle for someone who is bad for you. a pill once in a while generally turns into more, and the more stressed their life becomes, the more they will rely on those pills. Its a terrible cycle but its reality. Dont waste your life away.
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Avatar_f_tn
my bf takes pills too.. he told me when we started going out but he told me he had stoped. thn after a while i fould out he was still i was trying to help. thn he swore he wouldnt take anymore.. thn back again untill i told him i would leave him he stoped for a while (which by the way he didnt have a job,so he was so depressed) anyway i was gana leave him but he begged me and i really do love him! so i stayed thn he did it again that time i was really gana leave him but i didnt...tht was about 2 months ago maybe ... well he was clean afterr (atleast i think)he did promise and all.he also has the habit of stealing which i got him outa jail once..last week i found him stealing something i felt it in his poket and pulled it out i was with him all the time..so i knew he didnt buy it he dd confess later..so yesterday he went to his freinds and today we were talking when he told me he didnt want to be christian and he knew b4 we were going out i would marry a christian guy..(which by the way we were going to get married) sso i flip out bc he changes his mind outa nowhere! i thought we were all good but no i tell him its better not  to get married omg! everything turns into hell. he starts cussin which in all the 9 months well tomorw will b 9 but in all the 9 months he  has never spoke that way.. i go to his house drop off his stuff.. he goes and thrws it always our pictures and all i was so mad bc he said it was crap/trash he didnt wat it would just take up space. so we fight and i leave. i call him it turns out that he took 28 painkillers with alcohol. he culdnt even talk or nothing i go to his place it was messed up he was messed up! i call his brother and 911. he couldnt even talk. he told me that when he went to his friends house yesterday he got the drink there, and the pills idk?? was he taking it behinde my back? well hes in the hospital now. i have cried and cried. he said he dd it bc he didnt want to hurt me anymore...i dont know if i should help him or not? should i leave him ? the doctor said he would be okay ... so idk wat to do...i do love him but i want the lies to end ! the pills...
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Avatar_f_tn
I've been dating a guy for about 6 months and my mom told me he had been stealing her pain meds (that she takes as prescribed for her degenerative arthritis of the spine); the info she gave me was practically proof. I confronted him about it last night and he admitted it and broke down crying when I ended things. I told him he needs to go get help and he said he plans to. This is killing me though. I know the trust is completely broken for me and my mom but I wasn't expecting him to admit it. I can tell its softened me. Did I make the right decision?
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there dear.  You've tacked this onto an older post but I'm going to go ahead and answer anyway.  If you need more people to post to your question, you can go to the top of this page and hit "ask a question' in orange and start your own thread.

Anyway, no.  In a word, NO>  I don't think you did the wrong thing.  He's an addict and SO deep into his addiction that he stole.  He stole from his fairly new girlfriend's mother.  That is desperation for his fix.  And a very bad sign.  Sure, he admitted it to you because YOU CAUGHT HIM.  He had to.  He didn't come to you and say he had a problem . . .  you confronted him on the facts and he had to admit to it.  This shouldn't soften your resolve but strengthen it.  

Early on in a relationship, we are suppose to be very practical in looking at red flags.  This is one that you should never ignore.  Addiction for many is a lifelong struggle with relapses or switching the addiction from one substance to another substance or activity.  He has a very long road ahead of him.  You don't know what his triggers are and he probably isn't even aware of them as he is deep in it at the moment.  

I think you are right to wish him well and to leave this relationship.  Your mother knows what he has been doing and that means that there will be a bit of a cloud over the relationship beyond just your knowing about his pill problem.  

If he gets clean and about a year after that, if you are both single, then you can judge then what you want to do.  But right now, you need to save yourself.  Look for a healthy partner.  It's a new relationship and that should make it easier to keep to a strong barrier of acceptable behavior.  good luck sweetie, I know it is hard.  peace
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Avatar_m_tn
My bf/ fiance is saying the same things....have a 4 month old now....not much has changed. My anxiety and depression comes over me sometimes. Im trying to leave. We live at my parents house, I now am working trying to get a place of our own. Except I dont want himthere. I dont trust him alone with our daughter. He has 213$ in the bank....he leaves the house at 3am to go to a methadome clinic...sometimes with xanax...well more often now. He has robbery 1st degree, boating under the influence, and a distribution charge. And recently stole from walmart a bb gun. Now has a warrent out. I guess things will work out on their own. His court date is in march, hopefully its not postponed. (Again) his parents have paid a lawyer 20,000 to get him out of this sitch. In a way I hope he stays in there....im tired of having him around acting like prince charming...hes sadly not. He could very well be. Hes very handsome, was athletic and a big guy in HS I heard. But hes nothing now. He is a sociopath (look it up) the entire description fits all I mean ALL of his characteristics. Please girl, if you can leave leave. Im trying to as we speak. Thankfully were not married. Maybe you and I will persevere.  And live happy. I have dreams.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hello there and welcome to the forum.  We are so glad you found us and are happy to help you.  You've tucked your post at the end of another persons post and it often can get missed there.  If you'd like more responses, ask your own question.  

It is certainly hard to be in your situation and I feel for you.  I think your concerns about leaving him with your daughter at this point are dead on and I wouldn't do that either.  

It is good to have dreams and yes, stay strong and you will persevere.  Do you have family that can help you at all?
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Avatar_m_tn
I have an ex who is/was addicted to pain killers. He was snorting. He gets methadone at his drs and goes through them in 2 weeks.  He buys and sells on the streets.  I got out. He was lying, cheating, etc.  It was awful.  I am hurt but I feel so relieved.  He was seeing someone else and would go to her then to me and did that 4 times. I got tired of it.  This last time he broke up with her and was in my house for 2 weeks.  She calls him crying and says she cant move on, etc and he runs back to her. I kicked him out and threw all of his stuff away.  
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