My boyfriend is addicted to pain killers do I leave or stay?

[chellebabe04]

When I met my boyfriend I knew he had some problems dealing with pain killers but when we started dating he told me he didn't want to be that person anymore and that he was going to stop. He did stop for a long time and was great we laughed all the time I just felt so happy with him. Now here lately over the past couple of months I've been finding little packages of two or three pills hidden throughout his car. When I throw the pills away and confront him about it he gets so mad and screams at me, throws things and calls me all kinds of names. By the way I am 4 months pregnant with his child. This is really killing me and tearing our relationship apart! I love him and I want him to get help so we can save this relationship and raise our child together but he won't do it. So what do I do at this point? Should I stay and keep trying to help or do I leave?

[GRose]

You sounds just like me 3 years ago. My boyfriend and I were together for 5 months when I got pregnant, I always knew that he did pills for fun but I didn't realize that it was a full blown addiction. I told myself that he would quit once the baby was born, he didn't. It took us hitting rock bottom for him to finally get some help. We were living in our new apartment for 4 months and so far had an eviction notice on our door every month. I was getting unemployment since I had been laid off and Joe was working crappy jobs here and there. We had to sell my car to make rent and pay back bounced checks or we were going to be homeless. Joe finally got it. I wrote down how much he was spending on oxy's every month, it was over $800, that's more than I was receiving in unemployment. Now Joe is recovering and has been clean for almost 2 years and things aren't perfect but they are a lot better.
What I am trying to tell you is that no  matter how much you beg and plead an addict is never going to get help unless it is on their terms or until they have hit rock bottom.
Joe was an addict on and off since he was 17 (he is 29 now) and his friends tell me that this is the longest he has ever been clean, that means a lot to me.
It took a lot of understanding on my part and it still does, I have to understand that he still has a problem and it is something that we will always have to work on.
No one can tell you to leave, I know that, so many people told me to get out but I couldn't, Joe would have died if I left him, I am sure of that.
It all depends on how much you think you can handle. Looking back I am disgusted at the life we had but I am so glad that Noah has never seen his dad high, he was 6 months old when Joe got clean.
I know what you are going through and I wish I could tell you exactly what to do. I will pray for you while you are making your decision, I hope hearing my story helped you in some way.

[GRose]

I wanted to add something.
I know this doesn't make it better but the anger is a direct result of the drugs. One time I went in the bathroom when I knew Joe was chopping up a pill (he snorted them) and I took a huge breath and blew the powder all over him. Oh my Lord, I though he was going to kill me, I was so scared to ever come between a junkie and his pills ever again.
When I tell Joe now about all the horrible things he did to me when he was addicted he doesn't believe me, it's like it was a different person, scary.
I never left him alone with our son, that's makes him so sad to this day that he missed out on so much of Noah's life.

[Lonelymom]

GRose is right the anger is a direct reflect of the pills. My husband has been an addict since I met him 10 years ago. He fights his addiction all the time but has been clean for about a month now. He is a completely different person now. It does take someone caring enough to help him stop!

[babypooh]

It depends on what you want, honey. Do you want to stay and try to work it out, support him, talk to him seriously and demand that he get help if he wants to keep his family, or just say "screw it" and leave to have a better tranquil life for you and your baby. It's hard and only you can make that decision. You know him better. But definitely seek help for yourself if he gets violent. Maybe you can go live somewhere else so that he can feel your absence and decide if he wants to get better and be with you, or not. Good luck, honey.

[Darkestlight]

GROSE is right. It will take him hitting rock bottom. I was an addict when i was a teenager. My rock bottom was ODing and thinking i was going to die.

[imanaddict]

Maybe your boyfriend should visit this site and go to the Addiction forum. It has helped so many people (myself included) and there is so much support there. Addiction is a disease and a serious one. If HE truly wants to get clean, there is hope. If he doesn't want it, it won't work. It's up to you whether this relationship is worth fighting for, not only for yourself, but for the baby as well.

[GRose]

I hope she is OK, she hasn't posted anything since her initial question.

[Lonelymom]

Me too! I know what it is like to live with a man that is addicted to pain pills. I have dealt with that for many years. He is now clean and has been since Christmas but the addiction will always be there.

[GRose]

Oh I know as well, my bf has been clean since June of 2007(relapsed once) but it is a struggle everyday.