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My boyfriend is always working
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My boyfriend is always working

I been with my boyfriend for 8months now and he is ALWAYS working. I been very supportive about it by always trying to understand that work is important. I wouldn't argue with him and be mad that he hasn't spend time with me bc i try to understand. I go to school and work so i do understand it is important. I do see him about 3-4 times a week but only at night at like 11pm until 7am so its not much but i never complaint about it because i am happy with that. Lately i been feeling like all the relationship is me sleeping over and we never go out. He says he needs to work a lot because then he will be depressed that hes broke so i told him i understand and will be there for him no matter what. He didn't even get me anything for my birthday and i never complaint or said anything about it, and im sure its going to be the same for christimas. I know he does love me he tells me all the time what i mean to him and i do believe it its just that he never shows it. I told him that latley i been feeling a little lonely and just want to spend 1 day toghter. He agreed that today (wednesday) we would spend the whole day toghter but then he texted me saying he got called into work so he went into work. I got a little mad because i been so supportive and telling him i will be there always and he promised me that we will spend a day toghter but then he goes to work when he didn't really have to. I talk to him and he understands where i am coming from hes very understanding and easy to talk to so i am grateful for that but is there anything i can do to make him realize that taking one day off at work is ok?
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11 Comments Post a Comment
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458072_tn?1291418786
He sounds like a workaholic. I say drop him like a hot potato, UNLESS you want to end up with someone whose family will be his co-workers and home will just be a place to sleep, shower and shave. Spare yourself the heartache.

I don't know what it is that makes us think we can change a man, but take it from me. You can't. If someone had told me that before I married, I probably would have thought, egotistically, I can change him. Doesn't work. Never met a woman that changed a man.
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686059_tn?1293837427
My fiance is a workaholic. He is a Supervisor at the emergency call center 24/7 at Motorola in Chicago. He at times works Saturday, or Sunday, is always on his computer with work, has 60 ppl under him and it seems like his life is his job. I only see him either Saturday or Sunday for breakfast or dinner. He has a huge responsibilities, makes an unbelieveable salary and started in the mail room as a college student, third shift and did everything nobody wanted to do. He has earned his way for nothing to position and salary. We use to have hugh arguments over his job. There was a time where I was actually jelous that he "loved" his job more than me and it took a long time for me to realize that in order for him to pay the morgage, utilities, car, insurance, vacations and all the nice things he buys me (like trips, etc) is because he has earned it with stress, sweat and risk me leaving him. I know what is like not to have a job, not to have money for food, medicine, no insurance, nothing and it has humbled me. I appreciate that he backed me up financially when I was unemployed, paid all my bills and took me out to eat regularly. I will never complain about him working again, because at the end of the week, it's me and if there were no job, it's me again and I've learned to adjust, appreciate and enjoy the benefit of his hard labor. Be kind to your b/f, I bet he works very hard to have what he has and just needs a little appreciation, less complain and lots of love. Good luck,Judy
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Avatar_f_tn
Peggy: Thanks for the advice, but i wouldn't leave him i can't i really do love him and he treats me so good hes always doing stuff for me when he has time.

Judy: Thanks for the advice, I really admier you staying with him through all the work he does! Thats great.

It just scares me because hes only 21, hes a waitor at a resturant and works at a moving company with his friend. if hes so decidated to work already what is it going to be like when hes 30 and has a better/career job and if i stay with him, marry& have kids with him im afraid he would have no time at all for us and it would be just work.  I do like he is decidated to work its a great quality to have hes very responsbile at a young age its very nice. Most guys arn't this decidated at a young age (guys i know anyway) but i just wish he had a little more free time. He works sometimes 7am until 2am (2 different jobs) when he works just one job its 1pm- until 11 during the week but on weekends he won't get out until about 2. It's everyday.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Because he is 21, he has a lot of life ahead of him and I'm sure this will also include a more stable position, so be patient, supportive and make sure within time, this situation will change. I understand how fustrating it is and how you are feeling neglected. Talk with him on how you both can take or make some quality time for just the 2 of you. Work is the reality of life, but not to the point where you feel like it's over, before it even started. You will be ok. Communicate, express your needs and wants and reassure him that you will be supportive for now. Judy
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Avatar_m_tn
A man's role is to provide. Yes he does sound like an "aholic" but much better that than going to bars, betting on sports or chasing other women. If money becomes his only focus in life that can and will be as much of a detriment to his marriage, when that happens, as the other things above. A good man will work as much as it takes to provide and having a good work ethic is very important. I would suggest though that maybe you talk to him about taking some time go to school so in time he can work smarter not harder.

On a far more important note though if you are only there for bedtime I would wonder if he doesn't look at you more as an unpaid wh0re than someone he wants to make a life with. Life is full of choices and you need to think carefully and choose wisely. He could be a great catch and be building for the future, but you could be just a warm place to put it until he finds someone he truly respects and want to be serious about.
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285927_tn?1380802356
I think it simply points out that you and he have different views of what a relationship should be.  We spend time on what is major in our lives. His is working and yours is sitting around bored and frustrated at a less than satisfying relationship. You need to move on and spend time with other people and quit sitting around waiting for someone else to make you happy.  That is your job. You are not ready for this kind of relationship. Nothing to feel bad about, it is something you need to recognize and change.
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484465_tn?1347117312
"He didn't even get me anything for my birthday and i never complaint or said anything about it, and im sure its going to be the same for christimas"-  what kind of workaholic is this?  maybe it's just me, but how is he working so hard and so long and didn't get you anything for your birthday and you're expecting nothing for christmas? and nighttime is the righttime?  that's when you guys see each other is when you're spending the night? why doesn't he take you out at night then?  i love late night dates w/ my husband.  we do the drive-in movie or atlantic station downtown and hit up some trendy sports bar.  hmmmm.  
perhaps your purpose in his life might already be spelled out for you and you're not ready or willing to see it.  a significant other not doing something special for their partner's special days or holidays is not a good sign.  maybe you're not so "significant" to him after all?
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458072_tn?1291418786
maybe you're not so "significant" to him after all?

thats what I'm saying.
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Avatar_f_tn
VicUser: I don't think he looks at me like a wh0re because we don't always have sex theres a lot of times when he just wants to spend the night with me talking and watching tv. He would do a lot for me when im sick he would get me medicine and i have a problem hes always there. He tells me he wants a future with me. We been talking about moving in toghter and looking at apartaments.

Teko: I don't just sit around bored. I go to school monday-friday full time and i work part time when im not working or going to school i am with my friends or just studying. My life isn't alll about waiting for him, but when u never really see him and i ask for 1 day  i don't think that means im needy for him. just ONE day.

Treazzure007: I agree with you on the birthday/christmas. On my birthday he was struggling with money so i understand and we will see about christmas. Going out at night we do that sometimes, but it is hard because he is 21 and im 19 so hes legal to drink and im not so at 1am only thing to really do is go to bars but i can't get in. We go out to dinner some nights and its great but theres not really a lot of resturants here open at 1am. Theres no movies that play after 12 here and bowling allys close at 1. Pool halls most of them u have to be 21 and older to get in after a certain time. We used to go to the beach and lay in the sand at 1am it was nice lol but now that winter is here its to cold to do that.

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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, I have some conflicting opinions on this.  First of all, I do think ambition and someone with a good work ethic is a catch these days.  Those are admirable qualities and things that I looked for in a husband.  I got them-----  my husband works very hard to provide for us but has to work some long hours to do so.  But it is a trade off.  He is home when I need him to be and does spend all free time with us.  

On the flip side, I come from a home where my father was the workaholic type.  He was the CFO of a big corporation and worked like a mad man.  He was gone by 6:30 am and never got home before 7 or 8 at night.  He went on business trips often.  But that was only part of the problem.  Every hobby he had was all consuming.  He did wood working until the wee hours of the night locked down in the basement.  He would get so engrossed in something, he'd spend every free second on it.  He was like the mad scientist.  So I think he used work as a bit of an escape as a workaholic does by definition.  That is for you to decide.  Is he avoiding things in his day to day life by working so much?  If you suspect as such, then I would reconsider the relationship-----  if he is just trying to make it, I'd figure out how to make it work.

One thing you can ask for for Christmas that will definatley fit his budget------  spending a day with you.  No matter what comes up workwise-----  he must keep his committment to hang out with you for a whole day.  If you DO continue a relationship with him, you will have to communicate how you feel about things.  No more "he did this  . . . and I didn't complain".  Talking about something that bothers you isn't complaining.  It is communicating your needs and thoughts.  Key to a happy relationship.  Good luck!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi there.  I know that every situation is different, but I wanted to add what I learned from a similar experience.

I had a boyfriend for 7 years throughout the end of high school and all of college.  He also was a workaholic, whether it was studying, working, or training for the sports team he was on.  He was so busy working that he couldn't enjoy the moment or do anything fun.  I was a hard worker, too, but not as extreme, and I consoled myself that things would change once he graduated and was finished playing for his sports team.  Well, once he graduated, he threw himself into his new job, working overtime, and in addition, spending all his free time on a recreational sports team.  The lesson I learned was that he was the type that will always be a workaholic, no matter what.  He will always find something to keep him very, very busy and to fill the time.  We are no longer together, for other reasons actually, but I have a new guy who better balances work and play.  He works hard, but is also able to spend time with me.

My old boyfriend is married now and I've heard through the grapevine that he still works late and is gone on business a lot.

I think this is a subjective situation.  Some women may be more independent and in less need of time spent together, and those types may be able to handle a workaholic.  Most women, I think, need more time, and if you know you'll never be happy with his working situation, it might be best to find someone who has more time to spend with you.  Quality time spent together helps a relationship thrive.  

I really do feel badly for the guy if he needs to work so much because he is in dire need of money; that's another story, and if that's really the case, he may change once he reaches a more financially stable situation, with a higher paying job, less debt, etc.  Otherwise, it may be a case of once a workaholic, always a workaholic.  And in my opinion, life is too short to work ALL the time (if you can afford to not work all the time, that is).

Good luck!
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