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My boyfriend is in rehab.
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My boyfriend is in rehab.

Here's a long one.
I started dating someone 9 months ago. Three months in, he started acting up, so I ended it. A month later we met up, and got back together (as it goes). Things were good for a while, but I could tell something was off. Then one of his friends died from a heroin overdose. Then a couple weeks later, another friend died the same way. A few days later he came to me and said "I'm addicted to opiate pain killers, and I don't want to be. I want your help."
So the past 5 or 6 months has been crazy. It started with him telling me. At first I didn't do much. I didn't know much about addiction. At one point he told me he had quit cold turkey, and I believed him for a month. Then he told me he was back on. So after that he reached out to friends, eventually to his family, then to his therapist. He is in rehab now, and has been for about two months. My concern is, how do I know if I was being co-dependent? What if our relationship is toxic to his sobriety? In the first few months, I didn't act much. Mostly out of niativity. After I read up on it though, it changed. I'm blamed myself less for his distance. I felt bad for being angry, but reminded myself my feelings were valid, and that even bough his addiction is probably harder, dating and loving someone isn't easy either. I made sure to never rabble him. When he was faced with a drug test administered by his parents, I refused to give him urine. When he got it from someone else, I low key told his mom about it. I've tried to stay as independent and self-supporting as you can in this situation. But I do care for him, even if this does sound cold, and although the idea of ending our relationship scares the sh*t out of me. But if I've been co-dependent, it's what I need to do.
Have I been holding back his recovery?
*on iPhone, sorry for any typos.
3 Comments Post a Comment
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Add on- I'm a lot more educated about addiction now. It turns out one of my close friends used to have a heroin problem, so he's updated all about withdrawals, post-acute withdrawals, and the likelyhood of relapse or replacement. So I'm not going into the future as blindly as I entered my current situation.
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3060903_tn?1398568723
I'm so glad for you that you are feeling the empowerment that one does when they educate themselves about the disease of addiction. It might be very helpful for you to look into Alanon, online or in person in meetings near to you. You could instead go to NarAnon, the same family group for those living with an addict. It could really help you to talk about the daily events that occur when your boyfriend get's out of rehab. It will also serve to reinforce what he's doing in Rehab, and that is to access the programs (in his case 12 step program) that are suggested by 10 out of 10 (I believe) Addictions Therapists. (that he's talking to daily in rehab).  This should be suggested to you if you are involved in the Family Therapy portion of his Rehab. (which I hope that you are invited to). You can also ask if you could be included since you live together and it's essential that you know how not to enable, or sabotage his recovery, or your ongoing sanity.

THere are so many horror stores, but with the advent of the 12 step programs and NarAnon for family members, there are as many stories of success. Being part of a 12 step program can be inspiring  and an incredibly journey. I hope you both receive all the love and support out there that you so richly deserve.

You can always message me, or anyone here on medhelp, should you need to talk.

may all good things come your way.
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134578_tn?1433306113
I was going to recommend Alanon or NarAnon, also.  You may or may not have helped him to be or stay addicted, back then.  But that does not mean that your future behavior has to enable him.   Educating yourself helps you see how to react to him that is most genuinely helpful versus enabling.   One of those groups would help you sort out what to do that keeps in his face the fact that he wants to be on the path to recovery.
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