My daughter

[laura1977]

Okay everyone heres a question I'd like to know what you all think.
My daughter as most of you know is in kindergaten this year.  I put her into the public school system.  Not the best of choices I have discovered.  
Heres what is going on.  A couple of 5th graders are picking on her.  I am pretty sure it is due to the fact that she is blond hair blue eyed, and thin.  These other girls have seemed to pick my daughter out and decided to start giving her a hard time.  I found out about this and told my daughter to tell a teacher if it happens again.  Well she did, and the teacher did nothing except tell her we need to all be friends.  Again these girls are in 5th grade and mine is 5 years old.  
We ended up going to a private school this afternoon to see about putting her in there.  I am 99% sure that we will do this on Monday.  The school she is at has a bullying problem and even the school counselor told me that today when I talked to her.  
My question is am I over reacting about this?  
One other problem is my daughters teacher is 25 years old, going through a bad divorce and works a night job too.  I feel she has too much going on and I don't want it to be at my daughters expense.  Then there is also a little boy in her class that has had to switch classes at the school twice this year so far due to behavioral problems.  Last thing he did was hit a little girl in class.  Good thing it wasn't my daughter.
Alright, so let me have it ladies.  Should I put her in the private school where I know there won't be so many problems with bullying.  Or should I wait it out and see?
For all that don't know private Christian schools cost about 5000.00 a year where as public is pretty much free.  Which my family can handle (no more going out to eat as often though).

[mayflowers]

I think private school is a wonderful thing.  You have to protect your daughter.   If the teachers won't help put a stop to the bullying, then you really have no choice.  The other advantage is that she will get a great  start to a good education.  That is so important, even more so than when we were little.  Think of her future.  

[pertykitty]

one thing you have to remember is private school, christian or otherwise will also have bullys and kids with behavoir problems.  in my experience you need to be on top of it not letting it go.  some teachers are great at nipping it right away and others just say play nice.  my son is 9 and has always been the size of the older kids, so he gets picked on.  i have gone to the school, and it not been resolved, so i went straight to the source.  i told those kids myself to behave and i was going to talk to their parents.   i suppose the great thing about private is the student to teacher ratio, at least from what i have heard. im not knocking private, nor am i advocating public, just trying to make sure you realize that all schools can have pros and cons.  i have found that being at the school helping in the classroom, after school sports, field trips have made a big impact on how kids can act.  make sure you know their disciplinary actions when a bully is mean or a child is out of control.  and make sure they stick to it.

[laura1977]

This private school is the school I went to.  I can say one thing about it.  They at least let the parents come inside the school to drop off their kids.  At the school where she is at now, they do not want parents entering.  
The class size at this new school is 9 kids in the kindergaten.  Their istep scores are in the 90% of the state where as public school system is 60%.
I understand there are bullys but kids will be kids except when a 10 year old is picking on a 5 year old, that crosses the line.  Plus when a teacher sits back and does nothing.
I have been at the school where she attends now.  I have helped sell popcorn with PTA on Fridays, and I am member of PTA.  I also am room mother for her class.  This is the main reason that I know that it was going on.
We live in a world today that bullying is a serious issue, kids get hurt or even killed at the hands of bullies.  It is sad that my daughter has only been in school 1 month and has discovered how mean people can truly be.  I don't blame the children, I blame the parents of the children that are doing this.  I raised my daughters to be respectful to other people and to be nice, and it is sad that many parents these days don't feel that they should teach their children this.
Plus this isn't just about bullying this is about her teacher also.  Mayflowers hit it right on the nose about thinking of her future.  I pretty much made the decision for sure when I read what she wrote.  We as parents have 1 chance to do the best for our children.  The other plus is at least she will be allowed to pray in private school.   Don't even get me started on school lunches in the public school system, and they wonder why kids are over weight?  The food is nothing more then food in the frozen food department of your local store.  At this private school the ladies fix things by hand.  I really think public school systems must take a stand and work on keeping children safe.

[April2]

I've pretty much decided that I'm going to homeschool my 3 year old. My oldest son and daughter went to a private Christian school and while my son did great, my daughter had a terrible time and was bullied and picked on. So yes, it does happen in private schools too. It was frustrating to me because here we are paying for school and the kids where the same as the kids in public school. Even my son said that not all kids who go to that school are Christian. Their parents put them there to try and straighten them up because they got kicked out of public school or something. Of course, this is high school, but my daughter was picked on since 6th grade. There were a lot of mean girls in her class.She said there were a lot of rich brats in her class who only cared about clothes, boys, etc. I don't know how many times I would hear one or two moan about how poor they were and they didn't have a nice house when I'd know for a fact that they were living in half a million dollar homes or more. We didn't have that kind of money and I couldn't buy the things these other kids could. I didn't like seeing how my daughter was trying to keep up with them. Like for instance, she just had to have an ipod since all her friends had one. We gave her one for her birthday but that was the only gift she got. My parents were actually helping with tuition or we wouldn't have been able to keep up.

She is now attending a charter school and really has blossomed there. The kids have been nice and the teachers are pretty nice. A lot of them are even Christians too. So that's something to think about too. See if there's any charter schools near you. What I like about charter schools is they involve the parents more. It's a public school but you tend to see a lot of Christian families going there.

I know what you mean  about the public schools though! When my daughter was in kindergarten (we were in a DOD school then overseas, but it was still public), she had a best friend, and you know how little girls are. They were skipping out of class one day holding hands and these older girls (5th graders) were taunting them and saying, "Are you gay?" My daughter came home and asked me what that meant. I didn't know I'd have to have that talk with her at 5 years old! It's just so sad. We are seeing kids grow up way too fast and act way too sophisticated.

Do you know I had my daughter's back to school night tonight and one of her teachers was saying that she came out of the public school system and kept getting in trouble because she cared too much for the kids. She was staying after school with and helping those who were struggling and talking with the ones who needed someone to talk to. She also said that there's a lot wrong with our public school system. We are letting a lot of kids fall through the cracks. At this small charter school, they all know each other and they really seem to care about the kids. They won't just pass them on until they know the material. I wish we could have found something like this sooner. I felt like my daughter was falling through the cracks and they kept passing her on. I thought about holding her back but they said after grade 3 it didn't do much good to hold them back. I had to hire tutors, etc., to get her on track.At this school. they let them work at their own pace. I really like how they're doing things.
It's good that you are so involved in her schooling. I hope everything works out for you.

[Killerpain]

Don't jump to conclusions.  Get the entire story.  Sometimes kids this age say things and we draw conclusions that aren't there.  It is better you give your daughter coping skills and lessons on how to handle life.

Truthfully, I can't see this happening.  Kids in grade 5 are usually in a completely different area of the playground, etc.

It would be good if you could help your daughter find a friend or buddy that is trustworthy to hang with to feel secure.

Switching schools is upsetting to kids and also can be just as bad.

My kids are gr. 7 & 10 in public school and all has been well.

Pray for her.  The only one that can be with her 24/7 is God.

[Barbarella]

Did you know that the DOD schools have been raited as the BEST recently over the Private Schools?  My husband was a career soldier for 26 yrs, and we moved 27 times, 6 out of these moves were overseas.  Our two now grown kids went to 13 different Public Schools, out of these 13 schools only two were DOD schools because not every base (we only lived on bases) had a school or High School on base, and they were bused off base.

Despite that our kids were torn out of schools many times in the middle of a school year because of my husband's orders and despite that they went to 13 different Public Schools they came out great.  One of them was a Valedictorians, the other one a Salatutorian, our son attended the West Point Military Academy, he is now a PhD.  Our daughter got the 4 year Army ROTC scholarship and after her stint in the Army she is now Director of 5 clinics at a large hospital in CA.  Their friends who all were military kids, and who all went to multiple different Public Schools all came out great.  Two of them are LT Colonels in the Army right now, others have succesful civilian careers.

Public Schools are generalized, and Private Schools are put on the pedastool.  We live very close to a Private School, a Catholic School, and on recess at times when I walk by I've heard kids cuss, I heard the "F" word many times and the "MF" word many times.  I've seen kids smoking in the school yard, pre-teens,  when the whole city was made smoke free you'd think somebody at that Private School would see these kids smoke in the school yard of all places, and they are not hiding it either.

If people can afford to send their kids to a Private School I say go for it, but for the ones who can't afford it you need to teach your kids how to cope, you cannot shield your kids from life.  Our kids went to excellent Public Schools at times, and at times they had to go to inner city Public Schools which were not so excellent, it depended on where we lived, and back then the bussing was enforced you had no choice where to sent your kids.  Don't know if that is still going on now a days.  They made lots of friends, and most of all they stayed out of trouble, that is the way they were raised.  They were raised that education is #1 above all, and most of all they were raised that you have to work hard to get it. They did not get a car the minute they turned 16 so they could drive to school and brag about it, they and all the other military kids on base catched the damn bus, we and the other parents didn't drive them to school.  

As for Laura1977 if I were you I'd sit/stand close to the school yard, but not so close that I'd be spotted right away, and see if anything goes on at recess between these 5th graders and your daughter.  Bring a camera and put it on film if something is going on.  Take it to the principal's office and show it to him/her.  If your daughter is being bothered inside of the school go to the principal's office and insist that you want to watch from a distance what is going on in the hallway going to and coming from recess.   If the principal and the teacher is giving you a hard time you tell them that you will take this to the board of education, and then do it if you have to.  If a teacher doesn't want to do anything about a 5 yr old kid being harrassed by kids 6 yrs older than her that teacher doesn't need to be teaching.  Tearing your kid out of school is not the answer.  There is stuff going on in every school.  If the kids are of the same age they need to learn how to fight back, but if the kids are that much older than your kid then the teacher/school needs to do something about it.  Find out the name and adresses of the parents of these kids who harrass your daughter, talk to them or write them a letter.  I always put everything in writing if I have a problem anywhere, this way I have it documented.  Write down the days and approximate times when your daughter is harrassed, after sending it to the parents send a copy to the principal and to the board of education if you have to.  Even if you decide to take your kid out of that school it still needs to be reported because teachers who stand by and not wanting to do anything when 5h graders harrass a 5 yr old they need to be reported also.  These are 5th graders and your kid is in Kindergarten, these are not Teenagers where the teachers have to be afraid of the consequences, as so many are now a days.

Some teachers now a days are wimps because everybody is so quick with suing, and if they look at a kid sideways they are in trouble.  When my husband attended Catholoc School many yrs ago the nuns hit the kids hands with rulers many times, and from what my husband told me it was pretty hard, now a days they'd have a law suit on their hands.  I attended a  Public School, we were always 50 kids in the classroom, and our teachers could handle it, we all came out fine.  Now a days if its more than 20 kids they complain.  


Good luck, don't take any ****. take the appropreate action.  It might be a Public School but these teachers are not teaching for free.  If they can't handle it or feel they are underpaid and overworked then they need to look for another profession, and let them be replaced with somebody who CAN handle it, and knows how to go about it.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I wouldn't take a camera, there are all sorts of privacy issues that wuld be violate by that.....

I would ask the playground monitors to keep an eye out and see if they are observing anything.  Perhaps your daughter is misunderstanding what these older kids are saying and perhaps they are being jerks.  A five year old perceptions of the world are often a little differant than an adults....

And I wouldn't blame kids bad behavioue entirely on their parents.  I sense this is your oldest child, be wary about condemning other parents as I guarantee you that someday your child will do something that absolutely shocks you.  Kids have free will as well and will sometimes do the wrong thing, just like we adults do.  Especially when they get older and are facing peer pressure.

I went to a private school for high school and had a wonderful experience.  My oldest dd is 16 and has been in public school since day 1.  We are in Canada and she is in late Frensh Immersion which tends to be the more academically inclined kids.  Have we had issue?  yup.  Have I ever felt like yanking her out and home schooling her?  yup  But overall it has been a wonderful experience and she is a good kid with a bright future (but I could tell you stories about when she made bad decisions).  I personally feel that she is being better prepared to face the world than I was in my little private school.  I had a huge adjustment when I hit university.  But ultimately you must do what works best for your family.  You cannot keep her from all hurts (unfortunately) but you should do what makes you feel that she is safe.

[RockRose]

Laura,  I agree with many who said this is extremely unusual.  Not only do older kids not have access to younger ones (except in a very supervised "buddy" type program,  positive interaction) in the schools we are in,  but much older girls would never single out a girl in the lowest grade,  with a frail and small appearance,  and pick on her.  

I've never seen anything like it.  It's such a puzzle!  Girls will band together to pick on a rival girl,  or a peer who is unattractive or heavy,  and all that's cruel.  But what you are describing,  I've never seen before.

When do these girls have access to your daughter?  Besides just telling a teacher "when it happens",  if this continues you need to talk to the principal and have a talk with the older gir's teachers so that they don't have access anymore to the kindergartners.

[laura1977]

I know for a fact though that the school is letting 5th graders around the kindergateners.  I have seen it when I have been there poping popcorn on Fridays.
The principal?  Not the best of people.  She wants nothing to do with the parents.  She will actually walk past all parents without saying a word.  
I understand that there are some public schools that are good, but the thing with our public school system is the whole system is up for review by the state for all the issues going on.  
My thing is I don't care if some kindergatener were being smart with our daughter, what crosses the line is that 5th graders have access to kindergateners.  
Which come on now there are big big big problems with school systems today.
When I talked to her teacher yesterday about maybe taking her out her teacher told me that the teachers had a meeting the other day about all the bullying going on and what a problem it has become.  
You know we went to that private school yesterday, and the kindergarten room looked like a kindergaten room is suppose to, fish tank, carpet, little chairs, drawings up everywhere.  Where she is at now none of that stuff is there.  
I have decided I am going to move our daughter to the private school, because I have little girls that the way I look at it is kindergarten and 1st 2nd 3rd grades are the biggest grades for a child.  Something goes wrong there, then it could mess up their education.  
Bullying happens everywhere yes, but in a smaller school where there are not as many kids, it can be controled better then an elementary school with 600 kids.
I don't think a lot of people read past the bullying part though, because that isn't the only issue.  The other issue is I watched a 1st or 2nd grader walk out of the school yesterday by himself and he was locked out.  No one noticed he even did this.  I listen to little kids saying the F word while walking past teachers, and nothing is said.  I see their ISTEP scores and the public school is 60% where this other school is 90%.  
I'm not an overprotective mother that sees her child getting upset and goes running, but I am a mother that is going to make sure my daughters have the best education possible.  These days females need to be able to fend for themselves and get an education, I feel that is the best thing someone can give their daughter.
Again though, I am not just going by what my daughter is telling me, I have talked to parents, teachers, couselors, and even been at the school watching.  So this is from my eyes.
This isn't something I have taken lightly.  
Oh, and I think I also forgot to mention that a 7 year old boy was found with his fathers gun on the school bus going to the school.

[laura1977]

rockrose -
I wasn't really wanting to go here with this conversation, but you know what you state about little girls not finding younger girls to pick on isn't facts.
What these girls are doing is seeing my daughter with fancy nice pink bows in her hair and that she is well dressed and it's almost like its a jealousy issue with these girls.
I have stated that I have seen the access the school gives these older kids to the younger kids, in fact I watched it yesterday during popcorn time.  
I talked to the cafe teacher and she was saying what a nice pleasant well mannered little girl my daughter is.  She then stated that the "problem kids" have started picking on my child and that it happens alot with the little kids just because they are little.
The thing is I am only 29 and I don't expect to realize how bad the school systems are getting because they are worse then 10 years ago.

[Barbarella]

Even though you are taking your daughter out of that school, if all what you are saying is true, and I have no reason to doubt you, you as well as others need to bring this to the Board of Education.  You also need to write your Congressman and Senator about this.  Principals and teachers who look the other way need to be replaced or at least get a warning.  

What was done to the parents whose 7 year old brought the gun on the school bus?  The parents ARE responsible for that.  Guns should be locked away when there are little children living in the house.

The problem is to many people don't complain to the appropreate places, but take their kids out of school instead.  I'm NOT blaming the parents for doing that, but trust me it would NOT end there with me/us.  The Board of Education would hear from me/us.  Remember we taxpayers pay for these schools.

As for the "F" word like I said I heard that many times when I walked by that Private School close to our house which is a Catholic School btw.  Cussing you can hear in any school.

If the Board of Education is not notified, this mess will keep on going, and other kids will be hurt in the process because these teachers and principals are to lazy, to afraid, to wimpy to do anything about it.  Like I said if they can't handle it then look for another job, there are plenty of teachers and principals who could handle it.  It would not be the first Public School who got a turn around because a NEW Principal came in and cleaned it up, but if parents stay quiet and don't bring it to the attention of the Board of Education AND to the Congressmen and Senators this stuff will go on.  These Politicians want to get elected or re-elected, and you have no idea what power and influence they can have, but they have to be TOLD, in writing.  Forget e-mails, they can easily get deleted either on purpose or by accicent, forget phone calls you don't know if your message will be erased or forwarded should you talk to a live person.  Send a letter "certified" this way you KNOW somebody signed for it, and that person who signed for it KNOWS she/he better give it to the Senator/Congressman and the appropreate person at the Board of Education.

Complaining and taking kids out of school (the latter I do not blame the parents for) will not get anything accomplished.  Parents will keep on taking their kids out of that school, and only kids will be left who either the parents absolutley don't give a damn or kids whose parents just cannot afford a Private School, and these kids have to stay in that school with spineless teachers and principals who are to afraid to say or do something.

[RockRose]

Laura - it does sound like you're in a bad school.  In our school system,  bullying is OUT and you can get suspended for the littlest amount of good-natured teasing among friends.  

We are working with a program called Rachel's Challenge that goes even further than to disallow bullying - it teaches kids to look around and actively find ways to be kind.  And it's working.

When I was in school,  bullying was horrible.  I wasn't a victim,  I was one of the nameless rabble of silent kids.

Have you seen Christmas Story - about the boy who wants a bb gun?  That's the was schools were when I was little,  there were bullies who blackened people's eyes regularly and nothing was done about it.

I do have some concerns about private schools.  She won't have friends in the neighborhood - she'll be kind of a lonely island of a kid as she grows up.  Not in school,  but in her neighborhood.  I sense you're a big "joiner" - I am too - and she won't grow up with neighbor kids.  Maybe that's okay,  and maybe you're not heavily invested in your neighborhood.

I did go and look at your picture - and she's a cute little girl.  But if she's dressing very differently from all the other little girls - if most of them wear shorts and t-shirts and play shoes,  and she is dressed in a very different way,  that will make her stand out.

Best wishes.  We really have the best of both worlds here - a public school system that rivals private schools.

[laura1977]

The board of education already knows about the problems at hand.  They actually fired the old super attendant and brought a new one in because of the troubles.  
They are looking into fixing things, but the agenda they have is for the next 8 years.  So far I have seen nothing being done.
Actually the super attendants children go to the same school, and I thought for sure it would make it better  WRONG!
Our school system is made up of 18 elementary schools, 12 middle schools, and 8 high schools.  More then half of the are about to loose funding due to the problems at hand.  
It is all over the newspapers all over news that something needs to be done, half the schools scores are so bad that parents are able to send those students to other schools out of their district without having to sign a statement for working mothers.  
I am sure the new super attendant will get things straightened up, but gotta say I'm not going to let my daughters education be messed up while we are waiting.
Understand though that we as a family have are going to shut off cell phones, and stop going out so much so that we can afford to put our daughter in this school.  We are by no means wealthy, I am a stay at home mom, my husband will pull an extra day over time each month also.

[RockRose]

Laura,  can you move?  I live within easy driving distance of about 5 school districts - and each has a very different "flavor" to them.  If we moved to a different district, it would cause my husband 15 or so more minutes drive time to and from work,  which is nothing when you consider the change you would be making putting her in private school.

Are you in a situation like that?  She's still so young she'd adjust well,  and you have another one coming right up too.  Now is the time to look around and find a better district for their school careers.  Are there better districts near you?

[laura1977]

I would love to be able to move.  The problem with that is the housing market.  We wouldn't be able to sell our house, there are about 4 or 5 houses for sell on our street alone.  
My husband works in another town that is 20 minutes from where we live.  We want to someday be able to move up there because their public schools are great.  Their ISTEP scores are about 85%.  The issue with that right now is they are going to be building another high school there because people are moving there for the schools, and the schools are over crowded right now.  They have the new school going up right now.
Hopefully the housing market will change in a year or so that way we can move.  Our house will probably sit for sale and we would have to pay two house payments, and we sure can't do that.

[Barbarella]

I understand.  I was a stay at home mom too.  Even though the schools were not as bad as yours, and our kids could attend these schools we still had to cut out a lot in order for me to be a stay at  home mom.  It can be done, but like you said you have to cut out things.  We only could afford to eat out once a month, and when I say "eat out" I mean eating in a fast food restaurant any other restaurant was once or twice a year as in an anniversary. There was no big screen TV, and only one car.  Kids were dressed nice and clean, but forget $100.00 jog shoes and expensive what they called back then "disigner clothes".  I bought lots of my clothes in Thrift Stores as in the big major Thrift Stores like Goodwill or Salvation Army.  One of them was in a ritzy and expensive part of town, and all the super rich people donated to that Goodwill there, and I cleaned up like you would not believe, brand name stuff for like $2.00 and on certain days of the week I got it for $1.00.  Shoes for 99 cents.  Brand name shoes, some of them never worn or maybe worn once.  You have no idea how often and quick these rich people donate their clothes and shoes.  Some clothes still had the price tags on them from the stores where they were bought.

If you do these things, you can stay home, it can be done, I always say no "married" woman should "have to" go to work.  Of course she has to want to settle for the lesser things, and cut out a lot, and it also depends on the bills that were made before the marriage, and brought into the marriage.

I worked with a young woman one time (I went back to work once the kids were in College) she was married and had 3 kids.  She rather wanted to stay at home.  I sat down with her one time, and she told me how much she has to pay the daycare center, we figured out her gas going to and from work, of course she eat out every day "fast food" she just didn't want to bring a sandwich like I always did, long story short by time we figured out everything we came up with $1.00 an hour she was making.  She quit her job, stayed home, husband was happy, kids were happy.

[RockRose]

It sounds like that would be a good goal - to work toward moving.  

I will warn you,  we did that and it got really dicey there for a bit.    We were in the exact same situation - everyone was moving here from the surrounding communities because of the schools,  and they quickly became overcrowded.  The year my oldest  son was starting kindergarten,  you had to line up overnight to hope to get a spot in the kindergarten class - the ones who didn't make it were bused to the next closest school (same district,  though).  It was really hostile - neighborhoods against neighborhoods,  people who bought homes right next to the school were bused to another school because they hadn't lived there as long as someone else,  wow.  

So before you decide to buy don't believe your realtor when they say your kids will be going to this school.  Go in and ask the principal,  and carry an address and street map with you and talk to the neighbors that have bikes in the yard.

Best wishes.

[laura1977]

I have to believe my realtor...............she's my mother hehehehe.
There is another small town in the country that would be possiblity for us to move to.  My husband and I are from the country and we want to move back there sometime.  

[laura1977]

Yeah, I know how that is.  I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years now.  Had to cut corners sometimes.  I think many women can stay at home, but you have to be able to live reasonably to do so.  I would always have garage sells, and my parents help out with the girls clothes.  Not as much now because my husband has a better job.  Before he was working through the operators union, and it was hard because if it rained he sat at home.  For the past year though he has worked at a place where we don't have to rely on the weather, and the company is also paying for my husbands college.  
I cut corners so much so that I stopped going to beauty shop to get my hair highlited, and now my husband and I do it.  (We do a better job anyways).  It costs me only 5.00 to do it myself where as a beauty shop was about 100.00.
We don't have credit cards, as that is what gets alot of families into some bad troubles, not all but some.  I don't believe a mother has to stay at home with their kids, but it is nice when they can.  I know many mothers that don't, and sometimes I wish I were them because at least they get out and have a life.  hehe

[April2]

Barbarella, yes I know that the DOD schools are rated the best overall. I was not impressed with the school my kids went to in Japan. The upper grades were ok. My son was in 4th through 6th grade there. But the lower grades were not good. My daughter went from kindergarten through 2nd grade there. They did not stress the phonics like I would have liked. The used whole language combined with some phonics. They let them misspell until mid second grade. Every time she'd turn in a paper she'd written, it'd have all kinds of misspelling on it and I'd try and correct it and the teacher told me not too! She said they didn't want to interupt their creative flow! To this day she is not a good speller or a good reader and I feel like that's because of those early years. Those first few years are so critical. If they don't get a good foundation in those first few years, they can struggle the rest of their school years.
Also, my daughter had access to older kids too in that school, so I believe what Laura said about her little girl and the older kids. I wasn't all that impressed with the school. That's why a lot of my friends were pulling their kids out and homeschooling them.

I also agree with those of you who said there are a lot of good public schools. We have a pretty good district here. I thought the education was pretty good but when I went to visit one of the high schools my son was interested in, I saw and heard things that were a little disturbing. I talked with the principal and he even admitted that they knew they had a drug problem but there wasn't much they could do unless someone reported them. This was a very big school, about 2,000 kids I think.
I've been impressed with some of the charter schools we have here. They're simular to the public schools but smaller and more specialized and they involve the parents more. We have one that specializes in music and the arts and another one that is college prep. They have a huge waiting list though.

Laura, I think if you are comfortable with your decision, then it's probably the right one for you. As for the concern that she won't have friends in her neighborhood, that could be a bit trickier. You might want to try and find some groups or something that meet in your neighborhood like girl scouts or something. I wish you the best! It sounds like a nicer school than the one she's going to. I'm sure she'll be fine. My kids were moved around a lot when we were in the military and did fine. My son is now in his second year of college. We moved our daughter to a new school this year (her sophmore year) because she was so miserable where she was, and so far she loves it! She is so much more happier! She's already made friends and the kids seem much nicer in this new school. I'm glad now we moved her. I think it was the best decision we could have made. I just wish we had done it sooner.
Listen to your heart. You know what's best for your child. Best wishes!

[laura1977]

Yeah, I have talked to my daughter and asked her where she would be more comfortable, and she keeps saying this new school.  She really doesn't like the other school, and that is a red flag right there because pre school she couldn't wait to go.  She'll be fine, and we also told her that the main reason for the switch isn't because of some girl saying something to her, it is because the authority isn't there in the public school.  She's happy that she is getting out of that school.

[Barbarella]

Laura,

I'd LOVE to live in the country.  Do what April said "listen to your heart".

April, we never have been to Japan.  Did you like it?  Is it a pretty country?  Are the people friendly?

[laura1977]

Barbarella I just realized you live in KY by what your profile states, but then again it also says your 106 hehehe.  No, but I don't live to far from you.  You probably know the school district that I am talking about.  

[Barbarella]

If I may ask what city in KY do you live in?  We live in Louisville.  Do you live in the same city?  If so, which part of town?

[Happy2girls]

You are right that a child's whole school experience is affected by the early years of education.  So, I do beleive that the kindergarten experience is a huge marker in forming the love of learning.  My children went to a private Montessori school for preschool and kindergarten.  Then as luck would have it a Montessori Charter was opened in time for my olderst to attend first grade.  She is now in a private high school and doing very, very well, socially and academically.  My younger daughter is still the in Charter (it goes through the 6th grade) and she is happy too.  I got a lot of critism for not sending my kids to the public school.  At the time we were living in a district with a very poor reputation.  Unfortunately, there was a lot of racial tension and the test scores were also very poor.  I mean how can children learn when they are in constant fear.  A lot of people gave me the "nothing will change if you pull your kids out of public school" speech and on the surface I agree with the idealogy.  However, I was not going to have my children be sacrificial lambs.  I say if you have the means and you have a good feeling about the private school then go for it.    

[laura1977]

Thank you for that.  Your right, I don't want my girls to live in constant fear of going to school where the adults there aren't protecting them.  
I have one chance to raise my girls, and I feel this is best for their education.  

[laura1977]

We live in Indiana about 2 hours from Louisville, KY.  I am sure that you probably can guess where we live.  

[pertykitty]

do you attend the pta meetings to bring up the issue that the older kids are picking on the 5 yr olds? have you taken this as far as you can?  the school sounds like its not the best, id probably change too i have done that as well.  i know where i live there is a huge difference in different districts.  be involved no matter what, dont be afraid to take your thoughts and questions and opinions to whoever you need to be satisfied.  lol the whole school knows who i am , i am there all the time.  good luck, kindergarden should be the best year, not one that makes the rest fearful.

[laura1977]

Yes, I stated that before I am member of PTA and do attend the meetings.  I am also room mother, and popcorn lady at the school on Fridays.  PTA president knows me by name, and school cafe people know me, Many teachers even know who I am.  My daughter has only been in classes for one month, and I am pretty known there.  I am up front and center.
I even go to lunch there once a week with my daughter, as they do let parents do this at least.

[April2]

Oh my gosh! My sister lives in Louisville, Ky! It's a small world! You can't tell where I live, I didn't say on my profile. I guess I'm just over cautious about giving out too much information.

And in answer to your question, yes we loved our time in Japan, except the earthquakes! Those took a little adjusting to! It's funny, we didn't want to go. We didn't want to leave the States and family but God had other plans. It was in Japan where my husband came back to the Lord and we met the most wonderful people that we are still friends with today. You tend to get very tight nit when you're overseas like that and only have each other. We still keep in contact with some missionary friends over there and love to hear from them and their stories. We really enjoyed our stay there and tried to get out in the community and see as much as we could. Of course, my kids favorite thing was when we went to Tokyo Disneyland! It's just like our Disneyland! The Japanese for the most part were very friendly and open to the Americans. Of course there were some who didn't like us being there, but most of them were very nice and patient when we tried to speak to them in their language. We'd love to go back someday. I'm glad we went. It was a wonderful experience.

[Barbarella]

Laura,

I only have an idea what town you live in.  I love the countryside in Indiana.  I go to Jeffersonville, IN twice a week you guessed it, to the Thrift Stores, they have awsome Thrift Stores there. :)  Did you ever go to the "overlook" restaurant?  Its in Leavenworth, IN

April,

Thanks for the info.  I admire the orientals who can speak and write English.  Its such a different language and their letters are so different.  We know people who were stationed in Okinawa and they loved it.

[laura1977]

I haven't ever been to Leavenworth.  We were actually going to take a day trip today to Clarksville, Indiana to the Bass Pro Shop, but we didn't end up going because ou year old has a cold.  It takes us a little under 2 hours to get to Clarksville, IN.  We are actually in the big E.

[bip]

Yur doing the best for yur child. I would go there when they have playtime.  I would be very upset to if someone was picking on Conner.

[K1990]

I went to a public school in Colorado and they are the biggest jokes!  The district is mainly to blame but the teachers in elementry school are basicly forced to speak out of a book and it's getting to the point where it is like they are just reading them the book all day instead of finding an actually decent way to teach.  I think that if you start in a public school its too big of a change to swich to a private school but by the time I was in my sophomore year of high school I was begging my parents to let me get my GED because I hated the environment so much.  I had a ton of friends and got along well with almost everyone and the social part of school was the only thing I could handle, I hated the way the school was run, the teachers and the rules.  So there are pros and cons of both public and private, I'm not quite sure what the difference is with a charter school.  

[laura1977]

It's not a big change to switch her to a private school.  She went to a private pre-k last year, and she has only been in kindergaten for 1 month at this public school so it's not like it's a big switch.  She actually went to the private school today to sit in on the class, and she loved it so much more then the other school.  My child is smiling again where she had stopped smiling about school with the public school she was going to.
There really aren't too many cons with this private Luthern school we are sending her too.  You know the kids are so much more respectful to adults there.  Again I know alot about this school because I went to elementary there also.  Something is to be said when parents who went there end up taking their children there too.  A couple of the parents there I saw were in my class there when I was younger.  

[misscloey]

Hi Laura
I can tell you that for several years we have debated over putting our son in private school. I just hesitated over the money part of it. It is rather expensive. We finally decided this year to enroll him in a private christian school and I feel like this is the BEST decision we have made in our lives. He is a happier child and is excelling in all subjects. He feels welcome and feels like he belongs somewhere. He is 14 now and this is a very impressionable time in his life.He has always been sort of a "follower" type of kid. So this was a major concern for us as parents.  
It is worth every penny. I do know that there are "bad" kids everywhere, but I cant help but think that a school with 25 kids in his whole 9th grade class is more stable for a child than a school with thousands of kids. I know that he loves all of his teachers and he gets personal attention with everything he needs at school.

Good luck on your decision.

[misscloey]

I know what you mean about knowing people from your past. My husband also went to this private school and the same teachers that tought him are teaching our son. It is a wonderful thing. The teachers dont just know you (the child) they truly care for them and watch over them. What more could you possibly want for your child?
Best of luck

[wagg]

There would be no questions asked, I would put my child in a private school. They get better hands on with the teacher because these kind of schools are not over crowered. private schools are great. If you can afford it girl goahead and make the change.

[laura1977]

Well, get this everyone.  We went to pick up my daughters school supplies from the public school she was going to, guess what her teacher told me?  She said she totally understood why I took her out and that she would've done the same thing.  She agrees with me that there is something majorly wrong with that school.  That's a teacher from the school telling me that.

[laura1977]

I understand about the cost thing, that was why we backed out of it before.  But I told the school my concerns with the cost, and they are letting us pay a low monthly payment, and then in Feb. I pay a balloon payment with tax check.  Isn't that so great!

[laura1977]

I watched this morning while my daughter sat in on that class, and I was amazed how much one on one time the teacher could give the kids.  9 kids in the class, much better then the over crowded ones at the public.  I am completely at peace with my decision, and my daughter is happy too.  :)

[K1990]

I'm glad your little girl is happy about school and that is actually a very big thing.  Ask her what she wants to do... if she wants to stay where she is or change schools that way you know that it won't affect her in a bad way because she helped decide on her school.  Good luck!

[laura1977]

um  here's the thing.  My daughter is 5 years old.  I am not going to keep her in a school that is harmful for her learning just because she says she wants to.  I as a parent have seen the bad in the school she was at, and ultimatly it is a parents decision on where to send their children.  I don't really feel that you have read the postings as then you wouldn't be asking this question.  I mean if I stated that my daughter started this new school and she was so happy, that usually means she was happy with it.  As parents you can tell by your childrens behavior if something is off.  I could see that, and then I spent time at the school to see what the issues were.  I talked with many other mothers that had the same issues, but couldn't afford to put their kids in private schools.  
When you get older K1990 and have your own children you will realize what a parent goes through to do the best for their child.  You are seeing it from the aspect of a teens view, but my daughter is only in kindergarten.  Are you aware that the first couple of years of school is the biggest thing for a child.  Their brain is still growning and what happens in these years is very important.
My child is safe at this new school.  As safe as she is going to be.  My father went to this school, and me and my brothers went to this school, and now my daughter.  It is a great school and we are putting our daughters well being before ours.  My daughter is happy about this decision, as I stated earlier.

[Happy2girls]

I am so happy that you found a solution that works for you.  My husband and I feel very blessed to have the means to do this for our children as well.  Our system is really broken though that this is even an issue.  How are your public schools funded?  Where I live it is through property taxes.  Which means of course that the more money you make, the better the area where you live, the more you pay in taxes and the better your schools are.  This is truly unfair to those less fortunate and my heart goes out to those who have no other choice but to send their children to these broken and often times violent schools.  Some of my friends tried to guilt me into sending my girls through the public system, telling me that getting involved would force a change.  But as I mentioned before I wouldn't sacrifice my girls for a change that is so far off into the future, things are so messed up.  I choose to believe that by giving my girls the best education I could provide it might inspire them to go on and change the world.  I feel that we are blessed to be able to do this for our children.  

[bip]

I read your post your 17 yrs old and no children who do you think you are telling Laura what to do?


Laura- It makes me mad when these teens have no children think they no what they are talking about......

[laura1977]

You know come to think of it our taxes on our home went up 30.00 a month this year.  I can't for the life of me figure out where the school system is putting it though.  As their classrooms are very plan, and the schools could use some adding onto, as I believe that is most of our school systems problem.  They are OVER CROWDED!  My daughter only got 9-10 minutes to get her lunch and eat it.  Most of this is because they have so many children at the school.
You know many people don't realize that private schools offer financial aid to those who qualify.  We didn't though.  Also, if you are a member of the churchs in the system, they can sometimes knock off half the price right there.  
Last year our public school system had to drop full day kindergarten and go to half day because they lost the funds.  They did get the funds this year though.
I understand that not all public school systems are as bad as we are, but there are alot.  Heck, the ISTEP scores in the private schools hear are 90%-95% whereas the public schools are 55%-60%.  5 Schools in our public school systems are on probabtion of loosing their funding because their ISTEP scores are so low.  Parents in those districts are allowed to send their children to another school in another district.
I kept an open mind at the beginning of this and was hoping that it would work out in the public school system, but it didn't.
I can't tell you how much happier our daughter is with this new school.  She likes that the kids take turns feeding the fish and watering the plants.  They also give them 20 minutes of down time in the middle of the day.  It's more like a kindergarten room should be.  It is living proof that a 5 year old can still have fun in school and make high grades.  
My parents sent all 5 of us kids to private schools.  I now know what kind-of money that took them to do that.  

[Happy2girls]

I am so glad your daughter is happy.  I think you did the right thing.  I have absolutely no regrets about my choice either.  It's a great feeling when your kids actually WANT to go to school.  

[Barbarella]

You do not ask a 5 yr old child what should be done.  Children get very easily confused.  They might tell the truth, and they might not because they don't  understand and think they need to please their parents i.e. "I like it, but mom don't so I've to tell her that I don't like it" and vise versa i.e. "mom likes it but I don't but I want to please mom so so I tell her that I like it.  The mother/parents see/feel what is right for their kids as in school.  The mom/parents makes the decision, once a school is picked and the child is shown that school as Laura's girl was then the parent can ask the child "what do you think about THIS school" the parent doesn't show /tell the child either or.  Should the child want to stay with the bad school, then its the parents job to explain to the 5 yr old why he/she should change schools, why it would be better for her/him.

You're only 17 you might have babysat or have younger siblings but that is not the same as the experience of a mother/parents raising a child.

Laura, I'm happy for you that you found that school

[bip]

I agree. Your right on the button.   You are so awesome.....

[laura1977]

I always snicker when I see that you say your 106.  Your so funny.  Don't change your profile because it's just so funny.
Mattie starts full-time school tomorrow.  She is so looking forward to it.  Monday she sat in on the class and just loved it.  I think we have good thing going right now.  I know I feel at peace with my decision now.  Something in my gut was bothering me for the past month, but its gone now.  Great feeling.

[bip]

Im so glad you made the right choice.  Its always a bad feeling when something goes wrong with our children.