Hey everyone, I'm hoping to get a diverse selection of answers here.
Okay, so the problem here is my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex....I fear its something deeper than I know.
Let me give you a baseline. We've been on and off for the past three years, at this point we've been together for almost a year and its been pretty good.
The start of things was amazing, we had sex like we would die without it, in fact, at one point she told me that she wanted me to need sex from her. I got used to that, I could be half way to passing out and I'd get woken up so I could screw her brains out, and when we were done, 20 mins later it was happening again. Out side of the bedroom things were awesome, everytime I would get home she would jump into my arms like she hadn't seen me for days,. We would go out and do things together all the time, we laughed and smiled together, basically we made eachother happy.
The middle, we hit a rough spot somewhere and I had lied to her about somethings...She was totally pissed. Yet, we still slept together all the time. Still hung out, still laughed and smiled together, without much effort on either part things were still pretty damn good.
Present, look, I lied I know. I'm a really good guy though, I've been honest since then, I bend over *** backwards for her. I give her my cell phone to use at work, I make her food all the time, I clean everything, I make the bed, I have her coffee ready for when she gets up, I take care of our dogs, I've cleaned her car on more than one occasion, I give her massages(back, shoulder, feet) I buy her things, I do everything I can to show her that I'm serious and that I care about her... and none of that matters, atleast thats what it seems like. She would rather be anywhere than be at home with me, she doesn't like to go out and do things with me anymore, sex hasn't happened since March somewhere around March 8th. I try to start things with her, spooning is generally how we fall asleep, and I try kissing her neck, she just kinda pretends to sleep, lately we laugh a bit together but not nearly enough. I haven't tried to bring up our problems in a while though, I bought her a ring a while back and she asked what it was supposed to mean, and I just said, "all I want is to be with you" her reply, "You are with me"
I don't think she knew what I meant. I wanted to feel like a couple again.
To add to this a bit, I feel like Mr. Mom. I do everything and get nothing in return. This doesn't even have to be about sex I mean, I don't even get the chance to cuddle with her unless I'm passing out. I love her to death, and will not leave her. I just need to know how to fix? Whatever I may have broke?
Perhaps she isn't happy with you. I don't think it's even about the lies you told because after it happened she seemed fine with you. Maybe she's grown out of love and just got extremely comfortable and just stays in the relationship because she's used to it. I hope you don't take offense to that but I relationship shouldn't be one sided and that's how it sounds here. In the beginning of every relationship there is that excitement and newness and the sex is outstanding. Once you get further into the relationship that feelings dwindles down a bit and relationships become a bit routine. But in my opinion a year isn't even a long time for it to get to where your relationship is at. I believe in open communication and you should definitely talk to her about your concerns. And say it just the way you did above. That it's not about the sex, that you want to feel an emotional connection. But sex brings couples closer and provides a level of intimacy that you feel is missing. What can you do to make her happy? What you need from her to make you happy. Ask her if she still wants to be in the relationship and if she does then you need to feel like she is putting in the effort. See what comes out of the conversation. Good luck.
you lied and in order to make it okay you acted like you were in a relationship (cleaning, cooking, helping out and being nice to your s/o shouldn't be only when you did something bad....) ....mm hmm. my husband and i are having problems and he still helps with the kids, lets me sleep in when he gets up, cooks, helps me clean, walks the dog when i'm busy writing and bought me beautiful roses for mothers day and is taking care of me right now b/c i'...why does he do that? b/c that's what you do. you help each other.
i'm with mami...it sounds like she just isn't happy. and it could be from the lies. she could just be acting like everything is fine.
Well the issue there is, I've always been this way. I always do anything and everything I can to help her out, I just never get the same respect...
I plan on talking to her, but conversations are hard because I never know what to say, she sits there staring at me and I stutter and repeat myself until she gets pissed off, then the conversation ends...
Well communication is essential in every relationship. If you can't talk to her then how do you expect things to get better? You know what to say because you said it above. If you can't speak to her without getting nervous than write her a letter and have her read it. Then discuss it after she reads it. That's the only other way.
I can tell from the way you write that you love her. I think I'd switch your thinking and instad of thinking about her needs in terms of sex and cuddling that I'd try to figure out what her needs are. You've ben untruthful to her and for some women that is a deal breaker. Some will never feel the same about a guy. Others will wait to see if they can trust that person fully again. I think this is your girlfriend. She's unsure. She's protecting herself emotionally. She also sees you in a little different light than she used to. You are now the guy who lied to her rather than her sexy, awesome new boyfriend. The other issue that happens with couples is a sex life that matures a little. Maybe the initial spark she felt is dulling. Still there but not as bright and that happens. This becomes an area that a lot of couples have to work on a bit.
Back to what I meant about fulfilling her needs. Well, if you let her down by lying to her . . . you need to continue to prove you are a good guy. I'm not talking about just doing things like cooking and cleaning for her (which is nice but that should be fair share for each) but the emotional things that will make her feel better. If you don't know what that is, then you need to figure it out and take it seriously. I just had a conversation with a friend of mine. Her husband feels emotionally connected when . . . surprise----- they are cuddling or having sex. SHE feels connected when they are having an awesome connection and talking and spending time as a family with their child. He won't get that so she doesn't want to have sex with him. He is only seeing how HE feels connected to someone vs. taking into account that she has different needs. So take that as you will and good luck!
I think the passion has worn off and she doesn't talk about it to you anymore than you are talking about it with her. You are both avoiding the talk. I would suggest you show her your post. Pretty much it says how you feel, and if she is uncomfortable talking, request she do the same thing, put it in print and afterward agree to come together for discussion. That will help keep the arguing down. Arguing is another way of ending an unwanted discussion. It sounds like neither of you want to face this but in order to move on you both have to have the talk and nothing will change until you do, it will only deteriorate further with time.
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