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My husband hit me in face SHOULD I leave?
I am so devastated!! My husband just got married a month ago but having the HUGE wedding in 2 weeks at the country club. We have been so stressed about this wedding and paying everything off and people complaining about inviting more people. My husband's mom called arguing about not putting family members on the list and I was disturbed how his mother was yelling and talking down to me like I was child and I got very upset. We decided to go over to the house and talk face to face all together. Upon getting out of the car and going into his mom's house I turned around and said I forgot my purse which was an attempt to flee the scene. My husband ran to the car and started yelling for me to get out of the car and started cursing and threatening to punch my car. His mom came to the car to try to calm him down and he put his fist in my face and said get out of the car and that he was tired of the problems. Before I knew it his fist or hand was in my face and broke my glasses on my face and my lip was swollen. I drove off in a rush swirving all over the road, through a light and then finally stopped after shaking to death and called the cops. He was booked, cuffed and I now have a restraining order. I can't believe in one second my life changed. In the middle of the turmoil when my husband was attacking me his mother was knocked down either from the car peeling off or when he try to reach and hit me. I feel so bad and depressed that my month old marriage has fallen apart so soon. I don't know what to do. Do I leave him for good? Do I try counseling? I am all alone at night when I use to have my warm smooth husband next to me at night and now just emptiness and coldness. This is the first time he put his hands on my but I don't want to end up like other women who end up with years of abuse and black eyes and broken jaws. What do I do? I am so sad.
You need to leave also! You're hurting your 2 Kids WAY more by subjecting them to an abusive home where they are learning that this kind of behavior is normal. They will grow up with that mentality and either become abusers themselves or they will become victims of abusers in their relationships. Unless you want that to be your kids future then you need to get away from that monster now. As in yesterday. Come up with an escape plan and get out of there with your kids before he hurts you a lot worse than he already has.
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In the end, children will blame both parents, in fact, it was the experience of four of my mothers children, in the same situation of an abusive male, that my mother actually got the worst of it from her kids. Why? Because they said, "what's your excuse?" " why are you trying to pretend that you weren't just as bad? You could have saved us from him , but you didn't. " 3 out of 4 of my mother's children had no contact with her,, when they became aware that they were maladjusted, not even on mother's day. I spent years holding my mother's hand on mother's day from morning til night , in fact the week before an after, while she cried because , as it turns out, her kids could not justify why she stayed in an abusive relationship for her kids to model. My one brother was a dug addict, and beat all 3 of his wives since i last saw him (30 years ago) my sister was obese her whole life and an abusive violent women who lied about her husband sexually abusing her daughter, (it came out it was a lie). My eldest brother was a an alcoholic.who lost his kids, (as was I). DON'T THINK YOU WILL BE VIEWED AS A MARTYR. You will be blamed , not given sainthood, should you stay.
Please leave!!! I found your post after my husband kicked me in the face and made my nose bleed seconds ago because I tried to take off his outside shoes in our bed that I have to clean every day with all the dirt, tobacco and more in it . I said "You made me bleed everywhere Owh it hurts!!!!" Then he said "I obviously ddn't kick you hard enough." I thought it could have been an accident, but it obviously wasn't. We were already in an argument about how he wants sex that is painful to me. He is angry a me for not enjoying it.. He has always been verbally abusive and psychologically always using my childhood rape against me. I went to the chiropractor today because I was in pain and I offered him to come with. He declined to play his video game. He says I had sex with the doctor and tricked him into not coming with me. He says I am always cheating even if I am just going to the store. I have never cheated once. He has tried and I caught him when he had some girl texting my phone. He has lived off my income for years buying whatever he wants. If I buy a magazine I am selfish and wasting money. He has worked maybe three months in the years we have been together. I have two kids with him and feel like I can't hurt my kids like that by leaving. You should go. I know it will hurt, but it only gets worse trust me!!!! Please don't do this to yourself because you feel guilty!!! I am pleading with you run!!!!! :'( Find a kind man who will never hit you and make it feel like your fault!!! For you and me <3 Find a good life. :) okay?
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Please consider leaving, you need to leave so your children have a chance and know that one parent definitively knows better than hitting to get one's own way is acceptable.
I was married to an abusive man and I'm here to tell you that it ALWAYS escalated. The punches would get harder and more frequent and once he put a gun to my head and actually pulled the trigger but thankfully it wasn't loaded. I was scared to death to leave and stayed in that mess for 7 years. If I hit back or fought back, I would get it worse. I didn't realize at the time how much emotional damage he was doing to me. The physical scars go away, but the emotional damage can last a lifetime. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I finally drew up the courage to leave. And yes, he hit me while I was pregnant, so that was the last straw. My son gave me the strength and courage I needed and I would've done anything at any cost to protect him in my tummy.
My advice is to cut your losses and let him go. Once a partner starts with physical violence, it almost always never gets better. I'm sorry you are going through this tough time. I hope you find some inner peace very soon.
My advice is to cut your losses and let him go. Once a partner starts with physical violence, it almost always never gets better. I'm sorry you are going through this tough time. I hope you find some inner peace very soon.
i agree with the others. one strike and your out. any guy hit me and he would be on curb faster then he could blink. no women or man deserves to be hit no matter what the reasons are. but it is your choice, i know you love him but say you stay and things are ok for a while and you start to have a family. who is to say that he is not going to get upset with the baby/child and strike them. i would look at the whole picture and make the decision that is going to make you safe
I'm with Beargizmo on this. He's out.
Don't let the door hit ya, where the Lord split ya.
Curb him.
Don't let the door hit ya, where the Lord split ya.
Curb him.
When it comes to husbands hitting wives, I believe in "one strike and you're out"...I can't see that this will not develop into a pattern..perhaps he was feeling pressure from all sides and exploded...too bad. He's out.
Jim
i have been in an abusive relationship before with a man that i just loved loved loved!! it did not get any better. unfortunatly it wont. we teach people how to treat us, and by going back you are simply teaching him that it is ok to hit you. Love is God and Love does not hurt. I wish you the very best that life has to offer. I am soooo sorry because I know how you feel. But trust me, it will get better. But for future references, everybody has telltale signs of abuse. From this moment on, you will just be a little bit more aware of them and recognize them more quickly. Good luck hun!!!
I would have to agree with the above posters I would DEFINITELY leave. I personally have never been hit by a man but it happened to my mother & it was horrible. My stepfather hit my mother one time because he was mad & she threw him out & had him arrested. He spent some time in jail & he still came around because of me & my sister but she was done. He apologized many times [[she never took him back of course]] & once he put a gun to her head..in front of me & my sister who were only 4 at the time. I dread to think of what might have happened had she forgiven him & taken him back. Anyways I hope that story didn't freak you out [[not my intention]]. The point I'm getting at is if he felt the need to use force to release his anger then he doesn't sound lyke someone who you should be with. There is NO reason why a man should ever hit a woman.
The last post you were asking if you should end this marriage, its gotten so bad that he has become physically abusive & you are asking if you should work this out? My answer is simple, NO! There is nothing to work out. This relationship is strained beyond belief. It won't get any better. Sorry but I don't think this is a healthy relationship at all.
Counceling or classes is what I want him to do, as well as I to ensure I handle problems calmly myself and not escalte problems to out of control problems. However, as Teko put it, if this was a child and he slapped or bruised my child there would no question that it would be ok but for some reason I make excuses for myself. That makes me think very differently about things. The love I have for him makes me blind as with other people in domestic violence situations. I never saw myself being in this situation of being torn of leaving my husband, the man I breath, smell in his soul at night and our hearts beat at the same rhythm, it might sound corny but that is how I felt the moment we met. Now I see him differently but still love him deeply. Was his one night in jail enough time to think of what he is losing. I will not make any decisions, I will not change or drop anything, I am going to think and watch for he has not contacted me anyway and probably won't until the court date. Well actually I have to make decisions by next week because I have to send out postcards to everyone that was coming to the wedding in two weeks to let them know we are cancelling and everything is lost.
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by sending out that you are "cancelling or postponing" the wedding you are having this man become accountable for his actions and it's a good start. If it were me i would assume that it was OVER. It is likely that this man has grown up in violence, in that violence was modeled to him in his family life. It is probably very highly ingrained in him. There's a chance that it hasn't been, but you should err on the side of caution and assume that it was (as is the usual case). Therefore, it is not the courts that should be requiring long term anger management classes for you to even consider talking to him again. It is you. (without ABSOLUTELY ANY EXPECTATIONS OF YOU)
Then, in time, like an alcoholic needing to prove long term sobriety, you might be able to consider his being legitimately rehabilitated. That's how it works. Those are the facts. Save yourself and your future kids now from a man that has no control over his strength and power to hurt you. A strong man is one that deals with women with finesse and a loving spirit.and that's what you deserve. Alternately, as he may have been mirrored violent behavior, you also could have grown up in a co dependent relationships being modeled to you.
https://www.google.ca/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=codependence
. Figure out if you have been and act accordingly. Learn how to handle co dependence and make sure you're not attracted to the chaos of co dependence, through reading, or a therapist. You have to be able to read him and yourself before making any plans. The reason? Because there's more fish in the sea that could make you happier than a man who has no control. Keep that as your bottom line. and you'll be being real and fixed in reality. There are good men out there that would never harm YOU : as well as there are the opposite. Beware of this red flag. Time for you to be overly discerning.to the point of expecting the excesses, like anger management. If a friend of yours was sick you would get him or her to the appropriate doctor or psychiatrist and that's all you're doing bu requesting it if you talk again. Right now, it should be noted, that you are in better shape that you were, you literally have dodged a bullet . You could have been hit first on your honey moon.
Then, in time, like an alcoholic needing to prove long term sobriety, you might be able to consider his being legitimately rehabilitated. That's how it works. Those are the facts. Save yourself and your future kids now from a man that has no control over his strength and power to hurt you. A strong man is one that deals with women with finesse and a loving spirit.and that's what you deserve. Alternately, as he may have been mirrored violent behavior, you also could have grown up in a co dependent relationships being modeled to you.
https://www.google.ca/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=codependence
. Figure out if you have been and act accordingly. Learn how to handle co dependence and make sure you're not attracted to the chaos of co dependence, through reading, or a therapist. You have to be able to read him and yourself before making any plans. The reason? Because there's more fish in the sea that could make you happier than a man who has no control. Keep that as your bottom line. and you'll be being real and fixed in reality. There are good men out there that would never harm YOU : as well as there are the opposite. Beware of this red flag. Time for you to be overly discerning.to the point of expecting the excesses, like anger management. If a friend of yours was sick you would get him or her to the appropriate doctor or psychiatrist and that's all you're doing bu requesting it if you talk again. Right now, it should be noted, that you are in better shape that you were, you literally have dodged a bullet . You could have been hit first on your honey moon.
So bottom line, in order to control you and make you do what he wanted, he used force? Do they call that love? Let me ask you this. If your father had been the one that did this to you, what would it be called? And would the law care why he did it? If it were a child, would that be ok? What I am trying to say to you is this. No matter what the circumstances involved it is never okay to take a fist and hit someone. Never. You were right in calling the police, as he has broken the law as well as betrayed your love over something totally stupid! When it comes to domestic violence, which is what this is, I do not believe in second chances. And what would he have done if he was not his the presence of his mom? Makes one wonder..... Has he ever shown signs of not being in control of his temper before. It is hard to imagine no other signs ever presented themselves till now. Think back to all the times you have seen him upset. Go from there.
I always believe in second chances. Just because someone does something once does not mean they are going to do it again. You might want to keep your distance. I am guessing that you have a 72 hour mandatory restraining order. He will not necessarily, there are times when instead of servicing jail time that people will be referred to violence classes or even counseling. The state can press charges if you don't.
The best thing for you to do is to do. Is to talk with other people, like his parents and see what they have to say. This is not a decision that should be made lightly.
The best thing for you to do is to do. Is to talk with other people, like his parents and see what they have to say. This is not a decision that should be made lightly.
this is wrong what your husband has done a month into your marriage a bit of family confliction and he thinks he can man handle you like that,na early signs of things to come if you ask me,and to knock his own mother to the fall no respect at all wheather it was him or the car he isdigated the situation,keep the restraing order and leave,my heart goes out to you,it is awful but better to know now before he does you real damage
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