My husband left me.

My husband has a very bad temper and angers extremely easily. He isn't very affectionate either. When I voice my wants, concerns, or troubles he gets mad because he takes it as a personal attack. He doesn't want to go to counseling because we had a bad experience once. The therapist was one sided and it wasn't on his side. He doesn't want to go to church and let HIM help our marriage. We finally got into a fight and he packed up and left. He says that he can't be around me because when he gets mad (which is often) he wants to be left alone and I just keep trying to talk to him and making him even more mad. He says that when I do this he gets to the point of anger that he feels like he will lose control and hit me. He says he loves me and wants to work things out but he doesn't feel like any resolution will come to this. I love him VERY much. We have no children because he says he isn't ready. He wants "toys" first. We have only been married 5 mos. I don't want to give up, but what can I do? He goes vack and forth on whether he wants to divorce or try to work on it. He won't give me a straight answer. He is very much a momma's boy. His mom does everything for him...laundry, cook, cleans up after him. I am lost with this.... Please help!

[hardcoreback]

well, there are people who believes , depends and thinks their parents knows best.. dont get me wrong.. parents are there to guide us.. but at times, ok, most of the times, parents , too, become overprotective that they tend to make matters worst.. if its his mom whos telling him that he is not yet ready for anything, well, he loves you... he may be just afraid of his mom or something..

on the otherhand... he may also have (and maybe im wrong on this..) another woman.. just look how he is acting .. he wants you now, then he doesnt on the next.. he is not willing to take anything to repair ur relationship.. is this love? he is saying he loves you but why isnt he starting something which may be benficial to both of you?

try to make a decision.. it may not be a "yes" or a "no" decision but if you love urself.. u'd better make one.. if he tells u he loves u. believe him,..  still, u have eyes to see if its true...


god bless....
(",) hardocre-back
---->

p.s. hope ull gonna be ok..

[RockRose]

I think you should let him leave,  Sunshine.  This may hurt for awhile,  but thank the Lord you don't have any kids with him.  He sounds like a total misery,  and best to cut your losses and not waste anymore time on this marriage.

There is no shame in admitting you made a mistake,  and fixing it.  The shame comes in laying around and not taking action.  

Best wishes.

[PGB]

I would have SERIOUS doubts about getting back together with him, if he did want to.  You said he has a really bad temper.  He told you he is afraid he will hit you.  Can you live with him knowing that?  Could you ever consider bringing children into that?  What if they made him mad and he hit them?  Sounds to me like you deserve better...good luck to you.

[kenziesmom]

Go Dikhead!!

[PlateletGal]

Let me get this straight:

This man is inconsiderate of your feelings, refuses to go to therapy because the therapist doesn't agree with him, intolerant of your feelings and unable to control his temper.

I hope you guys do NOT have children. This man is in no position to have children at this time. He has some major issues and this is something that you cannot help him with. He needs to get help on his own --- but the chances of that are slim. He needs to realize this for himself.

[hardcoreback]

go PlateletGal! go PlateletGal!


-- ur too damn right ...
(",) sagad....

[anxiousmomtobe?]

How long did you know him before you got married?  He doesn't sound like a prince, however, we are only hearing your side of things.  And to quote Dr Phil:  "A pancake has two sides no matter how thin you make it".

The reality is that both of you need counselling and if he is unwilling to participate you may have to cut your losses.  And it sounds like both of your have some growing up to do.  But we all have been young, inexperienced and made some big mistakes so don't feel like I am judging you.  I'm an old broad and I still make stupid mistakes.

[sunshiine779]

No we do not have children. We have known eachother for over ten years, but we didn't start dating until we were out of high school. He is 24 and I'm 23. We have only been married for 5 mos. He did tell me that he doesn't want to give up, that he didn't marry me to just get a divorce 5 mos. later, but he can't say for sure he won't want a divorce if we can't work things out. He is going to see a counselor he has seen before that he feels close to. He says that he needs to try to get a grip on his anger to make this marriage work. However, I can't keep letting him go back and forth in and out of my life. I love him with all my heart, but my heart is getting smaller each time he leaves.

[PGB]

Sounds to me like he needs to either stick with his therapy long term, or find a new therapist.  The one he has may not be "up to snuff."  Doesn't sound like it's been helping up to this point.  Are you not afraid of making him angry and him hitting you, or worse?  I can't imagine living and sleeping with someone who admitted wanting to hit me.  I still say you deserve better.  Cut your losses and find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.  Good luck to you...

[sk2006a]

i thought therapists didn't "pick sides", so maybe this is an indication that he's really a mess.  if he's so wishy washy about staying married, how is therapy going to work?  i would think he would have to WANT your marriage to work for counseling to help you stay together.  don't you want to try to find someone that will treat you better?  no one can tell you what to do with your life, but i know i wouldn't settle for someone who treated me like c.rap.  good luck.