My mum won't let me see my boyfriend...

A couple of weeks ago my mum took me and my boyfriend to Sydney with her, he acted like a typical moody teenage boy and my mum had a giant him for it.. The whole thing got blown out of proportion an she got the whole family involved and put it on Facebook and everything.. I switch between my mums and my dads house each week.. My mum won't let me see my boyfriend on her week and is trying to stop me from going to my dads so I don't see my boyfriend too :'( it just hurts that I'm not allowed to e happy because of a tantrum.. We've been together for just over a year and now I'm not allowed to see him :( I have to be hurt so tht she's happy..  She should e happy that I'm happy.. That's how I see it :(

Sorry for the life story I just need to get it out :(

[jamesruss1]

Thats what being in love is all about......but no ones why love is so hard but in time people understand it. As for your mom who won't let you see him...thats something that you need to ask her and talk about....Good Luck

[specialmom]

One of the reasons we have parents is that sometimes they see things that we do not.  I would say that your mom is seeing this boy as not a great catch for you.  This is an old tail, remember Romeo and Juliet.  

Take it from me as I had this situation myself as a teenager-----------  in the big scheme of life, mom's do usually know best.  If I'd stayed with my highschool boyfriend-----------  oh lordy, what a horrible life I'd have had.  

But you will not believe me on this as you are smack in the middle of those years.  Instead, I would talk to your boyfriend (who sounds way too old to have a tantrum and I myself would not want him around with that kind of behavior)-------  about apologizing to your mother and doing some anger management work.  Talk to the school counselor about what kinds of things he can do to work on this.  If he takes that seriously and is indeed sincerely apologetic to your mother, then perhaps she will allow you limited access to him.  

good luck and study hard in school!  That is the ticket to future happiness.  

[UhOhDontKnow]

I try and she just say he's not the right guy for you.. But I think that's for me to find out, how am I goin to know in the future? Right now I'm happy, he treats me like a princess and he's my best friend.. I can be like 150% myself around him.. Plus I'm only 17.. If it doesn't work out then I'll learn something.. I just think she should be happy for me because I am..

[UhOhDontKnow]

He's only 16 so he's just a typical moody guy like all the rest but since I got with him he's it back into education, quit smoking and drinking, he's got a job now and he's looking into anger management after the thing with my mum..

He apologized to her and she just ignored him. But I'm still young and I think I'm the one whose supposed to make up my mind...my 14 year old sister is allowed out late with boys and no one cares..
I'm almost 18 and I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend...

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, give your mom some time to see that he has changed.  He doesn't sound like someone I'd be jumping up and down for regarding my daughter either.  

At 18, what is attractive about this 16 year old guy that is immature and moody?  Just curious.  Don't you want to be with someone that is past that?  I would.  (and  not all 16 year olds are that way----  why you picked one with a few issues that you had to 'help' him through would also worry me if I were your mother).  

Try to keep your eyes open and on the prize which is you being successful and independent of any man.  Dating life as a teen is often riddled with drama and don't let this distract you.  

And I always feel like the more we expect from a partner, the higher our standards-----------  the better guy we will get.  Consider raising your own bar for who you spend time with.  He may grow into a fine young man but he is not there yet.  

But as I know that is all 'big picture' advice and not addressing your immediate concerns, back off from bugging your mom about it and let him make these changes and give some more time.  Maybe she'll soften her stance down the road.  good luck

[Kayannaboo]

Hi there! Sounds like you are in quite a dilemma. I can't blame you for being upset as I know that when you are in love, its hard for you to be away from the person. Especially when you are held back by a higher force, in your case, you mother.

You stated that on the trip to Sidney he behaved like a typical, moody, teenager. I wonder if your mom has a different take on the matter. Are you sure he was being "typical" or just rude? I ask because your mom has you as a teenager, so I am certain that she is well aware of what behavior is considered as typical or just inconsiderate and mean. Do you get where I am going with this?

She took you both on the trip, which means that she was fine with him before. So what drastic thing could have happened to make her change her view of him so dramatically? Your mother may at the moment feel completely disrespected by your boyfriend. She sees him right now as someone who is not good enough to be with her daughter. Sweetie, you cannot blame her.

Your mother deserves respect from all your friends especially your boyfriend and you ought to make sure of that. Do not say I am picking sides with your mom, I don't do sides. I am asking you to evaluate the situation again and to make sure that you are certain your mom is over reacting or if your boyfriend was being a big meanie.

When I was with the dad of my child as a teen, my mother despised him. GREATLY! But I remember no matter what she said (and my mom gets nasty!) about him, he never once answered her. Its not that he's a wuss but he knows that for that moment she was in charge of me. If he wanted to continue with me, he would have to take the blows.

My suggestion would be to ask your boyfriend to wait until your mother has cooled off and then apologize to her. He needs to tell her he is sorry and of his desire to be with you. Remember please, that she is your mom and you only get to have ONE. Anyone that comes in your life needs to be polite to her out of respect for you as well.

Take Care!

Anna

[UhOhDontKnow]

He'll be 17 soon and I'm with him because he just makes me feel good about myself.. He listens to me, he's always there for me when I need him, he does everything for me and I'm comfortable enough to be myself..

What happened in Sydney was mum wanted to go to tropfest and he didn't want to go because he doesn't like that kind of thing but I told him I wanted him to come so he did.. He was ok on the way up but he's clostrophobic and doesn't handle trains well.. And when we were in Sydney we had to sit in the sun for 8hrs just waiting and he got pissed off and said he wanted to go home so mum went off at him (my mum has anxiety problems so the littlest things often set her off, she doesn't realize..) and he was almost in tears and mum
Made us all go home.. And she put it all on Facebook but making it out to be this massive thing so now my whole family, who don't know him, are telling me I'm awful for bringing him along and they make me feel like I'm a disappointment because I'm not dating their prince charming

I was making him a scrapbook for his birthday and I'm not even allowed to make that for him anymore..

[specialmom]

Well, if you are going to college soon, studying really hard, getting ready for your own career in which you'll be an independent woman----  you'll be able to make your own decisions about who you want to be with soon enough.  You are now living with your mother as a child and therefore, must respect her wishes even if you don't agree with them.  

You should focus on becoming a strong, independent woman as a top priority and then you can make all of your own decisions.  

But he sounds like he behaved quite badly and is very childish.  Set your standards higher dear.  good luck

[Londres70]

Will agree with Kayannaboo and Specialmom.  

Trust me, in the end, mom usually does knows what is best, however, I don't agree with her "airing" this on FB (I am not a fan of FB for these reasons) and she shouldn't interfere with your visitation with your father in order to "keep" you away from this boy.  

Your statement....."He's only 16 so he's just a typical moody guy like all the rest but since I got with him he's it back into education, quit smoking and drinking, he's got a job now and he's looking into anger management after the thing with my mum."  Well, that is enlightening.  I would consider someone seeking help with anger management NOT a "typical moody teenage;" sounds like someone with some serious issues which would cause high concern for any mother who cares about her daughter.  

Ideally, he probably needs to focus on himself and sort his behavioral issues out.    

[UhOhDontKnow]

He knows he has to do that.. His mum kicked him and his dad out with nothing 3 years ago and his dad got into smoking pot and drinking, not caring about life.. He dropped out of school.. But he's stopped all that and is back in school now. He just has anger issues an gets stressed easily..

[specialmom]

Ugh.  It will be years from now but that is the beauty of the internet.  You can google this and see how much you've grown past thinking it is a good idea to be with someone that has anger issues and gets stressed easily.

Hindsight is 20/20.  I wish I could convince you now to want better/more for yourself.  But knowing I can't, I will just wish you well.

Oh, and I agree with Londres.  I loathe facebook-------  it causes so many problems and frankly invades privacy.  Your mom was wrong to 'air' the dirty laundry  in that way in my opinion.  But otherwise, she may have some valid points in being skeptical about this young, immature and troubled (but doing a little bit better you say) boy.  Maybe he'll completely change-----  and she'll accept him.  But he also comes from a family where 'his dad got him into smoking pot and drinking'.   Gonna be hard to combat his lifetime of bad influences and really that is NOT your job.  It is so much easier to like/love a person that doesn't have such baggage.  

But good luck dear no matter what happens.

[Carito275]

Well I seen you goten better sins last time thats good. About your mother just let her calm down  and wen she is let your boyfriend prove him self to her that he is good enough for you
Good luck

[brice1967]

I don't blame your mother for being mad.  When I was a young man, I did everything I could to be in good graces with a girlfriends parents.  The last thing I wanted to do is look like a brat or an idiot in front of a girlfriends parents.... and being disrespectful?  NEVER!

As an young adult, when I had the opportunity to meet my wife's mother (before we got married) and older siblings, I wanted them to know that I was going to be a gentleman and treat their daughter/sister in an appropriate manner.  

Apparently that is a lost thing these days.... Furthermore, what is a 16 year old boy doing throwing a fit?  Sounds like he needs a spanking?  If he can still throw fits, he can still be spanked.  

I'd move along...  You're mother is protecting you from a nightmare.