Aa
My son
I just got a phone call from my oldest son teacher hes not doing all his work in school he has moments he cries and he told his teacher he hates life. Hes 10 years old in 5th grade. Itsa a BIG adjustment for him hes in middle school. He has ADHD AND HES ON A IEP plan. Hes not bringing all his homework home and not finishing his work. The teacher thinks I shouldnt punish him for this.
I need advise what you ladies think I should do. I dont want to be hard on him but I want him to learn he needs to bring his homework home and finish all his work... Ita a BIG responsiblitlie he needs to do. I told the teacher he can do all his make up work over the weekend. Do you think that is enough punishment for him or I should take something away from him to.
Thanks Ladies...
I need advise what you ladies think I should do. I dont want to be hard on him but I want him to learn he needs to bring his homework home and finish all his work... Ita a BIG responsiblitlie he needs to do. I told the teacher he can do all his make up work over the weekend. Do you think that is enough punishment for him or I should take something away from him to.
Thanks Ladies...
Hi Bip,
Shame on the teacher who focuses on the negative! It is the responsibility of the teacher to offer suggestions and coping strategies. Can he have a peer buddy who double checks his bag? A teacher/mentor who does this? Does he have an agenda or weekly planner that he writes in daily? A checklist on his desk/binder etc? There are strategies that ADD kids can use to cope. I am a teacher with an ADD son, and when I have a child in my class, I find a way to help, as I would want someone to do for my child. How is punishing him going to help him improve next time? Ask the teacher for a conference, sit down and ask what she is going to do to HELP him! I hope she doesn't hand you the "in middle school they just have to do it" baloney. It is her job to help your baby succeed. Hold that teacher accountable.
Shame on the teacher who focuses on the negative! It is the responsibility of the teacher to offer suggestions and coping strategies. Can he have a peer buddy who double checks his bag? A teacher/mentor who does this? Does he have an agenda or weekly planner that he writes in daily? A checklist on his desk/binder etc? There are strategies that ADD kids can use to cope. I am a teacher with an ADD son, and when I have a child in my class, I find a way to help, as I would want someone to do for my child. How is punishing him going to help him improve next time? Ask the teacher for a conference, sit down and ask what she is going to do to HELP him! I hope she doesn't hand you the "in middle school they just have to do it" baloney. It is her job to help your baby succeed. Hold that teacher accountable.
Don't they have school counselors anymore? Something could be bothering him, and he is crying out for help.
I know times have changed, and schools have changed. Whenever I and others didn't do homework or "forgot" to bring it home we had to write 100 times as in "I will never forget my homework again", we had to bring that the next day along with the regular homework. I too was 10 yrs old when that happened. Trust me that happened to me one time, no thank you, I did my homework from then on. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the parents had to sign the note from the teacher saying "why" I/we had to write 100 times that sentence, so I got it from my mom on top of it, i.e. "that is the first and last time you embarrass the sh..out of me". If I remember right I was grounded either for two or four weeks, I could not go outside and play or have my girlfriends over. In my case I was not crying out for anything I just hated school, and homework.
I know times have changed, and schools have changed. Whenever I and others didn't do homework or "forgot" to bring it home we had to write 100 times as in "I will never forget my homework again", we had to bring that the next day along with the regular homework. I too was 10 yrs old when that happened. Trust me that happened to me one time, no thank you, I did my homework from then on. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the parents had to sign the note from the teacher saying "why" I/we had to write 100 times that sentence, so I got it from my mom on top of it, i.e. "that is the first and last time you embarrass the sh..out of me". If I remember right I was grounded either for two or four weeks, I could not go outside and play or have my girlfriends over. In my case I was not crying out for anything I just hated school, and homework.
Having some structure will definitely help. His teacher needs to work with you to help him along. It's tough but it will be ok as long as you're willing to put in the time and effort and it sounds like you are.
Ya I agree he is so overwhelmed with everything. He keeps telling me its hard and I tell him I know he can do the work.......Im setting up a meeting with the teacher so we can have a system going with Kenny...........
Kids with ADHD have a tough time concentrating. I actually caught an episode of Supernanny and she had a mother who was having a tough time getting her son to do his school work. She sat down with him and instead of getting frustrated she would praise him and tell him how great he was when he would complete his work. I'm not saying that it won't be hard and that's all you need to do but there have to be some kind of tips that you can read about that helps you to encourage him to get his work done. You see when you called him smart it had such an positive impact on him. When I was younger we had this boy in our class who had ADHD and he was one of the smartest kids in class. It's not that they aren't smart it's that their concentration is off. You may have to work with him everyday on his school work because he may not come to you with it. It just might have to be what you need to do to get it all done. It will probably make him feel good as well knowing that he has this special time with you and your undivided attention. Also I agree with killerpain, have the teacher give you an outline of all the work that he must complete daily so that at least you can have a checklist to work from and he won't be missing any of his work. I really don't think he hates life, I just think that he is very frustrated with not being able to do the work.
The teacher said she is going to add more stuff on his IEP plan......You are right the work is harder for him.............. I will look into the tutoring. Im going to Request a meeting with the teachers.
Thanks for your advice......YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME.......
Thanks for your advice......YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME.......
Hi Bip! Does his school offer tutoring? If he is on an IEP it means he should be offered accomodations and extra help in school, is the school providing these services for him? He sounds like he gets discouraged in school because he feels the work is too hard. He needs some help/tutoring to get it done:)
Thank you all for helping me with just great advise. I talk to Kenny asking him why he hates life he said cause its very hard in school. I told him I know its a BIG change for him and I said to him I know deep inside you can do the work and if he needs any HELP come to me Ill be HAPPY to help him.....I told him he is a very smart boy. He SMILED @ me. He said Mom do you reallt yhink Im smart? I said yes Kenny you are. Please come and talk to me when you are having rough times and he hugged me and said Mom I LUV U. Im going to work with him 100 percent.....
Thanks Ladies for yur help Ill keep you updated. You all have such good advise. I feel so much better...
Thanks Ladies for yur help Ill keep you updated. You all have such good advise. I feel so much better...
Punish a kid for something he isn't capable of? I don't think so.
It is your responsibility to parent and be an accountability partner with the child God has gifted you with. That goes until he leaves home.
If I were you, I would first arrange a relationship with the teacher to have homework listed on an email if the school doesn't already do this. My son's school did it for grade 5 & 6 and it helped immensely.
Secondly, if that doesn't work (because he forgets books), pick him up from school and when you see him after a friendly hello ask him what his homework is then ask him if he has those materials with him.
The teacher needs to also consider what he needs. Do they offer teaching assistants for diagnosed children? Can she sit him where he will focus better?
My son was off task 75% of time and we did 2 hours of homework with him every night. It was something we hated, but as parents we knew we had to do. This year he is 12 and in junior high and something in his growth has kicked in. We had also held him back a year from Kindergarten as he is a fall child and it has paid off. This year he is still struggling a little but his self management skills are 90% better already.
So there is hope. Stay committed. Don't punish. Love.
It is your responsibility to parent and be an accountability partner with the child God has gifted you with. That goes until he leaves home.
If I were you, I would first arrange a relationship with the teacher to have homework listed on an email if the school doesn't already do this. My son's school did it for grade 5 & 6 and it helped immensely.
Secondly, if that doesn't work (because he forgets books), pick him up from school and when you see him after a friendly hello ask him what his homework is then ask him if he has those materials with him.
The teacher needs to also consider what he needs. Do they offer teaching assistants for diagnosed children? Can she sit him where he will focus better?
My son was off task 75% of time and we did 2 hours of homework with him every night. It was something we hated, but as parents we knew we had to do. This year he is 12 and in junior high and something in his growth has kicked in. We had also held him back a year from Kindergarten as he is a fall child and it has paid off. This year he is still struggling a little but his self management skills are 90% better already.
So there is hope. Stay committed. Don't punish. Love.
To me, this biggest thing above all else is right now he says he hates life. I'm sure he didn't mean that literally, but that was his way of saying I"M VERY UNHAPPY. That trumps everything, in my mind - finishing all his school work and bringing all his homework home are peripheral. There are a LOT of miserable people out there who are getting nothing out of tlife who manage to complete tasks on time - and it's no way to live.
In the past, has he been happy? Are there adjustments you can make to try to make him happy - seeing some old friends, having a special pastime like - I don't know - rollerblading or something?
Best wishes.
In the past, has he been happy? Are there adjustments you can make to try to make him happy - seeing some old friends, having a special pastime like - I don't know - rollerblading or something?
Best wishes.
Hi Bip
Is your son on any meds? My son went through the same thing. It hurt me sooo bad to watch him hate school. I REALLY KNOW that the meds were the cause of this. He was on Strattera. They said he was ADD but he was not. It made me so mad. They want to label these children ADD so they can put them in alternate learning classes. It is such a joke. Let me tell you what I did. I told his school that I am taking him off the medicine ASAP (he was on it for about 2 months) He was miserable. He would not eat, he was depressed and hated life. These ADD drugs are nothing more than Methamphetamines. They are a class 3 narcotic (pretty heavy sh**)
They did not like it one bit. I went to the health food store and put him on a high quality multi and some omega 3 vitamins. I cut out most of the sugar from his diet and do you know that within 7 days he was doing SOOO much better. He has continued on this regimen since 2nd grade, he is now in 9th grade and excelling in school. He now goes to a private school, but I truly believe that those meds are HORRIBLE for our children. They are experimental and are nothing more than speed. What happens when you take them off the meds? They will be looking for that same chemical high. No way would I ever let my children take that poison.
I was just wondering if he took any, most schools and doctors will push these meds on you because it turns your kid into a zombie. This means less work for the teachers who already have overcrowded classrooms and kick backs for the doctors from the pharmaceutical companies. It is all a monoply and the expense of our children. From talking to my son about this, he told me that in those IEP classes there are all kinds of kids in there. Most are down syndrome or autistic children. He felt like a real "problem kid". I certainly don't mean that these other children are a problem, but from a childs point of view I think he felt ashamed for some reason. It really affected him emotionally.
Best of luck to you Bip, if I can help in any way please let me know.
Misscloey
Is your son on any meds? My son went through the same thing. It hurt me sooo bad to watch him hate school. I REALLY KNOW that the meds were the cause of this. He was on Strattera. They said he was ADD but he was not. It made me so mad. They want to label these children ADD so they can put them in alternate learning classes. It is such a joke. Let me tell you what I did. I told his school that I am taking him off the medicine ASAP (he was on it for about 2 months) He was miserable. He would not eat, he was depressed and hated life. These ADD drugs are nothing more than Methamphetamines. They are a class 3 narcotic (pretty heavy sh**)
They did not like it one bit. I went to the health food store and put him on a high quality multi and some omega 3 vitamins. I cut out most of the sugar from his diet and do you know that within 7 days he was doing SOOO much better. He has continued on this regimen since 2nd grade, he is now in 9th grade and excelling in school. He now goes to a private school, but I truly believe that those meds are HORRIBLE for our children. They are experimental and are nothing more than speed. What happens when you take them off the meds? They will be looking for that same chemical high. No way would I ever let my children take that poison.
I was just wondering if he took any, most schools and doctors will push these meds on you because it turns your kid into a zombie. This means less work for the teachers who already have overcrowded classrooms and kick backs for the doctors from the pharmaceutical companies. It is all a monoply and the expense of our children. From talking to my son about this, he told me that in those IEP classes there are all kinds of kids in there. Most are down syndrome or autistic children. He felt like a real "problem kid". I certainly don't mean that these other children are a problem, but from a childs point of view I think he felt ashamed for some reason. It really affected him emotionally.
Best of luck to you Bip, if I can help in any way please let me know.
Misscloey
Thanks EVERYONE for your advise. I just want Kenny to be HAPPY in school and not STRESS out at school. It is really a BIG adjustment for him and the work is harder but I think in the long run he is going to be fine.........I wouldnt punichment cause I know he is trying his hardest to get his work done......
Spank that kid..................... I'm kidding and you know that. :) I'll email ya.!!
Okay one question what does BIP stand for anyways.
Okay one question what does BIP stand for anyways.
i dont think pushiment is the problem or even to help maybe make matters worse. what you could do is sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel about him not doing his work. and how happy ud be if hed try alittle. tell him that you are there for help. my friend was like that in high school she couldnt sit and do it and she felt so dumb that she dropped out. and got homeschool. is he in special ed classes to help him? what is a iep plan?
also you can call the teachers and ask for the work or ask what they are doing so that you have an idea when he comes home what he should do before any activities.
punishing a child for not doing work will just make them more made and more dissapointed just wnat i think. doing the work over the weekend should not be pusishment being the fact it should be done anyways. sorry for not much help just thought id try... buh bye
ksanden
also is he teased in school at all? all of this could cause him problems in school.
also you can call the teachers and ask for the work or ask what they are doing so that you have an idea when he comes home what he should do before any activities.
punishing a child for not doing work will just make them more made and more dissapointed just wnat i think. doing the work over the weekend should not be pusishment being the fact it should be done anyways. sorry for not much help just thought id try... buh bye
ksanden
also is he teased in school at all? all of this could cause him problems in school.
I think you just need to talk to him. It doesn't seem like he is doing this because he's a bad kid. Middle school is a huge jump from lower elementary and it's still early days (Our school year began in September). Perhaps his IEP needs adjusting. I think you really want him to feel that you are on his side and ready to help in any way you can. Let him know that you are aware of the adjustment and you are proud of him. Tell him you will help him in any way you can but he needs to know he can come to you and not hide things from you. Of course you need to also be aware of things that might be taking his focus away at home like video games or TV and these shoudl be limited and that's not a punishment it just logical. Is he getting enough sleep, is he eating properly? All these things could be contributing factors. Let him know you areon his side and are ready and willing to help. By the way, I have a 10 year old daughter who started Upper Elementary this year too and she is having a heck of a time keeping up with the work. The teacher told me to give it time, all kids adjust at a differnt pace. Good luck to you.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
