I need an outside perspective as my DH is biased. Here is the situation: My dad has been single since my parents got divorced, which was about 11.5 years ago. I know he is lonely, and I want him to be happy. My mom and dad and stepdad all are friends, and have a very good relationship- I am very blessed to have this because I know many cannot say the same about their divorced parents. Anyway... so he has started to see a friend from work. She is about his age, and is a widow with no kids (which I really like becuase my 2 step-brothers are troublesome and cause a lot of problems). But I really think my dad could do better- I don't want him to settle just because he is getting older and wants to have someone while he can. I am working on not comparing her to my mom, but my mom is very much a people person, beautiful, and that... this woman is plain, not very attractive, and just- I think I might be giving her a harder time because I am really having a hard time with my dad getting married. Prior to her coming around, my dad was always available to us kids, and I am afraid that things will really change. My dad doesn't seem to have us kids as a high priority now, and I am scared that it will only get worse. Plus, she does not seem to really like kids- I've never seen anyone so "stand offish" towards my DS.
I am not sure what to do. Maybe I just wanted to vent. Maybe there is a step-mom on here that can give me some pointers, or someone who has had this happen. I want my dad to be happy and if having this woman is the key to that, I'll have to get over it... any ideas / advice? I was too young when my mom remarried to really remember or understand, so this is all new territory.
My parents just got divorced. I cannot imagine accepting a stepparent. I am sure when the time comes, I will have gotten over my parent's divorce. If this woman is nice and is genuinely a good person, I would try to get to know her. I'm sure if you and your dad are close, you will be able to tell if he is really into her or not. He may just be enjoying female company. Be open and have a talk with him about how you feel. Just don't guilt him out of having a relationship. I'm sure at first he didn't love your choice of a life partner either. It is hard; kids aren't supposed to see their parents dating. I know I am not looking forward to it.
I am sorry to hear about your parents divorce... it is a very hard thing to go thru, I know. I hope that your parents still can be nice to each other, as that makes it a lot easier than parents who bash each other and put their kids in the middle. I appreciate your response. Its hard not to compare this girlfriend to my own mom, it seems like he is settling because she is nothing like my mom. But, since they got divorced, maybe that is a good thing? She seems like a genuinely good person. Its just hard. Gr.. Its frustrating.
I can understand your concerns. The thing is that your dad really doesn't want to grow old alone and he needs companionship. I say let him be happy and live his life. If he has found a woman who makes him happy, that's great. Why spoil his happiness? You say she seems to have a good heart and if she is concerned about him and they have fun together, then back away and let them be together.
It's very hard for older people to find people their age that they enjoy being around. It's hard at any age but especially older people b/c there aren't that many available people to choose from. If they have fun, care about each other, then be happy for them. Maybe as time goes on, you and she will become closer and you will see what your dad sees in her.
Plain is beautiful to some people. I'm plain, and I rather like it.I'm not an extraordinary people person either--and I don't mind. I think he has been alone long enough. Did you go through this with your mother getting re-married? Probably not. Let him make his own decisions and trust him with his own personal life. Also, I agree with him not choosing someone with children--grown or not--they disrupt the family dynamic--just as much as divorce.
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