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10043212 tn?1410903340

Need advice. . off topic

So today I went through my boyfriends ipod, going through the photos there were still pictures and videos of his most recent ex. I deleted everything considering maybe he forgot about the pics, he definitely doesn't need them anymore. . So I said something to him and he got a little irritated for me going through his stuff. And said he knew the pics and videos were on there. We been together for a year. What and how would u react? Am I wrong for being mad about it?
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Avatar universal
I just think this boils down to respect.  No one has the right to go through someone's things and delete or throw pictures of exs out.  It would be more respectful to bring the issue up to the person and LET THEM decide.  
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Unless they are naked pics of ex girlfriends or something like that.  That is different.  :>)
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm just not sure if it is fair for someone to have to get rid of every picture that they have that happens to have an ex in it.  Just my opinion but we should trust our partners and not be intimidated by a picture.  
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Avatar universal
It seems as if this is a common issue with men lol I recently myself found old pics my husband had on his computer of porn pics random girls and exs I was so angered I yelled at him and accused my poor husband for lying and telling him how badly he hurt me he immediately apologized multiple times and swore he didn't know they were there and immediately deleted every single pic he could find right in front of me. If he reacted like your bf I think I would have honestly wanted to take a break from the relationship and think about if I could be with someone who wants to keep his past and not move on. Maybe I'm just extremely sensitive due to my pregnancy but I'd be so hurt and beyond pissed.
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Avatar universal
I mean...........really?  

The iPod is his property.  Would you like him taking your iPod and deleting whatever HE didn't approve of or didn't like?  

I am sorry and not to offend you, but that was childish and immature on your part and he does have every right to be miffed.  No one should be that jealous and insecure over some pictures of an ex.  He did have a dating life before you.  

If someone did that to me I think I would be done with that person.  

Probably should get a handle on your anger and jealousy before this guy walks away if he hasn't already done that.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I have pictures of myself with my ex boyfriend in it from a trip to South America.  I'm sorry, I don't want to part with the pictures just because my ex boyfriend is in it.  My husband is secure enough in our relationship to handle some pictures that have another man in it from my past.  

Naked pics with just the ex in it, no.  that's different.  But pics of experiences you had together that are part of your memories, yes.  

luck and choose your battles in life!
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9961264 tn?1410873329
I dont keep anything from my ex. U dont need it.. i have a new relationship and i dont need stuff from my past relationships. I dont see the point.. yeah you always have the memories but honestly that should be all you have..
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13167 tn?1327194124
My husband of 29 years is an artist and photographer,  and he has pictures and drawings of his 2 previous girlfriends,  one who he was truly in love with.  

They are in a box in his closet,  not on his phone,  but honestly it wouldn't have occurred to me,  ever,  to destroy them.  I agree that downloading those things to a file,  off the phone might have been a good idea.  

Shayshay,  do you not have any memorabilia of your past that involves other boys?  

(BTW,  there are conversations on this forum about girls who know their boyfriends are cheating,  so they go through their computer/phone and confirm that fact.  Then the boy gets all wild-eyed and said they have no right to look.  This,  IMHO,  is completely different.  While looking is okay,  I really can't justify deleting things that are in the past.  If I were your boyfriend I'd be looking very long and hard about whether I want to continue with someone who destroys my stuff).
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I kind of think that this is a hard one to be upset about as well.  Here is why . . .  these days doesn't everyone store their photos and videos taken off their camera on their computer, ipods?  It's the same as me finding a box of old pictures of my husbands in the attic.  He would have to consciously go in and delete them.  A lot of men don't bother with this stuff.  Ask him why he wants to keep him now that you know about it and it upsets you.  Although, pictures are a memory of our past and it doesn't necessarily have to do with his having a single feeling left for his ex.  

good luck
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Avatar universal
Agree totally with 3rdNdone and NurseGirl

I would like to add that it would be silly to think He can 'erase' His past - it's part of who He is.  Even without pictures, He will have His thoughts and His memories

You attempting to 'erase'  His thoughts, past, and memories (especially behind His back) sounds very controlling.
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480448 tn?1426948538
I would encourage you to deal with your feelings of insecurity and jealousy.

I think you're more in the wrong deleting his pictures than he is having them on his phone.  I could see if pics of her was his screen saver or something....but he was engaged to her, and has memories.  Pictures are memories.  You cannot undo someone's past.

The better way to handle this would have been to talk to him, explain that him having the pics on his phone makes you uncomfortable, and you could have asked him to download them into a photo file on his computer, then deleted them off his phone.

Really, I think more than anything (and you seem to agree), that this is YOUR issue with being insecure.  I would try to work on that if I were you.  Insecurity and jealousy ruins a lot more relationships than pictures on a phone does.

Good luck to you!
Helpful - 0
9812003 tn?1452545539
Shayshaylove3 I understand that you don't want him thinking about her. But that is something that you cannot control and I am sure it hurt to see that he still has pictures of his ex, but deleting them only brought his memories of her front and center.  You have to know where you stand in your relationship and a conversation would have helped that. I was married previously and I know it's not exactly the same but my husband found old photos of my ex husband and I and expressed that it bothered him. I told him that it was my history and that just because it makes him uncomfortable does not mean I would get rid of them. I have photos of old boyfriends in albums along with other memories.  It's definitely not that I still love them but it tells a story.  If you believe that he still loves her you need to have a conversation.
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10043212 tn?1410903340
Thank u paige (: and mahmahbear haha  lose trust me I almost did (;
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10052319 tn?1408978714
I think u did good unlike me i would have probably broke his ipod haha

jk ^_^

(being silly♥)
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Avatar universal
Okay 3rdndone she probably is a little insecure and jealous because she's pregnant! And that's HER boyfriend. I am so sorry but when you are in a committed relationship you are supposed to be for your spouse/fiance/bf/gf only! Your eyes should only be on that one person in your life leaving all the crap from the past IN THE PAST. I'm very sorry that you're upset and I hope you two work it out. Huge hugs!
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10043212 tn?1410903340
He shouldn't have any type of past with him if he's going to have a future with me is what im saying 3rdone.he shouldn't be in another relationship if he can't let go of his past females exactly why it was deleted (:
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Avatar universal
I went through my bfs contacts and deleted girls numbers that he has no need to have anymore.. we've been together fir 5 yrs and i thought it was nit necessary to see his hookups phone numbers.. its been about a month and i dont think he has noticed yet..
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9961264 tn?1410873329
I am not afraid to admit i am insecure so yes i did delete them without asking. I dont want him looking at the pictures thinking about what he had when i am here now. My bf was engaged so he obviously had strong feelings. I do get insecure thinking he could miss her and want her. Out of sight, out of mind.
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9812003 tn?1452545539
So what he had pictures and videos of his ex. When he is ready to let go of all of his past he will. But deleting them without his prior knowledge makes you seem childish, jealous and insecure. He is with you right now and you are entitled to your feelings. But I think the discussion should be had about why he still has them and you should have let him decide whether or not he was ready to get rid of his memories.
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Avatar universal
I would reacted and done the same thing.
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Avatar universal
Your not wrong at all I would had reacted same way
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10043212 tn?1410903340
Exactly. I'm more hurt than anything considering it's about time to have our son. Now i just feel he wants her still.
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9961264 tn?1410873329
I did the same thing on my bfs phone.. he doesnt need them. Especially since they were engaged. I never said anything though.
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Avatar universal
I would have done the same thing. After a year he has no need to keep them. My bf had old photos too on his phone and her number so I deleted it all. I'd see how they (boyfriends) could be mad if we deleted them after not dating them long but a year later...yeah no need for the old pics and stuff
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