Need answers ASAP! Depending on you all!

So, I recently reconnected with a love from high school. I am super attracted to him and very much falling fast. He has baggage. He says he is into me, but he is not sure if he can make the move to be together. Today, he has plans on going to a therapist to talk it out. We made a pact that we would meet after the appointment at 4 and make a decision on what we are going to do. I have to be honest and say I feel like the answer will be no. I think he will choose not to persue things with me given that it would be difficult, and I think his therapist will encourage him to not persue things with me. I'd rather not mention the reasons right not. My question is this: I am very much into him, and this is going to break my heart. How do I handle it when he says, "This isn't what I want," or, "I can't be with you." Do I just drive away? Should we try to maintain a friendship? My heart will be broken. I am not sure I can be friends without always having these feelings. What should I say when he is just not that into me??

[AnnaMariaQQss]

I think, If he so chooses to not take the gift of your loving him, then it's best to let him go. You deserve to be loved back as much as you love!

yes. it's going to hurt bad, but not as bad as the reaction your heart will have when he's not capable of loving you in return. I am a real believer in what's meant to be will be-and the things that are-SIMPLY ARE.

Best of luck to ya, AnnaMaria

[specialmom]

Hi and welcome to our forum!  

Well,  you say that you recently reconnected with him--------- which leads me to believe this is new.  Is that true?  I personally think things usually build over time and am wondering why he has to make a decision about this right now.  Is there a reason why he has to decide if he wants a full blown relationship this instant or can you two date and progress at a rate maybe slower than you like but still progressing?  

Also, if he has baggage, what is this baggage?  Is he married or in a relationship?  Does he have kids?  What type of baggage is it?  This is important because if it is part of the reason why he feels he can not be "with" you------------  this will help you to feel better.  Sometimes the baggage that someone has can be a deal breaker.  And believe it or not, that is sometimes for the best.  So if you could give a little more information, that would be helpful.  

Rejection always hurts.  Especially as you seem to have your heart set on this.  Well, I hope it works out that he chooses to continue to see where things go with you and you can be together as that is what you want.  If not, I'd treat this like a break up in which you examine what happened (what signals you missed, what baggage he had and why you were willing to take it on, what you can learn from this to take to the next romantic relationship you enter into, etc.) and then give yourself some TLC.  Keep a journal, do kind things for yourself, stay really busy, exercise as that releases our brain's natural happy chemical, etc.  

so, see if you can fill us in a little more with some of the details and keep us updated.  Peace.

[lovehope05]

O.K. Here is the deal. We dated in high school. We were high school sweet hearts. We dated a little over two years. He was older. When we went to college, we went our seperate ways, and I broke up with him. I wanted to be free and have fun. We remained friends, but I never wanted him back after the break up. Since then, we have both gotten married and moved on with our repsective lives. I am now divorcing and he says he is, too. We have reconnected and discussed that we perhaps missed the boat with eachother beacause of our ages. He told me yesterday that he had bought a ring to propose with before I broke things off. Again, he was older, I was younger. I am not sure if he is convinved of getting a divorce. I was already in the process when he came along, but he is wavering because yes, he does have kids. Two boys. he says that he no longer wants to be in his marriage and hasn't for some time, but he is very concerned about his boys. I have to understand that. We made a pact that we would think about what we really wanted to do. Either go for it and be together after our respective divorces or do nothing and he tries to make his marriage work. it is obviosly easier for me to be with him. i have no kids and I am already divorcing. He is scared (rightfully so) and not sure how his kids will react. So, essentially we decided to make a decision so that there are not long drawn out feelings where one of us gets crushed. If he wants to stay for the kids, I think he should tell me that now and stop asking me out. Nothing physical has happened between us. Just emotional

[lovehope05]

After reading the above comments, I feel as if you are right. He needs to figure things out in his life. I can't push him. I need to walk away for now. It's bad for all involved

[lovehope05]

Let this be a lesson to all you girls out there. I didn't even make it long enough to meet with him today. He canceled because he didn't have enough time. I freaked out because I was waiting for this all week. I pushed, he got angry. Everything got ruined. Maybe I would have gotten my way had I had some patients. I messed everything up because of my insecurites. I wanted him to say he loved me and that we were going to be together. I will never get that now because I pushed.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Hon, you need to let this be.  The timing is not right as you mention all going on in his life and frankly yours as well.  Going straight from one relationship to another often completely backfires and dooms the relationship.  Rebound is real.  And I think love is hard to go from person to person and yet many convince themselves that they really can fall in love with the next person that comes along after the divorce or break up.  It is so very often a band aid.  You two knew each other which is a bit different, but none the less, timing is off here.

And if he chooses to make it work with his wife (the mother of his children)-------  this is important to let him do that.  Ironically I read in the paper today (a dear Abby letter) a letter from a man that had divorced his wife years ago.  What did he talk about?  How it had hurt his child emotionally.  Divorce happens but there are casualties along the way and a good parent will take that seriously.  Even if he divorced his wife---------  I'd tell him not to date for a good while and work on setting up routine and structure for his child.  Also a little soul searching after a divorce is essential to personal growth.  This is not said to hurt you but sometimes looking at the big picture helps us see things more clearly.

What I would do?  Back off 100%,  Do your thing---------  what I mentioned earlier.  Throw yourself into your career, your hobbies, your family and friends.  And down the road, if he ever is really available ----  and you still are, you can give it a go.

You didn't ruin it by pushing.  His baggage is just too much.  And you should let him go peacefully.  good luck

[specialmom]

I do want to say that I am sorry because I know you are hurting right now.  Best wishes to you and peace.

[lovehope05]

Thanks for the comments. I agree whole heartedly. It is just not right.

[AnnaMariaQQss]

Sending you a bushel of hugs and all the emotional support I can from afar, I wish I could hug you and help comfort you, from one sister to another. head up pointing to the stars, there's still aa bright one burning for you there! Anna

[AnnaMariaQQss]

Sending you a bushel of hugs and all the emotional support I can from afar, I wish I could hug you and help comfort you, from one sister to another. head up pointing to the stars, there's still aa bright one burning for you there! Anna