Need my wife back!

[Jurb]

Quick rundown-
My wife, 36, had the Mirena in for 12 months with side effects of continuos spotting, insomnia, bacterial infections and anxiety. Still herself but not very happy with the side effects and very stressed. She had it removed 3 weeks ago tommorow. The first few days were not bad for her but then that all changed. Major insomnia, anxiety, very short tempered, she has pretty much no emotion at all for me and feels like she just can't do anything anymore and has checked out. She says she is going crazy in her head with her emotions and doesn't even have much care for the kids (4). This is nothing like the woman I've been with for 17 years. We have an amazing sex life and normally she won't go a night without cuddling up with me before falling asleep. Says she just doesn't know what she wants anymore in life. Her moods go from making weekend plans to crying to curling up in a ball and telling everyone to stay away from her. This is coming from the sweetest most caring and awesome wife a guy could ever ask for....to someone I've never seen before and my kids are devastated praying every night to get regular mom back. I've read quite a bit on the Mirena Crash...her bleeding and clotting is subsiding but her emotions and feelings are still very scary and just not her. I know she must be going through so much inside with the imbalance of hormones! Is this normal to go to the extent of just not wanting anything to do with me and being so unsure of her life all of a sudden!?!? I did take it personally at first but after looking more into it and seeing how she is with the kids now....I know it's just not her. How long can this coldness and bad symptoms last....? I just want my best friend back.

[Nighthawk61]

You're doing everything right and everything that you can do. Take some time for you, do some things that are special to you and you and the kids. Maybe she'll see how happy you all are, and it will snap her out of her fog. All we can be, is a good example. May God be with you. Let us know of any changes.

[Jurb]

She has very close friends and family....they are all concerned and tell me it's just hormones and it can take a long time to balance out and to keep an eye on her, not much help. They tell me to be patient and supportive. Through this... although hormones have really thrown her out of control....I've had time to really take a good look at our marriage and see where I can do things to make it better. I know don't fully blame hormones alone, I think they really contributed to her pulling up some deeper emotions. It's been very scary not knowing what she truly feels and what she has no control over saying....I think it's a bit of both. Her very close cousin passed away 4 years ago and she had always had moments over the years where she gets upset like on birthdays or holidays....since this all started she has been as upset as she was right when he passed....and last night another one of her cousins passed away. I've always called myself a Christian and always leaned on God, unfortunately it's only been when I needed something or was hurting. I never trusted him 100%....I always wanted to maintain some control in my problems and not be vulnerable to leaving ALL of it to him and trusting that it was out of my control....I'm 36 years old....and I can finally say that for the first time I've dropped my guard and given all my love and trust to the one and only. We have a lot going on outside just our marriage...problems with kids, finances, work....I think this is all part of a big test!

[RockRose]

Jurb,  does she have close girlfriends,  or close family?  What do they think of this change?

[Jurb]

Just a little update...she made it through her first period safely. Most of her other symptoms haven't really subsided too much so the doctor wants her on Zoloft. Still very irritable, anxiety, insomnia and unfortunately still isn't happy with her life. I've put myself in a spot where I want to mentally be strong in case all her feelings really aren't due to hormones and what if she really doesn't want a divorce when all these changes in her body are over and back to herself.  So in the meantime....I'm making sure my kids are good, I agree, listen and support her moods and feelings and am putting all my trust in God knowing that whatever the outcome, I know it's a plan that he has!

[Nighthawk61]

Just checking in to see how you've been doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the Mrs. Sounds like the tide is turning friend.

[Jurb]

Starting off today with 3 a day for 7 days...

[RockRose]

So she's back on progesterone again?  

[Jurb]

So since she's gotten her period it got heavier and heavier to the point that she's needing to change things once an hour which made us both nervous so she called the OB and they said that its most likely due to a big lack of progesterin that her body hasn't started making enough of yet after the iud was removed  which can cause very excessive bleeding...they called her in a script for progesterin and said if it doesn't subside after 12 hrs then to head into the ER or if she has any dizziness/ light headed/ fatigue to go in then.

[RockRose]

Chima,  it's great that the mirena didn't cause you any problems - with most women,  it doesn't and that's why it's still on the market.

There have been a lot of women,  though,  who have suffered horrible reactions on the mirena.  Usually once removed,  the problems slowly resolved.

I'm not allergic to poison ivy.   I can take out a clump of poison ivy with pruning sheers and not have a single issue,  but I do understand that most people would have a horrible rash if they did that.  People's bodies react to things differently.

[specialmom]

It is amazing how a small hormonal change can trigger different things in different women.  Some women have horrible post partum and some don't.  Women all react differently.  I don't in and of itself, Mirena could cause such a huge reaction but if your wife is predisposed to depression and anxiety, it could send her in that direction.  Women who have nothing going on in terms of adding or taking away hormones can have cycle issues that are diagnosable depression/anxiety related to their monthly hormonal changes.  It's become a DSM 5 diagnosis.  And again, there are psychiatrists that treat these types of issues with women exclusively.  

I think it is encouraging that starting her period resulted in her feeling better.  If you are noticing her pms is often long and out of control like that or the symptoms return soon, then I really would encourage her to consult with a doctor.  She CAN feel better. good luck

[Chima7]

I don't think her behavior can be blamed on the Mirena. I'm on my 4th mirena since 2011 and I've never experienced anything like that. The mirena only releases a small dose locally inside the uterus and for that reason, there are far fewer side effects than a systemic birth control like pills or the shot.

I think there's something else going on with her that has been just below the surface but it just happened that it came out now. Since we're only getting your side of the story, it could be anything that caused this to happen. You're not inside her head so you don't know what kind of thoughts have been going through her head. And if she won't talk to you about it then I'm really not sure how this can be resolved without an impartial third party like a counselor.

[RockRose]

Praying for you and your wife,  Jurb!  Sounds like a good sign.  

[Jurb]

I'm praying harder than I ever have that she will bounce back and get back to herself. On a good note...well I think it's good she is pretty sure she got her period today. It's really really heavy, like a lot with some clotting and she's been super nice all day today too! I know she is probably really going to be going through a lot with her body showing a sign of getting back on the natural track but I'll take it as a sign of hope and go to sleep a little more peaceful tonight!

[specialmom]

Drugs?  

I'd look into hormonal issues related to what is happening with the shifts she is going through.  I have found her behavior to not be unusual when that is happening.  think of it as extreme and constant PMS.  

I'd suggest more along the lines of a need for an ssri or similarly classed anti depressant.  

By the way, anxiety often presents itself as anger.  In fact, many psychiatrists look for this.  Lack of interest in things you normally enjoy, changes in sexual libido, hopelessness, lack of caring, changes in personality.  All can be associated with her hormonal shifts and are all treatable.  

There are even psychiatrists that specialize in woman's issues.   I'd check out this route. good luck

[Jurb]

They are doing labs today. Oh I know for sure that she isn't on drugs! She doesn't even want to take the Xanax, rarely ever even drinks. But in 17 years she has NEVER been like this, not even close! She truly is a very caring woman with a huge heart and a big concious, that's what makes this hard cause she's so not herself now.

[RockRose]

So they didn't do any labs at all today?  At this point,  Jurb,  I'd suspect she might be using drugs.   Lab tests will rule that out,  but her behavior is like someone who is life-long  bipolar.    It's like she's used to this behavior in herself,  which is a surprise.

You do see women on meds for various things,  that make them hostile or extremely moody,  and they are aware and apologetic and go to pains to mask the behavior.  It's like she's lost nearly all her filters.

So,  since you've been with her for 17 years,  she REALLY wasn't like this before?  OR,  she was like this but it was never this bad?

[Jurb]

Well our primary wants her to come back for labs and gave her a script for Xanax for now. The doctor didn't seem too educated on the Mirena so my wife took it in her irritable mood as none of these problems are from that although the doctor said that it could really throw her body out of whack but didn't mention much about how she is acting. She did admit to he doctor that she knows she's not normally like that towards me but once we left she went off that her feelings have nothing to do with hormones and was viciously mean...I came home a couple hours later and she was all smiles and no sign or mention of her blow up...even ran to the store with me and chatted like usual.I just don't know what to do and am starting to just crumble inside.

[goldenlove]

Yes, hormones can have this effect to this extent. Just like postpartum depression, the hormones from Mirena can wreak havoc on your wife emotionally. It sounds to me like she's been thrown into a huge depression and needs medical intervention ASAP.

[Jurb]

Thank you both! It's a small breath of air to know I can run here to vent a bit. This is by far the hardest thing I think I've ever been through, she casually just says that she's not in love anymore and just doesn't know why or where it came from but then can just carry on with conversation like normal. She is just plain cold about it. I just know her like the back of my hand and she has NEVER been like this.  She has such a huge heart and always feels so bad whenever she hurts my feelings or we argue over something. This is just someone I've never seen before, can hormones really have an effect to this extent? I've read yes but this is so hard to understand....

[Nighthawk61]

I agree with Rock Rose about her needing to understand that it is required that she buck up and not scare the kids, regardless of how hormonal she's feeling  It brings to mind that cold remedy commercial, where they say "Dad', you don't get sick days from your kids". with  the kid standing in the crib. You need to continue t challenge her to try...
Great move with the natural remedies. and for your constant devotion. She's a lucky woman and God speed she tells able to tell you so herself. Keep posting and let us know how you're all dong okay?

[RockRose]

Jurb, she can't control what she's feeling,  but she can control what she says and what she does.  

The fact that she's lost the desire to control that,  if only in front of her kids who she loves so much,  is indicative of how far she's gone in just a few short weeks.  She can control herself - she just has lost the desire to.  

It's great that you have an appt on Tuesday,  and that she's trying natural remedies in the meantime.

I bet she'll get lots of help from her doc - best wishes.

[Jurb]

Thank you so much for the replies! We have an appointment Tuesday, she doesn't want to go but is willing. I did research and found a lot of natural remedies to help detox her body and try to make her feel a little better and help get her body back to normal, she's been taking all of them! Everyone says to just be patient, supportive and try to remember that she can't control how she's feeling or what she says. I have done hormones a huge discredit all these years and have a much better respect on how much hey can really effect a woman!

[RockRose]

I think this calls for immediate action.  Over this weekend,  don't leave her alone with the kids,  and first thing monday call her doc and request to be seen immediately.

You can make an appointment for her,  and tell all your concerns and observations to the doctor or his nurse or physician's assistant.  They are not allowed to give you input or tell you information,  but they are certainly allowed under HIPPA to receive information for you.

And then go with her to that appointment Monday.  She's dangerous.  To go from being a loving,  caring,  stable woman to a woman who will curl up in a ball and tell her kids to leave her alone - she has no filter at all on her behavior and words.  

I'm so sorry that this has happened to your wonderful wife.  It seems rare to have this happen with the removal of Mirena instead of with the insertion of the IUD,  but it does seem clear she's suffering from progestin withdrawal in an extreme way that's pretty rare.  

Best wishes and prayers for her,  and for your family.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Sorry it is such a rough patch.  Hormonal changes sure can wreak havoc on a woman's emotions.  I think the best course of action is for your wife to talk to her doctor about depression and anxiety. She has symptoms of these conditions based on what you've written and while the hormonal changes can contribute significantly, it still needs to be treated as a psychological issue.  You don't have to term it that way to her as she may be resistant.  I'd term it as we need to talk to a doctor about depression and how we can make you feel better.  Some women are simply predisposed to these issue and it can be triggered by what is going on with her first having the iud placed and then removed.  

So, encourage her to go see her doctor and expect that she may need to take medication to feel better (and have a better home life for you). PS  don't let her know this has anything at all to do with you other than she needs to take action for the sake of your relationship if she is resistant to getting help--  stay focused in your conversations on HER FEELING BETTER.  That will go further in my experience.   good luck