Never Good enough??

I a, 24 yrs old and my whole life, everytime im in a relationship I ger bored, or want something new. I understand this happening sometimes, but everytime?? Things can be perfect in everyway yet I still manage to notice the guy at the store and make him my new obsession. Then start the cycle all over again... any advice??

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, first---------  I'd not get in any relationships for a while.  You notice an obvious pattern and I think you should try and seperate from it.  

The excitement of 'new' is a problem for you because you crave it.  It is somewhat like attention seeking.  It is coming from within and can cause a lot of problems as you've seen.  What do you think this stems from?  Could you have some insecurities and constantly need that 'freshness' to feel like you yourself are 'good enough'?  

These are deep things I'm speaking of but as I said, this comes from deep within your psyche.  Don't shoot me but if you have access to a therapist, I'd go and talk to a professional about it.  You need to find out what the source is of this pattern.  

How's things with your dad, for example?  

Let us know how it goes!

[mindy1977]

I'd have to agree with specialmom, a therapist could really do you a lot of good.  Ever heard that old saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'?

It's like impulse buying at the store, you see something that you don't really need, but it's there so you buy it.  Specialmom is on to something with taking a break from relationships too...  You are probably causing a lot of unnecessary pain to people and if you know its an issue (which you obviously do since you posted about it), you need to try and find the cause of the problem before anybody else gets hurt.

I hope you are able to work this out.

[skittlebaby]

I have seen a therapist off and on throughout my whole life starting at 10.  My dad left when I was 3, the new wifey didnt much like me, never saw him.... Now 21 yrs later he is making an effort. I see it as better late than never...I even lived with him for a while.  The grass is always greener is EXACTLY how I always feel. Don't get me wrong though I have been very mistreated as well.  I try to do the single thing and It just doesnt last long.  I really don't get along with many females, my family is all pretty busy so I go out for other reasons.  I know how cold this all sounds but I dont know what else to do

[specialmom]

Hi skittlebaby.  Ya know, it is funny how things end up affecting us.  I do think that issues with dad have left you as an adult that seeks these "new" relationships and never trusts that the relationship you are in is going to be okay.  I think your switching around is a protective mechanism that you have developed with fear of getting hurt at the root as well as a lack of inner self that feels worthy of a healthy relationship.  I'm really sorry about that.  

I'm glad you are healing with your dad.  That is true---------  it is never to late for that kind of thing.  It feeds the inner need that is almost childlike that wants acceptance from this particular man.  So, keep at that.  I'd also be  honest with him that he hurt ya bad when you really needed him.  

It doesn't sound cold what you are doing, it is a reaction to pain you've had.  I would continue your therapy and get serious about addressing this problem.  Don't date----- at all.  I'd spend some time developing your whole self.  Find out what hobbies you like, exercise, volunteer, take classes, work like a maniac, garden, sew or whatever floats your boat.  These are things that strengthen your core, believe it or not.  And work with a therapist to address the reasons behind this relationship pattern you've developed.  

I think not getting along with other females is an extention of your trust issues as well.  I want you to be friendly to everyone.  Take a group fitness class and try to do one on a regular basis.  You'll get to know some of the other "regulars" and they tend to female.  Good practice for just casually hanging out.  You could join a book club or a bible study (if you are into this) and again, have a no pressure situation of seeing that not all females are going to be jerks like your dad's second wife.  

I guess in writing this that I am realizing that you have trouble connecting to ALL people.  Again, please put that at the top of your list to talk about with your therapist.  Don't feel like you have to stay like this.  You don't.  Things will change!!  Have faith.  I also think picturing what you want for your life (without any faces or names to the people in certain roles) will help.  Do you see yourself as married, with kids, with friends around you?  Visualize it.  It is more likely to happen when we picture ourselves in healthy situations.  

I don't know if any of this made sense.  But I do wish you well.  Peace.

[skittlebaby]

thanx for the advice, and yes it made plenty of sense : ) Take care

[Womanontop]

Hey hun! hope this helps. My baby sister has never been the girlfriend of just one man at a time. They of course never know it. She is happily the girlfriend of two or three guys at a time. She is not a monster, player. or hoe. Quite the contrary, she just cannot stay with one man as she sees it a bit boring as you mentioned you did as well. She is very daring and likes the challenge and attention of not just one relationship. I saw your second post and it is quite similar to our dad: remarried, try to salvage a relationship after 20yrs, yadda yadda. Same here. I am not saying there is a connection but, maybe you are lacking a little attention or need it a bit more since perhaps you missed it in your critical years as did my baby sister. Who knows. But i do not think you need therapy. I think you are perfectly normal and just young. You'd be surprised at how many girls feel the same way. Heck, I am married and I still struggle with relationships outside of marriage. Although i do not act upon them, I must say it is tempting. Live life to the fullest hun! You are doing great at it! Don't hate yourself because you are lovable and want to love all! ;-) Peace