Aa
Not a vigin wen i met him making us split
Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year but recently his been nasty and spiteful to me saying though he loves me he could never marry me or have children with me because i wasnt pure when i met him and he was. its really pulling us apart to the point where the only solution is break up even though we dont want to, he thinks i can do better but i really dont want to know that and the thought upsets me so much i cry because his everything i ever wanted, perfect. what can we do to make him feel better PLEASE HELP
I think he is interested only for affair with you. May not be interested in sharing life.
Better you look for somebody suitable who might not be particular in virgin part, but love innerself. Good Luck.
Better you look for somebody suitable who might not be particular in virgin part, but love innerself. Good Luck.
I think he is interested only for affair with you. May not be interested in sharing life.
Better you look for somebody suitable who might not be particular in virgin part, but love innerself. Good Luck.
Better you look for somebody suitable who might not be particular in virgin part, but love innerself. Good Luck.
he must me a big loser then.. i mean just tell him good luck into finding a virgin, i mean i'm sure there are some but if he loves you enough to be with you, he wont find another girl like you..
This is your "perfect" guy? Are you serious? Someone who is mean and nasty to you about yout past, which is not his business anyway. And who is he to judge, if he is doing the deed with you now? What a hypocrite.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Dump him.
I think perhaps he needs to be rational about your past. It's definitely a jealousy and insecurity thing: I get all riddled up about the thought that my boyfriend has been with other women before, too. But you've got to sit back and realise that there's nothing can be done about it - as a previous poster said, what are you going to do: have surgery to "reclaim" your virginity?? We live in a culture where it's common for people (men and women alike!) to have slept with at least a couple of people before meeting the partner they decide they want to stay with. I'm also a bit concerned about him saying you can find someone better - that sounds like he's trying to guilt you into complimenting him!
You should perhaps think about asking him WHY this is such a problem. Obviously he feels angry about the idea of you having slept with other people before, and it's GOT to be hard for him: he's decided that you're the one he wants to lose his virginity to, and that's a big emotional step for a lot of people. The fact that you haven't, and didn't wait for him to come along, is clearly at the forefront of his mind and he's having big problems dealing with it. He should try to articulate why it is he's having this issue, which sounds like it's come out the blue from your initial post.
Then you need to explain your feelings about him and why the fact you'd slept with someone before him really, in your eyes, is no issue, because you love him; he makes you feel beautiful... and all those other things you told us. Maybe you could write down all the positive things you feel about him? Make a list of everything you love about him: why you want to stay with him, where you see your relationship going, what you want for the two of you and different things in your past that you have particularly enjoyed with him. Tell him all these things and try to get him to justify why all these wonderful things should be ruined by ONE act you did before you even met him, or knew who he was. (Obviously, you should do it gently, in a "See? I love you THIS much!" way, not in a "Try and explain THAT, arse-hole!" way, hehehe!)
However, if he really doesn't want to know and won't listen, you need to project that into the future: how would he react to something even more serious a year or 10 years down the line, if he's reacting so severely to this now? In which case it's time to think about moving on and finding someone who you can click with better.
Best of luck, hope it all works out for the best - whichever way the best is.
You should perhaps think about asking him WHY this is such a problem. Obviously he feels angry about the idea of you having slept with other people before, and it's GOT to be hard for him: he's decided that you're the one he wants to lose his virginity to, and that's a big emotional step for a lot of people. The fact that you haven't, and didn't wait for him to come along, is clearly at the forefront of his mind and he's having big problems dealing with it. He should try to articulate why it is he's having this issue, which sounds like it's come out the blue from your initial post.
Then you need to explain your feelings about him and why the fact you'd slept with someone before him really, in your eyes, is no issue, because you love him; he makes you feel beautiful... and all those other things you told us. Maybe you could write down all the positive things you feel about him? Make a list of everything you love about him: why you want to stay with him, where you see your relationship going, what you want for the two of you and different things in your past that you have particularly enjoyed with him. Tell him all these things and try to get him to justify why all these wonderful things should be ruined by ONE act you did before you even met him, or knew who he was. (Obviously, you should do it gently, in a "See? I love you THIS much!" way, not in a "Try and explain THAT, arse-hole!" way, hehehe!)
However, if he really doesn't want to know and won't listen, you need to project that into the future: how would he react to something even more serious a year or 10 years down the line, if he's reacting so severely to this now? In which case it's time to think about moving on and finding someone who you can click with better.
Best of luck, hope it all works out for the best - whichever way the best is.
If he wants a virgin go tell him to marry a twelve year old. Puhleez! How old is this guy? Tell him good luck finding a virgin & be on your merry way. Most everyone doesn't marry or stay with the guy they lose their virginity to. It's life. Don't cry over spilled milk. Nothing you can do will change the past & if he can't get over it, then go find someone who accepts you for you.
i am from the muslim background, where the virginity is a must if a girl to ever marry. however, "it" happens.. as we are all only human.. So, I had couple of girlfriends who lost their virginity to their first loves... and when that did not work out they carried on dating other guys, in search of the other half, like a normal woman would do! Now, some of them have had surgery and their excuse was: "what wouldn't you do for happiness?!" They married, he is happy, his family is happy, she is feeling guilty...and what's worth she knows that she will have to live with that lie for the rest of her life.
I am not saying everything was like that... there were couples who madly LOVED each other and THE ONLY THING that was important to them is them being TOGETHER! Regardless!!
However, there was one friend of mine who was also honest, and after one year.. he started bringing it up..and though that fact to her face.. with the intonation as she was a H..E! But she loved him so much, and he made her loose all the hope for happiness elsewhere, and married as he was doing her a favour and was really saving her life. After the marriage it got so so so much worth... everytime he had something to drink he would bring it up, call her names... until eventually it started getting physical... Still, she stayed with him for 2 years... until her parents took her to hospital one day with severe problems.
Now, I am not saying that exactly will happen to you, but.. it will only get worth... BELIEVE ME!!
GO NOW!
I am not saying everything was like that... there were couples who madly LOVED each other and THE ONLY THING that was important to them is them being TOGETHER! Regardless!!
However, there was one friend of mine who was also honest, and after one year.. he started bringing it up..and though that fact to her face.. with the intonation as she was a H..E! But she loved him so much, and he made her loose all the hope for happiness elsewhere, and married as he was doing her a favour and was really saving her life. After the marriage it got so so so much worth... everytime he had something to drink he would bring it up, call her names... until eventually it started getting physical... Still, she stayed with him for 2 years... until her parents took her to hospital one day with severe problems.
Now, I am not saying that exactly will happen to you, but.. it will only get worth... BELIEVE ME!!
GO NOW!
You know my thinking on this is he was a virgin when you two met right and he knew from the start that you weren't? Unless I misunderstood you took his virginity, therefore you are the only person that he has had sex with, and I think that this 'you are dirty' tactic is his way of getting out of the relationship.
Now that he is not a virgin himself maybe he wants to go and mess around with other women to see what it is like. I don't mean to sound rude, but thats how I was. I was a virgin when I met my husband. I was 17 when I got married, and I never had the experience of sex with anyone else but him. Well we split up once and I took advantage of it. I got to experience other men.
You also said there was a 10 year age difference. I am assuming you are the older one, and I am only saying that because you don't see many men hold out that long. Im going to guess that he is in his early 20's, but maybe I am wrong.
IMO though I think him saying that is just an excuse to get out of your relationship because he wants to explore other women.
Now that he is not a virgin himself maybe he wants to go and mess around with other women to see what it is like. I don't mean to sound rude, but thats how I was. I was a virgin when I met my husband. I was 17 when I got married, and I never had the experience of sex with anyone else but him. Well we split up once and I took advantage of it. I got to experience other men.
You also said there was a 10 year age difference. I am assuming you are the older one, and I am only saying that because you don't see many men hold out that long. Im going to guess that he is in his early 20's, but maybe I am wrong.
IMO though I think him saying that is just an excuse to get out of your relationship because he wants to explore other women.
I'm sure it is hard to hear all of these negative comments about someone you care about or even love. Your reaction, of course, is to defend that person.
But please re-read your intitial post and also think of how you would feel if your friend was in the same situation. This man is "being nasty to you" and saying that he can't have a life with you because you weren't a virgin when you met. What responsibility should he have ? In other words, why did he choose to pursue a relationship with you, knowing that you weren't a virgin ?
All I know is this: someone who loves you does NOT hurt you like that. Love is unconditional.
Good luck.. I hope you will think about what people have said in this thread.
Your boyfriend is right....you can do better. He sounds like a control freak. I know you cant picture your self without him but can you picture being treated like dirt for the rest of your life. He said he cant see you getting married and having kids because you were with someone else?? Thats ****!! Was he a virgin?? Find someone who will love you for who you are! Let him go out and find a virgin...It will never happen.
there is 10 years difference between us. when we are together his fine and he makes me feel special, his so beautiful and i love his personality and his such a kind person to me its just this 1 problem and he been good recently and hasnt said anything hurtful because he says he hates it. i know he not a cheater because the moment he wakes up he goes to work and i talk to him on the phone if i am not there with him helping out and straight after he comes to my house and stays until early morning, he doesnt even own a girls phone number, just a few friends because his so shy
thanks for all the comments but i cant see us being apart, i know if i was a virgin when we met everything would be fine and i want a way to make life like that for us now even though im not a virgin.
I remember when a friend of mine defended her horrible ex-boyfriend for treating her badly. She learned the hard way. I hope this poster takes the short cut (which she will eventually get there anyway with this guy) and chooses not to take the hard road instead. This guy is bad news.... no doubt about it.
losinghim, if you were a virgin, he'd find something else you couldn't control about yourself and pick you apart over that. Like, he'd marry you except your boobs are too small.
I'm really curious, you call him "perfect", but he seems cruel and creepy. What qualities does he have that you like so much, and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
I'm really curious, you call him "perfect", but he seems cruel and creepy. What qualities does he have that you like so much, and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
Oh boy, he really has you in a gridlock there. How can you possibly fix that situation unless you get surgery done and then you would still have to eradicate his memory of your virginity status? The fact that you have been put in a gridlock is reason enough to start looking for new love!
even if his religion poses a threat on this you should have known this from the start and i dont think its the case. so you gave it up before him. you are young and dont need this kind of bu((sh*t. id leave him and go on to pursue a life outside of condemnation. as women we are supposed to be pure and the man we are with the only one. however, its not the case always and its OK!!!! what is good for them is ok for us too. he isnt worth yoour time of day. you dont need this kind of ****. woman can be with anyone at anytime and it should be the same as men. dont let him win!
he has made her feel he is perfect. he probably tells her so all the time, so he can make her feel like poop about herself. if its like this now just wait!! and maybe, he says this, because he is lying. maybe he isnt a virgin and maybe he has other gals on the side!! you need to step back and look at this. its pretty creepy
My concern is this. Does he see you as a beautiful person ? Or does he view you as "dirty" because you've had sex with someone else, in the past ?
Anyone who has a hang-up like this has some issues. He shouldn't be talking to you about this... instead he should be seeing a counselor. You should ask him if he's a virgin !
This guy is bad news and I can see him even getting worse. You DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. This guy is very insecure, probably controlling and also jealous.
Is his cultural/ethnic/religious background such that possibly his family expects him to marry a virgin? If so they may have put pressure on him and then it would be a whole new discussion between the two of you. If both of you are of the typical Western culture, I would say there`s a lot of b.s. involved from his side if those thoughts pop up after one year.
Honey, chalk it up to jealousy and insecurities and realise that it will not go away over night. How old is this guy? 18/19? What you did prior to meeting him really isn't as important as what you have done since you meet him. Granted there are health risk that need to be taken into account when discussing past sexual behaviour. - - - Who doesn't have a past? I don't mean to be rude here but your boyfriend sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a 12yr old.
Give this guy up, Girl. He'll torture you with this for the rest of your life if you stay with him.
It's odd that he's stayed with you this long, and is choosing to beat up up about this instead of moving on, if he really wants a woman who was a virgin.
There are a LOT of normal, nice guys out there. This guy isn't one of them. Really.
Best wishes.
It's odd that he's stayed with you this long, and is choosing to beat up up about this instead of moving on, if he really wants a woman who was a virgin.
There are a LOT of normal, nice guys out there. This guy isn't one of them. Really.
Best wishes.
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