Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Not sure who to love...

So around 2 years ago I met this girl. We never actually went out (she said she wasn't ready for a relationship due to just breaking up with her ex) but we became close... so close it then got weird to be sleeping etc with each other. After sitting down talking it out we decided that we should be friends as we both became each others rock (we both helped each other) anyway move on a 4-5 months later i met a girl and she gave me so many feelings that I never had before. Before i knew it i was in a relationship and now couldn't be happier! We have been through so much and now she has become my rock. I stayed friends with the other girl and met her from time to time (which now i know was a stupid mistake) and one night she admitted she liked me and we just met at the wrong time, wrong place any other time it would have worked!
This stupidly then stayed with me in the back of my mind and occasionally crept up (normally when my gf and me have had an argument) I know its stupid and a moment of weakness and since then my gf met her however didn't like her so I now have no contact with her... I get an occasional message but never reply so ended up blocking and deleting all contact with her.

Occasionally now it crosses my mind... Just wondering has anyone else had this want other peoples input or if they have been in the same situation?
Best Answer
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm not sure what you mean, how did I react?  I had just broken up with someone I cared about and he came along immediately after.  

Now, let me just say that I don't know that we'd have been a good couple for real.  And I met a man that IS a good husband and we make a good couple.  So, I wasn't exactly trying to encourage you to pursue this woman.

to me, in ALL honesty, I know SO many people like this.  They decide they want someone once they are taken.  Trust me, if you became close (as I wasn't 'that' close to the man I had poor timing with)--  she'd have realized her feelings prior to making it clear she did not want a relationship.

Lots of people have something called secondary gain.  They LOVE that a man they are 'friends' with has feelings of wanting more with them. It feeds their ego.  And when it is gone . . .   they feel a loss.  THAT fuels their having this epiphany of new feelings.  

It's a tale as old of time and MUCH less romantic in real life than in the movies.  

However, if you are going to pine for another woman much longer, then I would say that you need to let your trusting, authentic, genuine current girlfriend go to find the same for herself.  Ya know?  

good luck
11 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Stop asking what if questions. We all know the only reason why she likes you now after all this time is because you're with someone else. As soon as you break up with the current girl you're with and go back to the old girl, she will lose interest because she doesn't want to be with you, she just doesn't want anyone else with you. I would bet your life savings that this is what's going on. If you pick the first girl you will lose everything. It's your choice.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes you are single and may choose who you want...........that's true, however, I just think you should give your current relationship a chance.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Let me ask you this............what kind of person continues to try to communicate with you knowing you are in a relationship with another? She stated she always had feelings for you after the fact you are in a relationship with another.

Seems she wants what she wants when she wants it.  For example, it wasn't good for her to start a relationship with you a while ago and now it is ideal for her, however, it isn't for you.  She should respect you are in a relationship and stop all contact...........not pursue you.

I think you should stay where you are..........that's my gut instinct.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am happy just i sometimes think 'what if' guess its a moment of weakness but how can i be sure??
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No it was never wired sleeping with each other... i meant we both took so long to decide what we wanted by then we became 'close friends' and it was wired to sleep with each other etc by then...
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Well,  since you're not married and have no kids with either one of them,  you have every right to choose which one you think you like best.

I do have a question.  You got close . . . so close it seemed wired (weird?) to be sleeping with each other.

Um, what?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Stay where you are and move forward.  You said you are happy, correct?  What else are you looking for?

Would of, should of, could of................that's in the past.  My suggetion is leaving all that there.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I completely understand where you are coming from... just theres certain things that remind me and think back to the great times... its hard one.
Personal question but how did you react with the guy you liked? And how did you react? might be able to link it with her...

(you can inbox me instead)
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya know. If you are happy, stay happy.  There was a guy I liked but it was bad timing.  I blew it.  Later, he was in a relationship and I kept kicking myself for missing my opportunity. But the thing is . . .  I DID miss it.  He was with someone else.  I went on to meet and then marry my now husband.  That's how life worked.

If you want to be with your current girlfriend, lose the other girl's number.  (and a number girl's can play by interfering with a guy's life once they realize they aren't doted on anymore, as I'm SURE she knew how you felt and enjoyed the attention . . .   but not until you are WITH someone else and HAPPY does she decide she might miss you . . .  or the attention maybe?).  

That's what I'd do.  I'd tell her that when you met, it was bad timing for her.  NOW it is bad timing for you.  and that you want to see where this relationship goes with your girlfriend.  And leave it at that.  

Beware of the 'now I'm interested once you are with someone" type of female.  good luck
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi , your doing the right thing in not contacting her. She had her chance and maybe now using you as she cant find anyone else as nice as you. Just get her out of your mind and stay with the one that loved you from the begining. Dont get involved with some elses confusion.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.