OT!!! REALLY NEED ADVICE FOR A FRIEND!!!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to post this here because you are all wonderful and I really need some advice for a friend of mine.

So, this morning I get a call from a mutual friend of me and my husband's.  I work with him.  He calls me and tells me that he got a call from his ex wife yesterday afternoon.  Now they have 3 children together.  Their middle child just turned 14 in June.  Well, my friend's ex wife called yesterday to tell my friend that their barely 14 year old may have gotten his girlfriend pregnant.  So, the ex went and bought the girl a pregnancy test and she took the test last night and it thankfully came back negative.  The other 2 kids went to live with my friend recently but the 14 year old wanted to stay with his mom because he has this girlfriend.  Anyway, now my friend is picking up his son tonight and just doesn't know what to do.  His son wants some condoms but my friend is torn because he just feels like his son is too young to be having sex in the first place.  But he already has and my friend fears he will continue to do it and he will since he is asking for the condoms.

What is my friend to do?  It's like a double edge sword.  One the one hand, he doesn't want his son having sex at such a young age, but on the other hand, he doesn't want his son getting a disease or getting someone pregnant either.  By getting the condoms, he feels that he is giving his son permission to have sex.  

I told my friend that I would post this and try to get some feedback for him.  Please help ladies.  I was only able to tell him my story from when I was his son's age and how my mom handled it, but I would love to get some more feedback.

Thanks,
Michele

[beautifullychaotic]

Hey girl! I totally agree with Sammy!  At least the son is trying to be responsible. BUT if it hasnt yet it should seriously be talked about by both parents, about the birds and the bees.  The son needs to be taught about the stds, pregnancy, the whole nine yards of this. Whats done is done, but there are ways of  trying to get the son's mind off of **** like this.  See (if he isnt already) if can get involved in school activities, a YMCA or something in the community.  And stress the importance trying to hold off until he is older.  He has his whole entire future ahead of him.  Maybe having the dad say its not right that you do this, I dont agree at all, whatsoever about this, BUT I want you protected and I am happy that you came to me about this. Explaining why ppl do it and how it can be an important factor in Marriages/seriously relationships. Idk. Thats what I would do.  My son is only 7 and he wants to know what part his father played in "making"  him. And I told him that I would tell him in a couple of years, but ya know they are teaching this stuff more and more earlier every year because there are soo many sooo many young children having sex and getting pregnant. So I might have to have this little talk sooner than planned.  I hoped I helped. Good luck!

[mommytobeagain]

like the others said there is nothing the parents can do to make him stop. its not like they can lock him up in his room till they feel like he's old enough to have sex. better for him to have protection then do it without protection and land up getting his gf pregnant or catching a STD. maybe try taking the kid somewhere so a professional or something can talk to him about the risks he's taken by having sex.  thats what i would do. but, i would buy the condoms so i would know that if he is still having sex atleast he is protected!!!

[mayflowers]

my, my, a 14 yr old boy having sex with his girlfriend.....how unusual is that?  

I say kudo's to the kid for wanting to use condoms.  He's being responsible.  I wish more kids would ask their parents for condoms. This is great chance for the father to talk to his son about how babies are made.

[jo929]

If I were you, I would stay out of it, and let the parents do what they want, but if it were my child there would be no condoms and where does the dad think getting condoms is going to do, when he gets them he is telling his son go to it do it all you want with my blessings maybe one will break and you will have the girl preg buit dont worry, you are only 14 only the girl can be hurt where is the morality in this family he needs to have other interests too bad they cut out theole wood shed spankings 14 is to young for sex and i would sit on him day and night or send him somewhere to learn right from wrong when dad gets them he also might as well say any thing else you want son just ask and i will get it he is giving his son consent to have sex never let a child take over dad is the grown up and the 14 year old is the child and one and the other needs to know who is boss  luck to all jo

[mami1323]

Hey Michele, I answered your post on the maternal/child forum.  Sammy is dead on though.

[sammy73]

I definitely feel that it is long past the point where there is any value trying to pursuade this kid not to be having sex so young.  I agree, it is much too young, but he's doing it now and trying to tell him to stop won't have any effect other than to alienate the parent.

The situation is what it is, so he might as well do the best he can.  That means getting the kid some condoms, and having a non-emotional, non-shouty serious conversation with the boy so that he is clear his dad is on his side, is emotionally supportive of him, and the boy should feel safe and secure to be able to talk to his father any time.  It's OK to tell him that he's not happy about it, but there's no point trying to stop it.

Well, that's my opinion anyway!  But my kids are still all several years short of this point, so what would I know?