Hi there -- I usually have sex with my boyfriend once a day and it's fine, if a bit boring. He only can ejaculate from one position, with me on top. In the two years we've been together, he's only *** once from having sex with me in a down dog position. He also masturbates a lot and watches a lot of porn. A LOT. So would you say that he's impeded physically and mentally?
I love him, but it's boring ALWAYS being on top, leaning forward and knowing exactly when he's going to ejaculate.
When we have sex in other positions, he gets really soft and he has to lay down to finish with me on top again. So it's not as intense as I'd like it to be.
It's definitely been an issue with me because I am bored and he sees it. He loves me, says he's attracted to me, but it's just frustrating.
We're both 25. I'm pretty fit and I like athletic, rough sex, but he's a bit overweight (290 at 5'10") so that's an impetus I accept. Sometimes, when we're having sex and he's on the bottom, he gets a tightness in his stomach or cramps in his legs or a sharp tightness in his legs. So I have to give him oral sex to get him hard again. And I usually give him oral sex twice while I'm riding him anyway.
It's just an annoying situation that we've talked endlessly about.
So I guess I'm posing a few questions -- first, about the cramping and tightness he feels while I'm riding him.
Second, why is he so akin to one position?? What can I do or he do to stop that habit??
Many, many thanks.
I think "habit" is the mane word here. He has gotten in the habit of having sex one way. Have you talked to him about cutting down on the other activities outside the bedroom. I think by doing that he may be able to keep an erection longer during sex. You may want to consider not having sex everyday for awhile. Skip a day or two to see if that helps.
I'll address the questions first... He may like you on top because he is a bigger fellow. Maybe he is self conscious about his weight, and if he lets you be on top and you be in charge of the pace, it allows him to relax a little...? (Just a thought)
What can you do about it? Talk to him. Have a healthy communication about your sex life. You've accepted him as he is, now its time to let him know how you want it. It is also time for you to listen to him. Maybe he can offer some insight as to what the deal really is, and you'll be able to help him out with those issues and make your relationship stronger.
As for the porn thing. I had a group of neighbors (looked like a frat house) who were always watching porn. Middle of the day, with a group of guys sitting around... watching porn. I still don't understand that. Porn and masturbation being the problem? I don't know. I guess it could be. The issue seems to be psychological to me. I'm no doctor.....
My advice is to get him to exercise and lose some of that weight. If he is cramping and having pain when on top then that goes right back to his health/weight.
He also needs to stop masterbating and watching porn. if you and him have sex daily then he has no need to masterbate. Talk to him and tell him that is what you want to happen. If he can't give up porn then maybe he is not right for you because if your bored then maybe at a moment of weakness you find someone else for a night??
As for the one position, this may give him the most feeling when having sex. So while other positions should be done finishing while your on top should be a compliment to you that your doing a great job...well try to see it that way.
But again his issues are his weight and his porn watching/masterbation.
Thanks for the suggestions.
It's is a habit for him, which I've come to resent, and I hate feeling resentful. We've talked a lot about this, very openly, but he's closed up and disappointed with himself for a day and then tries something new for the next day... and then... it's back to the same grind.
The thing is too, that this whole problem translates into his weight issues too -- he gets bitter over his weight, so watches calories and exercises for a few weeks... then, it's back to a half pack of cigs a day, overeating, and not exercising.
Unfortunately too, we tend to have long breaks in our sex life. He's on tour and works nights, so when we take breaks... it lasts a week. I said we have sex everyday, but I guess I didn't think of the days when neither of us are working or out of town.
And yes, Vance, he even says that me on top is the best feeling and Brice, I know it's an issue with his weight to be on top of me.
He doesn't like to try things, he's a little lazy. And, to be fair, I'm really really into sex and I wouldn't be surprised if that (and my past) intimidates him. I hate being pushy and a nag for sex, but I feel like I am.
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