Hi, I am a 20 year old female, dating a 17 year old male. I can't quite put my finger on what the problem is... but I want sex more than my boyfriend!!! Why? I swear it's not normal for a 17 year old male to not care so much about sex! We have amazing sex when we do, he tells me that and I tell him that, and we have great communication to what each other enjoys.
I feel like most woman would kill me for saying this, and say they wish they had this, but honestly it's getting to the point where I have to go touch myself at home. We prob have sex once a week, if I'm lucky. I feel as if he is too romantic. Last night we got into a fight about it, and his reply was that sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but I told him it's very important to me. He also told me that I'm way more experienced than he is because I've been with more people, where he has only been with 2 other people. I told him he's amazing in bed, and no one has topped him, which is true, and I always boost his self esteem by saying things like that, and I never lie. I asked him if he ever has moment when he just thinks about how bad he wants to have sex with me, and he said yes all the time, but I'm afraid you might not want it. I don't understand why he would think that.
He tells me he loves me about 10 times a day, and says he misses me at least once a day, and it's starting to feel like it's a few words just being thrown around. He always goes on about how lucky he is to have me, ect. But the only thing we literally ever do when we are together is cuddle and watch tv. Our fight was also about the tv. I told him to turn it off once in a while and talk to me, maybe it's just a maturity thing, but he blames it on his ADD. He says he doesn't think to turn it off, and it's just there to be in the background, and that I have to remind him to turn it off. But I feel like his eyes are glued to the tv. I will leave the room to go to the bathroom, walk back in, and he won't even glance my way.
I feel as if he has no interest in sex at all. It's also gotten to the point where I don't even bother to persuade it, I just let him have me when he wants, and it bothers me, and I've told him that, and I don't know what to else to do! After our fight and we talked things out, I decided to test him and I made a move. Let's just say he failed the test. Basically we were both topless, and I was on top of him, and nothing was happening, so i just went to the side of him to cuddle once again. Whenever I'm on top of him, he gets hard. So he starts acting childish about his hard on, he starts moving it without his hands and eventually it was out of his pants and he starts flapping it with his hands saying its fun to play with in front of me............. then I try to make another move, and give him a handjob, and he actually pushed my hand away!!!! ... so that he can "play" with himself. So i just turned around. He asked me what's wrong, and I lied and said nothing. I feel like it's hopeless. I could honestly get completely naked, and he wouldn't do a thing. I feel awkward seducing him. He's asked for a strip tease, but I'm scared to spontaneously do one, because if I get turned down, that would be so embarrassing. Also we are both submissive partners which doesn't help all of this.
Sometimes people's backgrounds are important to an answer, so I'll write a very brief one about both of us. Maybe the problem is about that?
ME: Last relationship was 2 years, was cheated on from the beginning, turned me into an anxious type lover. Brought the anxiety into my current relationship, but it's just starting to fade and get better since a month ago. We started dating at a really bad time, when I was going through a lot of anxiety issues and having panic attacks. He helped me through a lot with his honesty, and caring personality. We became good friends, and ended up dating.
HIM: Said he was picked on in elementary school, said all of his relationships he got hurt in, and has told me he's scared to get hurt again. One of his ex's cheated on him. Recently has had issues with getting in trouble with the law through selling pot, and possession, and got expelled from school. He doesn't smoke anymore, he doesn't talk to any of his friends anymore because of it, and I'm basically his only friend. And I know this really gets him down. He's grounded in his room and he's not allowed out. All he does is play xbox, tv, see me, and goes to return ticket school which is basically school for dummies. He is a gifted student. I'm scared he's depressed and hiding it way too well or doesn't know it himself.
Let me get this straight. This might be off the mark a bit, but why are you having sexual relations with a 17 year old? Isn't 17 considered underage where you live? What does his parents think about all this?
I think he should be focusing on other things besides sex.
Do you go to school or work? I think you ought to be focusing on other things too.
If he is "acting childish" that is because he is a child, i.e. grounded, plays X-box, etc.
BTW: Even if he was having lots of sex with you DOESN'T mean he loves you. Sex doesn't always mean love.
Parents are okay with it, friends are okay with it, it doesn't seem to bother anyone. I never forced him into anything, we started off as very good friends, and it just developed. Please I'm not on here to be judged by our age difference.It wasn't long ago when I was 17, and i remember how my attitude was towards sex, its pretty much the same as it is now.
I have a job, I go to university. He got in trouble with the law and is stuck at home, going to a special school so he can go back into regular high school since he was expelled. And I encourage him everyday.
I'm fully aware that sex doesn't mean love. But I am fully aware that it is an important aspect in a relationship.
I've read a few of your replies to other posts, and trying to discern them from what you've written above is slightly confusing. On one post you said things are okay or better today, but your above post is full of complaints.
You complain that his immaturity is an issue. I think it is important to note that he is 17. I can tell you that when I was 17, I was as immature as they come. For me @ 17, a girlfriend was about the least important thing on my list of important things. I had girlfriends, but certainly not a priority and especially if they came off as demanding in any way, shape or form.
With this guys immaturity, I wonder if he is slightly intimidated by your prowess or need for sex?
I meant things are better today with my trust issues. I do tend to complain a lot, I admit I'm an over thinker to the extreme. He does make me feel like I'm top priority, he acts like it anyways. When he says stuff like your the only thing worth holding onto, your my everything, ect. I try to gear him in a different direction that I'm equally important as his own life, and he needs to work on that as well. Maybe I do intimidate him, I've been told that by other people.
I see your point. I don't really pressure him though. I let him make the first move all the time because I'm too worried I will be rejected if I make the first move. But thanks for your opinion! Appreciated
He dosen't sound immature to me. He sounds like a 17 year old guy.
3 year age gap is not a big deal if your both over, say 25 - but before that it can make a big difference.
Usually, (not always) girls mature a bit quicker than boys... so that can also be taken into account.
I agree you over-think things. I noted that you say when you are watching TV together, and go to the bathroom... you get upset and 'note' if he does not look at you when you walk back in the room. You may be putting unrealistic expectations on how a 17 year old behaves.
Over thinking things.... perhaps you're over thinking what to expect from this guy. I have a 14 and a 17 year old boys at home. It is impossible for me to see either one of them in a relationship that I would call serious. Simply, they are both incapable. One has a girlfriend, and perhaps it can be considered serious on some levels (they've been together for almost 2 years) but both of them have hormones and thoughts running 100m.p.h. in every direction at once. My kids relationship that I am speaking of is NOT his priority.... just isn't. He likes hanging out with his girlfriend, but he also likes to skate board with friends, hang out with his buddies, video games, etc and spends far more time doing those things than he does hanging out with his girlfriend. I just don't think that your typical 17 year old male is capable of making a girl the center of his universe all of the time....
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