I am in process of getting with a girl I really love, I have known her for a year and we have always clicked. She wants to move down to my neck of the woods so that we can be together along with her 3 kids. Thing is all the time I have known this girl mum and dad have always disapproved of her just because she has 3 kids and has "****** up her life" in their eyes. She is 29 (will be 30 in a months time) I am 24 so the age gap is another issue in my parents eyes I cant do right from wrong! they think just because she has been with two men before me that she is a slapper and just pops babies out which is not true because her first love died sadly whom she had 2 kids with and the other one walked out on her 2 years ago when she has her 3rd child with him. She has had a bumpy ride really. I love her for her personality, looks, overall niceness etc. She is all that I want in a woman, she is perfect and whenever we get to see each other I'm so happy, my parents think that I should meet a single girl my age with no kids and live happily ever after thing is I havent seen a girl I like round here as they are either up just for a one night stand, just want to be "mates" or want a shag buddy which I don't want. In this girl I have found I have got all that I want and need.
How can I break it to my parents that I will be in a relationship with this girl? its hard as I live at home and my every move feels its being watched :(
If you love her with all your heart that,s all that matters and it,s your call bro not your parents.Your in the relationship with her not them.You have to break it to them because honesty is the best policy.All the best.
You are an adult and if this is what you really want, then you will just have to be straightforward with them and tell them. There really is not an "easy" way to break the news when the parents don't like your choice, but in the end it is your choice and your life. My fiance is 10 years older than I am and I can tell you that my parents were not happy with that age gap in the beginning at all. My mother even told me to leave him and that there are "other fish in the sea". I know what I want and I had to stand up for myself to tell my parents that I really cared for him and I was not going to break up with him. I wanted them to meet him, just to give him a chance/see who he really is and they agreed to meet him. Now, almost 2 years later, they really like him and know that he really loves and cares for me.
Your parents ultimately want to see you happy, and most likely see her children as "baggage" that you should not have to deal with at your age. They have an image in their head as to how they want to see your life go(go to and graduate from university, get into a good career, marry, and then have a family - typically the image many see). You are jumping straight into the role of being a father and that can be very difficult if you are not 100% ready. That is something to really think about, as you will not have any time for just you and her. There will always be kids involved and you'll also have to think about how you will provide for this family financially. It is a big step to take if you are seriously thinking about her being someone you can marry later on(and if you can't see that, don't waste your time or hers even dating), but if it is what you want, then say so to your parents. It can be hard, but you'll just have to be straightforward with your parents. Hope it goes well.
I have to say, I'm roughly your parent's age, and I share their concerns.
I don't know her, but as a parent of young adult sons, I'd have these concerns:
From your other posts, it appears you don't really know her. You hadn't had sex with her as of June 29, and she doesn't even live in "your neck of the woods". You don't seem to really even know her.
I have to ask this. Do you have money, a fairly nice car, prospects for a comfortable career? I would be very, very concerned that's what she's looking at. She's 30, and you're 24, and you haven't had sex, and she wants to relocate so she and her 3 children can live with you.
Man, the alarm bells are ringing LOUD. If I were your mom, I'd strongly recommend you pay for a background check on her. My guess is you'll turn up enough to make you rethink this.
I just reread. You still live with your parents. I have to ask, why? Why at 24 do you live in their home? You say there aren't single girls around there interested in a relationship - it's probably because you aren't living on your own, as a man. If you had your own place and were taking responsibility for your life, there would be women who don't have three kids who would be interested in you.
Yeah it is what I want and I am prepared to give this all a go, what do I have to lose? I know I would regret it if I never followed this all up. I want to be with her and no one else and I don't care what other people say any more, I'm tired of being told "can we just be mates" or "I'm only up for a shag" etc its not what I want! this is the first time in ages anyone had ever showed me how much they feel for me, we feel the same way for each other and want to be happy, ok it it don't work at least we tried. I guess I will have to grit my teeth and get on with telling my parents but its going to be hard! I know they want me to be happy but their overbearingness is getting on my nerves.
I do really know her as I have took the time to get to know her over the course of a year or so, as the distance at moment is an issue we keep in touch via Skype so its not as if we don't ever see each other. Ok its over the internet but it means we can talk and I get to see her face etc, what gets on my nerves is when people interfere and over do it with the "just be careful" thing I want to be happy and at the moment the only thing that makes me happy is her. She wants to move away because she wants a better life for her and her kids and she wants to be with me, all her friends and family want her to be happy because she is always miserable where she is now and the blokes she has been with, I can see my parents concerns and I get that and I also see what you mean as your a parent too but in the end when the overbearing gets too stupid it pushes everyone away. If my parents make an issue about this all then I will go stay with a friend instead, if things get so bad that they cant accept us then it will just make me pull even further away from them and Im actually close with my parents.
This overbearingness reminds me of a current storyline in a british soap called Hollyoaks where two characters on their ran away as they got sick of their families trying to break them up, what the parents dont see is that they should let their kid get on with it and to be there for them if things do go bad. I hope my parents do that because I dont think life would be bearable otherwise!
I am currently between jobs as I lost my job due to recession and havent really found the chance to get my own place. The girl who wants to come down here said she wants to start a whole new life, for her to be happy and wants to get work down this way, her kids are well up for moving as they hate the area they currently live in. Now I would see it from a mile off if she was after my money but she isn't! Im broke but she don't care all she wants is to be with me, doesn't that say something? that maybe she does actually love me for who I am and not for my money? not that I got any anyway. Yes I still haven't had sex with her but I want to do it with her and no one else. I understand she has 3 kids and I already said to her I am not going to fill the roll of being their dad and she said she dont want me to be their dad but for me to respect them and know that they come as a package which I understand and am willing to still be with her.
I'm fed up of being wrapped up in cotton wool! I wan't to experience things and I know that if I never follow this up I will forever regret this and would never be able to move on. If indeed it don't work out yes I would feel sad but I know I would have given it a try instead of just letting her go, I would feel worse if I let her go.
You say "I already said to her I am not going to fill the roll of being their dad", but do you realize that this is the role you will be taking if things get serious? You are jumping into the role of a father whether you like the idea or not because this woman does already have children. The kids need a father figure and will look to you as that person. If you don't feel ready to be a father, then you need to leave her and move on with your life. It would be cruel to just date her and give her hope of a future together if you aren't looking to take on that role.
Do you have a lot of money saved up? I understand times are hard economically, but you should always have some money saved in the bank for emergencies or anything else that might come up, plus putting away money to buy a car and/or home in the future. If you want your parents to see you as an adult, you need to show them that you are one. Be responsible by saving up money, actively looking for another job and working when ever you can, and just acting like an adult. It's time to stand up for yourself and better yourself.
I see what your saying, I am actively looking for a job and I want to save up and i do have money behind me but obviously i dont dig into it that much as still out of work, we are going to take things slowly with this at first I'm going to stay at hers a few nights a week and the rest of the nights I spend at home as time goes on we may move in together. We have thought this through its not as if we are teenage lovers running away. I do understand I would be a father figure and would be looked up to but she said to me I dont have to pretend to be one if that makes sense. They are aware of me. She also said that even if it dont work out, at least we tried because if we didn't then we would never have known what could have been. We are not bitter about anything we started as friends and it grew from there, if it dont work we have vowed to be good friends and look out for each other.
She can hold her own by herself with her kids and she dont expect me to pay for anything, she has connections down this way as well so its not as if she is going into the unknown. I will stand up for myself by saying to my parents that I want to be with her and I will better myself as i have plans and stuff in the pipeline its just getting over them job hurdled first but I always get what I want in the end because I pursue anything and everything to the death! I never give up easily! I'm seeing this through, if anything these comments have made me more determined to show that I can hold my own.
Well, I wish you the best and hope it works out. I think we all know people who, when they are warned not to make a certain decision by everyone they become more determined to do the exact thing everyone disagrees with.
Rarely it works, but I guess sometimes it does. I'm not sensing from your current situation, that you make the very best decisions always. This is one more that doesn't seem to your parents to be a very good decision.
My guess is, within the year she'll be pregnant again, and you'll be stuck with her forever, and her then 4 kids.
I do wonder, is there anyone you know (not her friends or family, but your friends and family) who think this is a good idea? People who you consider to be successful and stable?
Yeah my friends want me to be happy instead of moaning about being bored of having no girlfriend, they approve of her a few of them are stable in relationship with a job and there own place and others not so stable who live alone or have no job etc. All they want is to see me happy and they know Iam as I light up when I talk about her. I said to her I dont want a kid with her and she dont want another one either. We have talked this all out so we are not going in blind, I just hope my parents ease up on this and let me just get on with it and be there for me if it does go down hill instead of making me feel really guilty for being with her, in my eyes thats wrong! all I want to be is happy and she is the only one who makes me that happy. I have tried going out to get girls it didnt work, I let them come to me it never worked only she came forward it was a breath of fresh air and I didnt care if she has kids. Im good with them my other friend has kids and I got used to hers slobbering all over me and wanting me to play with them so again I'm not being led in like a blind bloke to the slaughter
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