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Playstation obsession

my boyfriend is addicted to the playstation he does a few hours work In the morning comes home plays it till he has to go back to work then plays it as soon as he comes home again. We have a seven month old baby that I look after all day every day he doesn't do any house work an is extremely dirty due to working on a farm he leaves plates an glasses all around the house. And i find asking him to hold the baby whilst I go to the bathroom awkward just because he sighs every time any suggestions as to how I can stop him from playing as much.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, fantastic and thanks so much for coming back and telling us this.  I love a happy ending.  peace to you and your family!
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Avatar universal
Just to update you he played a little today but that's because he was feeling ill this morning so I said he can play whilst I go shopping then we watched a dvd and fell asleep on the sofa together as my dad has our son every Saturday. I couldn't be more happy if only I would have explained it to him properly months ago but oh well its all sorted now. Would like to thank you all again x
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh my gosh, I am SOOOO  happy for you sweetie!  It's definitely a good start and you know what it shows?  He's willing to try.  He may not be perfect every day but he is willing to try for you and your son.  This is wonderful!!  Keep us updated, okay?  good luck
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Avatar universal
He hasn't played his playstation yet we sat down and ate lasagne together apartt from baby slapping mine an getting it everywhere ( we both just laughed about it ) it was nice then he took his plate to the kitchen not quite to the sink but it's in there:) then came and took baby off me without asking :0 then we played for about an hour with baby and now he is walking the dog! Thank you all so much. Hopefully same again tomorrow as his boss just phoned and says he will work on the farm tomorrow and he can have the day off. Thank you all so so much xxxxxx
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am so happy for you hon.  Perhaps he is going to put forth better effort and be a father to your child.  THAT is what is best.  We hurt as women but it is about the kids when it comes to a man who won't hold his child.  I'm sure it will warm your heart when he does.  make sure to praise him and thank him.  I know it is a given that he participate in family life but people respond well to being encouraged through praise.  So, do that as well.  good luck
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Avatar universal
Good plan.  

Keep us posted and hang in there.
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Avatar universal
I Will he's at work at the moment hopefully when he gets back he won't switch it on I won't say anything to him just see what he does.
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Avatar universal
Well, it is a start.  Hopefully this will get better for you dear.

Keep us posted.
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Avatar universal
I will book an appointment with my doctor see if they can help us. I do not depend on him he gives me fifty pounds a week which pays the council tax I explained to him today and he played with me and baby for about half an hour thanks every one I will let you know what happens once I go to doctors or my health visitor. And we had spoke about the playstation and he said he has to he will sell it :) thank you all so much he hasn't yet but it's a starT x
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Avatar universal
Agree with CRSeaside.

You are really a single parent presently as your partner has checked out of the situation with this child.  Basically he has checked out of the relationship.

You've talk with him and get nothing, he doesn't want to interact with the child, he games when he isn't working, etc.

Would he be willing to talk with a professional therapist?  That would be the next step.  If he refuses, then the relationship is pretty much going to get worse until you decide leave.  I know you stated it's hard to just get up and leave, but in reality you are living as a single parent taking care of TWO children.  At least he does work.

Are you financially depend on him?
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I just want to say that my heart goes out to you sweetie.  It sounds to be a bit of a shock that your son has downs and caring for a special needs baby is hard enough as it is.  Then to have zero support from your significant other?  I'm just so very sorry about that.  You mourn things lost with a special needs child yourself, I'm sure.  We're mothers, that is natural.  But you, like a wonderful true mother, love your child.  He's part of you and your responsibility to care for and love.  The same can be said for your partner.  This child stands not a chance if even his own father is rejecting of him.  THIS is what you need to convey to him.  Caring for this child, LOVING this child, bonding with this child is HIS duty.  He owes your son this.  

Tell him this bluntly.  Not angrily, accusingly.  He may fight it.  But he needs to hear it.  And then set forth a schedule.  Yes, like he is a little boy. Act like a little boy, get treated like a little boy.  I have sons.  they don't get to play video games as they please either.  So, you write up a schedule leaving him ONE hour of video time a day.  Then have other things in slots that he has to do.  Put in there a half hour of house clean up or 15 minutes of gathering dishes from other rooms and taking to the kitchen.  Have in there his time to BOND (word it like that) with his child.  Time to do another chore that he should help with.  Time for the two of you and the baby to have dinner together.  And one hour of blow off time for him to play video games.  And the consequence of not doing it is that you are removing the video games from the home and gaming system.  Don't be afraid to do this.  It would already be gone if it were me.

He may have an issue with depression and that something to think about.  Does he need to speak to a doctor?

But you have your hands full.  be direct about what he needs to do to be a decent partner.  I'm so glad you have your parents and they give you a break on Saturdays.  And it sounds like if needed, you could go there to stay.  But hopefully it won't come to that.  Time for dad to be a dad and partner.  good luck
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6726276 tn?1421126668
I know this may sound like a simplification, but IMO you need a third party involved. The pastor at your church. Or a marriage councilor.
I understand you do not want to separate. But ask yourself. What am I receiving from this relationship ?  Is it enhancing my life? Am I willing to stand by and be ignored for the rest of my life?  
  You are a caring smart hard working person. Don't you deserve to be treated with love kindness and attention?
  It can't all be up to you all of the time. Then this other person is just taking up space. Not adding to joy or helping with your son. Your son is his responsibility also. He must step up and be a man and learn to care for his child. Like you said, you don't need 2 children. Bless you. Maxy
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Avatar universal
He doesn't like going to the doctors so I take baby to them he says it's because he doesn't like being in crowded places. we have so much information on downs as they've given us hundreds of hand outs and i miscarried in October 2012 at 9 weeks. I think he may think the worst of the situation so then it doesn't seem as bad when he gets the truth about it.
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Avatar universal
Does he go to the physician's visits with you?  Perhaps the physician can better inform him about your son's situation; give him facts?  If it is coming from the physician maybe he would be more open about dealing with this.

He needs to keep in mind the child is still fairly young.

Do you have books or reading material about Down's syndrome? Perhaps if he sees this material laying around he might be curious enough to look at them.

Did you also have a miscarriage as well?  I briefly read your other posts and I thought you mentioned something about a miscarriage.

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Avatar universal
I didn't but it's hard I can't just walk away I've been with him since I was fifteen and now we have a son.
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Avatar universal
We did the other day but he winds me up he presumes Jaspa (our son) is not going to be able to do anything I work in a learning difficulties care home with adults with Down's syndrome and I know that this isn't the case but he swears blind it is he's ignorant to other people's opinions . He thinks he's going to be violent and he's only seven month which causes us to argue then he gets annoyed and walks out. I can't say what I want or he just shouts at me then storms off.
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Avatar universal
I really don't think you signed up to be a mother to your husband.  Who wants that?  

You need to have a serious chat with him.
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Avatar universal
I practically am his mum I do all his washing pick up the wrappers in the morning when he has gone to work that he leaves once I've gone to bed from all the sweets it's like I have two children I don't know why I put up with it I would never of done before I got with him.
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Avatar universal
Well, sounds like he is having a difficult time with this.

You delivered months ago.  Have you recently had a talk with him?
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Avatar universal
My dad and step mum have him every Saturday we spoke when I was in hospital after delivery and he said it's not a problem and he was perfect no matter what he held him then and he was great with him then he decided that he wasn't going to hold him until he could control his head but he hasn't bothered and he is now sitting up by himself. I lost most my friends when I was pregnant as they party.
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi Luciee, if you continue to let your husband get his way it will only get worse with him doing what he wants and he will lose respect for you.
If you want to get a good responsible attitude from him then talk to him like his mother does. At times in a relationship the wife needs to take on the mom role even with the husband.
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Avatar universal
He might be having a hard time dealing with a physicially/mentally challenged child.  

Have you ever tried to talk to him about what's going on?  

Sounds like he is trying to zone the situation out.  

Do you have any help at all from family and friends?
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Avatar universal
Our son has Down's syndrome. He may watch him for twenty minutes when I get in the shower but he usually come into the bathroom with the baby because he cries so I have to talk I him whilst trying to shave my legs lol. I can't really talk to him either as he just get stroppy and goes outside for a cigarette.
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Avatar universal
Well, sounds like he is trying to avoid dealing with something, in other words he is using the gaming as an escape from you and/or the baby.

Does he deal with the baby at all? Do you do anything together?

Did anything major happen in the relationship recently?
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