Aa
Please help? grandparents drama!! lol
This isn't really a question I just wanted to see how you would feel? I'm expecting a first child with my husband and my family and friends buy toys and cute outfits for my baby and constantly buying little cute gifts which I greatly appreciate and find it so sweet I'd do the same for their babies! My parents are even buying the crib and dresser and grandparents buying a stroller and car seat. We are in a really tight spot financially and my husband's mom and dad never offer any gifts or bought her absolutely anything. Their not coming to the baby shower because they'll be out of town and cant make it yet when I asked my husband why his parents are being cold or not as caring no gifts or anything he talked to his parents and they said they'll only get us something if we absolutely need help after the baby shower. That really upset me and kind of pissed me off that they don't want to give their granddaughter anything! And expect my family and friends to shower her with gifts yet his family should only get her gifts if we're desperate. This has left a bad taste in my mouth and his family really irritates me now and I don't want anything to do with them. Am I wrong or selfish for expecting at least a baby toy from her own future grandparents? I'm very hurt how their acting and my husband seems hurt too.
I understand what you mean I just keep getting told by friends and family not to buy anything that that is what a baby shower is for and you will get things then even my husband's family said the same thing so they are expecting people to give me needed items as well. It's just odd that they're not counting themselves as one of the people and I'm really not sure how my husband asked them what wording he used but I told him not to and if they wanted to then they would themselves but because he asked and I got the answer it just seemed odd. My best friend and mother are helping me with the shower it's going to be in November it feels like forever lol
Well, you probably ARE kind of a crazy pregnant lady, lol....the hormones
I can totally understand you being upset at the cold attitude they're giving you guys. Instead of saying, "we're so sorry we won't be here for the baby shower"...they were kind of callus about it. I also think that IF your husband mentioned a gift of any sort (which it's clear he did based on their reply), it may have put a bad taste in their mouth. THAT could explain some of the attitude you're seeing also.
"The parents are already drowned in medical bills and constant worry and stress a baby shower should be a nice gesture to relieve some of that stress and help out the parents."
I also don't agree with your idea behind the premise of a shower. It's really meant to be a celebration of the upcoming event, and of course the guests of honor are "showered with gifts", but that's not meant to be financial support. It's an added bonus that sometimes it ends up that way, but expectant parents shouldn't COUNT on the shower gifts. Often times, you'll end up with the stuff off of your registry that maybe wasn't AS important/vital as some of the other things.
I guess I'm just struggling a bit...you seem to have a sense of entitlement. Again, I understand you aren't meaning to come across that way, but just being honest with you that you are.
It's much better to stand on your own two feet, and not be depending on gifts others will give you, as obviously gifts are a hit or miss kind of thing, and not a requirement. When is your baby shower? Who's planning it for you hon?
I can totally understand you being upset at the cold attitude they're giving you guys. Instead of saying, "we're so sorry we won't be here for the baby shower"...they were kind of callus about it. I also think that IF your husband mentioned a gift of any sort (which it's clear he did based on their reply), it may have put a bad taste in their mouth. THAT could explain some of the attitude you're seeing also.
"The parents are already drowned in medical bills and constant worry and stress a baby shower should be a nice gesture to relieve some of that stress and help out the parents."
I also don't agree with your idea behind the premise of a shower. It's really meant to be a celebration of the upcoming event, and of course the guests of honor are "showered with gifts", but that's not meant to be financial support. It's an added bonus that sometimes it ends up that way, but expectant parents shouldn't COUNT on the shower gifts. Often times, you'll end up with the stuff off of your registry that maybe wasn't AS important/vital as some of the other things.
I guess I'm just struggling a bit...you seem to have a sense of entitlement. Again, I understand you aren't meaning to come across that way, but just being honest with you that you are.
It's much better to stand on your own two feet, and not be depending on gifts others will give you, as obviously gifts are a hit or miss kind of thing, and not a requirement. When is your baby shower? Who's planning it for you hon?
I don't agree with you because I think that's the whole point of baby showers? The parents are already drowned in medical bills and constant worry and stress a baby shower should be a nice gesture to relieve some of that stress and help out the parents. What upset me is how they worded the whole thing I honestly was not even upset or bothered until my husband asked if they're coming to the baby shower and after they said no they weren't even going to send a small gift and my grandparents future grand grandparents are overjoyed with buying cute outfits I can't get them to stop and they're financially in a much worse situation than his parents. It's just the lack of care that pisses me off not even gifts just a simple hey do you maybe need some help and out of politeness I would decline to be honest. Just the way his parents told us if we absolutely need help after the baby shower to ask him feels degrading because why the hell would you then send a gift after the baby shower is over like they want everyone else to give so that they don't have to that's what pisses me off that's like pulling someone's teeth if we asked after the baby shower and I'm embarrased that my husband even asked them because I didn't expect anything from them but still got upset with how they said it. After their wording I felt like a needy crazy pregnant lady it honestly embarrased me and made me not ever ask them for anything not that I ever have before. Thank you for your opinion though I appreciate someone else's point of view on the situation
I'm interested in reading that book now that you mention it maybe I'm not seeing the other ways that they show care however I seen how they act towards their own son not even a phone call on birthdays or any holidays? I've been thinking and talking so much about it that it doesn't bother me anymore at this point and my daughter has enough love from my side of the family she'll be fine. My grandparents from my father's side didn't really visit me or call when I was little and I'm their one and only granddaughter and today we don't even talk and if my husband's family will be like them then they are the ones who will be missing out.
You were truly saying the words I couldn't have put together myself! It's really not about the gifts but the indifference towards the new family member or celebration.
I know you don't mean to....but you're coming off as being VERY superficial. Almost all of your gripes about the in-laws are about what they don't give you, do for you, and how, despite knowing your financial situation, don't help you. I appreciate you being very very frank about your feelings, but it's honestly a bit hard to read.
I think you're also erroneously relating gifts with affection. Your daughter doesn't NEED an item to remember them, like you said. I got tons of amazing gifts as a child, (truly)...and yet, I remember only a handful. What I DO remember is the times my grandparents played with me, read to me, etc. It was the time they spent with me, not their gifts that I treasure. Those are precious precious memories. Hopefully your in-laws will have a nice relationship with your children.
While I understand some of your issues with them, I can tell you that NOTHING good is going to come out of you worrying about this, or mentioning it to anyone (like hubby). My advice is to just let it go. Be grateful your family is so generous, and instead of hoping for gifts, hope that your in-laws are very involved, loving grandparents. If the talk of no gifts continues, they will be very resentful and hurt...which could very well strain the relationship even more.
Enjoy your pregnancy, and don't sweat the small stuff. They don't owe you any gifts or any help for that matter. I know, if one of my children were having a baby and I thought they could NOT do it without help, I'd be scared senseless. I'd want to help, and probably would, but really....how much is that "helping"? Sometimes, tough love is warranted in those situations, you know? Your in-laws might actually be concerned about the level of help you guys are getting from your family...and maybe they're thinking that it's too much, like enabling? Have you considered that? That could explain their outright refusal to help with anything.
Best of luck to you hon.
I think you're also erroneously relating gifts with affection. Your daughter doesn't NEED an item to remember them, like you said. I got tons of amazing gifts as a child, (truly)...and yet, I remember only a handful. What I DO remember is the times my grandparents played with me, read to me, etc. It was the time they spent with me, not their gifts that I treasure. Those are precious precious memories. Hopefully your in-laws will have a nice relationship with your children.
While I understand some of your issues with them, I can tell you that NOTHING good is going to come out of you worrying about this, or mentioning it to anyone (like hubby). My advice is to just let it go. Be grateful your family is so generous, and instead of hoping for gifts, hope that your in-laws are very involved, loving grandparents. If the talk of no gifts continues, they will be very resentful and hurt...which could very well strain the relationship even more.
Enjoy your pregnancy, and don't sweat the small stuff. They don't owe you any gifts or any help for that matter. I know, if one of my children were having a baby and I thought they could NOT do it without help, I'd be scared senseless. I'd want to help, and probably would, but really....how much is that "helping"? Sometimes, tough love is warranted in those situations, you know? Your in-laws might actually be concerned about the level of help you guys are getting from your family...and maybe they're thinking that it's too much, like enabling? Have you considered that? That could explain their outright refusal to help with anything.
Best of luck to you hon.
Hi dirtyblonde,
I do hear what you are saying. I had this exchange nearly 20 years ago, except it was my family that didn't give. Strangely, it was my sister who, when I voiced my annoyance, came back to me about the 5 types of love one of the above posters mentioned.
I was told I was a gift lover, too. The thing is, I could not care less about the gift, but acknowledge a kid's birthday, a school accomplishment. My sis was upset that no one came to her hubby's graduation -- mind you it was a masters degree he did online and they lived 3000 miles away and I had a newborn. And, when my hubby graduated from law school 3 years earlier, there was not so much as even a congratulations card. My siblings didn't even give us a card when we got married, but she got gifts when she did 2 years later.
I said nothing but drew the line at the kids. Send a birthday card. It could be a piece of paper written in crayon, I'll even spring the 40 cents to mail it. Make a phone call, call me collect. But acknowledge these milestones for your niece/nephew/grandchild. It matters to them and that matters to you.
My family just didn't get it. Keep the gift...it's not really the gift, it's really the celebrating (in spirit) the truly amazing thing it is...a new family member to be cherished!
Babies need food, diapers, sleep, safety and LOVE! You can do all those things.
I personally don't think you care about a onesie or stroller, you care about the indifference to something so important to you and that you feel should be important to them.
But, I agree, I think for your sake and hubby's, you have to let it go. Just go about your business realizing that they are bound by whatever constrains them, don't give it more power than it is and love that baby!
Congrats...your life will be changed forever for the better! Good luck!
I do hear what you are saying. I had this exchange nearly 20 years ago, except it was my family that didn't give. Strangely, it was my sister who, when I voiced my annoyance, came back to me about the 5 types of love one of the above posters mentioned.
I was told I was a gift lover, too. The thing is, I could not care less about the gift, but acknowledge a kid's birthday, a school accomplishment. My sis was upset that no one came to her hubby's graduation -- mind you it was a masters degree he did online and they lived 3000 miles away and I had a newborn. And, when my hubby graduated from law school 3 years earlier, there was not so much as even a congratulations card. My siblings didn't even give us a card when we got married, but she got gifts when she did 2 years later.
I said nothing but drew the line at the kids. Send a birthday card. It could be a piece of paper written in crayon, I'll even spring the 40 cents to mail it. Make a phone call, call me collect. But acknowledge these milestones for your niece/nephew/grandchild. It matters to them and that matters to you.
My family just didn't get it. Keep the gift...it's not really the gift, it's really the celebrating (in spirit) the truly amazing thing it is...a new family member to be cherished!
Babies need food, diapers, sleep, safety and LOVE! You can do all those things.
I personally don't think you care about a onesie or stroller, you care about the indifference to something so important to you and that you feel should be important to them.
But, I agree, I think for your sake and hubby's, you have to let it go. Just go about your business realizing that they are bound by whatever constrains them, don't give it more power than it is and love that baby!
Congrats...your life will be changed forever for the better! Good luck!
I think my husband's family if they do give something it's out of pity and it's usually something that's garbage to them unfortunately or an item they do not need that's in horrible condition. They are more than capable to afford nice things if they want but the way they treated us so far to me is degrading and it didn't change when I got pregnant they are fully aware of our current situation we've fallen into just a few months ago. Unfortunately I don't see it as if they give something it'll have more value or meaning because we got nothing memorable for our wedding from them and I strongly believe one in a life time occasions like that are very special and his parents received lots of gifts on their wedding. I understand everyone's family is different but unfortunately I was raised with the saying don't come into ones home empty handed and my husband seems a lot happier with receiving gifts and affection that he didn't get as a child. I don't resent them but they do irritate me and when they come into our home we always feed them and entertain them but when we go over there they don't even get up off their a.s.s.e.s. to greet us and if they are busy doing something they won't stop to spend time with us its like we're a nuisance.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm guessing you were kind of venting and feel a bit of sadness for your child about the difference between your parents and his parents.
Having lost my mom, I try to create the essence of feeling loved for my husband and kids and even myself on my own. I can't tell you why it works, but it does.
There is a book that discusses the 5 languages of love. Everyone is different. I'm not really a gift person, that doesn't speak to me to make me feel loved. But gifts are one of the 5 categories people fall into. It sounds like this is you dirtyblonde. It helps to know that according to this book, that your in laws may show love in a different way and if you can identify that way, that would be great. Think about them and ask your husband how he felt warmth and love from his parents when growing up. My husband's mom wasn't affectionate and didn't get gifts, etc. but she loved to cook for her kids and bake for them. My father in law loved to teach them things and show them. So, maybe you can find other things they can offer your daughter. :>)
Having lost my mom, I try to create the essence of feeling loved for my husband and kids and even myself on my own. I can't tell you why it works, but it does.
There is a book that discusses the 5 languages of love. Everyone is different. I'm not really a gift person, that doesn't speak to me to make me feel loved. But gifts are one of the 5 categories people fall into. It sounds like this is you dirtyblonde. It helps to know that according to this book, that your in laws may show love in a different way and if you can identify that way, that would be great. Think about them and ask your husband how he felt warmth and love from his parents when growing up. My husband's mom wasn't affectionate and didn't get gifts, etc. but she loved to cook for her kids and bake for them. My father in law loved to teach them things and show them. So, maybe you can find other things they can offer your daughter. :>)
@ Thirdtimemom I'm sorry you had to go through that it really gets irritating after a while to have careless in laws but your absolutely correct about just not worrying about it because they are the way they are and the kids will see that when they get older anyways. I'm glad your son told her she forgot his birthday!
At the moment you are very emotional and taking things too heart too seriously.
I agree with your son's parents that it is a waste of time buying anything for the baby at this stage. You are being bombarded with all sorts of things, clothes and toys for the baby from everyone.
A baby grows very quickly and all the things that you have been showered with now for a new born will not fit for very long. Babies grow very quickly and they do not need a lot of clothes or toys. As a baby grows, so will her interests, and exploration of things will change.
Although they are not showering you with gifts does not mean that they do not care. People are all different and it may be that is the way that they were brought up, about not openly showing that they care and buying birthday cards and presents. My parents were of the view that cards are a waste of money because the message can be relayed verbally, the card gets binned after a wile. My parents were brought up like that and when they were young, there was none of this expectation of giving and receiving gifts and cards for all occasions. The only time we got a present when I was a child was at Xmas time. My mother did mellow and change as she got a lot older, but my father never did. My mother's view was that you only send a card to express wishes, when you do not have direct contact with that person (see them/phone them).
Don't resent your in-laws, accept that that is how they are. It is up to you if you wish to give them a present, but as nice as it is to receive a present back, do not expect this.
Don't bring the matter up with your husband any more, as he is likely to be feeling awkward with the fact that your parents are helping you both out a lot and his parents not.
At least you will know that when your husband's parents do give you something, it will be because they really want to and not that they feel compelled to do.
Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and try not to worry and stress too much about these issues. Just be grateful that you have people that are helping you.
Best wishes.
I agree with your son's parents that it is a waste of time buying anything for the baby at this stage. You are being bombarded with all sorts of things, clothes and toys for the baby from everyone.
A baby grows very quickly and all the things that you have been showered with now for a new born will not fit for very long. Babies grow very quickly and they do not need a lot of clothes or toys. As a baby grows, so will her interests, and exploration of things will change.
Although they are not showering you with gifts does not mean that they do not care. People are all different and it may be that is the way that they were brought up, about not openly showing that they care and buying birthday cards and presents. My parents were of the view that cards are a waste of money because the message can be relayed verbally, the card gets binned after a wile. My parents were brought up like that and when they were young, there was none of this expectation of giving and receiving gifts and cards for all occasions. The only time we got a present when I was a child was at Xmas time. My mother did mellow and change as she got a lot older, but my father never did. My mother's view was that you only send a card to express wishes, when you do not have direct contact with that person (see them/phone them).
Don't resent your in-laws, accept that that is how they are. It is up to you if you wish to give them a present, but as nice as it is to receive a present back, do not expect this.
Don't bring the matter up with your husband any more, as he is likely to be feeling awkward with the fact that your parents are helping you both out a lot and his parents not.
At least you will know that when your husband's parents do give you something, it will be because they really want to and not that they feel compelled to do.
Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and try not to worry and stress too much about these issues. Just be grateful that you have people that are helping you.
Best wishes.
Wow, you should have seen what my ex husbands parents were like!!! You know what, i was never invited to my ex mother in laws house for a meal for the whole 16 years I was with my ex! She never cooked for me once, and yet she would come to our place for a meal all the time, and she never brought anything, I thought at least bringing a bottle of wine or something would've been a nice gesture, but no, nothing. She never even offered to help clean up. I never noticed it at first, and it never really bothered me, but I do remember after 9 years of us hosting Christmas yet again, I told my ex he could tell her it was her turn, but she just complained her house was too small and we ended up having Christmas at the local pub for lunch, so no stress for her! His father was just as bad, but my ex just seemed to accept that that was the way his parents were, whereas I didn't think it was right. I did so much for them, and yet my birthday was never remembered, they would even forget the kids birthday unless my ex reminded them, and yet my side of the family was so different, we are all close, and always spend special occasions together, and my mum always offers to look after the kids, and brings them random special treats, and you know what? As the kids get older, they realise this. The kids look forward to my side of the family and know that they are always remembered at birthdays and Xmas; and they love their nana. My ex's mother on the other hand, she hadn't seen or spoken to our kids for a year, and when she finally did, (only because she was leaving the country) my son spoke up and told her how she had forgotten his birthday and Xmas. Well, not sure of her reaction because I wasn't there, but I bet she felt real small!
So, all I can really tell you, is that you can't change people, and it's not going to help the situation if you keep going on about it, some people just dig their heels in even more. At the end of the day, you know you are a kind giving person, and as your daughter gets older, she will know too who really cares and is there for her too.
So, all I can really tell you, is that you can't change people, and it's not going to help the situation if you keep going on about it, some people just dig their heels in even more. At the end of the day, you know you are a kind giving person, and as your daughter gets older, she will know too who really cares and is there for her too.
I never expect gifts from anyone or anything unreasonable I certainly did not want to ask them for any if they seemed like it was unnecessary it is just hurtful to be honest how gifts are a sign of affection it's the thought that matters more than an expensive gift however I gave his family gifts and never got anything in return I didn't expect anything from them. It only irritates me because his younger brother was given a brand new car and a place recently and he's a grown *** man but their soon to be granddaughter isn't worthy of a little toy or even something symbolic to remember them by.
I do feel bad for my husband at times too because on holidays he gets nothing no gifts or affection. I don't expect anything from his family especially how cold they treat their own son
It's not only the gifts it's the lack or care or attention as well my husband never gets happy birthday calls or visits or anything I'm not trying to sound so materialistic because I'm not however giving is what I was taught from my family
To Add.........After reading your other posts I think your hormones may be getting the best of you and you probably should minimize any unnecessary drama. Take a deep breath in and relax.
People are different in regards to gifts and no one should ever be obligated to give a gift. Moreover, they shouldn't be shamed into buying a gift as well. I wouldn't be so hasty and cut them off because you didn't receive a gift from them. Keep in mind these people are your husband's parents and I wouldn't be petty with them over a gift.
Have they helped you out in the past a lot? If so, maybe they feel they have helped you out enough and they don't feel they need to buy any gifts for your baby at this time.
Have they helped you out in the past a lot? If so, maybe they feel they have helped you out enough and they don't feel they need to buy any gifts for your baby at this time.
It must be embarrassing and sad for your husband to see his parents acting this way, and especially when compared to your family.
I think you should stop ever mentioning that you are hurt by their lack of material gifts, and be as welcoming as you can.
As a gift for your husband.
I think you should stop ever mentioning that you are hurt by their lack of material gifts, and be as welcoming as you can.
As a gift for your husband.
I learned a very valuable lesson the last few years after my dad passed away and my mom and I were going through his things. At the end of the day, stuff is just stuff. It's meaningless. The clothes, the shoes, the stroller, the toys, all of it is meaningless stuff that could be gotten from anywhere. And one day when you're gone or your kid is gone, none of that stuff is going to matter because you can't take it with you.
What IS important and what SHOULD matter are the relationships and the bonds and the time we spend with our family while they are with us. THAT is what matters in this world. It is the only priceless commodity that matters at the end of the day. The pictures, the memories and the experiences, those are all priceless beyond all measure. That is what you need to focus on. That is what you should be concerned about.
In my case, with my dad, I would give up every last piece of "stuff" that I own for just 5 more minutes with him. But he's gone and all that's left is his stuff. Meaningless stuff that has no owner and nowhere to go. Think about this and try to put more value on the things that matter rather than material things whose very existence is pretty pointless at the end of the day.
What IS important and what SHOULD matter are the relationships and the bonds and the time we spend with our family while they are with us. THAT is what matters in this world. It is the only priceless commodity that matters at the end of the day. The pictures, the memories and the experiences, those are all priceless beyond all measure. That is what you need to focus on. That is what you should be concerned about.
In my case, with my dad, I would give up every last piece of "stuff" that I own for just 5 more minutes with him. But he's gone and all that's left is his stuff. Meaningless stuff that has no owner and nowhere to go. Think about this and try to put more value on the things that matter rather than material things whose very existence is pretty pointless at the end of the day.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, I.know you can make it on your own. I was just saying that my husband and I really had no one that would help financially with needed items and it sure would have been nice. But without it, we figured out ways to have what we needed. So, was just kind of sharing that at least you have one side that is super giving to you.
Families are all different. It's kind of sad your husband's family is like that. I bet your husband really loves all of the kindness of your family. My husband wasn't very spoiled as a child and he loves feeling that way from me. I grew up like you did with a mom who just did whatever she could for us. She passed away before I married and miss her for so many reasons. Not the things but the way her spoiling me made me feel.
So anyway, hang in there. Try not to place expectations on your in laws. It just makes it harder when you know they'll never be like your family.
And good that you two are in school. I love that!! Then it will be that much easier down the road. I"m in the midst of kid bills and don't see them ending any time soon and had NO idea that it was this expensive to raise elementary age kiddos!! yeesh!
take care dear
Families are all different. It's kind of sad your husband's family is like that. I bet your husband really loves all of the kindness of your family. My husband wasn't very spoiled as a child and he loves feeling that way from me. I grew up like you did with a mom who just did whatever she could for us. She passed away before I married and miss her for so many reasons. Not the things but the way her spoiling me made me feel.
So anyway, hang in there. Try not to place expectations on your in laws. It just makes it harder when you know they'll never be like your family.
And good that you two are in school. I love that!! Then it will be that much easier down the road. I"m in the midst of kid bills and don't see them ending any time soon and had NO idea that it was this expensive to raise elementary age kiddos!! yeesh!
take care dear
Thank you for your comment! I did feel wrong expecting anything but because I am a very giving person as well I expected others to be. I always tried to do something nice or caring for his family before such as hand made Christmas gifts or baked cakes on holidays to which they didn't care about and I honestly never got anything from them no telling me happy birthday or merry Christmas not even a card. I don't see it as we can't make it on our own I see it as just a simple gesture that adults do because when my daughter grows up wondering why only my family shows her love or takes her out to do something fun she'll wonder why the other side don't. And it's hurtful because no one is that selfish in my family. Regarding the financial situation my husband is a recently disabled veteran and we're both in school the pregnancy was a true miracle because he thought he could never have kids so although sometimes I wish she would have came a little later when we were both done with our degrees and we're waiting until we're "ready" to have kids she's a true miracle and blessing.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. Yes, I think it is wrong to 'expect' gifts. My in laws never bought a lot for our first born (or thereafter). they aren't gift people. And while it sure is nice and I'm really glad your parents and grandparents help, that's just how they are. Perhaps trying to keep up with others giving you so many things is intimidating so they choose to just not get involved with that. When your child is born and they bond wither her, then they may give nice little small things here or there.
When we had our first born, we kind of knew no one was going to help us with things. We just figured it out. At least you have one side that is very generous making this easier for you financially. (although, babies are cheap . . . wait until they are school age and the bills are so much more! Stay in school and get in a good financial situation for the future so that you can give your child all that she needs and wants in life (not toys, but extracurricular things even . . . just wrote a 1200 check for swim team. 45 dollars for each child in school fees, one takes band/trumpet, another violin, soccer, flag football, taking Spanish at school which costs more money, on and on it goes. I've decided that getting ready for a baby and after they are born is the cheapest part of raising a child!)
good luck dear. Babies are big fun and don't let these kinds of things zap any of that.
When we had our first born, we kind of knew no one was going to help us with things. We just figured it out. At least you have one side that is very generous making this easier for you financially. (although, babies are cheap . . . wait until they are school age and the bills are so much more! Stay in school and get in a good financial situation for the future so that you can give your child all that she needs and wants in life (not toys, but extracurricular things even . . . just wrote a 1200 check for swim team. 45 dollars for each child in school fees, one takes band/trumpet, another violin, soccer, flag football, taking Spanish at school which costs more money, on and on it goes. I've decided that getting ready for a baby and after they are born is the cheapest part of raising a child!)
good luck dear. Babies are big fun and don't let these kinds of things zap any of that.
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